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Should I be upset?



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You have the RIGHT to be anything you want, but you don't have the right to dictate the actions of others.

They didn't have surgery, you did. They aren't post op, you are. food surrounds us no matter what stage of the game you are in and that's not ever going to go away. It's up to you to adapt to your new world, it's not up to the world to adapt to you.

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I did not do much in the way of socializing while I was on my liquid phase, since it was liquids in and liquids out. I had a few friends stop by to visit, and of course I interacted with Mrs LittleBill every day. She offered to eat bland, non aromatic foods around me so as not to cause me any grief.

I told her to eat what she wanted, and not to worry about me. As has been mentioned, this is a lifetime choice. You are going to be in this position over and over again, unless you decide to go all Jeremiah Johnson on people, and go live on a mountain by yourself. Now is a good time to start getting used to it.

The other thing, and I want to write this as gently as possible, is this. People cannot read your mind. If they ask you for input and you give them input, you should not be surprised or offended if they respond according to that input. Writing as a man who has dealt with the feminine psyche for many years, this is a sensitive topic. If you tell us things are fine, we are going to act that way. You can't tell people you are fine with something when you aren't, and expect them to parse that to get your true feelings. A little transparency will go a long way for you.

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I need to be mindful about being honest in my responses --- as passive/aggressive behavior is one of the things that got me in this situation. So in the future when asked a question like "do you mind if we get pizza," I need to learn to say -- "actually, I do -- I am just not ready for this yet. But you guys need to go ahead -- and I will catch up with you later. My choice, my decision -- and I hope you can understand." I need to know it is OK to say that I DO mind things, and to take actions into my own hands. Thanks for helping me work through that, even though that wasn't your goal!

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I need to be mindful about being honest in my responses --- as passive/aggressive behavior is one of the things that got me in this situation. So in the future when asked a question like "do you mind if we get pizza," I need to learn to say -- "actually, I do -- I am just not ready for this yet. But you guys need to go ahead -- and I will catch up with you later. My choice, my decision -- and I hope you can understand." I need to know it is OK to say that I DO mind things, and to take actions into my own hands. Thanks for helping me work through that, even though that wasn't your goal!

Sorry to say, but I still think this is a a bit on the P/A side although I do think honesty is best. This kind of feels like a guilt trip and again, this was your decision, so it's not fair to your friends to make them feel bad about their decisions. If you can't go along with it, simply opt out of social situations until you can. If you choose not to opt out (I didn't), bring something diet friendly for yourself and eat when they eat.

EMPOWER yourself to make great decisions. "Catching them later" is only going to make you resent yourself and your situation. Asking for their understanding? Meh. I didn't even understand what I was putting myself through until I was actually going through it. :)

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agree with everyone. We all need to adjust to having food around that we can't or shouldn't eat. I cooked thanksgiving dinner for my family 5 days post op. was it hard?...um yeah! but I made a nice Soup for myself that I could eat with some pureed turkey and bouillon etc. Made lemonade with lemons so to speak. Not fair to ask my family to skip thanksgiving just because i had surgery.

Do i get annoyed sometimes, yes of course I do. I removed myself from the dinner table Christmas day to clean up and clear plates while dessert was being served. My mother came in an told me to go back to the table to be more social. I went back to find a piece of chocolate cake at my seat. that was annoying..given she knows my shake can make me dump. I just picked up the cake and passed it back. and sat down...everyone else had finished so not the end of the world. We all just need to figure out what we need to do to cope. You are early so you just have to muscle through till you are eating solids, but even then you need to learn strategies to cope with temptations. One of mine is to always have high Protein Snacks with me. Everyone else is eating chips and popcorn? I pull out my almonds. They're eating Desserts and Cookies, i grab a handful of freeze dried strawberries or blueberries. You have to find what works for you.

Edited by Travelher

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Yesterday, I hung out with some friends and they all knew I was on the post op liquid diet. The weather wasn't too good outside and they were hungry and decided to order pizza. They started to order and mid-order asked if I was okay with it. Of course I wasn't but I felt stupid saying no so I said it was okay. They ordered it and ate it in front of me even forgetting that I couldn't eat it and offered me some after it came. Do I have a right to be upset about them knowingly ordering a food they know I like even though I said it was okay? I feel like if the roles were reversed I would have never done that to them.

