Worst things people have said to you or behind your back regarding surgery

[cindyw41 761]

We have a few people that we know that have had a wls and have gained all their weight plus back. So in my husbands eyes "it just didn't work". I tried to tell him that everyone has the surgery to lose weight but some do see it as a fix all and they don't want to change their life style. He had used the phrase "the easy way out". How is having major surgery the easy way out? I brought my 19 year old daughter with me to the seminar. The surgeon and nurses explained everything and opened her eyes to what it really is. A tool to aide me in losing the weight. I know what is being asked of me. I have to do the work because if I don't...I'll find myself in this shape again..and hear that "I told you so"

[dhrguru 1,238]

What does everyone say at social events, dinners etc when you aren't eating? I have told my Mum & a couple of close friends only.

I sort of experiences intrusive questions yesterday. Went to a memorial bbq. I got a piece off bbq chicken and tossed salad. Sat down to eat and a lady asked if I were being "good", why no hamburger, hot dog, Pasta salad, sweets etc. I just responded this is all I wanted. Then she went on to ask why didn't I get a drink. I told her that I can't drink and eat at the same time. She looked confused but left me alone.

[MiamiBlue13 16]

Already I have had to say that I have eaten already or just that I'm not hungry. It is amazing how much food is a part of social interactions. I don't think that I will stop going to things. I don't want to get depressed sitting at home alone all the time.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Here's what I have never understood:

Why in hell do you folks tell people about your upcoming WLS -- particularly those who are family members -- who you KNOW up-front are going to give you grief?

You're not compelled to invite that kind of verbal and emotional abuse. And yet you do it.

And then you act all shocked and offended that they gave you grief.

Did you really expect those asshats were finally going to be supportive?

[ASUgrad 61]

Here's what I have never understood:

Why in hell do you folks tell people about your upcoming WLS -- particularly those who are family members -- who you KNOW up-front are going to give you grief?

You're not compelled to invite that kind of verbal and emotional abuse. And yet you do it.

And then you act all shocked and offended that they gave you grief.

Did you really expect those asshats were finally going to be supportive?

I think most of us only tell people who we think are going to be supportive, and like me, are surprised to learn that they actually aren't. My brother for example, struggled with his weight all his life, yet still does not support my decision. Yes, I was shocked. I would never tell anyone who is knowingly unsupportive, and I'm sure no one else would either. Please don't assume.

[dhrguru 1,238]

Already I have had to say that I have eaten already or just that I'm not hungry. It is amazing how much food is a part of social interactions. I don't think that I will stop going to things. I don't want to get depressed sitting at home alone all the time.

I've used the already eaten excuse once with my in-laws. Then I was berated for eating before a function they invited me to since I knew they'd be serving good. Ugh.

[BarrySue 602]

"Sorry, on my period right now and I feel so gross and bloated, ugh."

If it's a woman, they'll sympathize.

If it's a man, they'll shut up immediately.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

Commit these phrases to memory:

"I'll give that all the consideration it deserves"

"I'll let you know when it's okay to discuss me behind my back"

"I'll let you know when my choices are open for discussion"

and when someone says, "we've been discussing your wanting surgery...", you interrupt with, "well that is certainly odd. You must have been really bored lately" and then find a reason to walk away or have a topic to immediately change to.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I don't see dodging the fact you aren't eat much as an issue. Over the years I have been on so many diets, no one will think anything about it. I have been a low carber off and on for years if I say I am eating low carb, no one will care.

Most people with any home training are not rude enough to continue to ask questions.

The one thing I learned from reading forums over and over is that you cannot un-tell people and you can never really know what a persons response is. This won't help the OP but maybe it will help someone else. Only tell the one person you need with you at surgery. Limit the people you tell, even the people you think will be supportive. The more people you have asking you questions the more pressure you have, even if they are positive. This is a big time consuming life style change with enough stresses, people just add more.

