No longer ignored

[ChaosUnlimited 559]

I just want to make an observation in a forum where I know others will have experienced something similar. Since losing a lot of weight over the last several months, I have noticed people (mostly men) acknowledge me and speak to me more. I'm not saying that it's people that I see every day or that I know, just random people I pass by in the halls at work, or in parking lots, or at the store, or the gym. They actually look at me, say hello, smile, etc. It's new to me, and I am just amazed that it happens so often. I'm sure it's a mix of my weight loss and my confidence returning that makes me stand out more, but it makes me kind of sad that I was deprived of this friendliness for so long because of my weight!

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

2 hours ago, ChaosUnlimited said:

I'm sure it's a mix of my weight loss and my confidence returning that makes me stand out more, but it makes me kind of sad that I was deprived of this friendliness for so long because of my weight!

Yes, I understand that. Having been through almost 30 years of obesity and morbid obesity, I saw or sensed (or both) people assume that, because of my weight, I was:

1) not very smart/clever

2) lazy

I have heard many oft-dismissed women friends say over many, many years that, at work, "I have to put in almost twice as much effort as the younger men I have trained and get paid under 75% of what each of them earn. Fortunately, working twice as hard as these entitled boof-heads is not difficult."

CASE IN POINT: My sister-in-law has been with her company for nearly 35 years and trained at least 40 male junior managers/executives and 15 female junior managers/executives. She was saying last Saturday, that of the 40 males, 31 were promoted past her or left the firm for career opportunities 'up the line'. Of the 15 women, only 2 have passed her by. (I have suggested that she get a good industrial advocate and an attorney and take the company on.)

Sorry for that digression; I just thought it was a good analogy.

It came as a great surprise to lots of colleagues (my age and younger, some much younger) just how capable I was and how much I knew and how much I could glean on the job. Too many people assume too much from some very prejudicial viewpoints.

Discrimination is appalling wherever it occurs.

Edited November 10, 2017 by Rainbow_Warrior

[Mattymatt 491]

It is amazing how skinny people see heavy people with such disdain. People look at me with disdain, like there is some sort of character flaw in me. It makes me uneasy around the opposite sex. I could get upset about it, but I won't be able to change their perception. Instead I can change myself and that I sure will do.

[Berry78 4,259]

I wonder how much of it is biologically programmed in..

When you look at someone that's the opposite gender, there is always at least a fleeting (subconscious) evaluation of whether that person would make a good mate. We can easily perceive whether the person appears healthy and vibrant.

People that appear unhealthy are not good reproductive candidates (and might be contagious), so it's smart, from a biological standpoint, to keep your distance.

When you see someone with horribly rotten teeth, a suppurating wound, are skeleton-thin, have halitosis, or have a misshapen... whatever.. it's an in-born instinct to kind of draw away from that person.

Social niceties have to be learned and observed to overcome this programming, but that takes effort, and most people don't want to do the work.

Why do obese people want to get surgery? To lose weight and... drumroll please... to become HEALTHY. We all know we either are sick or are at risk of becoming that way, and other people know it too.

What's wonderful is that when we DO become healthier, other people can see that and respond in kind.

[Mattymatt 491]

It's funny, it never occurred to me that they bias could be biologically-based. That's pretty insightful!

[sleevedshereen 524]

@ChaosUnlimited I know exactly how you feel! In 2014 I was maybe 150lbs...guys used to open doors for me, approach me, give me attention. Fast forward to 2017 when I was 228 lbs, guys did not hold the doors open for me, did not approach me, no attention. It was a really crappy feeling. Once I started losing weight, 43 lbs...i'm starting to get that attention back and it's actually really messed up that guys wouldn't show a girl who weighs a little more the same respect to hold a freaking door open!! It makes me angry. It has been interesting to see just how differently I was treated as a plus size woman not only by men, but by society when it comes to shopping, what's on tv and social media...it's sad that we're treated as second class citizens because of our size. It really affected me seeing the difference in how I was treated at my biggest, vs at my smallest.

[Mattymatt 491]

12 minutes ago, sleevedshereen said:

@ChaosUnlimited I know exactly how you feel! In 2014 I was maybe 150lbs...guys used to open doors for me, approach me, give me attention. Fast forward to 2017 when I was 228 lbs, guys did not hold the doors open for me, did not approach me, no attention. It was a really crappy feeling. Once I started losing weight, 43 lbs...i'm starting to get that attention back and it's actually really messed up that guys wouldn't show a girl who weighs a little more the same respect to hold a freaking door open!! It makes me angry. It has been interesting to see just how differently I was treated as a plus size woman not only by men, but by society when it comes to shopping, what's on tv and social media...it's sad that we're treated as second class citizens because of our size. It really affected me seeing the difference in how I was treated at my biggest, vs at my smallest.