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It's gonna be hard at 1st... I'm 7 months out and I really don't like being around ppl when food is involved.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

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Pretty much think LipstickLady hit the nail on the head. You can only surround yourself with the foods you need to eat in your own home and encourage the family to try healthier things. We are the ones that had the surgery however, and can not dictate what others eat in our presence. It does get easier as time goes by.

Made it through the holidays so far, even baked candies (Christmas favorite of the daughter) for a couple family gatherings + without taste testing+. Down I believe 3lbs, this past week.

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Unfortunately we live in a world that loves to eat, sometimes like me it becomes an addiction. My family has constant donuts, Cookies and pastries, if you find something to do that distracts you even for a minute the craving will pass, we can't all be on a gastric diet but we make the sacrifices for a reason and keep moving towards your goal. I have my surgery some time in May and I am getting excited.

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@@LipstickLady wrote: "Sorry to say, but I still think this is a a bit on the P/A side although I do think honesty is best. This kind of feels like a guilt trip and again, this was your decision, so it's not fair to your friends to make them feel bad about their decisions. If you can't go along with it, simply opt out of social situations until you can. If you choose not to opt out (I didn't), bring something diet friendly for yourself and eat when they eat."

That's well-suited to some, depending on personality and emotional maturity of all parties involved. Others will be fine and happy with rejoining later. It certainly helps if everyone knows in advance that there'll be a break. It certainly doesn't help if the surgery person goes off to sit and sulk; use the time well.

Edited by WLSResources/ClothingExch

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A few posters have summed this up really well:

1) It's your post op plan, not theirs.

2) We can't expect the world to accommodate us at all times. Only we can control the circumstances of our lives, and must learn how to navigate the world.

3) If it bothers you to see other people eating, the onus is on you to stay home and not on them to be hungry for your sake.

4) We can't expect others to read our minds because we aren't comfortable being honest. If it sounds bitchy in your head, there's a good chance it is. To avoid seeming bitchy, refer to #3.

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You have the right to feel anyway you want to. But maybe you shouldn't tell them it made you upset, since you did say it was ok. They asked you, so they won't know if it's ok or not unless you tell them the truth. Next time, maybe you should let them know that it made you uncomfortable. I know you weren't honest because you didn't want to seem rude. I also think they shouldn't have asked you for some, since they know you can't. But maybe they were just trying to be nice. People who aren't on the same journey as us, don't know what we know about eating. They assume that a little bit won't hurt. It's not their fault, unless you tell them over and over that you can't. Also, if they ever pressure you to eat incorrectly, then you have every right to get upset. I've been in that situation. It's very annoying.

Also, like the above poster said, we can't expect people to change their ways for the sake of us. It's not fair to them. We just have to have the willpower to refrain.

Edited by Hiraeth

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I know this is never easy however you made your decision to move forward with WLS. I had to get used to the fact that others would be eating foods that I couldn't and certainly shouldn't have.

So, my point of view is that you should not be upset with them for making that choice. Many times they offer you some because it is the nice thing to do. That being said, you might ask them not to offer it to you given it is not on your eating plan.

You will have to grow a thick skin on this because the further out you are from surgery, the more tempting indulging in those things will become.

Best of luck to you!

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...but we make the sacrifices ...

N.G. attitude. Please reconsider so that your excitement over your upcoming surgery stays with you after surgery. "Sacrifice" is being unhealthy, unhappy and generally uncomfortable because of self-imposed obesity. Giving up the obesity is a positive claim, a taking in of good things, not a giving up [fill in the blank with the name of your preferred grease or starch].

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...but we make the sacrifices ...

N.G. attitude. Please reconsider so that your excitement over your upcoming surgery stays with you after surgery. "Sacrifice" is being unhealthy, unhappy and generally uncomfortable because of self-imposed obesity. Giving up the obesity is a positive claim, a taking in of good things, not a giving up [fill in the blank with the name of your preferred grease or starch].

I am ready for the problems and benefits I know I can do this.

Sent from my 0PM92 using the BariatricPal App

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