They seemed sane...Dating horror stories

[OKCPirate 5,323]

I've got a doozy!!

Oh man.

Met this guy online. Really liked him. We went to the movies and had a great time.

He keeps texting me about various health problems he has though... And I'm thinking... Weird? Anyway I mention I have trouble with digestion. He asks me for Details so I say something vague.

He then goes- "so what your saying is you were a fatty and had your stomach stapled?"

I freeze. I'm thinking, omg how does he know! So I reply that yes, that's pretty much it.

And he's in shock. I guess he was kidding! Haha right?

So I explain most people are very shocked when I tell them because I'm so little now. They can't picture me overweight.

He replies "are they shocked by how small you are or by the inevitable revealing of your skin folds?"

I cried for 20 minutes and blocked his phone number.

Dear God NOOO. That is the most obscene thing I have ever heard. I'm sorry, but that guy is a sicko.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

That is terrible!! Good riddance!.

You know something, I don't tell men I date about my WLS. At 4 years out, it just isn't relevant for someone that I may only see few times. I am a petite eater, but heck so is my skinny girlfriend and she hasn't had WLS! I do tell about plastics, but only if we are heading toward physical intimacy. I tell them, I lost alot of weight, had a couple of kids, wanted a middle age tune up, skin removal. Not a single one has had a problem with it - but - I date in my age range - 50s and they as a group are just appreciative that I am fit, attractive and dress stylishly. If i make it a year in a relationship, then maybe we can talk about WLS, my tonsils out, this weird bone infection I got as a kid and how difficult childbirth was for me... but basically it is none of their business.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Okay, I have an update on a pretty cool guy I started seeing back in October. A month or so in, i realized he wasn't ready for a serious relationship (would have been nice had he mentioned it earlier, but ok). We saw each other about twice a week and had a really great time together so i thought this was okay for "now" especiaally since I have another surgery coming up etc. We DID fun stuff together, not just dinner dates, you know?

Anyway, over the holidays - he WENT OFF THE RAILS. It had nothing to do with me, we were getting along fine, our last dates were fun, light and easy and he expressed wanting to see me again. He even invited me to join the target shooting league he is in since we have done that a few times and I am pretty good for a beginner.

Anyway, ex wife, kids and other family drama sent him into some sort of spiral of depression right around Christmas. He used to call me nearly daily, and then it turned into texting only. i would say "have a minute to talk?" and he would refuse. Finally, I was kinda like "what is going on" and it turned out he had family problems, back problems, and referred to his mind being in a blender. It was hard for me to reconcile this pretty light and easy dating relationship turning into refusing to talk to me - but I decided he is depressed and simply is the type that shuts down.

Too bad, his loss, I don't need it.

I came to realize his primary interest in dating me was twofold 1. validation that he was "desirable" by someone he thought was attractive and 2. someone who was upbeat and cheerful in his otherwise pretty freaking negative life.

I realize that probably early in my dating I too was looking for that "validation" so I have now received a dose of my own medicine....and you know what, it is lame and kinda sucks. Don't use people that way and I am sorry that I did too.

He isn't "crazy" like some of the other wackos we have all met, but clearly a depressive personality, no real friends who is still CONSUMED by his unhealthy relationship with his exwife (50/50 complex shared custody means daily dealing with her - they might as well still be married and argue in the same house instead of living a mile apart!) and extended family drama. I don't need it.

Once again, I am happier all by myself (well, with my family, friends, work colleagues and animals!) than dealing with other people's "over the weight limit" baggage.

I am reaching the point of just not caring at all anymore...but, I am the eternal optimist and soon I will probably convince myself "oh, it will be different next time"... sigh

[RILEYSMOM22 344]

@@CowgirlJane

I date in my age range too, but I am only down about 70 lbs. I am going to be very hesitant to tell the next guy, if there is a next guy. I hid my profiles for now.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

oh, my profiles are always hid... I just occasionally reach out to one that looks better than the pack... it has improved the quality of the dates that don't work out tremendously! you gotta laugh!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

oh, my profiles are always hid... I just occasionally reach out to one that looks better than the pack... it has improved the quality of the dates that don't work out tremendously! you gotta laugh!

LOL!

[SalOdyssey 441]

I've got a doozy!!

