Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Recommended Posts

How did you decide who you were going to tell about your WLS? So far my husband knows (obviously), one of my best friends, and another really good friend. That's it. When I first made the decision to have the surgery I was sure I'd tell everyone, but now... I'm not sure. I keep going back and forth on who to tell. I have a couple friends locally that I'm considering telling since they'll know I'm having surgery (we're in a pagan group together so it's going to be obvious if I miss ritual for appointments and then for surgery) but I find I'm so nervous. I'll also be telling my birth mom since she also had WLS in the past and I know she'll be supportive. Not sure about my half-brother and half-sister though, though I believe at least my sister was supportive of my mom's surgery. So many factors to consider. Argh!

How did you decide?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Benjamin Franklin said, "To whom thy secrets thou doest tell, to him thy freedom thou doest sell."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There is no right or wrong answer to your question. This is a completely personal choice based on what you are comfortable with.

I personally have done both... i told everyone when i had the band. And now that i have the sleeve i told only my family and 1 close friend.

I choose not to tell the 2nd time around because i was sick of being known as the girl who had wls.

Everything revolved around my weight and what i ate... i was no longer "me" my wls became what defined me, and i received a lot of negativity and pressure.

I would get judged if i ate something naughty

People felt it was okay to comment about everything and give unwanted advice

I was constantly being watched when i ate, and criticized when THEY thought i ate too much or badly

The pressure was overwhelming and i just didn't need it, especially when i am so hard on myself anyway.

I felt that i wasn't given credit for my hard work, and was constantly being told i took the easy way out.

I also lost many friendships as they felt i "changed"... because i was no longer their doormat and got my confidence back..

During arguments i had people use my weight loss against me when they ran out of ammunition.

These were the main issues for me.. so when i was revised to the sleeve after having it removed for 12 months... i decided that it was no ones business and i didn't need the additional drama.

This time... its all about me... i am choosing to be selfish for a change and do what is in my best interests. I have decided not to hand over my power to other people as i am a sensitive person who takes things quite personally.

However, my experience is exactly that. .. my experience... people in your life might be supportive... they might suprise you. It really depends what you actually want.

Which way are you feeling? How have these people handled things in the past? Are they jealous? What type of people are they?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very few people know about my surgery. This was a hard enough thing to do without the possibility of unsupportive people and negative comments

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@WitchySar

When you tell people you can never take it back and you have no control over who they tell. So telling one person can mean telling everyone. Just keep that in mind.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In general, I told everyone - even strangers walking in the street. The reaction that I received was either supportive or curious. The only negative reaction that I received was from my mother. This made sense because she relied on me for support and anything that could interfere with that continues support was view in a negative light.

I think that the hesitancy of "not informing" was driven by individual's experiences with the culture of dieting. Generally people go on diets lose weight and when the effects become visible, they open up about their diet. Many pats on the back later and as the months drag on, they eventually plateau, gain the weight back (and then some) and feel like a failure. They then regret ever talking about it in the first place.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There is no right or wrong answer to your question. This is a completely personal choice based on what you are comfortable with.

I personally have done both... i told everyone when i had the band. And now that i have the sleeve i told only my family and 1 close friend.

I choose not to tell the 2nd time around because i was sick of being known as the girl who had wls.

Everything revolved around my weight and what i ate... i was no longer "me" my wls became what defined me, and i received a lot of negativity and pressure.

I would get judged if i ate something naughty

People felt it was okay to comment about everything and give unwanted advice

I was constantly being watched when i ate, and criticized when THEY thought i ate too much or badly

The pressure was overwhelming and i just didn't need it, especially when i am so hard on myself anyway.

I felt that i wasn't given credit for my hard work, and was constantly being told i took the easy way out.

I also lost many friendships as they felt i "changed"... because i was no longer their doormat and got my confidence back..

During arguments i had people use my weight loss against me when they ran out of ammunition.

These were the main issues for me.. so when i was revised to the sleeve after having it removed for 12 months... i decided that it was no ones business and i didn't need the additional drama.

This time... its all about me... i am choosing to be selfish for a change and do what is in my best interests. I have decided not to hand over my power to other people as i am a sensitive person who takes things quite personally.

