Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Hurt again.



Recommended Posts

Break ups always stink, even if it was with someone that caused you pain. It hurt when I broke it off with my daughters mom but it needed to happen. I felt "free" after a few weeks/months so i started living again, and doing what makes me happy. I'm happy to have my little girl full time.

But yeah, congrats on taking care of yourself! I would suggest you not getting into a serious conversation with him after this or he may try to win you back with empty promises.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From what I've seen he seems to have narcissistic personality traits. Be careful now that you've ended it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@bellabloom

Proud of you! Be strong! You deserve better!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@bellabloom ... congrats to you, woman.

And to others who've shared their stories here, thank you. Some amazing stuff was said in this thread.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And now Miss Bellabloom, you have taken the 1st step towards building a healthy you, and that special someone is going to be noticeing it . Think of someone who just shines from within, happy and healthy, the kind of person who just attract s people without trying. Yes, thats you ! When you get there, the right person will show up ! And you'll be very glad you didnt waste anymore time on someone who wasn't worth it. Congrats !!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes thank you everyone. Amazing support on here. It really helped me

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I do feel like I am worthy of a better man!!! Of course I do. I think I'm awesome!!

I just don't like being alone and I haven't met anyone else that has sparked my interest. All the other guys I've met were just so lame. But of course so is the one in supposed to be with!!

I'm only now realizing how bad it really is with him.

May I also tactfully suggest you don't sleep with a man until, and unless, he has shown you his true nature and really committed to you. That might mean waiting until remarriage (my preference) or at least waiting until things are much more committed. Why would you give an intimate part of yourself to someone that you didn't want around your children?

I may be old-fashioned now, but looking back to my teen/20's years I was desperate for someone to love me (child of an alcoholic father and distant mom) and gave myself away (body and soul) to several undeserving men (boys!), including my soon-to-be-ex husband.

My 14 yo dd came home from school the other day with a link to a TED talk about relationships they were supposed to watch for health class. I think it's an excellent talk and recommend it for anyone in the dating games

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jodhovumkHQ

I finally watched this video. What great advise. I wish I could have heard this 30 plus years ago (and payed attention). It could have saved many years of heartache.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I watched that video too. Needless to say it spoke to me. I do think I am getting better about looking for red flags.

It's very true for me that love feels like a drug and once I'm in that zone it becomes a lot harder to step out of. It's like I chase the high of the beginning even when things have gone sour. Thinking I can bring it back. But you can't! Because it really wasn't there at all. Beating a dead horse.

What I worry about is getting too antsy- letting the littlest thing chase me away. Not being able to give people a chance. This is why I think it's important to keep sex out of it for a least five or so dates. Maybe longer. Give it a chance but keep it light until you are relatively sure no major red flags exist and there is real potential. I have trouble separating once I go there with a person.

The guy I just broke up with, I rushed into things. I was caught up in the thrill and not making sound decisions. It was kind of a rebound thing for me.

Anyway. Good lesson to learn.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You sound like you get your worth in life by helping others. You are probably the go to girl for everybody. Its good in life to enjoy being needed and lending a helping hand, but once you have children that addiction of being there for people has to go. If it wrre me I would start breaking up with him slowly. Weining myself away little by little. Start to consider other options and dont feel obligated to stay because of his professions of love for you. Sometimes people who have battled with weight tend to have the do unto others attitude about everything because we have been treated so badly in life. That does not apply in all situations. GOD gave you a heart and a Brain. Drug/Alcohol use is dangerous around kids because it impairs the ability of the user to make rational decisions and after only 5 months you dont know him well enough to know what he would do if he looses it one day.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oops just read your ladt post. Glad you broke up with him. GOD will send you something better for sure.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@bellabloom I feel like you learned alot from this experience. Kudos to you. I suggest you consider some counseling..you have identified issues and a trusted advisor can help you find a new path. I am not old fashioned by any stretch but jumping in to a physical thing after even 5 dates is pretty fast. We each make a choice about what we want and I am not judging that desire...my point is if you know you have trouble by getting in too deep before knowing a person well maybe respecting that self knowledge and slowing down is something to think about. It is none of OUR business but discussing with a trusted counselor might help you avoid repeating the pattern.

I know others will disagree, but I see nothing wrong with a"Mr Right Now" relationship for a person to enjoy even if he is not your future husband. I do think a person needs to be very clear in their minds about what they want and what a potential boyfriend offers. Then you have to decide if your emotional state matches all that and nobody gets hurt. Even that type of boyfriend should treat you awesome and you should be safe.

Don't take this wrong and maybe I misread your intentions but you sound desperate for love and affection. That energy draws "takers" , users and manipulators and repels mentally healthy people. A counselor can really help you self reflect.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I learned the hard way that a "Mr. Right Now" can be very, very dangerous. I learned this at a very young age, and unfortunately, it took years to extricate myself from that relationship.

I remember vividly making the conscious decision to sleep with a jerk because I knew I would never fall for him. Boy was I wrong. I knew he was a jerk going in, yet I allowed myself to go there. He remained a jerk yet I fell for him, hard.

Because of him I have become very, very careful, and very, very conservative about intimacy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No reason to get involved with a jerk or addict for any reason at all. Not all of us want to marry again, not all of us want to permanently give up physical intimacy. I think it is good input, and i hear what you are saying but my real point is that being very clear on our own needs/wants/desires and proceeding with caution however and whatever you decide. Life is full of risks, and relationships are risky business no doubt. Even so, no reason to knowingly invite bad juju into our lives.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Aweee sweetie..please take care of you. hugssss.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm really not sure what I want right now.

I want to focus on my life, job and kids. I want my free time full of fun and adventure, attention from men and people who make my life more interesting in a good way.

I don't know that I want mr forever right now. I want to be free for awhile

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 2 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×