How did WLS effect your marriage...

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

I would be interested to know how many of us WLS patients..... Started out married and are now Not (are almost not)....

They warned me that a large portion of WLS patients end up getting divorced... but i didn't believe them... Till now

Also, did it improve your marriage.... would like to know that too

Chris

[maxgal2 6]

First few years were ok - things have been rockier lately .. I get irritated with him buying things that are sabotaging me as it is getting harder to maintain the weight loss and my cravings are back and I can eat more so now I feel he constantly makes the house like my old life and I hold it against him.. also some challenges were the attention from men that I never had before - it was exciting and I can't lie that I wasn't swept away by it all.. it caused strifes in our marriage for sure .. kind of getting back on track .. many times I feel cheated because now that I like myself I think I should have better or more .. jist overall not as happy marriage wise- could also be tho we were together since we were very young, first loves, etx

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I didn't mention I am nearly 7 years out

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[RJC5197 282]

Good Topic

I have no main issues yet, but I am concerned.

I had WLS (Vertical Band) 20 years ago and my wife was very supporting thru all the years of being sick on and off, especially the last 5 years of severe sickness and fast weight gains.

My RNY has now eliminated all my issues, and I can now eat anything I want to (But choose not to) She sees no reason for me not to eat the normal fair she eats. She is also very overweight but will not make any changes, so the "Unhealthy Crap" is always in the house, and I am finding it more difficult to resist.

I do not see it as a big game changer to the point of break down, just wish we could get on the same page, for our benefit, as well as our kids and G-Kids.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I'm not married but for the first time in my life I wish I was just so I could get enough sex.

I added nothing helpful...

[reree6898 1,164]

I am 13 months out from sleeve surgery. As I lost more weight I started to stand up for myself more about things that were not ok. While my husband was supportive in the beginning he decided to walk out in July. The divorce will be final in January. I don't think it's all related to my drastic weight loss but it played a part in it I feel.

[James Marusek 5,244]

I do not perceive that it had any adverse reaction on my marriage. I am 3 years post-op RNY gastric bypass and I have been married for over 40 years.

I think it had a positive impact because it put many of my health issues in remission, so I will live longer and also more capable of household chores. My wife doesn't want to be left alone if I passed early.

From what I read, some individuals experience chaotic emotions after surgery because as the fat cells dissolve they release chemicals and hormones that are stored within. Therefore they experience a hormonal flush. This generally dies down once they reach the maintenance phase. It also appears that many individuals can become more sexually active after weight loss and also more fertile.

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

@@bayougirlmrsc

This is a big change for any marriage. An option is couples counselling.

I have been with my hubby for 26 years. We have a solid relationship before and after surgery. He was very supportive.

A few things happened.

I do many things without him. I go to the gym, hang out with friends. I go to the coffee shop by myself as a little treat for me. He was feeling left behind.

(1) I learned to invite him to come to the gym. Even if he says no.

(2) We have date night.

(3) When I hit a certain weight, We made couples goal reward . ( I took him to Victoria secret. Walked out with size small panties. NSV!)

I went from invisible to men giving me attention. I realized my husband was also adjusting to my physical change. His fear was I going to leave him. This sounded so ridiculous to me. I would never leave him...But he needed reassurance.

Having myself back. Healthy mentally and physically has improved our relationship.

The sex is all for the better! lol ( you will see that topic from male and female patients)

wish you the best,

[thmitchell 17]

I have wondered this myself. We just had our 1 year anniversary and my husband has been sooo amazing while I've been on the liquid diet. He is supposed to be having it done at the beginning of next year. What the experience like when both of you have it?

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[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

@@maxgal2 In 3 days i will hit my 7 year band-anniversary ......My husband did the same thing to me... he is 6'4" and of normal weight. So he can pretty much eat what he wants. I have so many resentments towards him. The fact that he is so self-centered and all about him. He didn't really support my having WLS but i did it anyway. At first things were fine... but the more i lost the worse it got... he started withholding sex and intimacy and he know it was really playing with my head. the constant rejections were brutal.

