Please allow me to vent.......

[Cassie111 41]

Hello to my friends in their 50's! I hit my goal weight today (160 down from 287, in 14 months) and I have so many thoughts running through my head that I would love to be able to share, if you'll indulge me.

Let me start by saying, I AM NOT COMPLAINING!!!!! I couldn't be happier about this much weight loss, which I never dreamed would happen. Wearing clothes that I never expected to wear again in my life. The road has not always been easy, as you well know. But I am not sorry I started this journey.

HOWEVER........

I must speak about the person I see in the mirror everyday. Before surgery, everyone knows all about the extra fat that will remain unless of course you have a cosmetic procedure done. But I was not remotely prepared for what I would look like 14 months after. No, I did not dream of being able to look like I am in my 20's anymore. I'm smarter than that. But when I look in the mirror now, I also didn't expect to see what I see. Of course, my stomach is the worst, but my thighs and arms are very wrinkled and saggy also. I think the arms bother me the most cause I can't/won't wear any of the cute little sleeveless shirts that I COULD fit into now because I would be too embarrassed. If I stood next to a person of the same build, same height, same clothing who was just a "normal" person of 160 lbs, you would never be able to say that I also weighed the same. Yes, there is an incredible difference between my before and after pictures, but I get so frustrated that I have worked so hard, been through so much but still don't look like that other person standing next to me. I get feelings of it being so unfair. I know some one out there has read this to this point and said to themselves, "Why doesn't she shut up and just be happy to have lost that much"? I did say at the beginning, that this is not complaining in the literal term. I just wonder if there are others out there who feel like I do. I have spent so much money on wrinkle "erasers", tightening creams etc. and they are all a joke. (though if you have found a "miracle" one, please pass it along!) Insurance companies should be willing to help people complete their process by just assisting in the costs (not paying 100%) of cosmetic surgery if a person chooses that option. But, we well know insurance companies couldn't care less about our happiness or state of mind. You want the whole process to have a beginning and an end. When I see myself, I don't feel "finished". Like a painting only half complete. Just a few more brush strokes here and there and I could be a work of art (OK, that may be overstating). I try to laugh and say the very deep wrinkles that I now have on my face are lines of wisdom. Again, I AM wise enough to know how untrue that is. I'm hoping these "down" feelings will pass in time. But now, they are with me almost every hour of everyday. It's odd to be joyful and depressed at the same time.

I thank from the bottom of my heart anyone who took the time to read through this. I do have a helpful, loving husband who tries to understand, but deep down I know he thinks I not only worry about this too much, but also that I am fine just the way I am. God bless him, he's biased. If anyone out there would like to comment or share a similar situation, please don't hesitate to do so. Thanks again.

Grateful but sad.......

Cassie

[Glam ma 7]

Congratulations.

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[Christinamo7 4,041]

congrats on your weight loss!

one thing I would recommend is using something like coconut oil for your body when you get out of the shower or tub - it take a bit longer to absorb in than a lotion but it does help your skin bounce back SOME. no, it is not cosmetic surgery, but it does help as does aragon oil on your face.

I am half way to my goal. I know I won't look like I did before I put on the weight in my 30's - it is hard to say what I will look like. I know as we age, no matter our weight it is always quite something to continually reconcile yourself to the mirror and the changes.

[#9grammy 274]

You look wonderful!!!

Amazing isn't it how it sags I too have this problem. I'm not as brave as you are to post a before and after picture. I still hate my photo taken for anything! I have lost 64 pounds and down to 158, My legs used to be my best asset! I have long legs that look good in a pair of size 8 skinny jeans. But as you go up I have the flat tire now, even a flat butt, flat boobs, but my husband loves all of me. Wish I did, would love a Tummy Tuck ahhh! Then a butt and thigh lift oh and the boobs! Yes wish there was insurance that went with the after. Guess I'll just enjoy life as it comes

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Congratulations!

You can gripe all you want, but YOU REACHED YOUR GOAL! How awesome is that?

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

@@Cassie111

I just looked at your before and after photo. You look amazing. I know there is nothing I can say to change the way you feel about yourself.

What is it that will make you happy?

Some things to think about:

(1) If you had plastics are you still going to find more faults in your appearance? When you turn 80. Will you need more plastics to be happy?

(2) Its a shock to have physical changes that happen so quickly. Have you thought about a counselor to get past body image issues?

(3) plastics are expensive. If you have documented rashes with your Dr. some insurance companies will cover a portion of plastics.

(4)There is no such thing as a perfect body. Even models In magazines are air brushed.

I hope with time you can accept how beautiful you are.

[glitter eyes 1,398]

I completely understand how you feel!! I too am so grateful for my weight loss and the fact that I have maintained it (over two years post op).

I love myself and have a wonderful fulfilling life, yet I don't really like clothes shopping because nothing ever fits quite right and I have to look for things to disguise my "hump"- which is the name I have given my lower belly. It does get frustrating.

I have tried a million creams, oils, exercises and nothing makes a difference for me.

