Trying to not be jealous

[Raynbolite 302]

My hubby had a bypass a week ago...I am on week 5 of my sleeve. My hubby is just melting away. I'm exercising and eating exactly like I should, but he has lost more than me in a week. I know I should be happy for him. And I am so happy his diabetes has almost disappeared! But I feel like I am failing, as he just shrinks in front of my eyes. Trying to ignore those rotten feelings, but it's not easy.

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[suzzzzz 1,005]

This isn't a sprint to the finish. Men typically lose faster then women and he had a different surgery and, and, and....... You will both be able to reach your goals over time.

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@Raynbolite If you are going to compare yourself to others - especially a man - you're going to be very disappointed! As @@suzzzzz said - he had Bypass too - which is a faster loss at first. Unrealistic expectations will sabotage you in the long run. Keep going on your journey - you'll get there.

[cindyw41 761]

Yup, genetics is at play here

and It sucks!

Try not to compare your journeys and I can't imagine how difficult that is going to be but It's not going to help your outcome or relationship.

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[Raynbolite 302]

I know it's not helping us. I apologize all the time. I tell him it's not about him. But sometimes it just bites.

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[suzzzzz 1,005]

I know it's not helping us. I apologize all the time. I tell him it's not about him. But sometimes it just bites.

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You mentioned you are happy about his diabetes being better. How about focusing on things like that that you can be grateful for (for both of you)? Jealously will destroy you from the inside, but gratefulness will help you blossom from the inside out. Start with one thing and add to it daily.

[Christinamo7 4,041]

MEN. don't you love it?

my husband does not have a weight problem. if he ever needs to loose it is 5-10 pounds- do you know what he does? he eats LESS potato chips. seriously. he doesn't STOP eating them, he just doesn't eat the whole bag.

me? he better not put the bag between us because I will gain weight just being that close to them.

your feelings are normal, and understandable - but they will not help you. come here to vent if you need to and then bless him. a year from now I hope you're both just where you need to be.

[Raynbolite 302]

I know it's not helping us. I apologize all the time. I tell him it's not about him. But sometimes it just bites.

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You mentioned you are happy about his diabetes being better. How about focusing on things like that that you can be grateful for (for both of you)? Jealously will destroy you from the inside, but gratefulness will help you blossom from the inside out. Start with one thing and add to it daily.

Great idea!!

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[Raynbolite 302]

MEN. don't you love it?

my husband does not have a weight problem. if he ever needs to loose it is 5-10 pounds- do you know what he does? he eats LESS potato chips. seriously. he doesn't STOP eating them, he just doesn't eat the whole bag.

me? he better not put the bag between us because I will gain weight just being that close to them.

your feelings are normal, and understandable - but they will not help you. come here to vent if you need to and then bless him. a year from now I hope you're both just where you need to be.

I know how I am supposed to be. Supportive and happy for him...people ask oh how much have you two lost. I want to cry. I will focus on the good, look at the scale less and work on my self-esteem.... your post helped.

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[suzzzzz 1,005]

MEN. don't you love it?

my husband does not have a weight problem. if he ever needs to loose it is 5-10 pounds- do you know what he does? he eats LESS potato chips. seriously. he doesn't STOP eating them, he just doesn't eat the whole bag.

me? he better not put the bag between us because I will gain weight just being that close to them.

your feelings are normal, and understandable - but they will not help you. come here to vent if you need to and then bless him. a year from now I hope you're both just where you need to be.

I know how I am supposed to be. Supportive and happy for him...people ask oh how much have you two lost. I want to cry. I will focus on the good, look at the scale less and work on my self-esteem.... your post helped.

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I have people ask me how much have I lost and it is really none of their business. I answer, well that is not as important as how I feel and I feel great. The weight comes off over time. They quickly respond with something like well, glad you are feeling good. You look great.

The main reason I don't track my loss to others is that everyone has their own expectations and ideas and really, unless you are on a wls journey, you really don't know what it is like.

When others ask you about you and your husband just let them know that things are going well and you feel good. They likely won't dig any further.

[Raynbolite 302]

Yea, that's a good idea. My husband and I agreed not to talk about the scales as much either. Not hide our loss of poundage, but not do it every day. That helps too. Thanks for the advice.

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[Jen-2+1 131]

I understand how you feel. It has to be frustrating to see him losing faster than you are losing.

I am 100% determined that when people ask me about my weight after surgery I am not going to give them a number. I don't ask people about their weight and I am not inviting them to discuss mine. I may say I have lost 50 pounds or whatever, but my weight at any point is no business of theirs.