Men are also on the receiving end. I've had pitiful looks and outright glares of disdain from women. It certainly is very hurtful, and for the most part, I am simply taking that negativity and turning it into a stronger resolution to beat this weight problem into submission. I am the decent, kind-hearted person on the inside and out. The only thing is that I am heavy: it's neither weakness nor character flaw. Anyhow, I don't like my women super skinny. A little meat on the bones is okay with me! When I say personality matters, I mean that personality matters. We all age and even movie stars cannot keep their looks forever.

[linah 92]

It really is a strange world, obese people are basically invisible as far as society is concerned. Strangers are so much nicer when you are thinner and work opportunities to advance suddenly pop up. It's the only form of descrimination whose victims are not even allowed to speak up as people feel entitled to mistreat you as it's "all your fault no one takes you seriously" and "if you don't like it, show a little will power and change!". Even doctors, when you visit them, no matter the ailment it's ALWAYS because of your weight and you're even told that if you need surgery, they won't touch you until you lose weight....The amount of self righteousness that gives complete strangers the ability to tell you to your face that you are not worth their time till you lose weight.... people can be nasty.

Sent from my SM-G900FD using BariatricPal mobile app

[Mattymatt 491]

It's understandable that a surgeon might require some weight loss, depending on the surgery. Surgery always has risk involved and overweight patients present a higher risk to the patient. That much said, I hate fat shaming and that kind of behavior is never acceptable.

[ChaosUnlimited 559]

I have often been annoyed that it seems the only group of people it is socially acceptable to discriminate against or make jokes about is heavy people. Just as an example, my husband watches the show "The Big Bang Theory". I admit it is pretty funny, at least the old ones are. But I have often been appalled, and embarrassed by, the amount of derogatory statements made about people who are overweight. One episode in particular was about the characters imagining what their lives would be like if they were overweight and it was full of stereotypes and mean jokes.

I doubt it will change any time soon, as there are so many people who feel completely justified in believing that being overweight is a character flaw. But, I know that I will do my best to never make anyone else feel that way, and I will go out of my way to treat everyone the same.

[Mattymatt 491]

Well said @ChaosUnlimited. Once I reach goal weight, I will not discriminate against heavy people. In fact, I have a moral responsibility to be empathetic and understanding, having walked the mile in their shoes.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

7 minutes ago, BlackCatMatt said:

Once I reach goal weight, I will not discriminate against heavy people. In fact, I have a moral responsibility to be empathetic and understanding, having walked the mile in their shoes.

I know what you're saying but I won't be waiting until I hit goal weight. I've been treating fellow obese people with dignity the whole of the last quarter-century as I've passed through overweight, obesity and morbid obesity. I can't stop trying to be empathetic, supportive and acknowledging to those other people around who've felt shame and degradation from others of any ilk.

[Mattymatt 491]

I treat people whom walk in the same shoes that I am in with empathy. I meant that I would never forget from whence I came.

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

I just want to make an observation in a forum where I know others will have experienced something similar. Since losing a lot of weight over the last several months, I have noticed people (mostly men) acknowledge me and speak to me more. I'm not saying that it's people that I see every day or that I know, just random people I pass by in the halls at work, or in parking lots, or at the store, or the gym. They actually look at me, say hello, smile, etc. It's new to me, and I am just amazed that it happens so often. I'm sure it's a mix of my weight loss and my confidence returning that makes me stand out more, but it makes me kind of sad that I was deprived of this friendliness for so long because of my weight!

I've noticed it to
.when I go out I get so much attention from men and women. I've gone from 244 (heighest 250) to the 180s i didn't think it's that much of a difference. I expected to not get attention till alot lower weight it's so strange. People asking for my number. Checking me out even at the hospital someone who worked their asked me for my number lol it's strange. I don't know how skinny people stay grounded because the confidence boost is unreal.

Sent from my Vivo 5R using BariatricPal mobile app

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

I just want to make an observation in a forum where I know others will have experienced something similar. Since losing a lot of weight over the last several months, I have noticed people (mostly men) acknowledge me and speak to me more. I'm not saying that it's people that I see every day or that I know, just random people I pass by in the halls at work, or in parking lots, or at the store, or the gym. They actually look at me, say hello, smile, etc. It's new to me, and I am just amazed that it happens so often. I'm sure it's a mix of my weight loss and my confidence returning that makes me stand out more, but it makes me kind of sad that I was deprived of this friendliness for so long because of my weight!

And I agree it's a mix of things. I dress quite glamoursly now lol

Sent from my Vivo 5R using BariatricPal mobile app