Not telling people about your surgery is a "half truth" or a "lie" steams me like a pile of fresh cow dung...

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,899]

From the opposing opinion:

:crickets:

SNORT!

Huh?

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I fully agree with @@LipstickLady, and also with @VSGAnn2014.

My surgery is not common knowledge. It's my personal protected health information. The United States government protects PHI with laws that send other to jail for breaching that protection. There's a reason for that - PHI is personal and no one's business, and the vast majority of the country understands that. Before anyone goes off on a rant that you disclosing is different than health care personnel disclosure- I know that. My point is that this subject falls into the realm of PERSONAL by all standards.

I do not care who tells and who does not. However, I really am irritated when people insinuate those who don't share their PHI with the world are somehow ashamed, lying, or engaging in some sort of seedy or less than moral behavior.

[veteranwoman 25]

I'm not sure when making the personal decision to not tell the world all of your personal business became a "half truth" or "lie by omission" but if that's the case, I have a few scenerios/questions for those of you who think that way.

By that logic:

If someone asks me how me and husband are the day after a huge fight (or a night of great sex), is it my duty to tell them all the details or is my standard answer of "Great!" or "Fine!" now a lie?

If someone asks me why I look tired, do I have to tell them that my husband snored and farted all night/was extremely frisky/kept getting up to pee and woke me up a gazillion times or am I lying?

I am just getting over a horrible tummy bug. When people ask me if I'm feeling better, should I go ahead and tell them that I am terribly afraid that I am going to poop in my pants at any minute because my stomach still feels off? If I don't, I am TOTALLY lying by omission.

Well meaning friends often ask how my kids are doing in school. Should I tell them that my oldest is in the top ten in her class, got into a top rated university, has received an a$$ load of scholarships but that her ex-boyfriend is being a real bast@rd and making her personal life a little miserable? I mean, that's the truth.

People often ask me my ethnicity because I am olive complected in the bible belt. I tell them Mexican and Italian, but I leave out the drop of German and Acatec Indian. Pin a big red L on my chest!

Must I tell people that I am on the rag/pissed at my kids/need a glass of wine/really have no desire to talk to them/in a hurry when they ask me how I am doing? Manners be damned! I don't want to be a liar.

Do I love your skirt? Why yes, I do! But now I have to tell you that it's beautiful but looks like **** on you because I don't want to omit any info.

Why am I smiling? I just crop dusted some nasty faced woman an aisle over. TRUTH!!

I could go on forever ...

Keeping my personal business PERSONAL doesn't make ME a liar just because you choose to share YOUR personal business.

I had my sleeve done in June of 2012 and if people made a comment on how much weight I had lost I told them I had the sleeve. Some close friends knew and honestly if I sat there and took a compliment on it I would feel dishonest if I let anyone think I did this without the help of the surgery. I didn't care who knew and actually my saying I had the surgery helped 5 friends of mine make the same decision to also have it done since mine was. If someone didn't agree with my decision then f*** em

[taramarie523 116]

???????????????????????????????????? yes! Love this! Amen!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I'm not sure when making the personal decision to not tell the world all of your personal business became a "half truth" or "lie by omission" but if that's the case, I have a few scenerios/questions for those of you who think that way.

By that logic:

If someone asks me how me and husband are the day after a huge fight (or a night of great sex), is it my duty to tell them all the details or is my standard answer of "Great!" or "Fine!" now a lie?

If someone asks me why I look tired, do I have to tell them that my husband snored and farted all night/was extremely frisky/kept getting up to pee and woke me up a gazillion times or am I lying?

I am just getting over a horrible tummy bug. When people ask me if I'm feeling better, should I go ahead and tell them that I am terribly afraid that I am going to poop in my pants at any minute because my stomach still feels off? If I don't, I am TOTALLY lying by omission.

Well meaning friends often ask how my kids are doing in school. Should I tell them that my oldest is in the top ten in her class, got into a top rated university, has received an a$$ load of scholarships but that her ex-boyfriend is being a real bast@rd and making her personal life a little miserable? I mean, that's the truth.

People often ask me my ethnicity because I am olive complected in the bible belt. I tell them Mexican and Italian, but I leave out the drop of German and Acatec Indian. Pin a big red L on my chest!

Must I tell people that I am on the rag/pissed at my kids/need a glass of wine/really have no desire to talk to them/in a hurry when they ask me how I am doing? Manners be damned! I don't want to be a liar.

Do I love your skirt? Why yes, I do! But now I have to tell you that it's beautiful but looks like **** on you because I don't want to omit any info.