However, my experience is exactly that. .. my experience... people in your life might be supportive... they might suprise you. It really depends what you actually want.

Which way are you feeling? How have these people handled things in the past? Are they jealous? What type of people are they?

My surgery is scheduled for July 25th, and so far the only people who know are my fiance, two close friends (one who has had bariatric surgery,) my ex-husband (he'll be watching my kids while I'm in the hospital and for a few days after,) and my brothers and sister. Reading what you went through is exactly why I decided to only tell my close family members and a couple friends. The judgement and ridicule my friend went through was unnecessary, cruel, and horrible, and as you stated, I'm also very hard on myself so I don't need the extra scrutiny. Thank you so much for sharing this; it explains exactly why I didn't choose to share with everyone.

Sent from my SM-N910P using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is personal preference and make the discussion that fits your life. Don't let people sway you one way or the other. Just listen to their decision and reasons. I told 3 local friends and my husband. Who does not know: My parents, larger family, young children, co-workers, boss or general acquaintances. Why didn't I tell anyone? Well I live 3 hours from my husbands family and 9 hours from my parents so they really can't support me. In the beginning I did mention the possibility to my mom and her response, "oh you have more will power than that". Well I made the decision to exclude family because she loves me more than anyone and worries about my health to no end and yet is too ignorant to get it. Believe me I tried the traditional way and wasted so much money. My husbands family are a bunch of gossips and neither my husband or I wants to tell them. I am virtual application developer and never see my co-workers or boss in person. They don't even know I was fat. Work was not an issue. From responses of others work can go either way depending on your work culture keep that in mind when you decide. I am an introvert who is very very private, I never discuss my business with anyone (other than my husband and 3 friends). It would literally cause me great aniexty to be asked about this constantly. One of my friends says she is proud of me and that I look great every time I see her.... And it stresses me out. I say thank you and change the subject. I can't wait until it is a non issue. Most people don't known about any of my numerous surgeries so why would WLS be different? Basically I hate to be the center of attention and I knew I would be for quite awhile if I told. With of that said my inner circle does know. It is a small but supportive circle and I have no shame because the people's who's opinions mean something to me do know.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How did you decide who you were going to tell about your WLS? So far my husband knows (obviously), one of my best friends, and another really good friend. That's it. When I first made the decision to have the surgery I was sure I'd tell everyone, but now... I'm not sure. I keep going back and forth on who to tell. I have a couple friends locally that I'm considering telling since they'll know I'm having surgery (we're in a pagan group together so it's going to be obvious if I miss ritual for appointments and then for surgery) but I find I'm so nervous. I'll also be telling my birth mom since she also had WLS in the past and I know she'll be supportive. Not sure about my half-brother and half-sister though, though I believe at least my sister was supportive of my mom's surgery. So many factors to consider. Argh!

How did you decide?

I chose not to tell but a handful of close friends. I didn't want anyone judging me or what I'm eating.

I had RNY May 24th and I'm soooooooo happy I chose not to tell a bunch of people or co-workers.

Sent from my SM-G920T using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm someone who is pretty open about things, and tend to over-share. :)

At work: My boss knows because I need to coordinate being out for all the doc's appointments and also prep for being out for surgery. She's been super supportive. I haven't discussed it with any of my co-workers because I haven't been here long and haven't really formed any relationships. If it comes up, I'll likely share.

Family: I haven't made a point of telling family I don't see regularly, but the ones I do see know about it. My sis had the surgery, and she's been pressuring me to do it. My Dad thinks I should just have more willpower, and my Mom is just worried because my sis has had a bunch of medical problems that Mom attributes incorrectly to the surgery. The rest of the family just want to support me whatever I do.

Friends: I have a group of very close friends, IRL and online, and I posted about my decision process. A few are very worried about complications. One has a sister who died and he blames the WLS even though it was years before her death. Another of our friends also died several years after hers, and some blame the WLS as she had all sorts of struggles after it. Besides concern for me, they're all very supportive.

