The disappearing act

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I know there are a bunch of us doing online dating.

I started talking to this guy who lives in Portland which is 4 hours away from where I live. We talked every day for 2 weeks, sometimes morning and evening. This is really against the rule I have for myself, which is not to waste a lot of my time on the phone with guys I've found online.

This guy was different though. He was funny, and smart. I decided I wanted to meet him and my son lives in Portland, so I decided to visit my son and DIL. Right up until the day before I was ready to go, we were in contact and he was all for us meeting. All of a sudden, he doesn't text back and the phone goes straight to VM.

Being the smart cookie that I am, I arranged to meet some other guys while I'm here. I found guys whom I normally would not contact since I live so far away. I made sure they like to dance. Out of 4 guys who were writing every day, and all for us meeting, only one has not disappeared on me. Two of them I forced to write back to me when they suddenly stopped answering emails. It pi$$ed me off that they would just take the easy way out. I wrote to them and said if you've changed your mind, you could at least write back and say so. I was disappointed I would not be making a new friend, but life was full of disappointments.

I could understand it if we were in our 20's . But men in their 50's and 60's not having the manners to form an email that said it was not going to work out to get together after all, kinda makes me sick.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

How annoying. I guess people fade away because until you meet it is all just a fantasy. I suspect they are not genuine - either married or they don't look anything like they said or some other reason they really never planned to meet. Or maybe the distance is an issue for them, but they enjoyed the chatting until it "got real"

During my convelescence I watched alot of Netflix, including Catfished by MTV. people who make false identities just for ego boosts and build these online relationships with no intentions of meeting or becoming real (because it's all based on lies) and maybe that has biased me into thinking this is why they disappeared when you are ready to meet.

All that dang true crime stuff has made me think about danger too, sheesh, but besides taking reasonable precautions you do have to incur some risk in meeting new people.

I can't wait until the weather and my health improve...I am going a little stircrazy!

[Sharon1964 2,530]

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

[katanne 215]

My first thought is that the dude is married and chickened out...luckily for both of you. Understandably frustrating, but you dodged a bullet.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I love that show catfish. I've watched them all. The new season has just started. Are you sure it's Netflix that you watched it on? I've never seen it there. I need to get my Amazon prime going. I have it but I've never signed in to it on the tv.

One of them that I forced to write back said he said he decided his life is too complicated right now to meet anyone new.

The other one said circumstances in his life had changed. whatever.

I am excited to meet the one I am going to meet tonight. He loves to dance and knows how to do the dances I know.

I'm trying to find guys here in Portland who want to date, but not necessarily looking for a long term relationship. I couldn't have a long distance relationship, but I come up here enough to get together with someone to go dancing with. Now that summer is coming, I will be coming up more.

Someone else wrote to me last night who lives close to Portland on my way home. I was brave an un hid my profile.

[Cervidae 2,389]

I'm 24 and I can assure you, I would in no way be okay with someone acting this way. I luckily have never had to spend much time dating, and I've been with the same awesome guy for 4 years now, but I can tell you with certainty that if a dude (or dudette ) were to do something like this to me, I would have done the same thing you did. It doesn't hurt to write a short sentence saying "I've decided I'm not interested, thanks for your time." So easy to be courteous.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@@Oregondaisy you are right, Amazon Prime. I watched a season or two and have had my "fill" of that show. I just don't bother with long distance or guys who are hesitant to switch to URL. I just assume their life is "complicated" by wife, girlfriend or other situations I don't want to be a part of...they don't count, good riddance, bye bye.

@@Cervidae I hear ya, but that isn't how it works, people just fade away. I used to see it as lack of integrity but I am opening my mind up to seeing rudeness as a new social norm.

The problem with my shift in attitude is that if people cool off on communication I assume they are moving on since so few have the guts to say something directly. I have misread this before so it is better if people can be direct and courteous to avoid misunderstanding.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

One of them that I forced to write back said he said he decided his life is too complicated right now to meet anyone new.

The other one said circumstances in his life had changed. whatever.

Someone else wrote to me last night who lives close to Portland on my way home. I was brave an un hid my profile.

How did you "force" people to respond? I can't even guess.

Way back when I was meeting people from odd sources, i.e., anything electronic as compared to coming across someone in the course of real, live life, I made a rule for myself: I would meet only on my turf. That is, convenient t home and in a place I knew and found comfortable. Not that I wouldn't have met someone at a distance, but only if I were going to be there for my own purposes (e.g., business, visiting family or friends). Peace of mind, comfort, sense of safety, and convenience.

The advent of the internet paved the way for shabby manners. People on line don't have to be seen as quite real. It's wise to take it all with a grain of salt, an entertainment when the dishes have been done and there's nothing good on TV, if you will. This isn't to say that bad manners didn't exist pre-internet. Haven't we all had encounters where follow-up was promised but not fulfilled? Men, too, have stories of dialing the phone numbers of women they met and hearing, "Hello, city dog pound."

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I guess I didn't force them to write. I just sent a note saying "if you have changed your mind about getting together this weekend, could you at least write back and let me know" I wanted to put "be a man"

I also realize there are people on the net and in life with shabby manners. For the most part, I do take it with a grain of salt. I know dating is really frustrating.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

How did he disappear in the middle of a conversation? Were you texting, emailing, or doing some sort of live chat? I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I normally give my land line if I have to talk to them on the phone. I hate giving out my cell phone number.

