How to get husband back on board?

[lnaj59 27]

Long story short, I went to TJ with my husband for gastric sleeve surgery with Dr. Illan last May and ended up backing out. A lot of things happened that we weren't expecting. My room was not reserved at the hotel we had been told we were going to stay at that night, we felt like we had no idea what was going on and where we were being taken, they were blasting rap music with a lot of profanity (not at all something my husband would ever listen to, he's very conservative), and adding that to being out of the US for the first time it was just too much. I know our coordinator meant well and was just trying to relax us and act like being there was no big deal but I think it was maybe a little too relaxed for my husband to handle.

I still would have gone through with it because it was not as much of a big deal to me but he would not let us stay there. He was terrified and so angry with me that day.

I've regretted it ever since. He hasn't been any support like he said he would be if I didn't go through with it. He wants me to have it here in the states but that would more than double what I would pay to go to TJ and I'm really not sure I would experience any better of care. I've researched and researched my options for over a year now and I still feel like Dr. Illan is the best doctor for me to go to for this. I also know that some things have changed there and I'm positive we would have a better experience this time... I'd actually rather just go by myself! I cannot get him on board with this though. I NEED to do this for myself, for my children. I am so ready to get my life back! If I could go tomorrow, I would!

Any advice?

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[Berry78 4,259]

I am going to Dr. Illan by myself in a couple weeks. It can be done! I hate for your husband to be so skittish..

[Ondrea Tye 23]

I am sooo glad I'm divorced. Egads some men just are missing the compassion gene. You must do what YOU think is right and if your husband gives you flack it might be time to re-evaluate your relationship and get some therapy so he'll be more understanding.

I can tell you from my experience I had on par, if not better care than in the states. I had just had a hip replacement 6 months before the MGB so I know. Hospitals in the states do take care of you, but you don't get to stay long there and the nurses are overworked. In TJ they don't have that kind of workload and give you more attention. Plus, a doctor saw me every day. When I had my hip surgery the doc saw me 24 hours later and he gave me a sum total of 5 minutes of his time. Yippee.. These hospital and docs are catering to an American populace so they have to be just as good as in the States. Oh yea, I also went all by myself and had no problem at all. I drove into TJ and parked in the hotel.

Edited February 28, 2017 by Ondrea Tye

[Cilla220 6]

Wow..impressive

But I hear you on the ex...my ex is a total loss and waste

[Ondrea Tye 23]

Follow your intuitions regarding your hubby.; talk to your closest and dearest friends (not mutual friends) and do what is right for YOU. It sounds kinda like you're already made up your mind. Just find support from others since your husband won't give it to you and go for it. We're all here for you.

[Cilla220 6]

I'm divorced and thank goodness [emoji28] it's been 2 years

[lnaj59 27]

I am sooo glad I'm divorced. Egads some men just are missing the compassion gene. You must do what YOU think is right and if your husband gives you flack it might be time to re-evaluate your relationship and get some therapy so he'll be more understanding.
I can tell you from my experience I had on par, if not better care than in the states. I had just had a hip replacement 6 months before the MGB so I know. Hospitals in the states do take care of you, but you don't get to stay long there and the nurses are overworked. In TJ they don't have that kind of workload and give you more attention. Plus, a doctor saw me every day. When I had my hip surgery the doc saw me 24 hours later and he gave me a sum total of 5 minutes of his time. Yippee.. These hospital and docs are catering to an American populace so they have to be just as good as in the States. Oh yea, I also went all by myself and had no problem at all. I drove into TJ and parked in the hotel.

I know what you mean. I had my gallbladder removed here a few months ago. I saw my surgeon for less than 5 minutes before surgery and that was it. No other communication! Of course we saw nurses and office staff were available if I needed them but even at my pre-op consultation & post-op checkups I didn't get to see the surgeon. She wasn't trying to be rude, they just have such heavy case loads. It was like a factory in that OR triage lol

I don't think I need to re-evaluate our relationship though. We've been together since we were 13 and he really is a great husband and father. He's just so worried about something bad happening to me and Mexico unfortunately has that stigma with people here in the US.


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[Ondrea Tye 23]

Then perhaps you should make an extra trip and meet the doc and tour the hospital and meet some of the patients who just had surgery. That might relieve his anxieties.

[Ondrea Tye 23]

1 hour ago, Cilla220 said:

I'm divorced and thank goodness it's been 2 years

That's how I feel. I have friends who have great marriages but I was not lucky that way :(. Oddly my ex remarried and he is so good to his other wife and admitted to my daughter he was mean to me.

[Berry78 4,259]

My husband is also concerned for my safety, but knows that once I set my mind to something, it is pointless to fight it

I liken this adventure to those brave/fools that jump out of a perfectly good airplane with a little strip of cloth that is supposed to slow down their descent.

