How do I tell my children?

[Megan1973 16]

Hi Sleevers, I'm a long time lurker, first time poster. I very much appreciate everyone who takes the time to post their stories as well as those of you that give your advice. Reading your input has really made me feel prepared for my surgery. I will be sleeved in August.

My question is about how to tell my children.

I have a 10 year old daughter and a 13 year old son.

My daughter is very short for her age and has a few extra pounds that make her feel self conscious. She's very active in dance and I know she just hasn't hit a growth spurt yet.

If they were younger and I could get away with not telling them at all, I would. I feel like I can't get away with that now because of people's questions and comments about my weight loss afterwards. Although I'm not going to tell everyone, I also won't lie if asked outright. I definitely wouldn't lie in front of my kids.

I struggle mostly with how to tell my daughter. I just don't know how to tell them.

Any suggestions or can you tell me how you handled it with older children?

Thanks

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[Christinamo7 4,041]

I would just frame it as a surgery (and weight loss) you need to do to be healthier and be around for their children's children. Your daughter needs to know that your medical condition is not like her situation and that she is doing exactly what she should (by being active) that she is beautiful and perfect.

then answer any questions they have about the surgery or post op period.

I'd also have them help you prepare food to freeze so they can eat it in your immediate post op period. You won't feel like cooking when you're on liquids and feeling like they are helping you be successful will probably be the best gift you can give them.

wishing you all the best. my kids were 15, 17, 20, 23, 24, 26 and 27 when I had surgery. some of them didn't want me to have it, but they all appreciate how much more healthy I am now. only the younger 3 were still in the home.

[Rogofulm 2,440]

Just tell them. My daughter was 9 when I had my surgery, and she knows exactly why I had it. Now she's 11 and she can reach around me. She can even pick me up!!! The surgery wasn't a big deal to her. We expect major events, like the death of a grandparent, to have a huge impact on out kids, but they don't. The kids may react strongly at first, but they quickly move on. It's the adults that worry about their little psyches. They're far more resilient than we give them credit for being. Just explain gently that you're going to have surgery to help you get smaller and healthier so you can do more things with them. Unless there are other issues you haven't mentioned, I suspect they'll be okay.

[Megan1973 16]

Thank you, I think you are both right. If I treat it like its not a huge deal, I think they will move on quickly. Also good advice to prepare food ahead of time. I hadn't thought of that at all.

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[Valentina 2,642]

We called them, "Come to Jesus" meetings. ---everyone around the kitchen table for "discussion".

Tell them upfront with the "whys", "hows", and" wheres" and how it will effect THEM. Include your ideas how they can help you get through the different stages. Children love to feel useful.---especially for a parent.

Then sit back and answer their questions--as simply, but honestly as possible.

Children of this world these days are bright, intelligent, and great problem solvers.

They get it because YOU get it.

Prayers going up for you and the gang.

[Dub 9,922]

My son, then 15, and I have a "no bs" relationship.

I almost lost him a couple years back and adopted a different tack after that experience. I am 100% straightforward and honest with any question he has on any subject. Nothing off limits. No parental filters. The truth and nothing but the truth. The good, the bad and the ugly.

I sat him down and told him about my first bariatric appointment in June 2015. He wanted the rundown of the procedure and then asked if it was risky. I told him that any surgery had inherent risks but this surgery was much more safe than living the way I was currently living. He accepted it and said he was all in and supported me.

Here is a pic taken the afternoon I came home from my first bariatric appointment:

Here is a pic taken not quite a year later.....standing in almost the same spot in our driveway....just facing the other direction..lol

Just sit down with each of them.......and tell them. Tell you love them and want to be around for them for a long, long time.

You've got this !!!!!!!

[Megan1973 16]

Love the picture!

Thank you for that. I try to be very up front with them also and I know that's why this was bothering me so much. I was actually devising ways of getting around the truth to hide it from them. It was making me sick. You are all right, I just have to do it, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Thanks so much.

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[Dub 9,922]

Love the picture!

Thank you for that. I try to be very up front with them also and I know that's why this was bothering me so much. I was actually devising ways of getting around the truth to hide it from them. It was making me sick. You are all right, I just have to do it, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Thanks so much.

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Thank you.

And you are very welcome.

Please don't let things like this stress you during your walk towards surgery date. It's a great process and one that can be filled with self-discovery.

Things can really be quite simple once we get out of our own way.

You are gonna do great. Remember to keep taking deep breaths and stay relaxed. Nothing to worry about except cleaning out your closet and getting ready to have a justification to shop, shop, shop for new clothes. Fun stuff.

You are going to see so much new energy and enthusiasm. Life is good, but sleeved life is better.

[libby43 136]

I was very up front and honest with my children 17 & 23 at the time. I also told them not to share my private medical information with anyone , if anyone would ask to send them to me. I also explain to them my medical was a very private matter and I only plan on sharing this information with love ones. Also explain to them people would ask but they where just being nosy and I would handle it. It's not not lying everyone is in title to their medical being a private and nobody has the right to ask such personnel question. It's RUDE !!! Lol now I do the tell some people now that I'm 11 months out and some of these people have even ask me how much weight I've lost. If I could go back wouldn't have told anyone but my husband and children. Good luck

[livvsmum 2,368]

My kiddos were 16, 13, 6, and 4 when I had my surgery. I worried a great deal because my 16 year old had in the past actually been hospitalized for an eating disorder (she's 6 years recovered now at the age of 19) and I worried a lot about how the rapid weight loss would affect her. So I was very honest with her about it and we talked a lot before I committed to do it. I didn't want to do it if it would have the slightest negative impact on her. I'm happy to say she's been encouraged by my journey to get healthy and it was a positive experience for all of us.

