Sisters's "Concerned" Speech! LOL

[Proud2BMe 1,016]

So I work with my sister. She actually picks me up and I ride with her to work. Yesterday on the way to work she says that she needs to talk to me about something. She said in that concerned tone of speech, "I'm concerned about your weight loss. I think you are losing too much weight. You are basically a stick. You are nothing but bones at this point and I feel you need to get help." I about died laughing! You see, I'm still 52 lbs overweight! I did lose 148 lbs from the sleeve so far and I'm still losing. However, my BMI still puts me in the obese range. Shortly I will move down to just the overweight range of BMI. I can't believe my sister actually said this to me. On one hand it's a great compliment. However, I'm now concerned that she may be a tad bit jealous of my progress. I'm actually concerned for her because she definitely needs the surgery but I'm afraid she won't save up enough money to get it via self-pay as she doesn't currently have insurance.

[2goldengirl 2,076]

It may be that her view of "normal" has gotten so distorted over the years that she's having trouble adjusting to the "during" you. With so many people we interact with every day anywhere from obese to superobese, it can be hard to view someone differently.

It's hard enough for us to see ourselves accurately - imagine what it must be like for those around us!

[Tobeornottobe 89]

First, congrats on your weight loss.

Second, she may be genuinely concerned. When our loved ones are used to seeing us a certain size and we start losing, we may indeed look sickly to them.

I guess it can also be a bit of jealousy as well since you said she needs to lose weight. Maybe you can use this as a opportunity to bring it up to her.

Again, congrats!!!

[Sharon1964 2,530]

What did you say? Did you tell her you were still considered obese?

[Proud2BMe 1,016]

First, congrats on your weight loss.

Second, she may be genuinely concerned. When our loved ones are used to seeing us a certain size and we start losing, we may indeed look sickly to them.

I guess it can also be a bit of jealousy as well since you said she needs to lose weight. Maybe you can use this as a opportunity to bring it up to her.

Again, congrats!!!

I have on multiple occasions but she is in denial, like many of us formerly were.

[Proud2BMe 1,016]

What did you say? Did you tell her you were still considered obese?

Yes but I don't think she understands BMI. She remembers what I looked like when I was at my goal weight back in 1997. So I don't understand why now she thinks I'm too skinny, 50+ lbs away from goal weight.

[JamieLogical 8,684]

This definitely seems common in people who know us and see us every day. They have an image of us in their heads and when what we now look like is 100+ pounds lighter than that image, they think it's "too skinny". I have had to tell SO MANY PEOPLE so many times that I am still technically "overweight". I am not "wasting away". I am not on death's door. I am not going to starve to death. I'm not anorexic and risking my health. I'm still OVERWEIGHT!

[AvaFern 3,516]

A lot of people think that when you're losing weight you are "wasting away" and they overlook the whole BMI thing. I went home for Christmas and the first thing my mom says, "my gosh you are skinny, do you eat?", lol. I am 5'2 and between 129-132 most days, so I'm not fat but by no means "skinny"- I have way to much of a butt. I think our perceptions also change. I would have thought that at my current size I would see myself as being very thin and I even remember saying that I wouldn't look healthy under 140, however now I think I look just about right and I see little girls who are like 110 as "wasting away" when in reality most of them are also perfectly healthy, especially if they are short like me. Ultimately people will think you are too skinny a lot while you are losing weights- you know what you look like and what the scale says, so remember that your own perspective is what matters. P.S. Congrats on the loss so far!

[Bean80128 80]

I think the speed of the weight loss can freak people out too. She's seen you lose so much so fast, if that same trend continued-you would waste away. It can be alarming. Perhaps you need to tell her about how you will level out out soon and the weight loss will stop. I'm glad you have an LOL about this rather than being annoyed or discouraged. Congratulations on your progress!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I wouldn't consider a man at 220lbs and 6ft tall obese if he had decent muscle mass. I went to a D1 college, a guy that size isn't that uncommon.

[lauraellen80 854]

At my 6-month follow-up, my surgeon told me to ignore anyone who told me to stop losing, or said that I was getting too thin. Like others have mentioned, people get a distorted view of what they think you look like/should look like. My surgeon said, "If they had never seen you before, they would just think that you look 'normal."'

When I visited my parents over the holidays, my mom said that I looked thinner than I'd ever been, even when I was a ballet dancer as a teen. Um, nope. I was usually around 120 then, and I am 128 now. It was 20 years ago, mom... your memory must be a little faulty there.

[Babbs 14,680]

My hubby had RNY 10 years ago and lost 130 lbs. When he complained to his surgeon at his year appointment about people telling him he was too thin, or looked 'sickly', his surgeon said this:

"There are so many overweight and obese people these days, nobody even knows what a normal weight looks like anymore. Ignore them."

[Miss Mac 6,261]

i come from a family of 300lb-400lb people. My brother died at the age of 47 of a heart attack at the weight of 420 lbs. My mother died not much older than I am now of an abdominal aortic aneurysm - she weighed over 300 lbs and was 5'2"

At my highest weight of 235, I was still the "Barbie Doll" of the family. So, I would tend to agree that just as much as the Hollywood crowd has lost sight of normal with all those size 2 people wishing they were size 00, so has the rest of our country has distorted the concept of what obese is.

My guess is that your sister's perception has been confounded by her human environment.

Just stand your ground and get as healthy as you want to get.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

We live in a fat world. In the U.S., nearly 70% of all adults are overweight or obese. That is a staggering reality!

I'll say this: At 148 pounds (and 5'5") I thought I looked anorexic, after losing from a highest ever weight of 235 pounds. Eight months later, now weighing 137 pounds, I certainly don't look anorexic -- to me, to my husband or (so far as I can tell) anyone else.

It just takes a while for us (and others) to adjust to these changes. And we will.

But as others have said, we should not let others' misperceptions of our new healthier sizes make us feel like we're getting "too skinny." Because, except in rare instances, we are not. This is what healthy looks like.

[nikkimapr 177]

I got an email from my best friend when I reached around 185. I decided to go for a post op counseling visit because stuff like that was conflicting me. When I brought up the concerned text. She said these two things: 1- most people are reflecting their issues into your weight loss success and 2 that people's relationships with each other are based of homeostasis and when one person in that relationship (friend, coworker sibling, love) shakes things up the other can't handle the change.