Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Am I the only one who gets annoyed by the question Why?



Recommended Posts

The only person who asked me why was my mother. Uhhh....that bugged.

After she saw what I went though in those two weeks leading up and the 6 after she realized that this was not an easy way out. It was/is work and it's hard work. We opted for a tool to help us and as long as we stick to the plan, with hard work and dedication it will work.

Whenever someone asks why? Tell them because you want to be healthy and if they think this is the easy way out, they are sadly misinformed and should educate themselves.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I get approved I won't tell anyone. FOR this reason.

I have vented to my mom since I was 160 in middle school about how I can't lose. She brings me fast food, bribes me into trying all the sweets she makes or gets. Then says I'm just being lazy.

So so if I do this. It's between me and my doctor (and my kids dad so he'll watch kids while I recover).

I won't lie about it. But I won't openly tell anyone about it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

24 minutes ago, PrayingForWeightLoss said:


Wish this was printed on a Tshirt. You speak for many.

Ha! Lol. Certainly would be a mouthful on a shirt!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would wear that tee shirt! haha

I didn't tell the world, at least I tried not to, I informed 2 of my supervisors because I figured I should tell them at the get go about the next few months being loaded with doc appointments and then needing 2 weeks off. One of my supervisors kinda has a big mouth and it very quickly became the topic of conversation in my office. -_-

And even friends and family who I assumed would've been supportive have gone out of their way to make "suggestions" it's just annoying.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, StephersSweet said:

I would wear that tee shirt! haha

I didn't tell the world, at least I tried not to, I informed 2 of my supervisors because I figured I should tell them at the get go about the next few months being loaded with doc appointments and then needing 2 weeks off. One of my supervisors kinda has a big mouth and it very quickly became the topic of conversation in my office. -_-

And even friends and family who I assumed would've been supportive have gone out of their way to make "suggestions" it's just annoying.

In the end, all that matters is YOU because YOU are the one going through with it. They won't know what's going on with your body like you will.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 21/09/2017 at 11:19 PM, StephersSweet said:

any time you venture into the subject of WLS surgery and someone asks you why? I just get annoyed by it at this point. So I tell them I'm morbidly obese which leads to the "why don't you go to the gym, why don't you try this new diet

It sounds like you have been having a problem with "audience selectivity" or "audience resistance".

RULE: Pick or choose VERY CAREFULLY whom you will share your weight loss surgery news with.

As my dad used to say, "Opinions are like arseholes; everybody has them. Some are bog-ugly and off-putting. So, son, when you share something you think is happy, not everyone will be seeing it through your eyes and thoughts"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@StephersSweet you might want to remind those supervisors they are violating HIPPA laws by revealing your medical info...I would be pizzed off about that. I don't know why I am always surprised to hear about these things, seems like it happens more frequently since having privacy laws.

Maybe post a glitter copy of the legal notice in your cubicle......lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think having the surgery is taking the easy way out, but I do think it is easier (but also more successful) than losing weight without it. My therapist (who specializes in eating disorders) has told me that just because I've lost the weight quickly doesn't mean I still don't struggle with the same stuff as other people who lose weight without surgery. The success rate of someone losing weight without surgery is so low that I don't understand why anyone would even question someone else's decision to have surgery.

ETA: I'm surprised so many people have had negative reactions to telling people about WLS. I told several people at work and I never heard any criticism from coworkers. I really only had one person who was against me having the surgery and I never see her.

Edited by monalyssa33
Adding more

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all for this thread. I have so far not told anybody. You guys who do tell are brave. After reading this I think maybe whether to tell people depends on how much you are willing to argue about it ;)

I don't like conflict at all so I think I will go the route someone suggested and just say to people who need to know (like work) that I'm having "a routine surgical procedure". "Routine" so they know it's not something that's going to mean a ton of other time out, and vague enough that they will think it's something embarrassing "down there" and get the hint that I don't want to be specific.

Edited by Megan292

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You nailed it. WLS is a tool for better health, not an easy out. While not as heavy as I've been in the past, at 65, the cumulative comorbid conditions are almost all of them. I'm doing because i have metabolic disorder, which is hereditary. It means that my stuff is difficult to keep in balance.

BUT, that said, I sometimes answer "whyever would you want to know" as pleasantly as I can. Most people kind of go, oh, well...and it stops the conversation before I get defense.

Kudos for being open, and proactive about what you're doing. You will be very successful because you know its a tool,, not a fix, and NOT easy, just different.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 9/21/2017 at 8:19 AM, StephersSweet said:

Seriously though, any time you venture into the subject of WLS surgery and someone asks you why? I just get annoyed by it at this point. So I tell them I'm morbidly obese which leads to the "why don't you go to the gym, why don't you try this new diet, why would you want to do something so crazy when there are better ways to lose weight it just takes hard work?" Then I tell them about all the fad diet programs I've tried, that I go to the gym 4 times a week 1.5 hour each time alternation on strength training and cardio, which leads to more Why questions. Honestly I'm really tired of the why question, I'm all for educating the people around me but 9/10 times there questioning not because they care or want to know but because they think I'm taking the "easy way out", and that really irritates me.

So is anyone else out there sick and tired of explaining themselves?

I take it all the way and say I don't want to die and I want to be able to one day see my grand children. After that they know anything they say is irrelevant. Please don't let anyone get you down we made a choice and no one has the right to make you feel unworthy. Feel bad for the haters they will make themselves known.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I will say that although surgery does make things easier, it is NOT the easy way out. Maybe it levels the playing field so that you aren't as hungry or can't eat as much as you did before. You can still SLIDE your way to obesity even with the surgery. My cousin has had GB and is about 250 pounds. She was about 300 pounds before, lost 125 pounds, and then gained back 75 pounds.

My cousin had the surgery to save her life, and it just might have. She could be well over 400 pounds now if she didn't have it. She eats the way she has always eaten. She eats fast food often, and grazes on processed Snacks all the time. She just eats way less than she used to. She is also not active. She has never been active. Last year, she admitted to me that her restriction was still there, but it was difficult for her to make good choices like it was right after surgery.

She had surgery 10 years ago. If it were the easy way out, she would be at a normal weight right now. She wouldn't have regained well over half of the weight back.

You see, most of us didn't just eat when we were hungry. We snacked a lot as well. I took a nutrition course that said that a habit of snacking on processed snacks and sugar could account for up to 30% of our excess body fat. Since these are sliders, surgery won't help with this. It also won't keep you away from the drive- thru if that is your thing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Opp811 said:

LOL

this is all i ever want to tell people that ask why 'light weights' get WLS too

I told only my sister as she had a bypass a while back and it essentially reversed her diabetes and saved her life - she was in and out of hospital with obesity related health issues and spent most of her life in a chair watching TV before the surgery. I did not want to go down the same path and already had BP and small mobility issues.

It turns out very easy to explain WL thus far as it is only early days but I make it well known I am on a 'Health Kick' - ha ha nothing new there must have done this hundreds of times over the years! I also say I am really focusing on portion size. People don't seem to notice what you eat if you don't draw attention to it. My Dr does not advocate liquid diets either pre or post op past the first 3 days so it was really easy to appear normal.

As a relatively low BMI (34) to start with, I know I would have got a lot of negativity - besides I am a very private person and don't feel the need to share this. I have this forum now to turn to and enjoy reading the different stories. I am sure people would say it was a cop out to have WLS or question me as to why I didn't just suck it up and lose weight alone. Well I have done this so many times before and each time I do I put it all back on and more and to be honest weight control has been in control of me almost all my life! I am a self pay and every cent is worth it so far - I agonised for months over the decision to do this and I am so glad I did.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 2 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×