serious question for fellow "veterans"

[LipstickLady 25,682]

..

So ya' called me a bully, and then deleted it? ! didn't even get to read it!!!

Actually I said at first I *thought* you were a bully, but then learned to love ya!

Then I got all nervous about butting in since I'm not a vet so I deleted.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I saw the post and it was actually a compliment. We are all so gunshy about being misunderstood. ..

..

So ya' called me a bully, and then deleted it? ! didn't even get to read it!!!

Actually I said at first I *thought* you were a bully, but then learned to love ya!

Then I got all nervous about butting in since I'm not a vet so I deleted.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I am a project manager by vocation and actually have pretty thick skin. I think most people are understanding that I am not seeking pats on back, I am genuinely reflecting on the fact that sharing my story is so important to me if it saves others....

It is so easy to not get full benefit of the wls tool (i did that on my first try with the lapband!!!) That I almost feel a calling to try to help others find their path to sucess.

That doesn't meanI think I have all the answers but more like I want people to believe it is possible.

[Daisee68 2,493]

For what it's worth, I find all of you very relevant and very important to my journey. I try desperately to use the search button first and try not to ask those annoying questions. I will be 5 months out next week and wouldn't have survived without some of the valuable advice I have received here. Frankly, I do understand any sort of burnout because at only 5 months, I am more than tired of the same tired posts to which you refer. Sometimes I have to stay off for a few days. Sometimes, I have to just avoid those posts that I just can't answer one more time. When I do answer, I try to answer from the place that you all have shared with me and others so they get good true real advice.

I sincerely appreciate those that continue to check on here and give welcome advice.

[Elode 8,093]

At what point do you become a Veteran? I don't think I am one so I don't know if I'm suppose to be typing or not?! I've already been kicked out of the "exclusive manly room" that is basically answered by women....not that I would know that because I don't go in there....anymore. I would like to point out that my "title" says legend. So I'm basically famous. Oh I would also like to say that since I'm confused about my status at the moment I did NOT in fact read any of the responses just in case I'm not suppose to.

[sweetie716 270]

I would say definitely not irrelevant. I have been helped greatly through your posts many times. I'm almost a year out now, but even pre-op and in the very early post-op days I loved finding posts from you and several others that had been through everything before me! Practical and down to earth advice from a successful sleever- probably more relevant than many others who weren't "tried and true" as far as having been through things and successful long term.

[lealor 127]

I thank all of you veterans. From the bottom of my heart. I am 2 months out and need you all here. Im not sure on the responses you have all incurred in the past from people but from one newbie.................please don't stop coming here.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@CowgirlJane

I am a project manager by vocation and actually have pretty thick skin. I think most people are understanding that I am not seeking pats on back, I am genuinely reflecting on the fact that sharing my story is so important to me if it saves others....

It is so easy to not get full benefit of the wls tool (i did that on my first try with the lapband!!!) That I almost feel a calling to try to help others find their path to sucess.

That doesn't meanI think I have all the answers but more like I want people to believe it is possible.

Before I launch into my two cents, let me preface it by assuring you that, although new to BP, I'm an old-timer -- surgery six years ago this month. Further, I'm unable to read all the posts here, as concussion effects are acting up; bear with me if I'm treading well-worn carpet or disorganized.

@@CowgirlJane -- You don't have to explain what motivates you to respond to people who are new to the game. The same goes for @@LipstickLady and others whose posts I can't spot now. You don't have to think you have all the answers and, by the same token, you don't have to take everyone on your back. I've seen a number of notes from you and LL to know you're on the mark -- straightforward, informative and supportive w/o coddling.

Might it be that you're questioning what would really satisfy you now and not your relevance to new people? You wrote that it isn't burnout and I believe it. But maybe you're feeling that it's time to move on to some extent? Nothing wrong with participating only in the forums that give you what you seek for yourself from people at the same stage and seeking the same. For the rest, think about what really works for you. There are a number of possibilities, including cutting back on posting to new people or not posting to them at all.

My feeling about the WLS clothing exchange I run might resonate for you. I started 5 1/2 years ago. For the past two years, after I've scheduled the next with the host organization, I think, "This is it. This one will be the last." Then, the day after the exchange, I look at the calendar to decide on the next date. Then I recognize that I don't want to stop.

As to the topic originators who become hostile, the only thing you can do is ignore the venom. I noticed one who shouldn't even have been here at all, IMNHO, that is. (I don't usually use abbreviations, so, before I forget, that means "in my never humble opinion.) She was making inquiry for someone else, therefore, lacking info that might have helped others respond to the patient's needs. Beyond that, people don't know how topics often go off on tangents, especially when a dozen people are present. Because the majority of humans are poor communicators, they're either unclear as to what they need or they want to dictate the responses, or both. Pfft, the latter, at least, are on their own.

