Secret

[Thinside 155]

I have told one person and one person only: My husband. I love my family, but they tend to be know-it-alls and busy bodies, and I just don't want to deal with having to defend my decision or my eating choices for the rest of my life. The people at work are also great folks, but very gossipy and close-knit, with lots of the skinny women constantly advising everyone else on food choices (while nibbling on cake and chocolate all day themselves).

This is my body, my health, and my business. As @@gobeit notes, it is a medical decision, and I feel no qualms at all in keeping my medical history private.

I was worried, too, about eating at work, but so far no one has noticed a thing. I've said I'm dieting and watching my carbs, both of which are true. I eat cottage cheese, V-8, Soups, tuna in packets with low-fat dressing. We have had a couple of meetings where boxed lunches were ordered. I didn't eat the bread. Said I was doing low carbs (which is true!) which everyone understands, and it was no big deal at all.

I am getting my emotional support from my husband and other support on this website. I rely on my doctor's office for medical advice, but check here daily to see what other people's experience is. I've found this tremendously reassuring and helpful.

So, do whatever is best for YOU, but do give it serious thought. Once you've told a few people, the choice of keeping your medical history private is no longer yours.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

Benjamin Franklin said some very interesting things about keeping secrets.

"Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead."

"If you would keep your secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend."

"To whom thy secret thou doest tell, to him the freedom thou doest sell."

"Let thy discontents be secrets."

And heard this from a pulpit once, "You don't have to lie, but you don't have to tell everything you know."

Your mate was wrong to betray your trust. If you don't want to tell anyone, you should not have to. You will know with your "knower" when the time is right to speak up. I agree that distancing oneself socially from saboteurs and negative Nancies is the best thing you can do to maintain peace of mind.

[TurboToo 12]

I believe it is your personal business and you can tell who you want, when you want. I have told only a handful of people. Surgery for me is tomorrow. Once I start loosing weight and people ask I will be honest, but not until after my surgery, I do not want any negativity and rudeness. My husband and adult children and a couple close friends are what I need right now. Best of luck, you will do well even if people learn you are or have had the surgery!

[Jefferyc79 103]

I am in the middle stages or pre op and am excited to eventually be able to do things I couldn't do before.... but I asked my husband to not tell anyone I was doing WLS. I don't feel ashamed but do you think it's wrong for me to keep this a secret?

Hey there. This is something YOU want to do. It's no one's business on if you got the surgery or not. You're ridding yourself of the excess weight. It's your families decision. I say stick to that and I hope your husband can hold your secert. Good luck!!

[Smytty 93]

I have only told my Hubby, Daughter, and Sister. I have no plans of telling anyone else. Including family, and co-workers. My employer knows I am having surgery but doesn't know what I am having done. I feel it is really no ones business.

[emergingsoon 0]

i have been struggling as well. i just started pre-opt screening. I don't want to tell very many people because i am ashamed. i am ashamed that i let this happen to me. Also, i am not telling because i have already been hurt enough in this fat shaming society and i don't need any one else's judgment. i have told a few and don't feel like they are being very supportive, part of that could be that they just don't know what to say. so now i am turning to this forum in hopes of making some good friends that are going through the same thing.

i am looking at hopefully February for surgery.

[linedancer718 44]

I didn't tell anyone when I first started the program. I then told a friend of mine who said she was considering it. I then entrusted two friends. That's was it until about 3 months before surgery, then I told my family. That's it. I don't plan to tell anyone else. I think about it because since I've already done it they really can't have an opinion I'm going to care about but I haven't yet. It's really up to you. It's your business and you share with who you want to share with.

[Missy2new 5]

I told my immediate family and friends and they are very supportive, but I only told about 2 people at work that I really trust. The only thing that really worries me is having to tell my gossipy human research department because even though things are to be confidential I know it's not cause we have all seen rumor spread , I need to find a nice way to say keep your big mouths shut ????lol

[LoseItKacy 347]

It's definitely a personal choice.

My choice was to tell everyone. My story is all over Facebook and YouTube. I decided to tell people because I honestly only had a couple people to support me. And by telling everyone I was absolutely amazed by people's reactions. People who I NEVER thought would support me have turned out to support me MORE than the people I wanted to support me. Now I have this huge network of people who are standing behind me. Yes there's negativity but it's a lot easier to deal with when you have all this positivity. I find it also is holding me accountable. Now that I know people are watching and being educated by me I have to make sure I make the good choices and show people how much work this surgery is and how it's a VALID form of weight loss, not just a cop out. It's totally personal choice but that's why I chose mine. Best of luck

[tg273957 28]

I agree. I tell everyone. But it is a personal choice. People will wonder how you're losing so quickly and after you took time off work if you do? It was just easier for me.

[andromache 16]

I have only told my sister (who will hopefully be accompanying me to Mexico) and my boyfriend. I'm a full time student, and my surgery is scheduled during our winter break, as that is really the only break we have to give me recovery time. I haven't told my roommate, but there's no way the Protein shakes and bars have escaped her attention. She probably thinks I'm on a high Protein diet.

I don't usually eat at school, but I have been drinking Protein Shakes for Breakfast in class, so when I come back no one should notice a difference. I'm also giving Greek yogurt another try, since it's a good source of protein.

I'm hoping that I can fly under the radar as long as possible, as my college is just like a high school, and secrets don't stay that way for long. But I'm sure people will start to notice and get curious.

[gobeit 17]

i have been struggling as well. i just started pre-opt screening. I don't want to tell very many people because i am ashamed. i am ashamed that i let this happen to me. Also, i am not telling because i have already been hurt enough in this fat shaming society and i don't need any one else's judgment. i have told a few and don't feel like they are being very supportive, part of that could be that they just don't know what to say. so now i am turning to this forum in hopes of making some good friends that are going through the same thing.

i am looking at hopefully February for surgery.

I'm likely Feb or March '16 sleever as well.

Edited September 15, 2015 by gobeit

[OKCPirate 5,323]

I only share with people who ask and who could use the surgery themselves.

[Smytty 93]

Gobeit I know what you mean about living in a fat shaming society. I too am ashamed of myself when it comes to my weight. I am scheduled for my sleeve on September 24 and I honestly am so excited to start my new life!

[Smytty 93]

Sorry. I meant emergingsoon