I think the decision is very personal, and there's no "right" answer. I know that by being open about it, I leave myself open to criticism and negative feedback. I'm fine with that, as I've always been a matter-of-fact person who stands by my convictions and will argue my position with anyone, and I don't let people's opinions of me impact me. Much, anyway. ;) I very well may regret being so open about it down the road.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@WitchySar -- I told my husband and two close friends. Obviously, my PCP, his nurse, my bariatric surgeon, his team, and my shrink know. That's all.

My family doesn't know. Other good friends don't know. Clients don't know. Random strangers don't know.

I couldn't be happier with this approach. This approach allowed me to focus on me and my needs, not on others' issues.

Final comment: There are a lot of people out there who can go crazy and and become quite abusive when you do something THEY don't understand or agree with. And as we all know you can't fix crazy. I also didn't want to have to listen to anyone's crazy.

:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not sure I agree with the "no right or wrong answer" comment.

I think telling everyone is fine if that's your thing.

I chose to tell 6 family members and I wish I had either told everyone or just my wife.

I was very successful and went from 281 to 185 in about 6 months. The change is startling and everyone asks me "how did you do it?"

The "wrong" in my choice is now I'm lying all the time to my closest friends.

The other wrong was telling my 93 year old mother. I know she told at least 4 other people and doubt she stressed the importance of secrecy.

So, now I live in a world where I'm forced to lie every time someone asks (which is still daily) and know that someone out there knows I'm lying.

This was the wrong way to handle it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is personal preference and make the discussion that fits your life. Don't let people sway you one way or the other. Just listen to their decision and reasons. I told 3 local friends and my husband. Who does not know: My parents, larger family, young children, co-workers, boss or general acquaintances. Why didn't I tell anyone? Well I live 3 hours from my husbands family and 9 hours from my parents so they really can't support me. In the beginning I did mention the possibility to my mom and her response, "oh you have more will power than that". Well I made the decision to exclude family because she loves me more than anyone and worries about my health to no end and yet is too ignorant to get it. Believe me I tried the traditional way and wasted so much money. My husbands family are a bunch of gossips and neither my husband or I wants to tell them. I am virtual application developer and never see my co-workers or boss in person. They don't even know I was fat. Work was not an issue. From responses of others work can go either way depending on your work culture keep that in mind when you decide. I am an introvert who is very very private, I never discuss my business with anyone (other than my husband and 3 friends). It would literally cause me great aniexty to be asked about this constantly. One of my friends says she is proud of me and that I look great every time I see her.... And it stresses me out. I say thank you and change the subject. I can't wait until it is a non issue. Most people don't known about any of my numerous surgeries so why would WLS be different? Basically I hate to be the center of attention and I knew I would be for quite awhile if I told. With of that said my inner circle does know. It is a small but supportive circle and I have no shame because the people's who's opinions mean something to me do know.

Reading your post almost seemed like I wrote it. I feel the exact same....don't like attention or for anyone to call and check on me, feel pity or even give me a compliment.

Sent from my SM-G920T using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was selfish and scared because I didn't want to be judged as a cheater. Then I said screw it.. I know who I am and it's gonna get out sooner or later. So anyone who asks... I tell them

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not sure I agree with the "no right or wrong answer" comment.

I think telling everyone is fine if that's your thing.

I chose to tell 6 family members and I wish I had either told everyone or just my wife.

I was very successful and went from 281 to 185 in about 6 months. The change is startling and everyone asks me "how did you do it?"

The "wrong" in my choice is now I'm lying all the time to my closest friends.

The other wrong was telling my 93 year old mother. I know she told at least 4 other people and doubt she stressed the importance of secrecy.

So, now I live in a world where I'm forced to lie every time someone asks (which is still daily) and know that someone out there knows I'm lying.

This was the wrong way to handle it.

Do you feel your lying if you were to say, "I've cut way back, I watch my sugar and carb intake and eat a lot of protein"

I struggled with the issue of possibly feeling like if could be lying too but came to the conclusion to be honest about how I'm eating....if for its someone seriously wanting to know because they also have struggled, I think I would be discrete and tell them about the surgery

Sent from my SM-G920T using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×