There's more I wanted to say. Good thing my eyes are blurring and the screen light has become too much.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@jess9395 and @@erp --

At nearly three years and nearly two years post-surgery, sorry, ladies, you were stripped of your prom-queen tiaras a while ago.

Edited October 31, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@CowgirlJane --

I didn't see your message to the woman until after I posted to her and, holy-moly, Jane, your level of caring based on what she expressed is so right. I dont like to coddle either, but sometimes someone truly needs some. Now I don't believe that you're ready to give it up. Cut back, maybe, but the responses you give, often gifts, are gifts to yourself, too. The only thing you need to know is whether you'd be losing something if you pull out. Relevant, hell yes. Important, moreso.

May I possibly embarrass you by quoting the post I'm speaking of? So be it.

"I am worried about you. I am not keeping track but it seems that you are quite frequently posting about a sense of dispair and somehow I can't seem to follow what us happening.

"Dang phones and typos but I think you said it is your complications that give you that hopelessness? Is it GERD or something else.

"I would really like to give you the support you are seeking.

"I commend you for keeping coming back to ask for help..that takes some.guts to do that."

Oh, Jane, you've got your answer.

[FocusOnMeNow 599]

@@CowgirlJane and @@Elode I am only 11 weeks out and have no right to be replying. But I beg of all the straightshooters out there. You have made a tremendous difference in my life. I don't know any of you but I have learned so much. All your posts make me feel so empowered. Especially yours Cowgirl Jane. You stumbled and got back up and did it the right way so your posts are even more relevant sometimes about the right way vs the not so right way to achieve long term success. I recently told an extremely overweight business contact who asked how I was loosing the weight, that I had a VSG, and he said "so did I", "I only lost 82 lbs" and "I have gained back more than 15." Hard to tell what his starting weight was but his story is not a success. Yours is. I know that we all have our struggles, our cross to bear, our hill to climb, etc, etc, and I am happy for him that he was able to achieve some lasting loss (60 lbs), which I'm sure makes a tremendous difference to him. BUT I want so much more for myself. I can learn from your wisdom, and I want to learn from your wisdom, and I need to learn from your wisdom. All the veterans on here are truly inspiring, but I would have to say that you are definitely one of the most inspiring. I could not do this without you and your example. In my eyes you are more relevant than ever. You have to do what you have to do for you, but for me I sincerely hope that you never stop posting.

[FocusOnMeNow 599]

And BTW, I was coming back from this business trip carrying my bigger 50 lb suitcase up the stairs, and I was amazed at several things:

1. that I was actually capable of carrying something that weighed 50 lbs up the stairs (could not have done this for the previous 2 years)

2. that prior to weight loss surgery I carried that 50 lbs up the stairs every time I went up there

3. that I was carrying that whole darned suitcase of extra weight around with me wherever I went, no wonder my knees hurt

4. that is how much weight I have already lost

5. that is how much weight I still have to lose

6. that I have been successful at something for 13 whole weeks now if you count pre-op

7. how I could have deluded myself for so long that it was because of my knee pain that I was gaining weight, rather than the reverse, that my knees hurt so much because I had gained so much weight: sometimes an honest word from a straigtshooter is all we need, and I thank each and everyone of you vets for all your posts!!!

[Puppypaws57 137]

Your posts are definetly relevant to me. For years I have struggled with the fact that I really can't eat dense program only sliders. Naturally no one believed me and I was going through a hard time with this fact emotionally.

Then, Viola!, I find that you had the same issue and getting the sleeve resolved that issue.

In fact, I wanted to know more about your experience, but didn't want to bother you to death with questions.

So, yes, please keep posting. Our issues are different than newbies, but they are still issues and they still matter.

[Recycled 2,182]

Sometimes I'm more relevant than other times. Or more specifically "have been" more relevant.

I remember at first I would jump in and try to enlighten & encourage someone that asked a question about something I had just gone thru.......I would typically be straight forward and try to explain in detail to belay any of their worries or fears. Now lately I find myself usually just clicking on "liking" someone's else's post. My recollection of specifics is fading and I remember answering the same things dozens of times before......usually with much more effort and detail than now. I tend to just read more of the veterans and maintenance posts.......Even those seem to be stuff that I have pretty much found out on my own as time goes on.......

Bottom line.....there is mountains of very useful information for newbies, left by many veterans in their past post's. ........just do a little searching and pretend they just posted them......Have a scary Halloween everyone...

[_Kate_ 2,224]

Jane I have always found your posts very thoughtful and typed with tact.. what ever you have said. You have made me smile and look to you for always having the sense to read between the lines in an question. I admire you a lot. Irrelevant?

Not to me.