Hello again....

[Margie122 845]

It's been a long time since I've been on bariatricpal.com and I've missed it. My life changed drastically on 6/20/2016 when my mother had a large right sided hemorrhagic stroke. My life was the hospital ICU, acute rehab hospital and finally the subacute rehab. She didn't come home until the end of September and then had a setback where her vitals were so low she had to be readmitted to the hospital for 3 days and then do another week at the subacute rehab. She finally came home on 10/2. My stress levels haven't gotten any better since her coming home. I'm thrilled she is home, but she cannot be left alone. This means we have a home health aide for 11 hours a day, from 6AM to 5PM....while I am at work. Medicare and her private health insurance pay for none of it. We've had to modify the house, and stairlifts are also not covered.

Luckily mom is a fighter and just turned 67. She had the gastric sleeve in March and thank goodness she lost weight because her stroke recovery would be so much harder for her and me. I like to say she is full of piss and vinegar. She is DETERMINED to walk again and I know she will do it. Unfortunately she's very impatient and I have to remind her of her "gains" even though they may be small, every day. She's done SO WELL since June it really is amazing. In the life of a stroke 4 months isn't a lot and there is so much she can do on her own that I'm amazed.

As for me - I had my gastric sleeve surgery in August of 2015. I am SO THANKFUL I did because if I was 295lbs there is no way I would have survived the last four months. I would not have had the stamina or the strength. Weekdays I am up at 5AM and out the door at 6. When I get home I am constantly running around, up and down stairs, etc....trying to get laundry done in between a million other things. Transferring her from the wheelchair to the chair, or the chair to her bed is also serious exercise. On top of it I decided to go back and pursue my bachelors degree. I must be crazy! I had signed up before she had the stroke and I only have 11 classes to get my degree. Luckily I was able to switch to online courses and have already completed one. I had homework due by 11:59PM and it just happened to be on the night she was taken to the ER and I actually logged on from the "cubby" we were in while she was resting. I kid you not, less then 3 feet away from me in the other "cubby" a guy was getting a rectal exam. All that separated me from them was the curtain. I guess you do what you have to do! I submitted the last assignment at 11:45PM. She finally went up to a room around 12:30.

My weight has been semi-stable during this time. At first I couldn't eat....just couldn't hold anything down. Then I wanted everything that was bad for me. Then I realized that wasn't making me feel any better so I had better stop. I'm not going to lie, I pretty much existed on Decaf iced coffee, egg & cheese on english muffin from Dunkin Donuts, and Protein bars. I know it's not the greatest but it was all I could muster. I was getting up at 5AM and not getting home some nights until 10...and I still had stuff to get done at home.

Right now I'm 175. People say I'm thin enough. I have some loose skin on my stomach but it's no so terrible that I can't hide it and I have some loose skin on my thighs and upper arms. It's not enough to make me NOT wear a bathing suit or a sleeveless shirt. I feel good, and clothes fit well. I would like to get down to 165 but if that doesn't happen that's ok too. I'm comfortable where I am. I know if I had skin removal surgery it would probably get me there or close to it. That's probably not in the cards for me right now. Don't know if it will ever be.

I see my PCP next Tuesday. I am also going to see a therapist next Wednesday. I had to ask my PCP for something to help me with my anxiety and depression. I have cried every day since 6/20, sometimes several times a day. I know that's not healthy. I'm taking an anti-depressant, but I've only been on it since 10/25...and it takes about a month to come up to it's full effect. I hope it helps. I'm also taking .5mg of clonazepam for the anxiety in the morning and at bedtime. It's not a lot, but it's enough to keep me steady. I hate having to take those medications, but I need them right now. Some day I won't hopefully.

I know this is a long post - if you made it this far thanks! The one thing I need to make time for again is my monthly meeting at my bariatric center. I have only been to one meeting and that was in October. It was a celebration of everyone who had done well and had surgery the year before. I wore a lovely black dress and "big girl" shoes. I felt wonderful. I need to make the time to get back to my meetings because they are important and they keep me grounded. I'll figure out a way.

Margie

[James Marusek 5,244]

Sorry to hear about your added stress. I can sympathize with you because I also took care of my mother for many years through her bout of problems.

[recreatingcate 132]

I also took care of my mother, and did so for most of my life until she passed away. Take care of yourself - I know it is SO, SO much easier said then done, but you're no good to anyone if you aren't at your best. Take the one hour to see a therapist, take your antidepressants, find a hobby that helps you relax and try to do it for a half hour or so before bed - yoga, reading, knitting, ect. I'm happy that you've had so much success post-op, so keep up your great work! I will keep you and your mama and your family in my thoughts and prayers!!

