Why do we fall off the wagon? & How to get back on?

[SandraD_PDX 78]

Awww, come on guys, I escape my bitchy household into the relative tranquility of BP, and I get this? Sigh...

Best comment on this thread. Leave arguing to Facebook please. I come here for encouragement, not drama.

[Joann454 1,329]

It's SO easy to be cocky newly post op (1-2 years). I remember. You think you have the tiger by the tail.
Then the honeymoon period ends.
Suddenly, you're hungrier. You can eat more. You've settled into "boring" maintenance. You no longer have the thrill of the scale moving downward. People are used to how you look now, and you aren't getting the validation of constant compliments on how great you look. You're fully healed and feel as normal as you did before surgery, and sometimes you're alarmed by how much more you can eat and how much hungrier you are. Behavior fatigue sets in, and you push the limits of how much sugar or alcohol or carbs you can consume before you see a gain. After all, you pretty much could still lose early out even after the occasional splurge. And if you did gain a pound or two, a couple days of cutting back on carbs and some extra Water, it came right back off. Until you discover it doesn't work that way anymore. You gain much easier now for seemingly no reason, and no matter how hard you try, the weight won't come back off like it did before. You become complacent, almost accepting a 5, 10, or even 20 pound gain because it becomes so hard to lose it again. We won't even talk about the guilt and self loathing regain causes. You feel like a failure (even though you really aren't).
A fairly new post op has no idea the struggles people 3, 4, 5 years out and more have, so telling people to just suck it up and have more willpower is utter bullshit.

I'm newly sleeved and feel not one ounce of cockiness or "never". I can already eat anything at two months out. Not a lot, but nothing bothers my stomach. So I must remain vigilant. I could easily be one of the people who only lose 30lbs total if I wanted to. So I'm looking at this surgery like an aide to help me be less hungry while I'm learning a new way to eat. Honestly, that's exactly what it is for me.
My sister had bypass and has gained over half her weight back. I have no delusions. I'm working so hard to change my relationship with food. I really think it's the only way for me to be successful. This is most definitely a life long venture.

[Newme17 3,444]

On 7/19/2017 at 0:06 PM, Greensleevie said:

The more successful clients understand that although they can't promise they won't ever go back, they will work their programs the best they can, use the tools they've been given and deal with the challenges they know will happen as they come in order to be successful. They don't assume to know it all, either.

Wholeheartedly agree. Never say never.

[sissiegirl 33]

Lynne, I can't give good advice as I won't have my surgery till August, but I sure have a lot of experience "dieting". It doesn't work and never will, because we "feel" restricted. As a human [emoji18] I do not like to be restricted. Here is what I plan on doing , but we all know what our plans do. I have been thinking a lot and self talking about my way of life. I don't want to eat different. I want to eat normal. I used to laugh when I would buy WW dinners, etc. and tell my hubby I can save money and lose weight doing it myself and only eat a nickel size helping of everything. I now realize the dinners were normal. I was not. So once I get through the initial parts of healing, etc. I would like to be able to eat healthy, yet eat all. I am not going to put extra food on table or my plate. I don't want to know "if" I can eat 8 ozs, etc. I only want to know my choices. Going to try not to tempt myself to see if at some point I actually do believe in my heart that I am happy and satisfied. I have been working on this and I did find if I don't drink when I eat, I lost 12 lbs in 10 days. It shocked me. It has slowed down now but that is going to be my main rule. Of course, I don't know if I will ever "think" or feel like all this is just my normal thinking, because I haven't been there yet. I can only hope and try my best and not sabotage myself. After 6 mos. I plan on going to counseling just to see where I stand. I already made the appt. I mean heck my thinking alone hasn't worked so far, so maybe new eyes will help. Good luck to you all. Just some thoughts. Thanks for letting me vent

[Berry78 4,259]

3 minutes ago, sissiegirl said:

I would like to be able to eat healthy, yet eat all

Not sure exactly what you mean by this, but it sounds like you may not really understand what this surgery does. Your tummy will be so small, that it makes almost no sense eating more than 1 thing per meal (meat OR veggies, not both) for quite a while. (at least for me, I can't fix a bite or two of something.. I'd rather make 4oz of the single item, then next meal fix the other thing. I'm 4 months out, so maybe over years things will slowly change...) The people that eat a bite of veggies with their meat have the veggies ready to go, already prepared. That works too, it's just not my personal system. But the idea of going to a buffet and eating a bite of this or that.. it's almost laughable.