Why am I smiling? I just crop dusted some nasty faced woman an aisle over. TRUTH!!

I could go on forever ...

Keeping my personal business PERSONAL doesn't make ME a liar just because you choose to share YOUR personal business.

I had my sleeve done in June of 2012 and if people made a comment on how much weight I had lost I told them I had the sleeve. Some close friends knew and honestly if I sat there and took a compliment on it I would feel dishonest if I let anyone think I did this without the help of the surgery. I didn't care who knew and actually my saying I had the surgery helped 5 friends of mine make the same decision to also have it done since mine was. If someone didn't agree with my decision then f*** em

I don't disagree with you at all. The point of my initial post, however, is that my decision NOT to share does not make me a liar by omission or any other form.

When people tell me I have beautiful skin, I don't feel the need to confess my entire beauty regimen.

When people tell me they love my hair, I don't tell them I color it every few weeks or I'd be completely gray.

When people tell me they love my outfit, I don't detail the shops or prices I paid.

A compliment can and should be answered with a simple and gracious "Thank you".

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,899]

To summarize:

Whether to tell people or not about your WLS is a personal decision.

There is no right or wrong answer.

To quote Staples: "That was easy!"

[B-52 7,113]

I chose not to tell anyone....people did ask and I simply said I eat less, I eat healthy, and I exercise every chance I get.

Fast forward, everyone accepts me for what I am today - skinny and fit. Most don't remember me when I was fat, and new people I have met over the years never knew me when I was fat...

So all that has passed, life goes on and my weight loss is a no longer an issue.

[Alex Brecher 10,484]

@@LipstickLady,

What a good post! Your examples are hilarious, of course, but they ring so true. What percent of the whole truth do we typically tell? Probably as much as we can without getting into trouble, which isn’t much.

It’s amazing to me that people think not sharing about weight loss surgery is a lie. Those must be people who are either concerned about their own weight, jealous of your success, uninformed about what WLS is and how it works (and how YOU work to make it work!), or some combination of the above.

@@Christinamo7 is right that it’s probably not worth the effort to try to explain your position to people who think you’re a liar because you didn’t feel like sharing about your WLS. Unfortunately, knowing that these people aren’t worth your time doesn’t make it much easier when they look down on you.

@@Proud2BMe, I agree that there’s a difference between not telling and actively lying, but I’m not sure the difference is that important in some cases. For example, are we obligated to tell the truth to avoid actively lying when someone asks us directly if we had WLS, even if we didn’t bring it up and don’t care to talk about it? That seems like they’re asking for a lie because it’s a personal question that they don’t really have the right to have an answer to. But I do have a very hard time actively lying...and also I love telling about my surgery if someone's interested! So maybe my answer would be different if I wanted not to talk about it.

[PayItForward 207]

@@LipstickLady,

What a good post! Your examples are hilarious, of course, but they ring so true. What percent of the whole truth do we typically tell? Probably as much as we can without getting into trouble, which isn’t much.

It’s amazing to me that people think not sharing about weight loss surgery is a lie. Those must be people who are either concerned about their own weight, jealous of your success, uninformed about what WLS is and how it works (and how YOU work to make it work!), or some combination of the above.

@@Christinamo7 is right that it’s probably not worth the effort to try to explain your position to people who think you’re a liar because you didn’t feel like sharing about your WLS. Unfortunately, knowing that these people aren’t worth your time doesn’t make it much easier when they look down on you.

@@Proud2BMe, I agree that there’s a difference between not telling and actively lying, but I’m not sure the difference is that important in some cases. For example, are we obligated to tell the truth to avoid actively lying when someone asks us directly if we had WLS, even if we didn’t bring it up and don’t care to talk about it? That seems like they’re asking for a lie because it’s a personal question that they don’t really have the right to have an answer to. But I do have a very hard time actively lying...and also I love telling about my surgery if someone's interested! So maybe my answer would be different if I wanted not to talk about it.

If you don't want to talk about it, you can just say that you don't want to talk about it. Once you go into details and leave out the surgery, you are no longer being completely truthful. It's your right to not be truthful, but you have need to own it.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

You *need* to *own it*?

Good grief.

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

I'm not sure when making the personal decision to not tell the world all of your personal business became a "half truth" or "lie by omission" but if that's the case, I have a few scenerios/questions for those of you who think that way.

By that logic:

If someone asks me how me and husband are the day after a huge fight (or a night of great sex), is it my duty to tell them all the details or is my standard answer of "Great!" or "Fine!" now a lie?

