Friends and family reaction your wls surgery

[Who'sThere 331]

In general, I am a very open person. I was very open about my Lapband, and I didn't receive any negative feedback from anyone who mattered. I did have a couple of people advise me (out of true concern) not to let myself get malnourished. (These were sisters whose aunt had the surgery and let herself become very ill by eating too little and the wrong things. They were positive about it, but wanted me to learn from her mistakes.)

This time around, I have told a few people but not as many. I think part of it is shame that I need another WLS.

Eventually everyone I work with will know and my kids (students) will know because I will have to be out of work. I am very close with my students because I like to build relationships with them. My philosophy is that they will learn more from me if they see me as an adult that truly cares about them as a person. They return the care. If I'm out for a doctor's appointment or a sick day, they worry about me. (Also, I teach two grades at a small school and have the same kids for 2 years, so that lends itself to a special closeness.) I will be matter of fact with them and let them know I'm working on being a healthier person. They already know about my Lapband because they see me throw up several times a week. (If they don't see it, they still know when I take a trash can and run for the closet.)

So, my surgery won't very a secret. However, I don't think it's something that I will share with acquaintances on social media or anything like that. If anyone asks, I won't lie, but I don't think I'll broadcast it.

For some reason, people seem to be so proud of those who lose weight without surgery, even if they take diet pills or supplements or whatever. Those people are somehow more worthy of praise because they did it "themselves" while WLS is still seen as an easier route or cheating. Whatever. I know I won't change that mindset, so I won't even bother. This is for me and my family anyway, not for anyone else.

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[PorkChopExpress 820]

I have told a couple of co-workers because I had to take the time off for surgery, so of course they were curious...and would have figured it out when they saw me eating these tiny portions at mealtime. But other than that, nobody knows. I haven't shared it with anyone outside of family. I'd prefer not to make a big thing of it, they'll see me how they see me, when they see me.

[living55 98]

I didnt tell anyone but my significant other and 2 close friends who already the surgery. It is none of their business. I was not working at the time so I didnt have to explain there. I have shared with my overweight friends and they are happy for me. Now people just congratulate me on the weight loss, some I tell some I dont and those I do think its wonderful and just ask questions. At the end of the day you choose who you tell and you choose to either receive or recyle their response

[blizair09 3,250]

In general, I am a very open person. I was very open about my Lapband, and I didn't receive any negative feedback from anyone who mattered. I did have a couple of people advise me (out of true concern) not to let myself get malnourished. (These were sisters whose aunt had the surgery and let herself become very ill by eating too little and the wrong things. They were positive about it, but wanted me to learn from her mistakes.)

This time around, I have told a few people but not as many. I think part of it is shame that I need another WLS.

Eventually everyone I work with will know and my kids (students) will know because I will have to be out of work. I am very close with my students because I like to build relationships with them. My philosophy is that they will learn more from me if they see me as an adult that truly cares about them as a person. They return the care. If I'm out for a doctor's appointment or a sick day, they worry about me. (Also, I teach two grades at a small school and have the same kids for 2 years, so that lends itself to a special closeness.) I will be matter of fact with them and let them know I'm working on being a healthier person. They already know about my Lapband because they see me throw up several times a week. (If they don't see it, they still know when I take a trash can and run for the closet.)

So, my surgery won't very a secret. However, I don't think it's something that I will share with acquaintances on social media or anything like that. If anyone asks, I won't lie, but I don't think I'll broadcast it.

For some reason, people seem to be so proud of those who lose weight without surgery, even if they take diet pills or supplements or whatever. Those people are somehow more worthy of praise because they did it "themselves" while WLS is still seen as an easier route or cheating. Whatever. I know I won't change that mindset, so I won't even bother. This is for me and my family anyway, not for anyone else.

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I started my career as a high school math teacher. During my many diets, I was always pretty open with the kids about what I was doing. First, they watched me shrink, and second, I, too, liked to be open and real with them since at that age, they were pretty good about figuring out what was going on anyway.

It sounds like you are a pretty awesome teacher. I have an unfulfilled dream of teaching at a small school (specifically the elementary school I went to growing up), but small town living just wouldn't have worked for me as an adult. I left the classroom many years ago when I went to grad school, but I work with and around teachers and students every day in my publishing work.

Best wishes as you continue your journey!

[theantichick 2,204]

I am a "live out loud" kind of person, and am a blogger, so it wasn't in my nature to try and keep it secret.

My sis had VSG a few years ago, so she'd been bugging me to do it (to the point I put it off for several years just because she told me I had to) so she was very happy I'd finally decided to do it.

