Never Ending Comments About my Body

[Apple1 2,572]

2 hours ago, FluffyChix said:

Good god, perfect strangers would stop me on the street and ask me how I was doing with my chemo! LOL.

It doesn't bother me, personally. I just go about life. It's short. I don't worry about whether people try to get in my business or not. I guess people have a lot of spare time...so I just try to ignore this and live an abundant life.

I could probably handle it better if it was strangers. I would never say to someone I know, but am not super close to, that I have noticed they put on some weight and they should lose a few pounds, so why is it ok for them to say I am too skinny every time they see me? I can take a nice compliment just fine, but this is not a compliment.

Maybe I am too sensitive about my body image, but I think some people are really too intrusive and rude with letting me know their feelings about my weight loss.

[Apple1 2,572]

1 hour ago, SuperDave said:

"You are too skinny now" or "You look younger" or "That must have been difficult" is "Thank you for noticing, I have been working hard."

I do say something to that effect, usually I say that I feel great, but then they will just continue to say well you don't look healthy... Really it is just a couple of people I see at church, but I don't want to say anything to offend them so I think I am just going to start to smile and wave then walk away without engaging if I can...

[KarenOR 180]

12 hours ago, citizenlizzie said:

You know what I might say to these commenters who think they're being nice by being interested but it's getting overwhelming? With a smile on your face and almost a quiet whisper, I'd lean in or step forward a little bit and say, "I'm sure you mean well, but let me ask, would you ask someone with a disease like cancer about their chemo treatments? Would you ask someone who lost a limb how hard it must be?"

One of the stigmas about obesity is that everyone tends to treat others like you were personality flawed before the weight came off, when clearly, you had a health problem (mental, emotional, physical, all of it, hey, I'm right there with you). Simultaneously they are morbidly (no pun intended) curious, but they are also using you as a mirror to their own insecurities. Unless one of these people clearly has a weight problem too, and you feel ready to say, "I'd be happy to give you some referrals if you want to go to an informational meeting but I don't feel like talking about myself anymore", I really don't think you need to tolerate this anymore.

You/we were ignored before the weight came off, we're not there for their entertainment now.

I knew a girl who was well over 400, she lost 250 lbs and then met a guy in my husband's band and they slept together and really fell hard for her. Then one day, months later, when he saw an old picture of her, with all this investment in her emotionally, even then he still dumped her. People are SO LAME when it comes to people and obesity. I am a pretty easy going person in life, but I'd kybosh this s*** at work, pronto. It's not healthy, and you're not that person anymore. You get to turn the page - so can they.

Hugs from a empathetic reader.

THIS!

(citizenlizzie, fellow Oregonian here)

[RunningLibrarian 17]

2 hours ago, Apple1 said:

I do say something to that effect, usually I say that I feel great, but then they will just continue to say well you don't look healthy... Really it is just a couple of people I see at church, but I don't want to say anything to offend them so I think I am just going to start to smile and wave then walk away without engaging if I can...

I'm pre-op, so don't really know that I am qualified to comment, but a good comeback might be "My doctor is very pleased with my progress." They can hardly argue with a medical professional! Right?

[Nessy76 134]

Strivingforbetter.. I looked at her dead faced and told her I lost 50 lbs. I work in veterinary medicine so sometimes the human to human social skills here are lacking. Funny, it's only women who have commented, all the men I work with haven't said a peep.

[Kat410 423]

Really, it's not worth getting worked up over. You have changed, people are going to notice, why let that bother you? In time people will get used to the new you and the comments will stop.
Worry about what you can control, let the other things go. For example, you can't control what people say, so let it go. You can control how you feel about or react to those comments, so work on that.
For the most part, people are not trying to annoy you. They are simply noticing an accomplishment and want to let you know. The correct answer to "You are too skinny now" or "You look younger" or "That must have been difficult" is "Thank you for noticing, I have been working hard."

Thanks for the mansplaining here.

I am clear it is well intentioned. Peoples actions are what communicates, not their intentions.

It could just be different for us girls, given our bodies are regulated, legislated and seemingly up for grabs in even casual social interactions.

[tani 105]

Is it just me - or does anyone get annoyed by the NEVER ENDING STREAM OF COMMENTS about your body???
I work in an environment where I interact with hundreds of people every day, and while the comments are "nice", I am unbelievably sick of people thinking they have the right to comment on my body, how I look, their assumptions about how hard it's been, what this means, how they think I feel, what they think this means to me, what they think I have had to deal with, their opinions about it, etc.
I mean.... it is NON STOP. People literally say things like "You must feel so much better!" (I didn't feel bad before). "This must have been so difficult!" (no, it really wasn't because I was mentally read). "You look so much younger!" (I didn't realize I looked old before). "How much weight have you lost?" (I have lost none of your business pounds).
Am I nuts to get so annoyed about this?