Oh man.

Met this guy online. Really liked him. We went to the movies and had a great time.

He keeps texting me about various health problems he has though... And I'm thinking... Weird? Anyway I mention I have trouble with digestion. He asks me for Details so I say something vague.

He then goes- "so what your saying is you were a fatty and had your stomach stapled?"

I freeze. I'm thinking, omg how does he know! So I reply that yes, that's pretty much it.

And he's in shock. I guess he was kidding! Haha right?

So I explain most people are very shocked when I tell them because I'm so little now. They can't picture me overweight.

He replies "are they shocked by how small you are or by the inevitable revealing of your skin folds?"

I cried for 20 minutes and blocked his phone number.

@@bellabloom, I'm so sorry. What a jerk he is!!! I want to find these "men" and beat the daylights out of them for treating women so poorly.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@CowgirlJane

I date in my age range too, but I am only down about 70 lbs. I am going to be very hesitant to tell the next guy, if there is a next guy. I hid my profiles for now.

Don't tell. No need. And look stay in the hunt, you never know what is going to catch fire. I'm still at least FB freinds with nearly everyone I've dated over the years. I went out with them for a reason and there was somthing I liked about them, just because the chemistry was not there doesn't make them a bad person. However the pr*ck who said that to @@bellabloom would not make that list.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@@OKCPirate It is true that have had made some really good friends!

My friend TM, we met on POF, never dated but did horseback ride, hike, we have camped together, I helped him look at reacreational property he wanted to buy etc and i was his "coach" - ha - when he was dealing with finding his current girlfriend of 2 years! I consider them both awesome friends and see them regularly, we go to each others parties and social events all that. Heck, my horses stayed at his place for about 4 months last winter even. I hope they both remain lifelong friends because I suspect they will be married before too long.

My friend TI, we dated about a month I guess, never went anywhere, never got physical or anything, but mostly became hiking buddies the summer of 2014. We have since gone to comedy shows and plan to have another hiking season this year! We talk at least every few months even when we aren't tackling the cascade mountains together. We talk about everything under the sun - he is a physicist, but another non linear thinker and we explore the universe (verbally) whilst hoofing it up and down mountains. We both have knee, elbow and hip problems so we are quite the pair all "braced" to climb 2000-3000 feet to some alpine lake, just for the privelidge of hiking back down!

My friend P, well, he wants to start a serious relationship with me now. We were both in transition when we met and were in the "just date casually" phase but that was a few years ago. He moved away for work which is the only thing that ended our dating, we talk on the phone all the time, I know all about his kids, his career, he knows about my life. He is a true friend - trouble is he is out of state and I am just not open to a long distance relationship. If he was in the area, I would start up with him in a heartbeat - good man, fun, funny and has lived such an interesting life - we love each other's stories. We went to a movie once and he told me the favorite part of the movie was my laugh. I think we will be lifelong friends, or at least I hope so!

And then there is the man who was my lover for quite some time, who helped me find my confidence in myself, and helped me see my "value" on the dating marketplace so to speak. He was a person who helped me transform on the inside by his keen observations, and gentle but direct feedback. Seriously, gave me more insight about myself than any counselor ever did. There were oh so many reasons that could not develop into a lasting relationship, but I can honestly say we feel love and affection for each other. He contacts me every few months and it is difficult to stay away, but i do, because he is also unreliable, irresponsible, a little nuts, seriously way older than me and by far the most high drama person I have ever known and his world gives me stress. If I had to live with him - one of us would be dead in a month - ha! I can still feel the fondness while knowing there is no future....

So, all that is NOT a complete waste of time, you just have to realize you may not actually get what you are seeking...

I should probably complain less and share more of the wonderful things that have happened as the result of my dating endeavors.

[bellabloom 2,467]

@@OKCPirate It is true that have had made some really good friends!

My friend TM, we met on POF, never dated but did horseback ride, hike, we have camped together, I helped him look at reacreational property he wanted to buy etc and i was his "coach" - ha - when he was dealing with finding his current girlfriend of 2 years! I consider them both awesome friends and see them regularly, we go to each others parties and social events all that. Heck, my horses stayed at his place for about 4 months last winter even. I hope they both remain lifelong friends because I suspect they will be married before too long.