Our Mom was worried because she associates some of my sis' medical issues to the surgery, when they're not. She also thought that because my sis now lectures everyone about what she does and does not eat every time there's a get-together, that I would become someone who was no fun to eat with. I pointed out that my sis and I have very different personalities, and I don't tend to talk about what I'm eating or why.

Dad just thinks it's ridiculous that I can't just decide I'm going to eat right and exercise, because it's worked for him.

Some of my friends have had bypass or sleeve, and they're super supportive.

Other friends have lost people and they attributed it to gastric surgery even when it was years later, and they expressed concern but are also super supportive.

My boss who is a very thin and fit person (marathon runner) has probably been the most supportive, which I didn't expect.

There are a few people in my family & friends who seem to think I've taken the easy way out, or done something I didn't need to do. I offer them education (as a nurse it's compulsive for me) and then put them on ignore.

I haven't broadcast it at work, because I tend to be more private there, but anyone who asks, I tell them. Reactions have been very positive.

I don't know if it's because of the people I surround myself with, or my confidence in my choice, or that they've all seen my physical condition deteriorate rapidly over the last few years, or a combination of all of it. But by and large, I've had very few people criticize my choice. I got the worst feedback I've had from the VP of the trainers' organization at my gym a couple of weeks ago when I was signing up. I briefly considered going off on him, but decided it wasn't worth it because I won't be working out with him. The trainer assigned to me has been great so far, and has worked with WLS patients before.

[tallgirl1 8]

Mine a top secret.

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[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

@@xoxococojay At first i only told my mentor (paula) my husband, and two boys. But as the weight started coming off i got the ..... are you sick? My mom started worrying about me so i had to tell her.

After time went by and i became more comfortable with me i told more people. This is how it went... them: Wow chris you have lost so much weight how did you do it..... Me: Well i exercise 5 days a week, watch everything i eat and i had gastric banding.... then they would say, you really look great and i would except there compliment and say thanks i appreciate hearing that.

Everything Gowalking said is spot on..... be prepared to lose some of your friends. We as women in my experience have two kinds of friends .... Our Fat friends and skinny friends.

Not all cases, but what i experienced.....

Skinny friends: These are the ones that hang out with us fat girls... it makes them feel better about them selves because they are thinner and get more attention (for the most part). I had a coach tell me once, if you want to look prettier, hang out with girl that are uglier than you.... true with weight also. Anyway, these girls are going to encourage you tillllll you are as thin or thinner than them. Then it will be... you are getting too skinny, your face looks too thin, or my favorite.... If you lose anymore you'll be thinner than me. And they will not like this, because now you are competition ... you are no longer a fat girl and your confidence will go through the roof and men will notice and flock to you....

Fat friends: These are your people.... we fat girls like to hang in packs. We hang with other fat girls to feel excepted. these will not always be on board with the idea of WLS. They will be offended that you would even think of getting healthy and thinner. They will try and sabotage you... be mindful of them... They will not encourage you to lose are go to the gym. They want you to stay fat... Just like them. Don't let them get to you....

Stay your course and stand your ground..... Good luck

[vamping 183]

I've had a mixed bag.

I told four people before my surgery (husband, mom, best friend, sister, and another close friend) and all were very supportive. I work from home, so I didn't have to worry about work. I see my co-workers once every 2-3 years if that.

Afterwards, I didn't keep it from anyone. We are pretty social people. I live in Las Vegas and a good deal of our socializing revolves around bars and restaurants. Not bothered at all by not being able to drink alcohol or eat what I used to. But we've known most of the bartenders and servers for many years, so I didn't mind sharing with them why I couldn't have certain things. They have all been magnificent. The bar where I watch football every Saturday has even gone so far as adjusting anything I'd like on their menu and/or creating a special dish for me each week with my Protein needs in mind. I love them for that.

A majority of my friends have been very supportive. One of the heavier ones was a little standoffish at first, but now that she sees a positive change in me, she's become highly supportive. Another heavier friend likes to throw in that I should have considered Plexus first. One of my thinner friends started out as supportive but now that I've dropped 30 pounds, she's been a little cool towards me.

Overall I don't care what people think. Friends come and go. I am very happy with my decision for ME.

[Who'sThere 331]

@@blizair09, thanks for your kind words. I have to say, I love my job. I teach at a school that has less than 400 students, grades Pre-k through 8. I have 67 students for math. I teach 5th grade in the morning and 4th grade in the afternoon. I truly love what I do. We do have some teachers who drive an hour to come in from the closest thing we have to a city to teach. I wouldn't want to be at any other school. I drive 25 minutes myself past 3 schools at which I could teach, but no thanks.

What do you do now?

