Seal broken

[goodnuff 239]

I had my first "normal life" experience since surgery this past weekend. It's been 11 weeks since RNY, I spent the first 6 at home recovering. I've spent all day every day timing eating and drinking to make sure I get in enough Protein and fluids. I haven't felt tempted to push the guidelines given to me. This past weekend my niece came to visit. We haven't seen each other in 18 months and she's never been to the great state of Colorado. I chose to go out to eat. We shared most meals. I had my first bites of white bread, the size of which what would equate to one of my past single bites. Over four days I had spinach artichoke dip, a tator tot, one and a half steak fries, three delicious bites of my favorite dessert, 1/2 cup of caramel popcorn and three small squares of dark chocolate. Kind of a confession. Definitely not looking for approval. I'm conflicted over how I feel. The ultimate goal I had envisioned for myself in maintenance was to be able to have all of those things in small doses. I am proud for being able to self limit, dumping or feelings of restriction did not stop me from eating that whole bowl of Sticky Toffee pudding...I did that. However, this early on, for a person that has not felt as much restriction as anticipated or gotten dumping as easily as others it may not have been a wise choice. I had 29 more small squares of dark chocolate left, silly me bought a whole bar of it. I had three squares again on monday night and last night I had five. Today I threw it in the dumpster. I realized I don't have this in the bag, that it is very much about making a series of decisions every day, all day. That I can not count on negative reinforcement to keep myself under control. The struggle is real and surgery is just a tool...even as early as 11 weeks out. It's scary to feel like I may have thrown in the towel and lost this battle for three bites of dessert. I know better, but today that is what it felt like when I woke up and remembered the chocolate in my refrigerator before my eyes were even all the way open. On a positive note, I have no desire to brave the trash compactor to retrieve the disposed of transgression. That's true growth right there!!

Edited June 3, 2015 by goodnuff

[BubblyTXGirl 30]

???? good job for tossing it out. Maybe you were feeling Protein deprived or even dehydrated? I know that I can crave things not so good for me if I don't have enough of either. good luck!

[coloradosnyder 11]

I am curious to Dr Snyder do your surgery since you're from Colorado he did mine I'm 1 week out and I'm from Colorado is curious

[Maggietcu2 55]

I'm guessing your body was craving the sugar. You did great testing yourself and learning from it!

[goodnuff 239]

@@coloradosnyder, I chose Dr. Chae in Denver.