The disappearing act

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

How did he disappear in the middle of a conversation? Were you texting, emailing, or doing some sort of live chat? I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I normally give my land line if I have to talk to them on the phone. I hate giving out my cell phone number.

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

Wow I would like to have something like that. What is KIK messenger?

That is really lousy. What a jerk.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

sorry about the string of posts. It did not tell me that it had posted so I thought it wasn't working.

I can't see how to delete the extras.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

So I thought I would report on my date last night.

He knew I live on the coast 4 hours away. We met and shared a dinner which was great for me. He wasn't very hungry and we know how we eat so I suggested we share something.

Then we went to this place that's not a bar where people go to dance. It's like a hall that people rent for different things. We were dancing and he was very patient teaching me things and showing me new things. Everything was going great and suddenly he acted irritated. I asked what was wrong and he said he was wasting his time when he could have come and possibly met someone who would turn into a relationship. He complained that I lived so far away and he didn't want to do a long distance relationship.

I told him I thought he knew the circumstances and I was sorry he felt like I was wasting his time. He said he was just mad at himself.

The rest of the night went ok. I told him I really enjoyed myself and kissed him, a little peck on the mouth and told him thank you for everything.

I'd like to stay in touch with him so I'll message him again when I get home. I will be able to express myself better at the keyboard.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

Who knows what to make of that? He either met someone, lost his job or masturbated himself into a stupor and deactivated so that he could wash up?

I'd like to think that, if an online stranger didn't respond to a message from me, I'd send no more and wouldn't pursue anything. I'd like to think that I'd chalk it up to his having died or some other ordinary reason.

Yeah, I was thinking masturbated himself into a stupor. It was literally in the middle of a conversation. He was talking, I was talking, he was talking, I was talking, he was gone. LOL.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@@Oregondaisy I'd be like that guy - only I would hide my irritation (good manners!) because the realisation that this just won't work....I dunno it can trigger disappointment. I have soul searched and I know I can't do long distance - 45 minute drive is my outer limits. I still have someone in Portland I'd love to start seeing but I don't want it and know I would feel disappointed so I don't go there . Sorry he didn't figure it out until the middle of the date though....

My theory is that people disappear for many reasons and it has less to do with the person you are talking with than the overall life situation. Daisys thing was different because it was long distance logistical planning, but let's all be honest - haven't YOU all "disappeared" on someone you are chatting with? For me it happens when I get busy or just not in the mood to type back and forth. People aren't real until we have met, it seems.

And then, sometimes it is about the person I am chatting with... I recently had a really great phone chat with someone and they bring up Trump and how we need to drive "foreigners" out or say something equally stupid on any subject...I don't confront, I just stop contact. Doesn't mean I want someone who agrees with me on everything, but I can't accept certain things and I feel zero desire to justify it. I am sure I am considered a"flake" by those guys. (I have been on several dates with a very conservative attorney and we get along fine because he is not an idiot nor racist even though our political views aren't identical.)

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

Yeah, I was thinking masturbated himself into a stupor. It was literally in the middle of a conversation. He was talking, I was talking, he was talking, I was talking, he was gone. LOL.

You're seeing as more personal than I did -- that he wore himself out while you were talking, whereas I was thinking that his keyboard got too sticky even for him to deal with

Sorry, folks. It's a giddy day here..

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

@CowgirlJane I'd be like that guy - only I would hide my irritation (good manners!) because the realisation that this just won't work....I dunno it can trigger disappointment. I have soul searched and I know I can't do long distance - 45 minute drive is my outer limits. I still have someone in Portland I'd love to start seeing but I don't want it and know I would feel disappointed so I don't go there . Sorry he didn't figure it out until the middle of the date though....

He knew the deal from the beginning though. I told him in emails that I come up there frequently and that I would love to make a friend who loves to dance. He asked me to dinner and said he knew of a place we could go dancing if we liked each other enough after meeting at dinner. I don't want a long distance relationship either!

@@sharon, what is KIK messenger?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Kik is just a messenger app. All the cool kids use it these days. Google it!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using the BariatricPal App

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I am sorry to hear that this sort of behavior is still rampant in "mature" (those were air quotes) adult men. I guess online dating makes it easy to just vanish. It happens to my 24 year old daughter, too. Out of common sense and safety, they don't divulge much information and meet in neutral safe locations, but that makes it easy to avoid people after acting like you liked the person. BTW, the kids call this behavior Ghosting. My heart breaks every time I hear her say she was ghosted again.

The internet opens up the possibility of meeting lots of people, but I'm not so sure it's any better than when we didn't have that resource.