P.S. I checked out your pic a little closer after reading several of your posts/replies. You are a hottie I would so hit on if I wasn't taken, you weren't taken, and you weren't gay. Lol. Just sayin'...

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[blizair09 3,250]

@@blizair09, thanks for your kind words. I have to say, I love my job. I teach at a school that has less than 400 students, grades Pre-k through 8. I have 67 students for math. I teach 5th grade in the morning and 4th grade in the afternoon. I truly love what I do. We do have some teachers who drive an hour to come in from the closest thing we have to a city to teach. I wouldn't want to be at any other school. I drive 25 minutes myself past 3 schools at which I could teach, but no thanks.

What do you do now?

P.S. I checked out your pic a little closer after reading several of your posts/replies. You are a hottie I would so hit on if I wasn't taken, you weren't taken, and you weren't gay. Lol. Just sayin'...

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You're so sweet. Thank you! :-)

I work in educational publishing and services. I've been with them for 10 years now (they plucked me right out of my PhD program). I started out as a math coach (all my degrees are in math and math ed), and now I am over all of our math services and development, specifically around a K-11 digital math curriculum that we will take to market next school year. I don't directly work with teachers and students as much anymore, but I do get around to all of our pilot sites all over the country and our folks that work with the teachers work for me, so my hand is in it all.

I just noticed that you are from TN. I grew up in southern middle Tennessee (just north of Huntsville, AL). I went to college and grad school in Nashville and taught in the Nashville area. I lived there for 15 years before I had to move for work.

[AnA92212 577]

I told everyone in my life (that mattered) about the surgery. Some were very encouraging and others did not have a lot to say. I lost 174 pounds in a year so people asked. I am always honest about surgery. I am not ashamed about having surgery. It probably saved my life. But surgery is just a tool and YOU have to do all the hard work. I've been working out since 3 weeks after surgery. It is a way of life for me now. The negative people are just jealous or don't understand.

[DebSmiles 62]

I haven't told many people yet, just my boyfriend and best friend. My surgery is in January and I don't plan to broadcast it. I'm taking vacation time from work, so no explanation needed there. My plan so far is to answer any questions, but I'm not advertising it.

The females in my family are all slim, trim divas. Me and my daughter drew the short sticks. With that said, they will probably figure it out, but unless they ask, I don't plan on sharing. I love my family, but before my grandmother died, my weight was a constant joke. Comments like "when you gonna stop eating, how you gonna get a man, etc" have always tortured me. Someone is always suggesting a new diet...that I would try...cabbage Soup, Atkins, WW, nutrisystem, Quick Weight Loss Centers, low calories, fasting, eating every other day, etc. My mom felt she was just trying to motivate me. I rarely go to family functions because of shame. Unfortunately, my daughter is the same way.

Didn't mean to go into all that, but I will not be sharing too much. My BF is concerned about my health, but he also makes comments about friends of his that had surgery and didn't want to have anything else to do with him, since he is overweight too. I think there are so many variables when it comes to the relationships in our lives that it requires each one of us to evaluate what will work best.

[Clementine Sky 707]

I'm 16 months out from having the VSG, and the only ones who know are my parents, husband, and physicians. I absolutely know my best friend since the age of 12 and so many others would have been supportive, but I'm just really private about personal matters. I felt like my family gave me all the support I needed. My husband immediately was supportive. My mom was initially against the surgery, thinking it was a drastic measure, but once I explained why my endocrinologist had suggested it and showed her some research, she became hugely supportive. She then got my dad on board.

I started biking to work about a month post surgery and using MyFitnessPal to track what I eat. Friends and colleagues see me biking everywhere and making more mindful choices about food, and so they assume that's how I've lost 86 pounds.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Huh. I've not lost a single friend yet. Fat or thin...

[xoxococojay 842]

Sorry for the late reply guys. (It's finals week for me) I read every single one of the responses from everyone and it's so comforting to see how everyone dealt with telling people around them. It made it easier for me for sure. So thank you all so much!!!

I will say it's good to know that almost everyone (even those who chose to be more private) had an overwhelming amount of positive feedback and support from loved ones. I think if anything that would make it easier to stay on track with your journey.

I'm still struggling with how private i want to be in terms of telling people close to me. This may sound crazy but part of me is so excited about this journey that i almost feel like i can't keep my mouth shut about it with certain friends, because i know they will support me 100%. But there are others who i would prefer not to tell even if they do already know. I think for me it's more than just respecting my privacy, i think it's also because the surgery is just a tool for me. I know i'm going to work my butt off in the gym and i don't want certain people judging me or thinking that i took the easy way out, when it's anything but. I also am afraid of people treating me differently after losing weight.

(That was such a long response, i apologize)

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