@@OutsideMatchInside Don't worry.... good things come to those who....never mind.. Put yourself out there and find a woman.....

@@reree6898 My marriage will make 26 years in Dec. I filed for D in July also, D final in January.

@@jenn1 I know, i have been on this site for 7 years, i have read it all. For years i begged him to go talk to someone... he would not go, said nothing was wrong with him.

(1) I also invited him to go to the gym and at first he did... then i got "skinny enough" (according to him) and he canceled the membership.

(2) We did have date night... when i could drag him out of his chair and from the back yard... and then it was never about me but what he wanted

(3) this time last year i booked us a cruise..... horrible... he barely paid me any attention and again... no sex or intimacy.

I have to admit the attention that i get from men is intoxicating.... The compliments and looks.... i never got those from him.

But....... now that we separated he wants to "change". I know that he loves me, that makes all this worse.... but i just couldn't live so unhappy....

[Babbs 14,680]

First few years were ok - things have been rockier lately .. I get irritated with him buying things that are sabotaging me as it is getting harder to maintain the weight loss and my cravings are back and I can eat more so now I feel he constantly makes the house like my old life and I hold it against him.. also some challenges were the attention from men that I never had before - it was exciting and I can't lie that I wasn't swept away by it all.. it caused strifes in our marriage for sure .. kind of getting back on track .. many times I feel cheated because now that I like myself I think I should have better or more .. jist overall not as happy marriage wise- could also be tho we were together since we were very young, first loves, etx

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal AppI didn't mention I am nearly 7 years out

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What a wonderfully honest post.

[Babbs 14,680]

I'm not married but for the first time in my life I wish I was just so I could get enough sex.

I added nothing helpful...

Getting married is definitely NOT they way to get enough sex

Okay, maybe at first.

[kraek9 28]

I am worried about this as well my husband and we have been together since high school and through many changes. food is, however, something that we both enjoy. Not pigging out, but just experiencing different foods. When I brought up weight loss surgery, he was very supportive. He has been wanting to make a change as well and preparing for surgery has helped us. We go on walk every day after work, we don't eat fast food any more. He is very supportive with my gluten free lifestyle as well. We check menus before eating out and if they bring us bread we rub it on the table to so won't eat it . He does forget sometimes. The other day he brought home sour candies and said he realized I can't have any, so he opened them up and poured mustard on them and threw them right away. Wasting $2 is better than the temptation!

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I am worried about this as well my husband and we have been together since high school and through many changes. Food is, however, something that we both enjoy. Not pigging out, but just experiencing different foods. When I brought up weight loss surgery, he was very supportive. He has been wanting to make a change as well and preparing for surgery has helped us. We go on walk every day after work, we don't eat fast food any more. He is very supportive with my gluten free lifestyle as well. We check menus before eating out and if they bring us bread we rub it on the table to so won't eat it . He does forget sometimes. The other day he brought home sour candies and said he realized I can't have any, so he opened them up and poured mustard on them and threw them right away. Wasting $2 is better than the temptation!

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[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@Babbs

Don't dash my dreams, I am just thinking having a man in the house and not having to make dates would mean daily instead of weekly sex.

[rolosmom7 740]

I've seen no ill effect on my marriage - but I think it's REALLY important to ensure you're on solid ground with the same expectations in advance.

I work with a therapist, and when needed I take my husband. He will eat whatever I cook, and won't bring garbage into the house. But we agreed on that well, well in advance.

It took 15 months from surgery consult to approval, a lot of that "extra" time was spent making sure I was in the game mentally. Your spouse, in my opinion, is a partner who should be in the game with you.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

@@Babbs You an't kidding..... my husband and i had sex twice last year....

@@OutsideMatchInside Don't count on it.... lol I have way more sex now that im single.... and the best part... i say who and when