They have a risk of coming down in a bad way..injury or death.

AND..THEY..DO..IT..FOR..FUN

Yes, we take a risk. But we do it to hopefully avoid the risks of obesity.

If he is willing to pay the extra, I guess you could compromise by doing it in the States. Just remind him you will be needing Vitamins, supplements, and new clothes.

[GBLady41 393]

I think the safety or lack thereof in Mexico is nothing more than rumors at best. You can ask anyone on here and we that have all gone to have surgeries there can attest that there is no safety issue. Most of us went out with valets from BariatricPal TeamMX so we were not alone. I felt so safe that I let a valet (Juan, I believe) take my daughter out to get something to eat. He also took her to the beach, her first beach experience. So it is definitely as safe or more safe than a lot of places in the US.

As far as having the surgery in the states for more money. Here's the thing: no hospital in the US will have you in the hospital for more than a day. With Dr. Illan, you will have at least two days in the hospital and another two to three days in the hotel, where you will be checked on by a doctor everyday. That will not happen in the states. In other words, not only is it cheaper, but you will receive better and more attentive care there, especially with Dr. Illan and BariatricPal TeamMX.


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[1poundatatime 174]

I can understand that he's worried. The first experience didn't go well and he got a bad vibe from the place. But, since it is something you really want to do, then the two of you need to sit down and come to an agreement whether it's Dr. Illan again, a different Mexican facility he feels better about, or take the extra cost of surgery in the US. Hope you guys are able to sort out something you can both be confident about.

[Noneyo 171]

I had my surgery with Dr. Illan on November 18, 2016. Everything went very smooth and there were no issues. I went in very hesitant and believing what I was promised was too good to be true. It was not and all of my expectations were met and very far exceeded. I went through Bill Yanez with BariatricPal Team MX. All the doctors, nurses, nutritionists,and BariatricPal staff took care of me better than any hospital I have been in, in my life. I have never left the country for surgery but I left my hubby home with our three young children and went to Mexico alone. He fully supported my decision to have the surgery but was not a fan of my going alone. In order for me to feel secure our kids were taken care of I asked him to stay. I was scared to go alone but when I say that the staff and fellow patients became my friends and supporters I am not exaggerating. I made friends for life with people who saw me at my weakest and were strangers to me and they will have a special part in my heart forever. Please do not deprive yourself of this surgery if you need it. I cannot tell you how life changing this surgery has been for me. It has given me peace that you will not understand until you are there with me. Peace of knowing that this struggle with food is finally over and this tool for addiction will be your support buddy forever. 3 months later I am already about 60% of the way to my final goal, a goal I never though I would meet but I now know is in my reach. You convinced him once and you can get him there again and if you can't then I hate to say it but, go anyway, do it for you. Tell him you love him and you want his support but if he can't give you that then you will have to go anyway because ultimately this is your decision. I say this with the disclaimer that I am known for being a bit of a pistol but thankfully the hubby loves that about me.

[shannybananny71 106]

I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience. Maybe it would help if you and your husband could Skype with Bill Yanez and Dr. Illan together.

My husband was dumbfounded when I told him my plan. I told him that I am an intelligent person and had done my research. I have repeated that same line to every person I have told. I am doing this for ME. I miss out on so many things with my family and in life because of my weight. My oldest son got married last year and has a 12 year old stepdaughter and my youngest son is getting married in September. I want to enjoy as much time with them on this earth as possible. I am tired of being the one who can't do what the rest of them are doing and I refuse to wear a plus size dress to my son's wedding.

Your husband sounds like a good guy who is afraid. I get that. We are all doing this for our own reasons. Is your reason enough to help you stand up to your husband about your decision?

[lnaj59 27]

Well he still isn't totally sold on the idea, but I think he does feel better about it after watching the videos and hearing about all the new things Dr. Illan has to offer since teaming up with Bariatric Pal. It seems like an amazing program! I told him that I love him and I understand his worry, but I have to do this for me. I AM going to do this for me.

I've decided to go on my own and hopefully I'll be able to be sleeved next month. I'm so ready to get my life back & enjoy this summer! We are going on a cruise at the end of this month and I think that alone has made me even more determined to do this. I want so badly to be out there enjoying our first cruise with my kids and I can't because of the insecurities my weight has given me. I'm done missing out. I'm done watching my life pass me by... watching everything from the sidelines. I'm done being uncomfortable in layers of spandex and hiding... ashamed, embarrassed, and afraid I'll see someone who used to know me back when I was thin. What could happen in Mexico that is any worse than this? Living life simply existing.

I'm so ready!!!!

Thank you for all of your responses!


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