Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Do people actually date anymore?



Recommended Posts

8 hours ago, Half-Tum said:

THAT is a god damned shame.

Sad but true lol.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

16 hours ago, christysworld said:

Sad but true lol.

If it didn't come straight from you I would not believe it!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes to all of this. I'm 36 and terminally single also. Like you, everyone I find is either way too into my extra weight (still werkin on it), has some other weird fetish that takes precedent over everything else, is a loony bin or likes to sleep around behind my back (I must say though, THAT is the worst). I haven't been on a date in over two years because I was just so disgusted with it all. I've been thinking about getting back into the pool, but I just don't know if I want to put myself through that right now. I might just wait until after my revision to even really think about it (Gastric Band has been bothersome, so trying to revise to sleeve). UGH! Hang in there y'all! Hopefully we'll all find our Mr./Ms. rights when the time comes...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I seriously am doubting that they do date anymore. Another date was set up and 2 hours before get a text not showing up as he was called back to work. At my age 61 and single siince 2005 I am beginning to thing my time for dating is over with.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 10/4/2017 at 4:15 PM, ssflbelle said:

I seriously am doubting that they do date anymore. Another date was set up and 2 hours before get a text not showing up as he was called back to work. At my age 61 and single siince 2005 I am beginning to thing my time for dating is over with.

Oh, don't worry! It's not your age! I feel the same in my 30's. Dating in the 21st century is such a joke! No one seems to know how to communicate anymore, especially in person. Hang in there, though! There's bound to be at least one diamond in the rough! <3 (but it's depressing, for sure!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well as it turns out he really did have to work and we met today for 45 minutes for a cup of coffee in the morning. Later in the day I got a text saying he enjoyed our meeting and we would get together again. We shall if that is true.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another terminal single here. It's been so long since I've been with anyone or dated that I'm actually afraid to count back the years to see how long its been (definitely more than 10!) :(

However, even when and if I get down to my goal weight and get some plastics done on the body parts that need it, I'm not sure that I'll ever find someone. The reality is for me in Japan is that Japanese men have never shown any interest in me (other than for sex - I can't tell you how many times I've been offered money in the past - I think it was because of my boobs and my overall confidence (I look people in the eye, smile, and say hello - just being friendly, but you can't do that as a woman here).) The foreign men here are mostly interested in Japanese women, if they're not already dating or married to one. And honestly, at my age (43), I think it would be hard to find anyone no matter where I was. I'm so used to being invisible that its just the way it is for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 21/09/2017 at 4:52 AM, StephersSweet said:

I'm new to the site and would love to make some friends, text buddies, or pen pals.

Stephanie,

I am not in search of any intimate relationship for three reasons: (a) already happily married, (b) at least 15000km separation between Newcastle, Australia and NY ... AND (c) you're around a decade younger than our five kids.

If, in light of all that, you'd like an older (but not elderly) male's support and the chance to bounce ideas, etc., you're welcome to ask.

My comment in relation to your original post is to say, "get the mechanics of your weight loss and surgery happening and revisit relationship thoughts some months into the future.

Reach out if you feel the need. The worst I can do is offer an opinion or answer a question frankly.

Best wishes!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You know what I tell my daughters?

Dating means "practicing" - first practicing being friends and if he is not interested in you as a person then he is not worth it. Second it means practicing good boundaries, establishing what you expect in a relationships such as no drugs or someone who is a hard worker and has a job. Third it means practicing being in a relationship, learning to love the person for who they are (nobody is perfect but you are still setting boundaries), learning how to be in a healthy relationship and weed out the toxicity, learning to argue and communicate ...... finding someone who shares the same religious beliefs, sexual boundaries or openess, who shares the same financial beliefs (hard to find lol).

That is what dating someone means...long term dating. In the short term dating means you are weeding out and setting those boundaries (like no foodies and druggies).

Look, this is coming from someone who was married THREE times. First time I expected perfection (not going to happen) and I left him, the second one left me because he expected perfection, and the third one I met on plentyoffish dot com and trust me I weeded out a ton of people. If any guy talked about sex (not that I am not an extremely open person) I immediately did not talk to him again. My husband was one the only one of many who showed a great deal of respect towards me and agreed to friends first - so I could learn to trust him. 10 years later - I am still in love and just this morning he said being married has never been easier and I agree. Since this is both our third marriage we have had learned a lot from our past.

And another that helped me was that I was single for a period of time. Being a single mother and doing it on my own I found a great deal of independence and learned to love myself and figure out who I am during my time alone. It was good to be able to be strong again once I met my husband.

Hang in there, girl, practice and ye shall find the right one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok. Guys don't lose hope!!! I met my wonderful husband at age 41 and have been married 20 years. It is a second marriage for both of us, and if someone with 4 teen kids can find a partner so can you!!!!!

Wait until you have figured out how to live with the new lifestyle to venture out dating. Join some clubs - biking, hiking, volunteering at humane society, dance lessons, archery, political groups, VFW, golf, an investment group, conservation organization, take community college course, Renaissance fairs (who wouldn't have fun dressed like a wench!), other interests that have a mixed group of people. You just need to expand your circle more. And when you do - set standards for how you want to be treated. I made it clear when I met the hubs that I do not introduce men to my kids, so unless you are sticking around long term that won't happen.

If you needed a job, you wouldn't give up applying, you would network, or advance your skills, widen the area of submitting resumes. You have to be your own head hunter these days.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, Sosewsue61 said:

If you needed a job, you wouldn't give up applying, you would network, or advance your skills, widen the area of submitting resumes. You have to be your own head hunter these days.

Nifty analogy. Well put!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like I went through a lot of emotional changes after losing 150#. I think you really need to be in a good headspace to have success in dating and love.

I am in my 50s. finding a compatible man with a mutual attraction and good match lifestyle wise is very very hard. I have made a friend (not dating) with someone I like spending time with, but due to a variety of reasons - I don't see it as a long term future. A big one is he is 13 years my senior and has some pretty serious health issues. Story of my middle aged single life. I am thinking I may wind up single. I have been in 2 long term relationships in my life, one of them a marriage - maybe I am just not cut out for that in spite of the fact that I want to be part of a couple.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dated the same guy for 21 years, never got married. Been single for 4 years now. Don’t plan on dating again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First, I'm sorry you feel "single is terminal". I met my husband (on line) and was at my normal low weight. I did have lots of health issues, which deterred him not one bit. I usually disclose early in relationships & friendships, because its genetic/hereditary and includes 70% risk of 7 types of cancer. I've had 4 so far....

That said, he was not looking for long term, just friendship as was I. However, it surprisingly and quickly became the love of our lives, and he's still my best friend.

He was, however, outside my "parameters" in terms of age and distance. My point is, just trust that life will move you along where you want to be, and be the person you are inside, which is worthy of love, and beautiful! Yeah, I'm a mom to 4 "adult kids" so prone to advice.

If you want an old lady friend, I'm here :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×