[Valentina 2,642]

I know there are a bunch of us doing online dating.

I started talking to this guy who lives in Portland which is 4 hours away from where I live. We talked every day for 2 weeks, sometimes morning and evening. This is really against the rule I have for myself, which is not to waste a lot of my time on the phone with guys I've found online.

This guy was different though. He was funny, and smart. I decided I wanted to meet him and my son lives in Portland, so I decided to visit my son and DIL. Right up until the day before I was ready to go, we were in contact and he was all for us meeting. All of a sudden, he doesn't text back and the phone goes straight to VM.

Being the smart cookie that I am, I arranged to meet some other guys while I'm here. I found guys whom I normally would not contact since I live so far away. I made sure they like to dance. Out of 4 guys who were writing every day, and all for us meeting, only one has not disappeared on me. Two of them I forced to write back to me when they suddenly stopped answering emails. It pi$$ed me off that they would just take the easy way out. I wrote to them and said if you've changed your mind, you could at least write back and say so. I was disappointed I would not be making a new friend, but life was full of disappointments.

I could understand it if we were in our 20's . But men in their 50's and 60's not having the manners to form an email that said it was not going to work out to get together after all, kinda makes me sick.

One would hope with age would come some maturity, but nope...

It is sometimes easier for a man to flirt with someone he thinks he will never meet. It is great for the male ego. It is also awkward sometimes to have to explain to your wife while you have to leave the house and kids all of a sudden...

Sooo, he hits the panic button and "forgets" who you are.

Been there, done that, have the tee shirt that says so.

Really, I am saddened that you have been hurt--if even just a wee bit.

It's not fair. It's not right. --and it hurts. --not quite as much as childbirth (the universal scale of excruciating pain), but it is unnecessary pain.

Why are human so cruel to each other? If some one out there knows the answer to that question, PLEASE let me know. Until that time, I am done with being hurt.

Feel better, my friend. You'll have to throw a great number of "shorts" back into the sea before you will finally catch a "keeper". Have fun fishing!

[Sharon1964 2,530]

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

How did he disappear in the middle of a conversation? Were you texting, emailing, or doing some sort of live chat? I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I normally give my land line if I have to talk to them on the phone. I hate giving out my cell phone number.

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

Who knows what to make of that? He either met someone, lost his job or masturbated himself into a stupor and deactivated so that he could wash up?

I'd like to think that, if an online stranger didn't respond to a message from me, I'd send no more and wouldn't pursue anything. I'd like to think that I'd chalk it up to his having died or some other ordinary reason.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

How did he disappear in the middle of a conversation? Were you texting, emailing, or doing some sort of live chat? I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I normally give my land line if I have to talk to them on the phone. I hate giving out my cell phone number.

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

Wow I would like to have something like that. What is KIK messenger?

That is really lousy. What a jerk.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

How did he disappear in the middle of a conversation? Were you texting, emailing, or doing some sort of live chat? I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I normally give my land line if I have to talk to them on the phone. I hate giving out my cell phone number.

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

Wow I would like to have something like that. What is KIK messenger?

That is really lousy. What a jerk.

How did he disappear in the middle of a conversation? Were you texting, emailing, or doing some sort of live chat? I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I normally give my land line if I have to talk to them on the phone. I hate giving out my cell phone number.

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

Wow I would like to have something like that. What is KIK messenger?

That is really lousy. What a jerk.

How did he disappear in the middle of a conversation? Were you texting, emailing, or doing some sort of live chat? I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I normally give my land line if I have to talk to them on the phone. I hate giving out my cell phone number.

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

Wow I would like to have something like that. What is KIK messenger?

That is really lousy. What a jerk.

How did he disappear in the middle of a conversation? Were you texting, emailing, or doing some sort of live chat? I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I normally give my land line if I have to talk to them on the phone. I hate giving out my cell phone number.

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

Wow I would like to have something like that. What is KIK messenger?

That is really lousy. What a jerk.

How did he disappear in the middle of a conversation? Were you texting, emailing, or doing some sort of live chat? I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I normally give my land line if I have to talk to them on the phone. I hate giving out my cell phone number.

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

Wow I would like to have something like that. What is KIK messenger?

That is really lousy. What a jerk.

How did he disappear in the middle of a conversation? Were you texting, emailing, or doing some sort of live chat? I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I normally give my land line if I have to talk to them on the phone. I hate giving out my cell phone number.

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

Wow I would like to have something like that. What is KIK messenger?

That is really lousy. What a jerk.

How did he disappear in the middle of a conversation? Were you texting, emailing, or doing some sort of live chat? I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I normally give my land line if I have to talk to them on the phone. I hate giving out my cell phone number.

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

Wow I would like to have something like that. What is KIK messenger?

That is really lousy. What a jerk.

How did he disappear in the middle of a conversation? Were you texting, emailing, or doing some sort of live chat? I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I normally give my land line if I have to talk to them on the phone. I hate giving out my cell phone number.

I too, am swimming in the cesspool that is online dating.

The worst I think was a guy that disappeared in the middle of a conversation. In the middle. Boom.

I just tell myself I dodged a bullet.

We were on kik messenger. It shows when your messages are read. Suddenly they stopped being read. I called him to see if something was wrong and my call went straight to voicemail. I went back to the site we met on, and he deactivated his profile.

Wow I would like to have something like that. What is KIK messenger?

That is really lousy. What a jerk.