I feel like you, that I am not "finished" until I get my stomach fixed. Hoping next year to try and fund plastics- this year we had to have a new roof and our pool redone.

I think that part of the problem is I was normal size a good portion of my life and like you it's kind of a shock see our bodies look the way they do.

I know seeing a therapist would not help me. I don't have body issues or feel bad about myself. I just want my stomach gone. Hopefully we will both find a way to get our plastic surgery done!!

[Cassie111 41]

congrats on your weight loss!

one thing I would recommend is using something like coconut oil for your body when you get out of the shower or tub - it take a bit longer to absorb in than a lotion but it does help your skin bounce back SOME. no, it is not cosmetic surgery, but it does help as does aragon oil on your face.

I am half way to my goal. I know I won't look like I did before I put on the weight in my 30's - it is hard to say what I will look like. I know as we age, no matter our weight it is always quite something to continually reconcile yourself to the mirror and the changes.

I thank you so much for the reply, and I will take your advice on both the coconut and argon oil. You have done an amazing job in a really short time. Congrats and forge ahead!!

[Cassie111 41]

You look wonderful!!!

Amazing isn't it how it sags I too have this problem. I'm not as brave as you are to post a before and after picture. I still hate my photo taken for anything! I have lost 64 pounds and down to 158, My legs used to be my best asset! I have long legs that look good in a pair of size 8 skinny jeans. But as you go up I have the flat tire now, even a flat butt, flat boobs, but my husband loves all of me. Wish I did, would love a Tummy Tuck ahhh! Then a butt and thigh lift oh and the boobs! Yes wish there was insurance that went with the after. Guess I'll just enjoy life as it comes

Thank you for the compliment! I didn't have the courage to show one any part of me except my face, lol. My brain just looks at current pictures and sees the flaws instead of the good. I will work to get past this! And yes.....FLAT AND HANGING boobs! Not attractive! You're doing well, keep up the good work!

[Cassie111 41]

@@Cassie111

I just looked at your before and after photo. You look amazing. I know there is nothing I can say to change the way you feel about yourself.

What is it that will make you happy?

Some things to think about:

(1) If you had plastics are you still going to find more faults in your appearance? When you turn 80. Will you need more plastics to be happy?

(2) Its a shock to have physical changes that happen so quickly. Have you thought about a counselor to get past body image issues?

(3) plastics are expensive. If you have documented rashes with your Dr. some insurance companies will cover a portion of plastics.

(4)There is no such thing as a perfect body. Even models In magazines are air brushed.

I hope with time you can accept how beautiful you are.

I would hope when I reach 80, that I will be so happy with just that gift, that I won't worry about the other crap. I think to be happy would be to get rid of what the weight loss has left behind. (though I will live with my stomach, I've heard too many horror stories about Tummy Tuck recovery) Would I see more flaws even in the fat wasn't there? I don't know. I would like to think not. But you never know. I do see my long time therapist, and she's been trying for years for me to learn to accept ALL of me....any way, shape or form. She never gives up, but I'm a hard nut to crack. Thank you for the input, it's appreciated.

[Cassie111 41]

I completely understand how you feel!! I too am so grateful for my weight loss and the fact that I have maintained it (over two years post op).

I love myself and have a wonderful fulfilling life, yet I don't really like clothes shopping because nothing ever fits quite right and I have to look for things to disguise my "hump"- which is the name I have given my lower belly. It does get frustrating.

I have tried a million creams, oils, exercises and nothing makes a difference for me.

I feel like you, that I am not "finished" until I get my stomach fixed. Hoping next year to try and fund plastics- this year we had to have a new roof and our pool redone.

I think that part of the problem is I was normal size a good portion of my life and like you it's kind of a shock see our bodies look the way they do.

I know seeing a therapist would not help me. I don't have body issues or feel bad about myself. I just want my stomach gone. Hopefully we will both find a way to get our plastic surgery done!!

Thank you, and so well said. "Hump", I love that name! If I could ask a favor, if you ever do the plastics, could you keep in touch with me and let me know how it went? I seem to have only heard horror stories about recovery times and extended severe pain. I'm somewhat of a wimp, lol. Unlike you, I don't think I've ever been a normal size since my early 20's (I'm 56 now). So I'm not a newbie at seeing things in the mirror that I don't like. But this time is some how different. As I said in my letter, I guess I just didn't expect SO much left over, and stupidly thinking that if I just keep losing, it will flatten out. I'm usually not that naive. But forward I will go and hope for a "better" view of things in the future. And again, if you could keep my name handy to write later on, I would be very grateful. Cassie

[amazon 579]

First of all, congratulations!! You've done amazing, and you DO look awesome.

But wow - you sound just like me! But we tend to be our worst critics.

When I started this "journey", I didn't think I'd care about loose skin. Boy, I was wrong! And it isn't just that it was loose skin, it was the way it looked...like the skin of a 100 year old woman. It was awful! So I did end up having plastics. I'd like to say I'm done, but I know that I want my face done. Hey, the skin sags EVERYWHERE.

