Dating someone with an Autistic Child...

[AshRae84 0]

I wasn't sure where else to turn, and you guys are like my family, so I figured I'd seek advice here....

I've been dating this guy who has an autistic child, she is 10 years old. She's very unresponsive, and seems almost unaware of the world around her. He also has a very active 6 year old, who will talk your leg off!

This man is not only someone that I'm crazy about, but he's also my best friend. Last night I met his daughters for the first time, the 6 year old fell in love with me, as did I her.

The 10 year old, was physically affectionate towards me, and I returned that to her, but I'll be honest, I have no idea how to do this. How to connect with her, or if it's even possible to connect to her.

I don't want to alienate her, or him for that matter, because I'm crazy about him, and these girls, this is just a first for me.

I found myself focusing more on the 6 year old, (Which could be because she was almost impossible not to focus on!) and I felt like I wasn't paying ENOUGH attention to the 10 year old , but honestly I had no idea how to interact with her, and it broke my heart, because I wanted to so badly...

Any advice you guys could give me, I would greatly appreciate!

~*Ash*~

[Lap_dancer 7]

Aw. I love austic children as well as Asperger's children (I'm an educator). They are typically very loving when there is lots of love at home. You have my heart right now because I'm thinking of a student years ago who did not talk or make eye contact but would provide a burst of hugs spontaneously. (smiling)

Each child is different. I can offer you some education sites on the disorder. There are a range of manifestations so his daughter could be anywhere in that range. Your boyfriend will be your teacher there. There are meetings, classes, typically all are free. CARD is a great source.

Center for Autism and Related Disorders, Inc. card-usf.fmhi.usf.edu/

[AshRae84 0]

She is very limited in her speech, and will randomly say things that don't really mean anything (At least not to anyone but her.), and she is constantly wringing her hands, and playing with her hands.

She also seemed to be limited in her focus, the only things she would really pay attention to were her father, and the movie Ghostbusters.

I just want to help him as much as I can, and I don't know how to do that. It's a very scary concept for me, but at the same time I'm up for the challenge, because I care so much for him, and these girls.

~*Ash*~

[Betsyjane 2]

First and foremost, start a dialog with him! Ask him your questions and tell him that you want to do what's right. He's had the experience and might be a great coach. Let it bring you two together through some good conversation.

[beachgirl 2]

I don't know anything about the illness but I do want to say that I admire you wholeheartedly. You have to be a very kind and caring person. I know some people would probably just run and you seem to be an amazing caring person and I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers and you keep up the wonderful work. You sound like you make a wonderful couple.

[AshRae84 0]

I don't know anything about the illness but I do want to say that I admire you wholeheartedly. You have to be a very kind and caring person. I know some people would probably just run and you seem to be an amazing caring person and I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers and you keep up the wonderful work. You sound like you make a wonderful couple.

Thank you very much. I realize just how easy it would seem for me to just walk away, but I don't think I could ever do that. They mean the world to me, and I realize if I'm going to fall for him, I have to take the whole package, and I'm ok with that.

I just don't want to feel like I'm showing the younger one more attention, because she's the 'normal one' (For lack of a better term at the moment.) But it's really hard, because she's at that age, and I'm new, and she's begging me to watch movies with her, and show me her Disney Princess night gown, etc.

I should probably also mention, he is a widow, so 100% single father of these 2 girls. And he's by himself right now, but I want to be a part of that equation...

~*Ash*~

[angeleyes32 0]

I am a young widow (32) with three children myself. He is very fortunate to have found you if you are willing to learn and explore his real world. Research autism on the internet. Tons of info. I have an autistic nephew and one of my own somes has a slight form of aspergers. Read read read! Ask questions. You'll find your way.

[Lap_dancer 7]

Wow, awesome ladies!!!

The ringing of hands is a tactile thing (touch ). Is like a mini burst of energy release and squeezing her hands is a way of easing it. ( I would bet she would go crazy with a nerf ball or stretch Armstrong doll ). That journey with him will be a long one. Become educated and ask the questions. That is the best thing you can do for him and for his daughter.

Typically younger siblings don't really know their older sibling as being anybody different than who they are and how they act. You can't really go wrong by treating the younger one as you would under any other circumstance. I would wager the older child would not identify with the concept of jealousy.

Best of luck to you.

[AshRae84 0]

Wow, awesome ladies!!!

The ringing of hands is a tactile thing (touch ). Is like a mini burst of energy release and squeezing her hands is a way of easing it. ( I would bet she would go crazy with a nerf ball or stretch Armstrong doll ). That journey with him will be a long one. Become educated and ask the questions. That is the best thing you can do for him and for his daughter.

Typically younger siblings don't really know their older sibling as being anybody different than who they are and how they act. You can't really go wrong by treating the younger one as you would under any other circumstance. I would wager the older child would not identify with the concept of jealousy.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you so much for your support!!

I know it's going to be a hard battle, but its one I'm willing to go through, because of the way I feel about this family.

And I welcome anymore input/advice anyone has.

~*Ash*~

[manz8000 0]

Hi,
Both of my sons are Autistic. I would suggest not thinking of it as an illness or disorder. Autistic people have a different operating system than those who don't, like Apple vs Android. Even if she doesn't seem to know what's going on around her, she does know. Just follow her lead. If she loves Ghostbusters, you need to become a Ghostbusters expert. People with special interests are so used to being ridiculed that they don't let people see what they are into as much. If she shares a special interest with you that's a huge deal! I recommend looking into sites run by #actuallyautistic people rather than problematic organizations like Autism speaks.

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