male only Does your lady feel safe? (what do women want?)

[katanne 215]

I am eternally grateful to the teachers and policewomen who taught me when to yell, fight, and run. I have no idea if I'd even be alive if I had cared about coming across as "crazy" or rude to men who were about to attack me.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Bundy was active in my part of the world when I was a preteen/teen - made a big impression on me. I read the Ann Rule book as a young woman. He was a charming, good looking sociopath - luckily a limited number of murderers have that profile.

I think a more common occurance is what happens to women every single day. I thought I was a pretty strong farm girl - weighed in the 150-160 range as a robust 17 year old. I worked as a waitress, I was fit and strong - or so I thought. I was attacked by a man who looked like a skinny shrimp. I think I outweighed him - seriously - but he picked me up and threw me like a rag doll. I will probably never be convinced that I can physically fight off man with my bare hands based on that SHOCKING experience no matter how fit I am and no matter what a poor physical speciman he appears to be. This seems to be a gender reality and while I do agree that women learning to be verbally and physically assertive is good - you can't stop some sicko once they have decided to attack you.

I don't think any of us are trying to create stereotypes because MOST men aren;t predators and most women are not emotionally fragile scaredy cats. What is true is that most of us females think about personal safety on a day in and day out basis. I worry about the ones that don't. My girlfriend went out for a smoke (I was with her) and was in a secluded spot in an urban setting and she let a complete stranger get close enough to touch her! I moved away out of range and all my radar went on full alert and hers didn't! Turns out he was a scammer looking for money,not a violent person, but the instinct to keep a distance was spot on.

[katanne 215]

The asshole who shoved me against a wall and groped me was a short, slight dude as well! The nerve! I yelled and smashed my purse in his face. Luckily, he seemed not to have expected me (I was even smaller then) to fight back and turned around and ran away. I realize that I was incredibly lucky and that if he had been more seasoned an attacker, something bad would have happened to me.

[UalreadyKnow 843]

I don't live in fear or scared to be around men when I'm alone despite a couple of crazy incidences.

I was fondled by my PCP... Yes my doctor. He felt the need to check my breasts for lumps even though I had no complaints of pain or lumps, or history of breast cancer, or my age, 30 at the time. He simply asked his assistant to leave and said he needed to "check" my breasts. I told him I didn't understand why that would be necessary as I was just there to have some papers signed off. He said if I wanted my papers signed, he would need to have a complete examination.

Mind you, all my papers needed was confirmation of him being my doctor for the past year. He got what he wanted and proceeded to tell me how lovely my nipples were.

Needless to say, I called a lawyer as soon as I got home and was ready to raise some hell....

He died 3 weeks later. He was 70 years old!

My husband is incredible! He makes me feel safe by just being with him. He recently made some man apologize to me for calling me a bitch while in traffic! It got ugly but nevertheless the man apologized!

I was also held at gun point for my car when I was 18 years old. The guy shot at me and the bullet grazed my thigh. It was very scary, luckily the dummy had the wrong bullets for the gun and after that first shot, it jammed and wouldn't shoot anymore (at least that's what the cops explained to me)

Call me stupid, but despite these less-than-friendly encounters with men, I am not afraid, and hope I never will be.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,899]

@@OKCPirate My oldest son was held up while working at a Auto Zone when he was in collage. And my youngest was held hostage a few years ago... And i realized this world is going to Hell in a hand basket. So i got my first gun, took a concealed carry class and got my permit. Bought my second gun. Joined a Old Female Gun group called The Well Armed Woman (go look it up). We meet once a month and learn about gun safety and technique.. I love being there and having the freedom to ask what ever question i want with out worrying if i will sound stupid. So, I never feel afraid anymore.... Plus im an amazing shot...

Nice groupings!

(Maybe I should have worded that better to a woman "packing some heat")

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@bayougirlmrsc - so my girlfreind

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

i have two guns.... a Keltec 9mm and a Glock .380. I want a Glock 43 9mm.

all woman would take a self defense class. I loved it... but not as much as carrying my gun.

[gowalking 10,790]

Wow ladies, I really had no idea, but I'm starting to get an idea.

One interesting study was the effect having a man you trust hold you and the effect on pain. In the experiment, they monitored her pain response to a small electric charge on her ankle. Pain was worse when by herself, slight comfort from a stranger holding her hand, but almost no pain when holding the hand of their significant other. They believe it is from the release of oxicotine in the brain. And that is why it is so important for guys to hold their women when they are upset. It is an amazingly powerful medicine without negative side effects.

