Increased attention post-weight loss...

[blashlee 509]

I don't want to sound like a whiner LOL. I am incredibly happy and proud of myself for my weight loss and I thank the heavens above and feel incredibly blessed that I've been given this opportunity to improve (and extend) my quality of life.

BUT.

I don't like all the newfound "attention" that comes with the slimdown. At work, people who wouldn't have been able to identify me by name without seeing me are all of a sudden super interested in speaking to me, asking me about my weight loss, watching me eat and complimenting me. It is nice to be complimented, but I have to say, it's kind of showing me how superficial people can be. Why weren't you interested in talking to me or befriending me when I was heavy? My personality hasn't changed. I'm still goofy, ridiculous, and ever so slightly sarcastic and sassy...

I suppose perhaps because this is all so new to me. I've never lost a substantial amount of weight, and certainly not since I've worked here. I'm pretty close to whatever I weighed in my later years of high school, so most people I associate with now have never seen me at this size. I guess it's new to all of us. Maybe I'll get more comfortable with it as I get further out and have maintained the weight loss for awhile, but for now, all the increased attention and interest in me and my body and my weight loss and my diet are just flatout annoying LOL

I guess it's not a terrible problem to have...?

[animallover1247 249]

My friend had the surgery 9.10.2014 (I'm thinking about it) and has lost 70 lbs. She works in a federal prison. She said since the weight loss, she has received more attention, people listen to what she has to say and is treated with so much more respect than before and SHE IS STILL THE SAME PERSON. Its sad to think people are so shallow it just proves what we have known all along...fat people are discriminated against! And Im not talkiing about more attention from the inmates! lol

Edited July 1, 2015 by animallover1247

[PinkPolkadot619 337]

I get it. We don't walk around with a mirror all day long so I don't get why people need to talk about it all the time. And yes it is true some people will treat you different.

I am struggling with the comments about how little I am and " what size" are you now? and are you going to stop because you need to stop, and are those kids pants..... sign I love my new body but others are going to take a while to adjust I suppose.

[blashlee 509]

My friend had the surgery 9.10.2014 (I'm thinking about it) and has lost 70 lbs. She works in a federal prison. She said since the weight loss, she has received more attention, people listen to what she has to say and is treated with so much more respect than before and SHE IS STILL THE SAME PERSON. Its sad to think people are so shallow it just proves what we have known all along...fat people are discriminated against! And Im not talkiing about more attention from the inmates! lol

I was just gonna say, she better keep her guard up around the inmates LOL It's so true. People didn't give me the time of day when I was bigger. Men who did were simply into big girls. Or told me I was "pretty for a big girl" (my all time LEAST favorite thing anybody has ever said, and its been said more than once). I don't see me as different. I don't think I'm a different person. I certainly don't deserve any additional attention simply for being thinner. I was just as fun when I was fatter!

I get it. We don't walk around with a mirror all day long so I don't get why people need to talk about it all the time. And yes it is true some people will treat you different.

I am struggling with the comments about how little I am and " what size" are you now? and are you going to stop because you need to stop, and are those kids pants..... sign I love my new body but others are going to take a while to adjust I suppose.

When people ask for numbers and details, depending on who it is and my frame of mind that day, I either ask for their size and numbered details or let them know that it's inappropriate to ask that kind of stuff. People just don't know when to draw the line.

I'm hoping it either dies down or i get used to it. I'm a very social person and I love people, but I hate talking to someone and in the back of my mind feeling "This person wanted nothing to do with me 75 lbs ago, wtf does she want now?" LOL

[qnz234 101]

i had this issue...i had a random man at work come up to me and say "whatever youre doing, keep doing it. you look great!" i dont kno that man from a hole in the wall. but ppl watch. your real friends wont even realize how big you were. but ppl def fall out of the woodworks, and it can f**k up ur psyche...but it's a sad truth. i had to learn not to feel a way about it. i kind of got joy out of curving the ppl who wanted no parts of me then, and tried to talk to me now. petty lol i kno, but still it helped at the time.

when i went to my support group and discussed this, the facilitator said something that we hav to keep in mind. most times when we are overweight, we are less confident, less approachable. when we lose the weight, we feel more confident and we exude it. people pick up on that, and are compelled to say something. when you put it that way, perhaps people arent all that shallow.

it wont stop though. as long as there are people who havent seen you in a good while. but you will discern who's genuine. keep up with your good work!