The best worst comment I got was when a coworker asked how much I've lost and I was happy to tell because I was excited about it and the response was "wow, you lost a 5th grader". My boss heard and now she makes comments about the 5th grader comment, dragging it out, so I'm always hearing it...smh...really?!? People just don't think before they speak.

[Berry78 4,259]

As long as you aren't a teacher on a field trip. Now THAT would be a bad day!

[Strivingforbetter 246]

On 10/29/2017 at 8:14 PM, Nessy76 said:

Strivingforbetter.. I looked at her dead faced and told her I lost 50 lbs. I work in veterinary medicine so sometimes the human to human social skills here are lacking. Funny, it's only women who have commented, all the men I work with haven't said a peep.

One man at work wanted to comment about my weight loss, but didn't know how to go about doing it until he overheard a woman ask how much weight I'd lost. Then he walked over and joined the conversation and admitted he had wanted to say something but didn't know how. That was 17 pounds ago. I think men are afraid they'll offend a woman if they make any comments about her weight. Women aren't as shy.

Edited October 31, 2017 by Strivingforbetter

[Strivingforbetter 246]

2 hours ago, tani said:

The best worst comment I got was when a coworker asked how much I've lost and I was happy to tell because I was excited about it and the response was "wow, you lost a 5th grader". My boss heard and now she makes comments about the 5th grader comment, dragging it out, so I'm always hearing it...smh...really?!? People just don't think before they speak.

Oh, geez, that really would be annoying. People need to learn when the joke is dead (and wasn't even funny to begin with).

[DropWt4Life 957]

I didn't tell any co-workers or friends about my surgery, so they don't know. I still get asked how much I've lost every few days though? I just say "I don't know". That is a signal for them to stop asking. I have 100 co-workers, so eventually it will stop. I feel flattered by the complements, but it does get old really quick.

With most of America being overweight or obese, people just gravitate to others that have found that magic pill or formula for weight loss. They are fascinated by it. I understand that.

You can give subtle cues that you are over it without just coming out and telling people to leave you alone. One word answers or an "I don't know" will convey that you don't want to talk about it. Don't elaborate on it. The next time someone asks how you are feeling...Just say, "Fine." That's it.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Like you, I was fairly high BMI when I started this. I had more than non stop comments - I had people have effing meltdowns on me - happy for me, shocked for me, jealous of me, in disbelief I turned out so good - ha. I work for a global company, so some people I don't see often, so this has gone on for a few years....

I made a decision to help people through this. My attitude is this - for much of my adult life I weighed in the 200-300 (all time high 350!) weight range and these people were very good to me through all that. I consciously chose to be patient, smile, accept all remarks (Weird and cool) as meant with good intentions.

Only 1 person really annoyed me, and in the end, that was fine too - she is just kinda nutty and said some very wild things. Example - she kept checking my badge to prove it was really me. AFter about the 20th time, that joke got old....

The good news is, that years later, nobody remembers I was obese - isn't that crazy?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Oh, I NEVER told anyone at work how much I lost - none of their biz.

[Nessy76 134]

CowgirlJane, congrats on maintaining your loss!

Soo much great insight in these comments. It feels like i'm in a mini social experiment sometimes and people do say the strangest things.

[ProfessorSlim 115]

On 10/29/2017 at 0:50 AM, citizenlizzie said:

You know what I might say to these commenters who think they're being nice by being interested but it's getting overwhelming? With a smile on your face and almost a quiet whisper, I'd lean in or step forward a little bit and say, "I'm sure you mean well, but let me ask, would you ask someone with a disease like cancer about their chemo treatments? Would you ask someone who lost a limb how hard it must be?"

One of the stigmas about obesity is that everyone tends to treat others like you were personality flawed before the weight came off, when clearly, you had a health problem (mental, emotional, physical, all of it, hey, I'm right there with you). Simultaneously they are morbidly (no pun intended) curious, but they are also using you as a mirror to their own insecurities. Unless one of these people clearly has a weight problem too, and you feel ready to say, "I'd be happy to give you some referrals if you want to go to an informational meeting but I don't feel like talking about myself anymore", I really don't think you need to tolerate this anymore.

You/we were ignored before the weight came off, we're not there for their entertainment now.

I knew a girl who was well over 400, she lost 250 lbs and then met a guy in my husband's band and they slept together and really fell hard for her. Then one day, months later, when he saw an old picture of her, with all this investment in her emotionally, even then he still dumped her. People are SO LAME when it comes to people and obesity. I am a pretty easy going person in life, but I'd kybosh this s*** at work, pronto. It's not healthy, and you're not that person anymore. You get to turn the page - so can they.

Hugs from a empathetic reader.

Very well Said!!