So, to answer your question, I told my two teens what surgery I was having. They were part of the process. But it was always framed in the context of me getting healthy in the fastest way possible so I could live a long life with them.

My younger 2 know that I had surgery, but I didn't give them specifics. Actually it's funny because now when they see older pictures of me, they recognize me, but my daughter says she doesn't remember that "version" of me. So they know I've been on a journey to get healthy,b ut I don't think at 4 and 6, they needed the details.

Whatever you decided to do, just keep the communication open and you'll be fine! I mean, for sure your older child will notice the drastic change in your eating habits and your fast weight loss. You don't want them to feel as though you are hiding anything from the.

[finding_onederland 226]

I am concerned about this also.

I have a 13 Year old daughter who is basically my mini-me. Looking at her is like looking in a mirror 30 years ago. She has inherited my figure and my love of food. She is already self conscious about her curves and her stomach. I tell her everyday that she is beautiful just as she is. She is a black belt in karate, and I try very hard to provide her with nutritious Snacks and to keep her active. But she is 13, and she wants to eat what tastes good, and she doesn't want to be active. I really fear that I have already put her on a path to being an overweight adult. I really want to spare her the life that I have led being overweight!

I am wondering if she will see me having this surgery and think to herself - well, if Mom can do it that way, then so will I.

[KristenLe 5,979]

I am concerned about this also.

I have a 13 Year old daughter who is basically my mini-me. Looking at her is like looking in a mirror 30 years ago. She has inherited my figure and my love of food. She is already self conscious about her curves and her stomach. I tell her everyday that she is beautiful just as she is. She is a black belt in karate, and I try very hard to provide her with nutritious Snacks and to keep her active. But she is 13, and she wants to eat what tastes good, and she doesn't want to be active. I really fear that I have already put her on a path to being an overweight adult. I really want to spare her the life that I have led being overweight!

I am wondering if she will see me having this surgery and think to herself - well, if Mom can do it that way, then so will I.

That's a tough one! I am not a Mom so take my advice with that in mind. I would talk to her open and honestly about the importance of eating healthy and being active for health reasons and explain that you really wish you could have done things differently so you would not need WLS. You both can cook healthy and tasty meals together and both learn good eating habits at the same time. Be active together! Do not focus on the weight you're losing but on the improved health. Avoid discussions about weight or your body - talk more about how much more you are able to do and how good you feel. Let her discover eating good food makes you feel better - don't criticize if she Snacks on junk (everything in moderation - you don't want to make her feel deprived or guilty or she'll hide eating junk). I think if you are open with her - she'll get as much out of this as you do and avoid being an overweight adult! Best of luck!

[Sugarnspice 150]

My son, then 15, and I have a "no bs" relationship.

I almost lost him a couple years back and adopted a different tack after that experience. I am 100% straightforward and honest with any question he has on any subject. Nothing off limits. No parental filters. The truth and nothing but the truth. The good, the bad and the ugly.

I sat him down and told him about my first bariatric appointment in June 2015. He wanted the rundown of the procedure and then asked if it was risky. I told him that any surgery had inherent risks but this surgery was much more safe than living the way I was currently living. He accepted it and said he was all in and supported me.

Here is a pic taken the afternoon I came home from my first bariatric appointment:

Here is a pic taken not quite a year later.....standing in almost the same spot in our driveway....just facing the other direction..lol

Just sit down with each of them.......and tell them. Tell you love them and want to be around for them for a long, long time.

You've got this !!!!!!!

Dub! Awesome pic! You look years younger probably feel it too

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Sugarnspice 150]

I have a 6 year & 12 year old I don't know if or how to discuss it. I think the 6 year old is too small & the 12 year old might freak and obsess about me going into surgery.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[finding_onederland 226]

I am concerned about this also.

I have a 13 Year old daughter who is basically my mini-me. Looking at her is like looking in a mirror 30 years ago. She has inherited my figure and my love of food. She is already self conscious about her curves and her stomach. I tell her everyday that she is beautiful just as she is. She is a black belt in karate, and I try very hard to provide her with nutritious Snacks and to keep her active. But she is 13, and she wants to eat what tastes good, and she doesn't want to be active. I really fear that I have already put her on a path to being an overweight adult. I really want to spare her the life that I have led being overweight!

I am wondering if she will see me having this surgery and think to herself - well, if Mom can do it that way, then so will I.

That's a tough one! I am not a Mom so take my advice with that in mind. I would talk to her open and honestly about the importance of eating healthy and being active for health reasons and explain that you really wish you could have done things differently so you would not need WLS. You both can cook healthy and tasty meals together and both learn good eating habits at the same time. Be active together! Do not focus on the weight you're losing but on the improved health. Avoid discussions about weight or your body - talk more about how much more you are able to do and how good you feel. Let her discover eating good food makes you feel better - don't criticize if she Snacks on junk (everything in moderation - you don't want to make her feel deprived or guilty or she'll hide eating junk). I think if you are open with her - she'll get as much out of this as you do and avoid being an overweight adult! Best of luck!

@@KristenLe You may not be a Mom, but this is really great advice! A lot of it, I have already incorporated, but they are great reminders!