Edited July 2, 2015 by qnz234

[blashlee 509]

i had this issue...i had a random man at work come up to me and say "whatever youre doing, keep doing it. you look great!" i dont kno that man from a hole in the wall. but ppl watch. your real friends wont even realize how big you were. but ppl def fall out of the woodworks, and it can f**k up ur psyche...but it's a sad truth. i had to learn not to feel a way about it. i kind of got joy out of curving the ppl who wanted no parts of me then, and tried to talk to me now. petty lol i kno, but still it helped at the time.

when i went to my support group and discussed this, the facilitator said something that we hav to keep in mind. most times when we are overweight, we are less confident, less approachable. when we lose the weight, we feel more confident and we exude it. people pick up on that, and are compelled to say something. when you put it that way, perhaps people arent all that shallow.

it wont stop though. as long as there are people who havent seen you in a good while. but you will discern who's genuine. keep up with your good work!

That makes sense. I never really felt like I lacked confidence being heavier but I have been told that I seem happier so that could be it. I'm ok with compliments and positive comments but all the nosiness and increased interest in my life feels very intrusive though. I think that's the part I'm bothered by most.

[Patk 18]

Congratulations to all of you on your weight lose and please remember to not forget those friends, relatives or acquaintances that are still struggling with their weight.

[blashlee 509]

Congratulations to all of you on your weight lose and please remember to not forget those friends, relatives or acquaintances that are still struggling with their weight.

I certainly don't because I've walked in their shoes and I'll never forget what it felt like.

[The Candidate 3,215]

I think you feeling as though you haven't changed on the inside might not be altogether true. You may just not be totally aware of it yet.

I'm pre op, so I'm not where you are now, but I have lost significant weight (and then regained it) over the years. So I know of the unsolicited attention you speak of. I also know that as an obese person, there are things I do out of habit that unless I really concentrate, I'm not always conscious of doing at the time.

For instance, I work in an office, on an upper floor that is a cubicle jungle. The nuts and bolts of the cubicles, the hardware, tends to shake and make noise whenever someone walks by heavily, or in my case, is a heavy walker. But I know that the little petite ones can jog by and it's as quiet as a mouse. I can just meander by, and people wonder if we're having an earthquake. I'm serious. It's happened. And I'm also in CA so, as every disaster movie for the last 20 years has shown, we're in danger of falling off into the sea at any moment, when the next big quake hits. So we're always on edge for quakes. ????

Sometimes if I see that there's a big group of people heading towards the elevator ahead of me, I'll lag behind, or maybe duck in the bathroom, because I know if I'm the last one in and it lurches for any reason, they'll be looking at me as the cause.

I live in mortal fear of fire drills because of the long stairway exit. If for some reason I find out ahead of time when one is planned, I'll find a way to be out of the office.

I try and control my breath when I'm walking to the parking garage, or even look out the window beforehand to see if the coast is clear, so I don't sound like I'm having a heart attack to people passing me by, as I tend to get out of breath and gasp loudly.

Your attire changes when you lose a lot of weight. You start going sleeveless. The hems get higher and the cleavage gets lower. You might start wearing high heels and your outfits are certainly more form fitting. You have a kick in your step that wasn't there before. You're glowing. You're happier and more self assured. Those kind of signals are hard to miss. You're advertising a radical change even if you're not aware of it.

These are the unspoken signs those around you are picking up on. It's not completely that they purposely ignored you before when you were fat, and suddenly decide to notice you now that you're thin. Although that definitely does happen. But sometimes it's partly because you were hiding yourself before, camouflaging the real you because it's a natural response to negative reinforcement. The pitying stares, the taunts, and sad to say, in some cases outright cruelty.

So a portion of the attention you're getting now might simply be in response to subtle changes in your own behavior that you might not even be aware you're broadcasting. You're a flower that's been lingering in the shade for far too long. You can't help but reach out for the sun now, and that's definitely going to get noticed. I think it's great! I can't wait to join you!

[qnz234 101]

That makes sense. I never really felt like I lacked confidence being heavier but I have been told that I seem happier so that could be it. I'm ok with compliments and positive comments but all the nosiness and increased interest in my life feels very intrusive though. I think that's the part I'm bothered by most.

Understood, u learn how to deal tho.

[QuilterGal 216]

There also is a lot of discrimination in the workplace regarding people who are overweight/obese. They are seen as less competent. As you lose weight, it make sense that you may see changes in how coworkers treat you. Sad, but true.