My friend TI, we dated about a month I guess, never went anywhere, never got physical or anything, but mostly became hiking buddies the summer of 2014. We have since gone to comedy shows and plan to have another hiking season this year! We talk at least every few months even when we aren't tackling the cascade mountains together. We talk about everything under the sun - he is a physicist, but another non linear thinker and we explore the universe (verbally) whilst hoofing it up and down mountains. We both have knee, elbow and hip problems so we are quite the pair all "braced" to climb 2000-3000 feet to some alpine lake, just for the privelidge of hiking back down!

My friend P, well, he wants to start a serious relationship with me now. We were both in transition when we met and were in the "just date casually" phase but that was a few years ago. He moved away for work which is the only thing that ended our dating, we talk on the phone all the time, I know all about his kids, his career, he knows about my life. He is a true friend - trouble is he is out of state and I am just not open to a long distance relationship. If he was in the area, I would start up with him in a heartbeat - good man, fun, funny and has lived such an interesting life - we love each other's stories. We went to a movie once and he told me the favorite part of the movie was my laugh. I think we will be lifelong friends, or at least I hope so!

And then there is the man who was my lover for quite some time, who helped me find my confidence in myself, and helped me see my "value" on the dating marketplace so to speak. He was a person who helped me transform on the inside by his keen observations, and gentle but direct feedback. Seriously, gave me more insight about myself than any counselor ever did. There were oh so many reasons that could not develop into a lasting relationship, but I can honestly say we feel love and affection for each other. He contacts me every few months and it is difficult to stay away, but i do, because he is also unreliable, irresponsible, a little nuts, seriously way older than me and by far the most high drama person I have ever known and his world gives me stress. If I had to live with him - one of us would be dead in a month - ha! I can still feel the fondness while knowing there is no future....

So, all that is NOT a complete waste of time, you just have to realize you may not actually get what you are seeking...

I should probably complain less and share more of the wonderful things that have happened as the result of my dating endeavors.

I adore you! Your are so awesome. I love your outlook and I love that your brace and bold and whatever guy does win your love is one lucky man!!

I didn't let that guys jerk comment bother me too long. I dropped him like a stone and he couldn't understand why!!! Please.

I've told a lot of other dates and they all didn't care and wanted to take me out again. It really isn't that big of a deal.

Edited January 15, 2016 by bellabloom

[Adtrx3 13]

Oh man... My dating stories are endless...

Two stick out in my mind. Both of these were online dates.

1.) The first guy he told me HE LOVED ME on the first date... Um, needless to say I NOPED outta there..., and I went a few days later for a drink and the date was so bad and awkward my bartender remembered....

2.) My second date was so awful WE WILLINGLY SPLIT THE BILL. I hated everything about him and vise - versa... we never saw each other after that one.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I'm pretty good friends with people I've met online or dated having met the regular way. I've met some good people, just not suitable for me. I try to stay friends with exes if possible. I'm having dinner with one of my exes this week.

I've never had anyone mention skin to me. I've had to tell about my surgery if we ate many meals together. They always said the same thing which was they were glad I lost weight, because they wouldn't have gone out with me if I weighed 100 lbs more. They never asked if it stretched my skin, or anything along those lines. I am sure they think anyone who is even willing to get naked at 63 is a big plus for them.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

They never asked if it stretched my skin, or anything along those lines. I am sure they think anyone who is even willing to get naked at 63 is a big plus for them.

Unless you have "cougerish" intentions it shouldn't matter. When you are over 50, you realize more everyday gravity is the big equalizer.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

6 days later he showed up with all his stuff, and now he won't leave...it's been almost a month.

@@roundisashape

post #29

is he gone yet??

i hope so

1 month is one too many months

keep up the great weight loss

good luck

kathy

[roundisashape 712]

Kathy - he's not!!!!! I can't make him leave. It's seriously getting to the "get the police involved" point, he's got some mental health issues I just wasn't aware of.

At this point, I'm seriously considering moving and leaving him there, lol.

6 days later he showed up with all his stuff, and now he won't leave...it's been almost a month.

@@roundisashape

is he gone yet??

i hope so

1 month is one too many months

keep up the great weight loss

good luck

kathy