[Butterflywarrior 241]

I'm so impressed with how well you are doing and getting your B A too despite tremendous stress!! Congratulations. I hope tge meds help the depression.. therapy has always helped me. Being a caregiver is incredibly hard work especially on females because they don't get much social gratitude for it. There's actual research on this!! Anyways, hang tough!

[gowalking 10,790]

Thank you for your post. So glad you checked in with us and updated us on what's going on. Every day without any fanfare or kudos, people do for each other out of love and respect and that's what I've gotten out of your post. Obviously mom did something right to have raised such a wonderful daughter who can manage both mom's care and not falter in managing her own life.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I am so glad you reached out. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I definately know how stressful that can be having been at my Mother's side for several years before she finally passed at 67 years old.

Unfortunately I was at my heaviest so i am glad you are near or at your goal and still maintains through all of this. Taking care of your parents seems so much harder than taking care of your children.

Please take some time for yourself and go to your meetings if they help you. We are always here as well.

Take care and keep us posted.

[Julie norton 2,850]

Bless you. Taking care of parents is an honor. I was lucky to do so with both... dad left us last year after years of being bedbound at home and his mind deteriorating.

That said. It is draining and emotional Glad you have some health started on your side, just remember you!! '

Hydrate. Walk. Counselor... massage. Whatever helps you to be present!

Please let us know how you and your nursing skills fare.

[shedo82773 1,236]

So sorry that you are going thru so much stress. I personally know all about this. My mom passed away 12 years ago from Lung Cancer. We didn't know she had Cancer until she was down. We had moved to Idaho to take care of my Mother in Law. My A** HAT Step GUY (because he doesn't deserve to be called a DAD) told my sweet Mother that it was time she let me go take care of my Mother in Law. My mom had just been diagnosed with her Cancer. Needless to say, I rushed back to take care of her. She ended up dying in a Hospital because I did NOT know that you can give them extra medication for the pain. My Mother in Law became worse and just gave up....the difference is we had HOSPICE and learned so much about how you CAN give them extra pain meds. Do whatever it takes to make them comfortable. Now knowing all of this, I hope and pray that my family uses HOSPICE also. That is a wonderful program. If and when you get to that point please please check into it. Hang tough but....don't forget to take care of YOU!!!

[borg/assimilated 576]

God bless you for what you are doing for your mother. She is probably recovering well due to your interest and care! Many of us women have been in that caregiver position, and while it's difficult at the time, you will never regret the days you had/have caring for her.

[Margie122 845]

Thank you all for your kind responses. I am settling into a routine and we have caregivers during the day. I have hired some extra help every other Friday and every other Saturday to give me a little break. It's expensive though and I do have anxiety about money issues but we will get through it.

Today is my physical with my PCP. Tomorrow is my first therapy appointment. I do think the depression meds are helping. The change in the time though did a number on me and I'm waking up way too early. Hopefully my body adjusts. I weighed myself this morning and I was 171.4......I'm trying to keep up with the Vitamins and the Protein but I do A LOT of running around...so maybe it's all the extra steps that is getting the weight down. It could be the anxiety too.

I am trying to take some time for me....especially with the school work. I renewed my license the other day and the difference in the photos is amazing. I hope the color photo they mail me with my actual license is a little better than the black and white printout because I look tired! Oh well, it's just a license photo.

I hope everyone has a great day today. I am constantly amazed by the angels that are sent to me when I need help the most. So many people have been so kind to both my mom and me and that makes it a little easier to deal with. On a positive note she has a physical therapy reevaluation today and I hope that goes well so she can continue on with home PT services. She had her occupational therapy reevaluation last week and I was told that went very well.

If we could just control her left shoulder and arm pain we would be in such a better place. It's day by day but we are getting there.

[teedsg 250]

@@Margie122, I'm glad to hear that your mom is recovering and is alive. My mom didn't make it through her hemorrhagic stroke. Keep up the good work and I pray you all make it through the stress.

[Margie122 845]

teedsg thanks for your post. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I am settling into more of a routine and have had two good sessions with my new therapist. She is awesome. It finally hit me the other day that even if my mom makes absolutely NO ADDITIONAL PROGRESS that we will be ok. I can get her in/out of the car with no problem and we have the stairlift in the house to get her up and down stairs. I have every confidence she will get better and walk, so anything else is "gravy" at this point. I've been able to take her to restaurants and shopping, so I'm sure we will get even more confident as we do more things.

School is challenging but I love it and I'm sticking with 1 class a semester. Our classes are 6 weeks in length so I'm midway through the second one now. I'm glad I didn't put it off.

I'm still doing well and I love my sleeve. I'm so glad I had this surgery. It's been a real blessing.

hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.