On a slightly different topic - does anyone know the ratio of available women to available men in the 50- 60 age range? Just curious, because it just seems so absurdly hard for great women I know to find someone.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I view it this way - if someone disappears after multiple dates, that is just effing rude. If they disappear before meeting, or even after an initial date - par for the course - that is more typical than someone having an adult conversation about it.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I think that the ratio of men to women in that dating range isn't so off balance. Where I live, the men claim that due to all the high tech workers - there are MORE men seeking, but I believe that is in the 25-40 range more than older. For reasons I don't completely understand, it seems difficult for women to find someone "suitable". Maybe it is just me (and other women I talk to as well!) but here is the truth of the matter... I want someone who is intelligent, articulate, stable, financially secure, family oriented and for the love of heaven - sane. It seems that both genders have trouble finding that, but truth of the matter is as a professional career women, I feel at times like my match pool is somewhat narrowed by that. To be frank, men don't value my financial stability and stable lifestyle as much as I value it in them. So, the ones that meet that are in high demand by women of all ages. Also, i have tried to date someone who was not fit (I am not fat phobic) and it just didn't work. He wanted to eat junky diner/tavern/dive joint/deep fried food all the time. I really want to spend time with someone who cares a little about health and fitness. I think men often are pretty accepting of overweight women (this is my perception anyway).

I also think women are more open to dating outside their age range. I am 51, and I am pretty much open on age to anyone over 40 and under say 65 (who am I kidding - I went on a coffee date with a very fit 67 year old!). Men aim for their age, or often younger. So, that again puts women over 50 at a slight disadvantage in terms of the numbers perhaps?

My good male friend who met a wonderful woman online - yep, she is 10 years younger than us. I don't think he specifically insisted on that, but it is how it seems to work. contrast that to the younger men who frequently contact me, obviously seeking "fling" while I find my real match. yea. There are exceptions, and my ex is younger than me, but online dating tends to lead to people doing that initial screen based on age, location and other "hard facts" wheres meeting in real life, that stuff tends to come up later.

So, I have found a different avenue for "adverstising myself" - omg, has it come to that I see it that way...haha. It is still an experiment so I am not willing to share details yet, but, I have been flooded with very reasonable sounding choices, men that actually want to meet and who seem most interested in my personality, intellect and stability, with looks being secondary. Don't get me wrong, I am confident in my looks and I get plenty of interest based on that, but it isn't from the right ones. I have also revived my POF profile, and the side by side comparison is interesting. Same old thing on POF....

To bad I developed this little health issue (kidney stone) in the middle of all this - haven't been able to leverage it all fully.

It is much better for me if someone values the whole package - i just feel like I am meeting men who seem more likely to be good matches, more likely to be actually interested in a serious relationship, and as a pool, seem a lot clearer on what they seek. If nothing else, I am experiencing a much more interesting level of conversation and much more "attentive" date. I just need to keep meeting people and I have kind of stopped that... think that when my health issue is resolved, that gets easier.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Jane, I am dying to know what your new idea is for "advertising!"

[SleeveSoon 191]

On a slightly different topic - does anyone know the ratio of available women to available men in the 50- 60 age range? Just curious, because it just seems so absurdly hard for great women I know to find someone.

As a 50 something single man, I would guess that the ratio of available men to available women is about equal - at least in my area. However, what I have noticed is that men and women travel in different packs. For example, one of my interests is long distance motorcycle riding and that activity typically has a 95% male / 5% female ratio.

I have expanded some of my interests and recently joined a wine lovers meet up group. The most recent event at a local winery brought out 20 women and 2 men. Better odds for me and motivation to participate in events somewhat out of my comfort zone. I also enjoy live music and volunteer at concerts and music festivals. These events are close to a 50/50 mix and I find I get along better with women who share similar musical tastes.

As far as age goes, I am doing my best to date "age appropriate" women. My sons are grown now and I am looking for someone who has free time and the ability to travel.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@@SleeveSoon very good point. I like target shooting and gunrange is probably 80percent male. As a beginner I have only gone with friends but as my experience grows, that is an example of something that will put me in proximity of more men.

I go listen to live music and dance and I am gonna say it is 60 percent women. I keep telling young men , learn to dance and you will have lots of dates!!!

My horse back riding hobby is at least 90 percent women...unless you take up steer wrestling or something which ain't gonna happen!

I need to think of more activities outside my normal comfort zone too!

[Valentina 2,642]

"If it has tires or testicles, the price of upkeep is too high"...