So far I've had arms, tummy (upper and lower), extended mini thigh lift, and excess skin from under my arms (extending down my sides), belt lift (completed the 360 lift separately) and breast implants. Three plastic surgeries since December 2015.

As far as the face, I'm going to get a consult in the near future. Not sure if its just fillers and botox needed or what and maybe/probably live with the neck...or just stop. I'm really unsure. And the there's my butt...seriously...WTF happened. No fair.

I wish insurance did *something* (mine did cover the panni after documenting rashes). It really is repairing our largest organ (our skin) and addressing our mental health. I'm not a "give me this, I deserve it" kind of person. So I struggle a bit over the insurance issue - but the system is so screwed up, I just happen to think there's a stigma against it being "cosmetic" and weight loss related.

Do I feel a little silly doing all of this at 53? Sure, a little. But then I get over it. I've been overweight to some degree as long as I can remember until my VSG. It's been a new life, and there's no reason the next 10, 20, or even 30+ years I may have left can't be flipping awesome.

Good luck with what you decide. Just remember how much better off you are now!!

[Cassie111 41]

First of all, congratulations!! You've done amazing, and you DO look awesome.

But wow - you sound just like me! But we tend to be our worst critics.

When I started this "journey", I didn't think I'd care about loose skin. Boy, I was wrong! And it isn't just that it was loose skin, it was the way it looked...like the skin of a 100 year old woman. It was awful! So I did end up having plastics. I'd like to say I'm done, but I know that I want my face done. Hey, the skin sags EVERYWHERE.

So far I've had arms, tummy (upper and lower), extended mini thigh lift, and excess skin from under my arms (extending down my sides), belt lift (completed the 360 lift separately) and breast implants. Three plastic surgeries since December 2015.

As far as the face, I'm going to get a consult in the near future. Not sure if its just fillers and botox needed or what and maybe/probably live with the neck...or just stop. I'm really unsure. And the there's my butt...seriously...WTF happened. No fair.

I wish insurance did *something* (mine did cover the panni after documenting rashes). It really is repairing our largest organ (our skin) and addressing our mental health. I'm not a "give me this, I deserve it" kind of person. So I struggle a bit over the insurance issue - but the system is so screwed up, I just happen to think there's a stigma against it being "cosmetic" and weight loss related.

Do I feel a little silly doing all of this at 53? Sure, a little. But then I get over it. I've been overweight to some degree as long as I can remember until my VSG. It's been a new life, and there's no reason the next 10, 20, or even 30+ years I may have left can't be flipping awesome.

Good luck with what you decide. Just remember how much better off you are now!!

Hi.....SO glad to hear that someone shares my feelings. The part you hit right on the head is the way the skin looks, not that it just sags! They call it "crepey" skin and yes, it makes my upper arms look like I'm 80! How do your arms look now? And please let me know about the surgery and recovery times. I've heard about lots of lasting post-op pain and the procedures causing so many after effects that it took quite a long time to get back to "normal". I would really just love my arms done, the rest is somewhat (and I do mean somewhat) easier to hide. Belt lift and thigh lift I'm not familiar with. If you could fill me in a little on the procedures, I would be very grateful. Thank you so much for the kind compliments and I'm so happy you shared. Cassie

[SandyinFL 23]

You look wonderful!!!

Amazing isn't it how it sags I too have this problem. I'm not as brave as you are to post a before and after picture. I still hate my photo taken for anything! I have lost 64 pounds and down to 158, My legs used to be my best asset! I have long legs that look good in a pair of size 8 skinny jeans. But as you go up I have the flat tire now, even a flat butt, flat boobs, but my husband loves all of me. Wish I did, would love a Tummy Tuck ahhh! Then a butt and thigh lift oh and the boobs! Yes wish there was insurance that went with the after. Guess I'll just enjoy life as it comes

Thank you for the compliment! I didn't have the courage to show one any part of me except my face, lol. My brain just looks at current pictures and sees the flaws instead of the good. I will work to get past this! And yes.....FLAT AND HANGING boobs! Not attractive! You're doing well, keep up the good work!

Oh, gee. I'm only one week out, but even before surgery I looked like gravity had just beat the living hell out of me. If I lose a significant amount of weight, I'm fairly certain I'll have to have a tummy tuck. Either that or haul my stomach around in a wheel barrel. I won't feel one bit guilty about surgery.

But I do know what you mean about seeing only the flaws. Having been a *relatively* normal weight person most of my life, losing weight with the sleeve will not be like returning to my old self; it'll be like returning to my old self with 17 years of wrinkles and a ton of excess skin added in. I've already started bracing myself for a bit of depression. So I understand how you feel and don't think your complaints are unreasonable. Every person's situation is different. You feel what you feel.

That said, I hope to eventually be more grateful for pain relief and increased mobility than depressed about excess skin. (Health woes and pain are what drove me to surgery.) Only time will tell. *sigh*

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Edited August 25, 2016 by SandyinFL

[Guest]

@@jenn1 where are the pics?

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