Family poaching off your plate

[Megall9 268]

So, I'm almost 3 weeks post op now, and still on my full fluids diet. I move to pureed/soft foods soon, and am getting excited and planning the foods I'm allowed to have and looking at recipes. When I am feeling well enough to go eat out for the first time, I've told my husband that I want to go to our favourite pub, and order the eggs benny. I know the people who own the pub and they will have no problem with me ordering a poached egg with the slice of ham underneath it, no bun, and the hollandaise sauce on the side. No home fries, just the egg. My husband gave me a look and said no, that we would just order two eggs benny breakfasts, and he would eat his, and then finish what I couldn't of mine.

What?

There is a rib fest that my city puts on every year, and I've never gone to it. I said it might be nice to go next year (there is a craft show, and live music during it too) and that it would be interesting because I would only be able to eat about two ribs. To which he said we'd order two racks and he would eat his, and then the rest of mine.

Again... What?

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but this kind of thinking has me worrying about his health. If I did order a whole Breakfast, or a whole rack of ribs I know that he would eat his, and as much if my leftovers as he could. His eating isn't the best as it is, but now it makes me worry when I do actually move to foods, that he will gain weight. He's always been fine with one meal before, I'm not sure what triggered this in him but he actually sounds excited to have a "licence" to eat more.

I know I have to talk to him about it, I'm just not sure what to say. I don't want to say the wrong thing and make him feel bad about himself.

[Babbs 14,680]

When my husband had RNY 10 years ago, I gained 30 pounds.

Just put your foot down about it. Maybe explaining how much money it will ultimately save you by not ordering two full meals anymore will help?

[Icantbelieveit 955]

I think its more of not letting people know younare different and probably feels you going to pay the same anyway.

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[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

My sister used to say she wasn't hungry and not order anything and then try to eat off of everyone else's plate. It drove me crazy!

Just order what you want. If he wants two meals, then let him order two meals.

[Christinamo7 4,041]

my husband does this all the time, but it doesn't bother me. He doesn't have a weight problem and I'm not worried about his health.

since this makes you uncomfortable it is certainly something you should talk about.

now the girls, at home, try to snag some of my food all the time, and once I'm done it's ok, but not until I tell them to go for it.

[Kindle 8,667]

Turn the table on him. Suggest he just order his one meal and you will pick the Protein parts off his plate and he can have the rest.

This is actually what I do with friends all the time. I get my teeny portion and they feel better about eating a little less. The most ironic combo is when I split an entree with my friend who's had bypass. Lucky for me she's a very bad bariatric patient because all she eats is carbs so I get all the Protein.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Maybe he doesn't want to pay the same and get less.

Is he normally frugal?

[Megall9 268]

Maybe he doesn't want to pay the same and get less.

Is he normally frugal?

No not at all. And it wasn't even 'order the whole thing and pack it to take home' it was 'order the whole thing so I can eat mine, and yours too'. I just worry because he has about 60 extra pounds on him, and I don't want him to take my limitations as a licence to eat everything he can.

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[LipstickLady 25,682]

I do the opposite. My family orders their meals and I ask for a small plate and steal a few bites from each. I am honestly full from 5-6 bites total, so they don't miss it and it saves us money.

If he is uncomfortable with that, you order yours, he orders his, he eats his, you box yours for later. Easy solution.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Maybe he doesn't want to pay the same and get less.

Is he normally frugal?

No not at all. And it wasn't even 'order the whole thing and pack it to take home' it was 'order the whole thing so I can eat mine, and yours too'. I just worry because he has about 60 extra pounds on him, and I don't want him to take my limitations as a licence to eat everything he can.

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You need to talk to him about doubling down. Maybe he is doing it as a coping mechanism.

It seems like you are more worried about how he is reacting to your loss than about the actual food.

Hopefully he is willing to talk.

[lunarose 97]

My husband is the same way and it drives me crazy. He's cutting back so he wants to go to Red Robin order a hamburger and split it in two (I am six years out). I can not eat a whole hamburger I know that I'd get sick if I tried. But it still bugs me there is still the old head hunger and the old me whining that there won't be enough for me. Early on I told him how I felt and that while I know I am being irrational I rather bring home or leave behind what I don't eat then stress over it. With his trying to cut back I'll do it and order myself something else like a salad a veggie side or cup of Soup.

[jess9395 5,448]

Yeah I would definitely try and talk to him about your concern for his health. My husband has always been fit and healthy, but as he got older he put on a few--like 10-15 pounds. Since my surgery he's easily dropped them by a combination of us splitting meals when we go out (he always lets me pick) and me cooking healthier at home.

I also do the I don't order and just pick off his and the kids plates when we all go out.

[Ele marie 92]

We have gone out a few times I will order a cup of Soup one without noodles or potatoes. I like Tomato the most. I can never finish. When we go Mexican I order Beans. Or albondigas a Mexican meatball soup. After 6 weeks I can add salad. And chicken.

I just finally finished a Protein drink I just eat that for Breakfast and lunch no problem.

Sometimes I eat a egg scrambled with a spoon or cottage cheese it makes the egg softer.

Good luck on your journey ♡

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[NeedaBreak4Me 1,755]

I actually warned my loved ones pre surgery that after i get my surgery ill be poaching off their plates when we go out lol

I think it's awesome to think i can have a variety of food when i eat out without having to buy a full plate then throw it out.

[esskay77 785]

I would say that this is some sort of coping mechanism that he isn't even aware of. I'm sure there must be studies on this or that it has some sort of name. But either way, yes, talk to him about your concerns. One thing to do is just order the one order of food and split that. If he is still hungry, then order something else but most likely he won't. Humans do all kinds of subconscious things that are a bit odd--if you are seeing a shrink or go to a support group, could be something interesting to bring up. I know for me, as the person who had surgery, my head still hasn't caught up! The head hunger or the thought that "this won't be enough food" is bizarre and I fight with it every day!