Not just the effect on pain, but just how good it feels to be touching another person. Just the other day, out of the blue, my man was embracing me. Not a prelude to sex, just a hug. I quietly said how good this felt and before I knew it, I had tears in my eyes. When I lay in his arms at night, I literally feel my stress level drop. Now I know this wouldn't happen if we didn't have a good relationship...but the touching and feeling held and safe, goes a long way for sure. OKC...keep telling and showing her how much you value her.

[AvaFern 3,516]

I would agree that women want to feel safe, however for me it is as much about emotional safety as physical safety. I did MMA for almost a decade, which involved hours of boxing, kickboxing and jiu jitsu training every week with guys who were pro fighters. I had black eyes, busted lips, and a few concussions, but I learned how to defend myself if it ever became the case. I had no interest in fighting, but I also had no interest in feeling afraid. The fear doesn't go away, but you learn how to work through it. There were some nights that things were extra rough because someone was training for a fight. It was scary, and that stomach clenching, heart pounding adrenaline, not only makes you tired faster, but if you aren't used to it, it can cause you to freeze. At 130 pound and 5'2 I would be no match for a man with training, or a really big guy, but I also have a concealed carry permit and I will shoot someone who threatens me far faster that I am going to throw down with them. I don't run at night alone in bad neighborhoods and I don't go asking for trouble, but in the event it finds me, being physically able to defend myself has been invaluable. It gives me not just the power to feel confident in my own protection, but not to run away from a situation where someone else needs help. As such, while a man should make me physically feel safe, I don't need him on my arm every second...I do however need to know that he isn't cheating on me, blowing my money, or doing anything else shady, which is where emotional safety comes in handy.

On another note, maybe because of this, I do need manly men. If I can beat a guy up or I am willing to get into a confrontation that he is not...he needs to go home and bake some muffins or something because there is not even the slightest bit of attraction from me if a man cannot or will not defend himself. I am a girl..I don't need to date one.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@AvaFern:

[crazygoose 190]

This thread is very thought provoking to me and made me realize something. I'm pretty crazy/fearless a big part of it is because of my weight, my weight gives me physical strength, my weight makes me feel invincible like who ever kidnaps a 350 pound woman? I go to the movies by myself late at night and could go on walks to the store alone at 2am etc. I'm not afraid of people because something crazy happened a long time ago when someone broke into my ex-boyfriend's apartment late at night and tried to rob us. My ex-boyfriend is 6'3, 300+ lbs. and he was afraid and backed into the corner but I wasn't having it, I tackled the guy and held him down and my ex had to yell at me to let him go because I wanted to beat the living crap out of the guy. Ever since then I feel like I can't rely on a man to protect me I have to protect myself and probably the guy too. I'm afraid of bugs though so I probably need a guy for that.

Edited April 12, 2016 by crazygoose

[gowalking 10,790]

This thread is very thought provoking to me and made me realize something. I'm pretty crazy/fearless a big part of it is because of my weight, my weight gives me physical strength, my weight makes me feel invincible like who ever kidnaps a 350 pound woman? I go to the movies by myself late at night and could go on walks to the store alone at 2am etc. I'm not afraid of people because something crazy happened a long time ago when someone broke into my ex-boyfriend's apartment late at night and tried to rob us. My ex-boyfriend is 6'3, 300+ lbs. and he was afraid and backed into the corner but I wasn't having it, I tackled the guy and held him down and my ex had to yell at me to let him go because I wanted to beat the living crap out of the guy. Ever since then I feel like I can't rely on a man to protect me I have to protect myself and probably the guy too. I'm afraid of bugs though so I probably need a guy for that.

There's no 'love' button so I had to reply. I LOVE this post!

[OKCPirate 5,323]

GUYS: The Science of Chivalry...

Yes you were told to hold the door open for a lady. And you might instinctively run around to open the car door for the lady in the car, and you might walk on the street side when strolling down a sidewalk...but do you know why that is important for your relationship?

Every time you do this, you put "he's looking after me, I feel safe" points in her bucket. She won't say it, but if you don't do it, you will see her insecurities grow.

I was discussing this with my girlfriend last night, and she admitted how hard it is for her to wait for me to come open up her door, but she does wait and it does make her happy to feel appreciated and safe. (Now this lady is a tough attorney and has her concealed carry permit and is a good shot, so she isn't a little princess who needs a guy to wait on her hand and foot). So if it is important for her, it's probably important to the women in your life too.

ADD: I think this is important for your daughters too. If you treat them well, they will expect the same from the guys they date.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

With all due respect, this ^^^ would make me nuts. Who has time to wait for all that car door opening!

[Sharon1964 2,530]

I got the book and skimmed a few chapters. Looks like it's going to be a good read.