[Greensleevie 451]

4 minutes ago, Berry78 said:

Not sure exactly what you mean by this, but it sounds like you may not really understand what this surgery does. Your tummy will be so small, that it makes almost no sense eating more than 1 thing per meal (meat OR veggies, not both) for quite a while. (at least for me, I can't fix a bite or two of something.. I'd rather make 4oz of the single item, then next meal fix the other thing. I'm 4 months out, so maybe over years things will slowly change...) The people that eat a bite of veggies with their meat have the veggies ready to go, already prepared. That works too, it's just not my personal system. But the idea of going to a buffet and eating a bite of this or that.. it's almost laughable.

Yes, it does change the further out you get from surgery.

Last night I ate 5 Oz of steak, 1/4 cup of green Beans and a few bites of salad for dinner. I'm 3.5 years post op.

[Greensleevie 451]

10 minutes ago, Berry78 said:

Not sure exactly what you mean by this, but it sounds like you may not really understand what this surgery does. Your tummy will be so small, that it makes almost no sense eating more than 1 thing per meal (meat OR veggies, not both) for quite a while. (at least for me, I can't fix a bite or two of something.. I'd rather make 4oz of the single item, then next meal fix the other thing. I'm 4 months out, so maybe over years things will slowly change...) The people that eat a bite of veggies with their meat have the veggies ready to go, already prepared. That works too, it's just not my personal system. But the idea of going to a buffet and eating a bite of this or that.. it's almost laughable.

BUT I ate the way you do the first year and a half or so.

[sissiegirl 33]

Not sure exactly what you mean by this, but it sounds like you may not really understand what this surgery does. Your tummy will be so small, that it makes almost no sense eating more than 1 thing per meal (meat OR veggies, not both) for quite a while. (at least for me, I can't fix a bite or two of something.. I'd rather make 4oz of the single item, then next meal fix the other thing. I'm 4 months out, so maybe over years things will slowly change...) The people that eat a bite of veggies with their meat have the veggies ready to go, already prepared. That works too, it's just not my personal system. But the idea of going to a buffet and eating a bite of this or that.. it's almost laughable.

I wasn't very clear. What I meant was the ultimate goal for me to get to would be to have a plate with 3oz. Meat, 1/2 c veg. Portion of carb and actually believe and feel that is a meal. I know I am years from that, but I'm trying to get my head around it now in smaller doses. I have to be honest, that would look kind of a snack right now. But I have at times recently noticed more the real amount of what I've been eating. That's why I said I will only put in front of me the amt. I should be eating not what I want. Because if I have it in front of me , not for long. I need a whole headset before I start to give me a boost. No buffets, journal, weigh. And to vets, I have learned so much from y'all on here just browsing. Thank you and don't stop

[JosieK 120]

On 7/19/2017 at 0:06 PM, Greensleevie said:

Also, I work in addiction. You know the first indicator I see when I know someone is going to relapse?

They swear they are NEVER going back to drugs or alcohol.

They don't have enough insight to understand that absolutes and extremes just don't work in the real world with real world challenges. They get blindsided when they happen and deal with them the only way they know how....resorting back to their old self destructive behaviors.

The more successful clients understand that although they can't promise they won't ever go back, they will work their programs the best they can, use the tools they've been given and deal with the challenges they know will happen as they come in order to be successful. They don't assume to know it all, either.

This is right on. Whenever I think "never going back to....." it's a trap. I've been living "One day at a time" in another program for 29 years. Same skills apply here (for me).

I also learned if I stick to sharing my own experience and not preach to others...how could I go wrong? No one could discount or argue my experience.

Man when I first joined this group back in 2007, it had a few "experts" that knew-it-all for everybody and was a tough place to maneuver BUT... it helped me to save me life. I found the winners (mainly people that shared their own experience) and stuck with them. I stayed away from anyone that gave unsolicited advice. This place is chock full of well meaning people.

[Berry78 4,259]

17 hours ago, sissiegirl said:

the ultimate goal for me to get to would be to have a plate with 3oz. meat, 1/2 c veg. Portion of carb and actually believe and feel that is a meal

Ahhh.. I see, thank you for clarifying. Two weeks before my sleeve surgery, I had my "last meal". I truly meant to only eat a slice or two of pizza.. but I ate half a large pizza, and washed it down with an entire blueberry pie (left a bit of crust around the edges.. go me! Lol!)

7 weeks later, after enduring the nightmarish 2 week long 3-shake-a-day preop liver shrink diet, and 4 weeks of liquids, and a week of soft food of which I could only eat 3 bites at a time... I began to be disgusted by the portions (and bite sizes!) that others were consuming. I used to be just like them, but I was changed. Now, I'm used to what I eat, and what they eat.. I'm no longer disgusted, and I'm finding my new "normal".

