Deserted.

[silhouette 32]

Hey guys,

My surgery is booked for the 19th of Jan.

I only told my mom, my husband, and my best friend.

My surgery is out of town. My mom won't come with me. My husband wont either (we have 2 school aged kids).

My clinic requires someone to pick me up and stay with me the first 2 days post op.

I am left with hiring a caregiver. I am so upset. How can you spend two days in a hotel with a stranger

/rant

[suzzzzz 1,005]

Are they not supporting your surgery? What about your best friend? I had sleeve surgery and live by myself and after one night in hospital I was fine to take care of myself.

If you do end up with a caregiver, it might be worth it to get 2 rooms that join so you can have your privacy and someone there if you need them.

[gowalking 10,790]

why won't mom stay home and watch the kids so hubby is available to help you?

[silhouette 32]

My mom is in a different country, with my other siblings, and her job, she can't spare the time.

My husband is being weird about the surgery. I had the band in the past (removed for slippage in 2013), he always says I was a b**ch when I lost the weight. (I lost 100 lbs, gained it all back after removal).

I like the idea of the joint rooms, that's very clever

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[gowalking 10,790]

My mom is in a different country, with my other siblings, and her job, she can't spare the time.

My husband is being weird about the surgery. I had the band in the past (removed for slippage in 2013), he always says I was a b**ch when I lost the weight. (I lost 100 lbs, gained it all back after removal).

I like the idea of the joint rooms, that's very clever

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Wow...unsupportive a little? I'm really sorry to hear that. It must make this all the more stressful.

[CStoned 155]

Hubby being a hater.... Do he need a sleeve too? Did he forget the vows?

#forBETTERorWORST

Sent from my LGMS330 using the BariatricPal App

[LittleBill 2,231]

A lot of temperament associated with diets and weight loss can be laid at the feet of hunger. Once you are sleeved, you won't have to deal with that. Perhaps if you could show your husband that information he would consent to being a little more supportive.

[Hollyhock 62]

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. It will be hard if your husband is not supporting your decision, as there may be a fair amount of undermining in the future. You need some long-term support somehow. Do you have a friend you can rely on? I have relied upon the help of professional counseling specifically for people trying to change eating habits. I've found that they were able to help me make small changes in such a way as to cause my husband and I to grow closer. Now I get the support I need from him as well. But really, it sounds like he has some sort of issues of his own, and when you are married and parenting young children, it is extremely difficult not to take on your spouse's issues as your own.

My surgery is scheduled for the 30th.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I am sorry to hear that you are having some trouble with support from your family and friends. That being said, having someone (even a paid for caregiver) will absolutely work for you.

After the first day, I was home alone by myself.

You might prepare yourself for larger changes with your hubby though. I am not sure I would have tolerated an unsupportive person in my household. You work way to hard to have someone undermine your progress.

I wish you the best of luck with your surgery and am hoping you find someone that can help you through the first couple of days.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

@@silhouette I know all about having an unsupportive husband..... it's not fun. this is one of the reasons after 26 years we are getting divorced.

How far out of town are you talking about? If worse come to worse, hire someone for the first night. I like some of the rest was able to take care of my self the next day. I was up walking within hours of surgery. Or if you have to stay the night.... i would check in the hotel the day before... Set everything up get all your rx filled. Stock the room with liquids.... get a cab to the hotel. Most likely all you will be doing is sleeping anyway.

So he is choosing to let you go out of town alone for surgery just because he is being a HUGE A$$.... The best thing would be to hire a sitter for the kids and have him go... but instead he is going to have to pay for a care giver for you .... wow... what a jerk.

[silhouette 32]

@@silhouette I know all about having an unsupportive husband..... it's not fun. this is one of the reasons after 26 years we are getting divorced.

How far out of town are you talking about? If worse come to worse, hire someone for the first night. I like some of the rest was able to take care of my self the next day. I was up walking within hours of surgery. Or if you have to stay the night.... i would check in the hotel the day before... Set everything up get all your rx filled. Stock the room with liquids.... get a cab to the hotel. Most likely all you will be doing is sleeping anyway.

So he is choosing to let you go out of town alone for surgery just because he is being a HUGE A$$.... The best thing would be to hire a sitter for the kids and have him go... but instead he is going to have to pay for a care giver for you .... wow... what a jerk.

I'm taking a 3 h flight, I am checking in a hotel 5 min from the clinic.

If all goes well, I am to be discharged the next day, back to the hotel again. I will have to hire a caregiver (and I will pay, not my husband, who is not putting a cent into this).

I really don't know what to think. I think subconsciously he is worried when I lose weight I will feel "better" than him?

We were both overweight when we got married.

Sigh. I can't wait for the surgery to happen and put all this behind me.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[gowalking 10,790]

Unfortunately you are experiencing what so many other WLS folks have gone through when a spouse is non supportive. I can't give you my take on it as I did not go through this but I've seen enough of what others have gone through to know that you need to reassure him that you love him.

How was he when you lost the weight with the band? Other than you being 'a b**ch' which I will ignore for the moment. Did he support you at all or no? If no, I suspect he will not support you now either. You may need professional counselling and/or therapy with him so he understands you are doing this for your benefit and his. However, if the marriage is shaky, this might be the thing that breaks it. Again...I've seen it.

Focus on your surgery for now but don't expect magically that he will come around. It will take some doing if it happens at all. Wishing you all the best.

[nativenm 11]

I am sorry to hear you are having to explore other options. I considered it as well. I chose not to tell anyone other than my mom and my husband. It was incredibly scary to think about going through it alone. This may be a great opportunity to explore feelings with your spouse. My husband was supportive but scared. He does not struggle with weight, but loves me for me. Unfortunately, I have been over weight lost of our relationship. It is scary to support someone you love unconditionally to "change". My husband was also worried that I would have complications or worse die. The surgery and the process impacts all that you come in contact with...friends and family. Grace is a wonderful gift and can be given both directions. Best of luck. We are here for you!

[iboyles 4]

I’am right Their with you. I only told a handful of people and of course my husband is the most supportive. And then Their is of course the Debbie downers one in particular that I told by mistake and she is giving my Husband all the bad things about it. Grrrrr. To prove them all wrong

[iboyles 4]

Good luck