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The fear of regain is REAL!



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Have you tried suggesting to them to get the support that they need from OA or elsewhere? Have you talked with them about how it's just as important to address the emotional issues as the physical ones to set yourself up for success? I'm sure that you have already. It is just very very sad as you say but perhaps try to cut them some slack and be thankful that you have the skills and tools to deal with your issues even though they aren't there yet. And it is possible they never will be. As much loss and grief and trauma I have been through that got me to my pre-surgery place, when I think of what others are going through and dealing with (films like "Precious"), then I can just be so grateful that I didn't have it much worse. But easier said than done and I certainly have a super low frustration tolerance and a super high amount of venting re stupid people!!!

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I'm really curious if your aunt and cousins had any kind of prep program, and what it was? I had two. The first, a six month class and supervised weight loss with monthly meetings, was a joke. I learned more in a week reading online forums. I think if I had just had that class, I'd be at high risk of failure. The second, the three month Kaiser options program with weekly meetings, actually taught me a lot.

To me, the variety of preparation for surgery is still fascinating, and I keep trying to correlate success / failure with prep.

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To me, the variety of preparation for surgery is still fascinating, and I keep trying to correlate success / failure with prep.

I'm sure the correlates of WLS success are many.

But however WLS patients learn about what's required for success, surely being sufficiently educated about what to eat and drink and how much and when is critical. Patients can learn all this online or in group classes or through one-on-one counseling or by studying their written materials.

I sometimes see people here who are ignorant of how they're supposed to eat / drink / exercise / take supplements after WLS. And yes, I do know that almost anyone who can pay for WLS can get it. But jeez Louise!

Sadly, I have not seen any studies that identify patients' post-op behavior changes, intellectual capabilities, psychological attributes and histories, pre-op physical and medical histories, quality of their support from family, peers, and bariatric centers, or other variables correlated with their degree of short- and long-term WLS success.

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It's interesting to me what exactly "success" looks like. Does success mean getting to goal weight? Staying at goal weight? Losing 100 pounds off 400 pounds? Losing 50 pounds from 250 pounds? Being "thin"? Being only slightly overweight but healthy and happy? Being almost to goal or at goal and miserable?

Success means different things to different people. Some people lose the weight only to find they don't like it! Some people never move away from food as a coping tool. Some people just find it didn't matter to them that much.

People are just different and need different things to be happy. We have to accept people for what they are and focus on our own path.

What does "success" look like to you?

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@@bellabloom ... I think that's a GREAT question.

It's so great, I think it deserves its own thread. Would you be willing to start one?

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I think the key to maintainence long term is moderation and Portion Control combined with mindful eating, and the occasional check to make sure things are still on track. Being more relaxed and allowing some fun foods and not having to count every bite each day.

I wish I could get there myself.

I think that's the key to maintenance too, Bella. I believe you will get there. You just have to practice.

I have a friend on another WLS forum who's discovered she needs over 2,000 calories a day to stop losing weight and to maintain. She's asked for advice about what foods to eat. Suggestions include that she eat in moderation: nuts, whole milk, sweet and white potatoes (but not fried), whole grain brown rice, high-fiber breads, whole grain Pasta with meats, a few treats (dark chocolate), and more.

I'm not a fan of eating fast food or junk food or sliders to get calories up. But there is a much larger variety of healthy foods out there we can eat in maintenance than those we concentrated on during our weight loss phases.

Maintenance deserves a LOT of focus and concentration. Frankly, maintaining our weight is why we worked so hard to lose the weight. This is the real game we came to play.

:)

I think successful maintenance is different for everyone. I wish what Bellabloom is saying could be true for me, but it is NOT. I am one who has to count every bite, and track them all. My required caloric intake requirement is far less than you might think it should be. I am on a permanent diet, and that's MY reality. That doesn't mean I never loosen up a little, because I do - and track it all. I do not suffer because of it, it's just what I have to do to maintain. It's worth it to me. To make a generalization that doing so implies pending failure is a little bit of a narrow view, and I imagine I'm not alone.

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Thank you for sharing your story. I have reached the point where the "non-desire" for food has gone away. Yesterday I felt very unsatisfied with food. I have lost 72 and have about 50 more to go. The sleeve is absolutely a tool and I am learning all I can so as to change my eating habits. Your post is a welcome reminder that we can't eat whatever we want and not regain or even be healthy. Thank you again!

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Stop comparing yourself. Years ago my aunt had the surgery and she gained every single oz back PLUS. I never told anyone about my surgery except my husband because a) while scared he supported me and B) I knew I'd hear from others, " your aunt had that surgery and look at her now!"

This is where a little tunnel vision comes in handy. I learned to stay in my lane and eff anyone and everyone who has unsolicited advise or opinions. I also almost never compare or obsess over the failures of others. You shouldn't either as you are doing this for yourself before all others.

Keep track of where you are now compared to the past and look forward to meeting more goals...especially non-scale victories. NSVs are so very important.

Best wishes to you!

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@@Stevehud Technically depending on whether Miller is a male/female (no information given on gender) If Miller is in fact a female she is still within normal limits. The very tip of normal range but still normal so she's not dangerously thin. Courtesy of the CDC.

Female and definitely not dangerously thin, I am on the low end the very low end of a normal BMI.

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I'm glad you started this thread. As I sit here during my preop diet, telling myself that I do not need to go downstairs and eat again before bedtime, it's helpful to know that the temptation doesn't end with my surgery. This is merely phase one. And I will get stronger because I have to if I want to have the life I envision.

Edited by Josey Quinn

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Thank you for posting. This makes it clear to me that I need to follow my established plan, recognize my demons and stay out of danger - zones and excuses. I think it's remarkable for you to recognize these influences early on and fight against that.

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Surgery is a tool, not a cure all. If I you don't change your lifestyle with exercise and good food choices, it is a no brainer..:.you WILL regain. The choice is yours, and yes, the fear is very real.

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The fear is real. And it can happen even if you do change your life and make good choices. The truth is that for many of us, it takes very little calories to maintain our loss, and very few extra to see a gain. So, you can do the right thing the majority of the time, and still find the scale creeping up. That's why statistically people gain 10-15% back around year 2-3. Weight management is a lifelong commitment, and obesity is a disease we are never cured of.

I always feel like I'm one cookie away from 300 pounds!!

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Sleeved Oct. 14:

Having so much trouble trying to find healthy food that i can tolerate. I've been living on veggie beef or veggie ground turkey Soups, hot Cereal, legumes and grits. Other than that I can seem to tolerate only crunchy cracker/cookie type foods.

I have tried and tried to learn to be able to eat yogurt/cottage cheese without hurling but i have not been able to. I tried tofu too.

I can't eat raw veggies yet (will i ever be able to?) I did manage a cucumber sliced very thin and chewed to infinity. I know that eating Peanut Butter crackers is not going to get me to goal. I wish I could tolerate eggs again. I miss them. I do eat hard cheese in small amounts but find myself reaching for the crunchies because I want something quick and innocuous to eat.

Any suggestions? I just want to eat like a normal human being #sotiredofdieting

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I have a good friend who often says, "It's funny how the harder I work, the luckier I get." You could always say that to your relatives. ????

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    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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