I agree it will take years to eat the plate you are describing, and that was also my goal before surgery. My focus has narrowed now to simply "getting everything in" that I need for the day. Food truly feels like fuel now, and if I go too long without eating, everything goes to heck in a handbasket. I get angry, tired, etc.

Even though I'm eating small quantities for "fuel", I'm truly ENJOYING my food, like never before, and when I'm full, the idea of "one more bite" is a turn-off, completely and utterly. It's like a switch.. one minute I'm hungry and having a great time stuffing my face, and the next, I'm DONE. It's a revelation, because that never happened before in my life. I NEVER truly got full before. There was ALWAYS room for more... guess that's why I turned into a 300lb sack of jello! Lol!

As for buffets, at least at this point, I'd be safe. It would just be silly to spend that kind of money when I can only eat a single cup of chili. My hope is that the sleeve keeps my restriction in place long enough that even when I CAN eat more than a cup of chili, that I WON'T. Only time will tell with that one.

[sissiegirl 33]

Ahhh.. I see, thank you for clarifying. Two weeks before my sleeve surgery, I had my "last meal". I truly meant to only eat a slice or two of pizza.. but I ate half a large pizza, and washed it down with an entire blueberry pie (left a bit of crust around the edges.. go me! Lol!)
7 weeks later, after enduring the nightmarish 2 week long 3-shake-a-day preop liver shrink diet, and 4 weeks of liquids, and a week of soft food of which I could only eat 3 bites at a time... I began to be disgusted by the portions (and bite sizes!) that others were consuming. I used to be just like them, but I was changed. Now, I'm used to what I eat, and what they eat.. I'm no longer disgusted, and I'm finding my new "normal".
I agree it will take years to eat the plate you are describing, and that was also my goal before surgery. My focus has narrowed now to simply "getting everything in" that I need for the day. Food truly feels like fuel now, and if I go too long without eating, everything goes to heck in a handbasket. I get angry, tired, etc.
Even though I'm eating small quantities for "fuel", I'm truly ENJOYING my food, like never before, and when I'm full, the idea of "one more bite" is a turn-off, completely and utterly. It's like a switch.. one minute I'm hungry and having a great time stuffing my face, and the next, I'm DONE. It's a revelation, because that never happened before in my life. I NEVER truly got full before. There was ALWAYS room for more... guess that's why I turned into a 300lb sack of jello! Lol!
As for buffets, at least at this point, I'd be safe. It would just be silly to spend that kind of money when I can only eat a single cup of chili. My hope is that the sleeve keeps my restriction in place long enough that even when I CAN eat more than a cup of chili, that I WON'T. Only time will tell with that one.

That's the place I want to be is even if I can, I won't want to. Let's hope [emoji18]

[MelodyBronson 18]

It's a struggle for me.....I am one who eats for other reasons than hunger so I am struggling with this delimma......I am recently had WLS....my old habits are still there and I have to constantly fight the urge to eat...just to be eating!! I can't eat very much at a time so I tend to "graze".......I am very discouraged about this struggle I am having.

[Joann454 1,329]

It's a struggle for me.....I am one who eats for other reasons than hunger so I am struggling with this delimma......I am recently had WLS....my old habits are still there and I have to constantly fight the urge to eat...just to be eating!! I can't eat very much at a time so I tend to "graze".......I am very discouraged about this struggle I am having.

I had to find new ways to comfort myself. I'll have a coffee or take a shower and work through it. The worst was the anniversary of my father's death. I was so sad and couldn't eat. It really hit me how much I used food to cope. If you can't work through it you might want to seek out a therapist to help you. No shame in it.

[gmanbat 5,889]

I didn't read all the comments but from one who reached goal within a year and regained 40 pounds 5 years later I will add that not "listening" to your stomach is a way to regain weight. My wonderful sleeve would always tell me when enough was enough but distractions....TV, conversations, etc., ....would cause me to miss the message. Afterwards I would suffer the consequences of sliming, heartburn, throwing up when asleep, etc.

i am now recovering and am heading back down to goal.

I am listening again.

[Greensleevie 451]

On 7/26/2017 at 3:47 PM, MelodyBronson said:

It's a struggle for me.....I am one who eats for other reasons than hunger so I am struggling with this delimma......I am recently had WLS....my old habits are still there and I have to constantly fight the urge to eat...just to be eating!! I can't eat very much at a time so I tend to "graze".......I am very discouraged about this struggle I am having.

Your comment is a perfect example of the misconceptions people have about these surgeries. I cringe when pre ops think everything will change and all our diet woes will disappear. We've all had to come to the sad realization that it's really not that easy unfortunately.

Like the saying goes, they operate on our stomachs, not our brains.