Ready to start dating

[Precious517 56]

Want to return to dating. Was in a monogamous relationship with a man who claimed he loved thick women. But, constantly made low key remarks. Make a long story short. I started focusing on self, got the rny & let go of that toxicity. Now.... Here are the dating questions: What to say about decreased weight loss( I'm still losing)? What to say about decreased appetite? Or... Do I go out order an appetizer? Or.... Maybe, if I talk a lot he won't notice that I didn't eat much. lol. I would like to hear from men and women. However, I would like to ask the men. Do men really care about woman having wls, cellulite, rolls? I was told that men don't really care about those things. Is it true??

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[karen_marie 220]

First off, good on you for getting away from the toxicity! I was stuck in one of those (my first marriage) for 10yrs before even realizing what I had been dealing with. So I'm always super happy when I hear about people seeing what's happening and getting out sooner rather than later.

As far as dating, I was definitely a big girl when I went back into the dating world after my divorce a few years ago. I never experienced any guys I went out with not responding to my body very positively, even as I started working out and losing some weight. And they did not have a thing for big girls - I was probably the biggest they'd gone out with. They're more attracted to your confidence I think. I noticed that making a big difference as I went on more dates.

Since I met my now-husband being big like I am, I can't comment on the eating small amounts part of your question. But we've had a lot of talks about the surgery and he's been very vocal about wanting to understand everything it entails (he even went with me to the free info seminar to learn). I have shown him some YouTube videos of others showing their excess skin and commenting that I'll probably look similar to them after I've lost a lot of weight, and he seems totally fine with it. He's more focused on the fact that I'll be able to be healthier, rather than my boobs won't be as full, etc. He's also a pretty trim and active guy, so he's trying hard to understand what I've gone through in my dozens of weight loss attempts and just being supportive when he knows he can't ever fully understand. I'm very lucky to have such a supportive spouse, since I know that not everyone going through this journey is that lucky.

I think dating may be a little bit of a challenge post-surgery for you, just because I think it may take some trial and error to find the right guy. Because the right guy will be supportive no matter what, and won't care about the excess skin and all that. Best of luck in the dating world!

[Precious517 56]

You are so right. I think it is definitely going to be a challenge. Mainly because I know my self worth and I refuse to settle for less. The dating world can be crazy at times...lolol I'm not sure if wls is one of those topics that should be discussed from the very beginning(after couple dates) or wait later down the line.
I'm so happy you let the past go. Even more, you met and married a supportive & loving husband!!


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[karen_marie 220]

24 minutes ago, Precious517 said:

You are so right. I think it is definitely going to be a challenge. Mainly because I know my self worth and I refuse to settle for less. The dating world can be crazy at times...lolol I'm not sure if wls is one of those topics that should be discussed from the very beginning(after couple dates) or wait later down the line.
I'm so happy you let the past go. Even more, you met and married a supportive & loving husband!!


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The dating world is most DEFINITELY crazy haha I don't miss it one bit For me, I don't think I'd be comfortable really talking about it in any detail until a few dates in, once I got a feel for the guy and was comfortable with him. I'd probably just say something about having had abdominal surgery recently and that I've really taken a keen interest in bettering my health. Then ask a question to turn the convo back to being about them - someone else in the forums mentioned that was a good tactic for anyone asking questions you're not yet comfortable answering.

[whitmac 45]

Thank you so much for starting this convo I'm struggling with the dating aspect now... I have cancelled a date mainly cause he wanted to go eat [emoji53]...

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[Precious517 56]

@karen_marie That is great advice. Thanks@whitmac I did the same thing.
I eat like a bird- not complaining. I don't want to keep saying no because he'll think I'm not interested.

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[FluffyChix 17,409]

I know I'm not really qualified to give advice, since I'm still pre-surg, so just ignore it me if you wanna! I think now's the time you can "fish or cut bait" without it hurting you emotionally. I'd almost rather know what the "cut of the man" is like right off the bat. I'd level and tell him where you're coming from and then laugh, make some funny self-deprecating joke and ask if he's game to maybe do something out of the ordinary--like a baseball game, or football/basketball game, etc. Or ask if he's prepared to share about 5 bites of his meal with you--that's you're a cheap date.

I kinda feel that guys are turned on by humor and girls that can laugh at themselves and their situation--even when it's a tough subject.