If someone asks me why I look tired, do I have to tell them that my husband snored and farted all night/was extremely frisky/kept getting up to pee and woke me up a gazillion times or am I lying?

I am just getting over a horrible tummy bug. When people ask me if I'm feeling better, should I go ahead and tell them that I am terribly afraid that I am going to poop in my pants at any minute because my stomach still feels off? If I don't, I am TOTALLY lying by omission.

Well meaning friends often ask how my kids are doing in school. Should I tell them that my oldest is in the top ten in her class, got into a top rated university, has received an a$$ load of scholarships but that her ex-boyfriend is being a real bast@rd and making her personal life a little miserable? I mean, that's the truth.

People often ask me my ethnicity because I am olive complected in the bible belt. I tell them Mexican and Italian, but I leave out the drop of German and Acatec Indian. Pin a big red L on my chest!

Must I tell people that I am on the rag/pissed at my kids/need a glass of wine/really have no desire to talk to them/in a hurry when they ask me how I am doing? Manners be damned! I don't want to be a liar.

Do I love your skirt? Why yes, I do! But now I have to tell you that it's beautiful but looks like **** on you because I don't want to omit any info.

Why am I smiling? I just crop dusted some nasty faced woman an aisle over. TRUTH!!

I could go on forever ...

Keeping my personal business PERSONAL doesn't make ME a liar just because you choose to share YOUR personal business.

Absolutely!!!It's not a lie ...just TMI.WLS is a tool not a magic bullet.Some people assume the weight just comes off miraculously..lIt's hard work and serious dedication.I am not exposing my medical history to the public....

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I think this is an emotional topic because people feel that evangelical desire to share this lifesaving, life changing miracle with others once they realise it works. Those type of emotions are strongest (for those who share that view) during the honeymoon phase. I am going to be 5years post op in Dec this year and it's like nobody even remembers I was obese. This topic is never debated among the 5 plus year crowd.

I told certain people and didn't care if others found out. I will say one thing for sure - if you DON'T want it known, keep quiet! Every person you tell increases the chance it will be blabbed.

I was ashamed when I was banded - ashamed I needed it and ashamed I had so many problems. I told two people ,my partner and my younger sister (we were very close). I was heart broken when I came across her at a big group campout telling a bunch of people in a derisive tone about my lapband. I was so miserable physically anyway and it felt like a kick in the face.

By the time I was sleeved I just didn't effing care and I don't feel the need to"spread the word" of how I was saved either.

[PayItForward 207]

You *need* to *own it*?

Good grief.

Good grief is right. If you want to not tell the truth, then admit you are not telling the truth. Pretty simple. You don't owe anyone the truth. Just admit that you aren't telling the truth.

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

I think this is an emotional topic because people feel that evangelical desire to share this lifesaving, life changing miracle with others once they realise it works. Those type of emotions are strongest (for those who share that view) during the honeymoon phase. I am going to be 5years post op in Dec this year and it's like nobody even remembers I was obese. This topic is never debated among the 5 plus year crowd.

I told certain people and didn't care if others found out. I will say one thing for sure - if you DON'T want it known, keep quiet! Every person you tell increases the chance it will be blabbed.

I was ashamed when I was banded - ashamed I needed it and ashamed I had so many problems. I told two people ,my partner and my younger sister (we were very close). I was heart broken when I came across her at a big group campout telling a bunch of people in a derisive tone about my lapband. I was so miserable physically anyway and it felt like a kick in the face.

By the time I was sleeved I just didn't effing care and I don't feel the need to"spread the word" of how I was saved either.

I totally agree with you!I only told my parents when I got the band...to this day I am ashamed about the lapband failure,the fact that I suffered with it,gained back the weight,the damage it did to my body...I am glad I didn't reveal it to the world!!!

You hit in on the head .. I just got revised to bypass...I told my best friend and parents...I am in my 50's...nothing to see or prove to anyone.I don't need to give a seminar on me and my procedure...not lying...just don't feel the need to tell everyone...even telling family or certain friends is a no no...they often feel the need to discuss your health with others even when you tell them not to...I can't wait to get to your success 5 yrs ahead...hopefully no longer obese and not a topic of discussion...congrats to you!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

You *need* to *own it*?

Good grief.

Good grief is right. If you want to not tell the truth, then admit you are not telling the truth. Pretty simple. You don't owe anyone the truth. Just admit that you aren't telling the truth.

Who's not telling the truth?