STRUGGLING

[Kelly84 88]

I am on my day 7 of 10 liquid diet for surgery 4/18/16. Got in a huge argument with my husband last night. He ended up saying the he thinks VSG is stupid and he was never on borad with my life change. I told him that he took vows to support me no matter what.

So later I just thought he is going to be the one not happy with himself and unhealthy in the long run.

I am not! I am going to finally take off my fat suit and live my life.

FatKellyRN>soontobe<SleeveKellyRN

[kranky813 477]

My hubby did something similar prior to surgery. He got really frustrated with me and made a smart remark about surgery.

We ended up discussing it later and he said that he is really nervous that I am going to lose the weight and get a smokin hot body and then leave him.

I'm 9 months post op and down 72 pounds. I haven't left him yet. I am scheduled to have plastics next month and the same monster is rearing it's head again about how I will leave him.

I believe it's just his insecurities about how he looks that is causing him to act this way. In my opinion I have a HOT husband and I find him incredibly attractive - he is in good shape and is very active. I will tell him when he acts up that I want to get to the real reason for why he is upset and lets deal with that instead of him taking his S#it out on me. After we talk for a while we can usually get to the bottom of it and move on.

I would try to talk to him and see what is really causing this issue.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,899]

I agree that you should talk to him.

Is he afraid you will leave him when you lose the excess body weight because other men will notice you more?

Is he concerned that something could happen to you during/after the surgery?

Does he think you will want to start over and begin a new, thin-you, life without him once you lose the weight?

Let him know you are doing this for him and yourself, so you will live a long healthy life and grow old together.

[Juhygtfrdsd 154]

Oh wow thats horrible...bottom line u nees to take of u and ur kids if u have any...sorry to say but men are options...

My husband has been my rock through this...i cant imagine him or my kids not being my support...you need it...its only gonna get harder and it paints the picture already if hes not gonna be their for you...encourage him...talk positive the...when its all said and done...dont think now think long term....

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@Kelly84 This was most likely a fear reaction of your husband and not how he truly feels. He is upset and worried and instead of saying that - or communicating - he's lashing out. Talk to him - make sure he understands the surgery and how important his support is to you! Prayers for your upcoming surgery!!

Edited April 15, 2016 by KristenLe

[Kelly84 88]

Thank you guys..... idk if it's a insecurity or concerns but all I know is I need him with me and he is not at this moment. My husband is the kind of person that lashes out and says things to hurt me to when the argument. Then feels bad later. I am waiting it out right now. The cold shoulder routine. He can't stand it if I don't talk to him.

You girls know each husband has their own way of dealing. I just don't like this one

FatKellyRN>soontobe<SleeveKellyRN

[maggie409 765]

I am on my day 7 of 10 liquid diet for surgery 4/18/16. Got in a huge argument with my husband last night. He ended up saying the he thinks VSG is stupid and he was never on borad with my life change. I told him that he took vows to support me no matter what.

So later I just thought he is going to be the one not happy with himself and unhealthy in the long run.

I am not! I am going to finally take off my fat suit and live my life.

FatKellyRN>soontobe<SleeveKellyRN

Good girl! Take off that fat suit!! Life is so much better without it. Congratulations on your decision to be healthy

[Juhygtfrdsd 154]

Kelly forgive me...but life is too short you deserve better...i would have left him...i know many wont agree but i was married before and omg sounds like him...had i not left him i never wouls have met the love of my life...been happily married to him for over 20yrs now...you have only one life...why live it unhappy??

[Kelly84 88]

Kelly forgive me...but life is too short you deserve better...i would have left him...i know many wont agree but i was married before and omg sounds like him...had i not left him i never wouls have met the love of my life...been happily married to him for over 20yrs now...you have only one life...why live it unhappy??

Trust me.... it is a thought I have been considering too

FatKellyRN>soontobe<SleeveKellyRN

[Juhygtfrdsd 154]

Feel free to message me privately if you like...happy to be there for you eap since i have been there....

[Blondie 6388 83]

I'm sorry to hear that he isn't being supportive of your choice. My husband was kind of the same way. And I think it's because they're a little scared were going to leave them once we've gotten out lives back. But now that I've had the surgery and have been losing weight and feeling good, he is super supportive. He makes sure I have what I need, he's always checking to make sure I'm getting my Protein. He really wants to buy me some new clothes because he can't stand looking at my bagging pants and sweat shirt (which he tries to shrink on me) I'm a big beach bum so I don't mind for now. We have to make the best choices for ourselves when it comes to health. I thought about this for the 7/8 months before surgery, going through all the appts/tests and it's the best thing to ever come into my life. It's not easy by far but nothing is, Especially marriage. Hopefully you can express to him how you feel about having the surgery and weather he agrees or not it's your choice. If he loves you he will start supporting you once he see how happy you are. Remind him how much you love him. Also this group has been the best support also. As many people say, we're family.

Sent from my SM-N910V using the BariatricPal App

[Siege 49]

That is a tough one! My wife tries to be supportive but during one argument or another she told me the same thing.

I did nearly all of the pre-surgery meetings, tests, sleep studies, etc., by myself. I told her I would drive myself to the hospital and just stay an extra day in order to be able to drive myself back.

While having a support system is good, not having anyone around is far better than dealing with negativity during the days before, and immediately after, surgery. And I felt some support from this site even if I did not participate or post very often.

My wife eventually came around and accompanied me to the surgery. She doesn't follow a diet, and she doesn't cook, but she does shop for me. We eat different things, as do, I think, most of us here.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Thank you guys..... idk if it's a insecurity or concerns but all I know is I need him with me and he is not at this moment. My husband is the kind of person that lashes out and says things to hurt me to when the argument. Then feels bad later. I am waiting it out right now. The cold shoulder routine. He can't stand it if I don't talk to him.

You girls know each husband has their own way of dealing. I just don't like this one

FatKellyRN>soontobe<SleeveKellyRN

It sounds to me like he has reason to worry. Some people's marriages don't survive the surgery and weight loss for the very reason that the person having the surgery usually gains enough strength and confidence to leave a less than loving and healthy relationship.