Good luck and bravo for ditchin' the tool!!! You deserve better.

[Jill_Me 100]

I have had a great time on dates. The hardest thing is not drinking. I had 3 beers one night and blacked out (true story)!
Any man who cares about your rolls or cellulite or tummy apron hanging doesn't deserve you. Sex-wise they really don't care. Emotional intimacy wise or just as a companion I have told everyone about it because I'm still in the midst of this massive change -- a transitioning period. I've had the best experience with people who don't mind talking freely about things. I went on Bumble and on OkCupid and the volume of men wanting to talk to me was overwhelming. I felt like The Bachelorette with dates 3-4 nights per week and meeting lots of new people. I kissed a few frogs and I'm pretty over it now.

[blondie66 271]

From my experience guys don't care about surgery. Would u want to listen to a guy talk about his surgery? Or surgeries? Nah u have a small appetite - just order an appetizer... not sure if you're drinking wine - stay away from beer. I had a glass of cranberry and vodka on Saturday and it was fine. Need to be at a year post op to drink. I started sooner and it slowed down my weight loss. Good luck with the dating! And guys do care about appearances but they don't normally expect supermodels unless they're super vain themselves!

[Pakko 76]

Well as a guy dating after wls, here are some things i did, i did talk to my date and told her i was on a diet cuz i was trying to lose weight, after that we avoided like food dates, we would go to the park, to the zoo or even to a nearby park to feed the squirrels, after we started a relationship, i came clear about my wls, and she would be supportive about it, we even started to go to the gym together so we can keep motivated, i dont know if keeping a secret my wls was good or not but i think that a relationship needs to be true so... thats what i did.

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[moe209 7]

I know what you mean. To tell or not too tell. That is the question. Lol

[Precious517 56]

Lol... so true

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[blondie66 271]

Don't tell if you're just dating someone. It only matters if u get serious...then tell them. But if I was on the market and dating I wouldn't tell cause I'm 2 years post op and you'd never know I had surgery so what's the point of me telling people now. The surgery is all encompassing at the first 18 months and then well it sorta disappears from being such a big deal.

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

On 9/6/2017 at 7:23 AM, Precious517 said:

Want to return to dating. Was in a monogamous relationship with a man who claimed he loved thick women. But, constantly made low key remarks. Make a long story short. I started focusing on self, got the rny & let go of that toxicity. Now.... Here are the dating questions: What to say about decreased weight loss( I'm still losing)? What to say about decreased appetite? Or... Do I go out order an appetizer? Or.... Maybe, if I talk a lot he won't notice that I didn't eat much. lol. I would like to hear from men and women. However, I would like to ask the men. Do men really care about woman having wls, cellulite, rolls? I was told that men don't really care about those things. Is it true??

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Is it true ? All men don't hold the same opinion. So not to be obvious but it sure does matter to some and it doesn't for others. It doesn't make those it Doe's matter to bad people. We all know what we are attracted to.

Some people only date slim people.

Some people only date fat people.

Some it doesn't matter either way.

I feel when I hit my goal I'll consider dating as I hope to stay at that weight.

Enjoy dating there is no point trying to guess what men think. If you're both on a date then he's into you and your in to him. Great.

[Walter.Sobchak 978]

Want to return to dating. Was in a monogamous relationship with a man who claimed he loved thick women. But, constantly made low key remarks. Make a long story short. I started focusing on self, got the rny & let go of that toxicity. Now.... Here are the dating questions: What to say about decreased weight loss( I'm still losing)? What to say about decreased appetite? Or... Do I go out order an appetizer? Or.... Maybe, if I talk a lot he won't notice that I didn't eat much. lol. I would like to hear from men and women. However, I would like to ask the men. Do men really care about woman having wls, cellulite, rolls? I was told that men don't really care about those things. Is it true??
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I think it depends on the guy.
I have dated women of all kinds of body types, but have typically been attracted to thicker girls.
I always loved curves and big boobs.
I would never shame a woman because of her "rolls" or "cellulite"
There are some shallow douchebags out there that might not want a second date with a woman because of her size.
Like others have said, I probably wouldn't bring up WLS until after a few dates.
Fortunately for me, my wife and I were sleeved together.
Feel free to PM me if I can be of any further help.

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