[TheGirl 5]

I haven't even gotten my initial consultation yet, but I already know, a select few will know about my surgery (if I am a candidate). Not because I am ashamed of taking this step, but because some people just can't look at the good in situations. And that is sad for them.. I choose to not partake in the toxicity.. I will Celebrate with myself, and the chosen few.. and the other ones can wonder..

@Babbs.. I liked 'Living well is the best revenge".. I may use that often

[Nickkibear24 33]

Here's what I have never understood:

Why in hell do you folks tell people about your upcoming WLS -- particularly those who are family members -- who you KNOW up-front are going to give you grief?

You're not compelled to invite that kind of verbal and emotional abuse. And yet you do it.

And then you act all shocked and offended that they gave you grief.

Did you really expect those asshats were finally going to be supportive?

Please re read my original post. Like I said I'm prior military. I have a hard time being polite to people who are being jackasses. So if you have nothing nice to say feel free to go be rude by yourself

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

@@Nickkibear24

I was selective of who I told. Don't care what they thought or currently think. If people can't be happy for positive things in life they live in their own negative misery. Life is far to short to give unsupportive people a second thought.

[jane13 2,256]

@@dhrguru - I have gotten the same comment a couple of times about eating "good". Some from people who know about the WLS and some from people who have no idea. I am not going to sit at home and avoid an event (birthday party, wedding, etc) just because I am eating "good" I will do just like you and pick the right food and ignore the idiot.

[jfzimmerman 50]

@@Nickkibear24

So sorry about the lack of support from your family. That's really hard Just remember you're doing this for you, not them! Try and find a local support group to rely on or a good friend that is supportive. I'm very lucky that for the most part my family is 100% supportive; only had a couple of nay-sayers.

And I'm just on my pre-op diet, but know what's ahead, I think if anyone says "you're taking the easy way out", I think I'll punch them in the face! Lol!

Keep you chin up and stay on these boards. I've already found them very helpful.

[NikkiDoc 312]

If your family keeps pushing it then tell them that it is a medical procedure that has been discussed and cleared with your doctors. Those medical doctors feel that this surgery is best for your health and for your situation.

OP while you feel that VSGAnn2014 was rude I do largely agree with her. For the majority of the people we know well, such as parents and siblings, you should have a good feel for how they will react. So to be wrong on one is understandable but to be wrong about 3 is surprising. I told my mom last because she is the one that always tried to tell me how to eat so I could lose weight. She is 5'2" and at her heaviest was 125 pounds.

I decided to tell everybody. But I am not shy and really don't care what people think. Yes, I delayed telling my mother mostly because I didn't want to go over the same ground again. On the other hand I did tell her a few months prior to surgery. I really did not need to tell her anything at all as I see her once a year. She lives in AZ and I live in PA. She was very supportive.

If people ask why I am eating so little I tell them. "I had weight loss surgery in February. I eat lots of small meals, and I drink lots of Water." I mostly get "Good for you. How much have you lost?, Is it hard? what can you eat?" 60 pounds in 6 months, it takes planning but isn't hard. I can eat anything but since I need to eat so much Protein in a day I normally eat just Protein and green vegetables and I eat 5 to 6 meals a day. I exercise. Yes, I will occasionally steal a fry from DH or two bites of his ice cream". I don't mind when people ask how much I have lost since surgery. I think my attitude comes across as open and willing to answer questions so they ask them. Once again I am not shy and tend to be pretty assertive therefore I don't think people are going to say to me you took the easy way out. It hasn't happened yet and I started telling people a year ago.

I do not consider this surgery to be the easy way. However I will be the first to admit that I have had a textbook recovery. I can eat anything and nothing bothers me. I did not have gas pains after the surgery, I have never had low energy, I am ahead of where my surgeon expected me to be for my 5 month visit. But I do know it is more of a struggle for other people. I have seen plenty of people that at 6 months out the sleeve is still picky about what they can eat and drink. So while I reply that it has not been hard when people ask that is based on my personal experience.