Lying to feel better?!?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Oh....y'all were much nicer than I would have been.

See? I can shut my piehole occasionally!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Ok. Never mind. I can't keep my mouth shut.

Let me tell you about ME. I an a 43 year old woman, mother of two gorgeous teenagers and have been overweight for at least 20 years. I was 265 pounds at my heaviest and I was barely wearing a (tight) size 20. I work in the beauty industry and I excel at my business. I was/am often asked to speak at national conferences and it was always a bit hard on me to know I was one of the fattest people in the room but I held my head high, tried my best to find fashionable, flattering clothes and stood up there proud. I also trained/train in martial arts and have always been active despite my weight. I'm a swimmer and I love Zumba.

I had WLS 2 years ago today and I hit my goal weight of 159 after about 9 months. I've not yet hit my stretch goal of 145, but I am sure I could if I put a little more effort into it.

I am now typically a size 8. A 10 in some brands (think American Eagle and other teen lines), a size 6 in Ann Taylor and other vanity lines. My thighs are saggy, my boobs are droopy, my bat wings flop A LOT and nothing short of plastic surgery is going to fix that. I would much rather send my two girls to college and pay off my house than have surgery to correct what I consider a non issue, so I have a feeling I am going to look like this for a LONG time..

You're right. I most likely should NOT wear a skirtless bathing suit, but after years of doing laps with a skirt dragging me down, I am finally small enough to wear a regular one piece. I'm sorry if I sullied your view because my thighs look like crap.

You're right. I most likely should not wear athletic tights and a tight tank top to Zumba, but dammit, it's hot in there and if I've got a few loose skin rolls and dimples, so be it. Don't dance behind me and you won't have to look.

You're right. I shouldn't wear that sleeveless summer dress but it's 90 degrees at that outdoor concert I took my family to. If I had chosen shorts instead, I'm sure either my arms or my legs are sure to offend your delicate senses.

I am going to wear what makes ME feel good. I've hidden behind black loose layers and cardigans for decades. I may not look Victoria Secret perfect in my choices now, but I am not dressing for YOU, I am dressing for ME.

My jeans are tight and "classless"? My heels are too high and I look like a "harlot"? My top is too low cut so now I'm a "skank"? Let me tell you this... CLASS has nothing to do with what you wear. It's all in your attitude and how you treat people.

I'm happy, no.. THRILLED with my appearance and more importantly, my ABILITIES, and I am NOT going to allow someone who has not yet walked MY road to make me feel bad about my imperfections.

I dare someone to tell me I look like **** to my face. It would take great restraint not to plant a solid round house kick to their teeth. Because I can.

[imjenn 167]

I think you have to remember that a lot of us have been overweight or obese for our ENTIRE lives. Once we lose weight and try and figure out what to wear on our new bodies....it can be a learning process. It took me the majority of my life.. Around 19 years of being overweight to figure out that I don't have to wear sweat pants and t-shirts all the time! Now that I know I can wear cute things being the size I am now I am CERTAIN I will be able to wear ever cuter things once I drop my weight! Do I know it's going to be a learning curve? Yes. Do I want people to tell me if things don't look right on me? Yes...but positively. Don't straight up tell me I look like a 'harlot' tell me that you like the idea of the outfit but maybe a different top or different jeans or shorts or whatever would be more fitting on ME and MY body type. Meanwhile, let others tell me I look amazing because a lot of the time, people who aren't as far in their journey love to see where they'll hopefully be at after all their hard work.

[Babbs 14,680]

@@DreamingAzure

And I'm going to add one more thing. You made a point to say you've been researching WLS and been a part of WLS groups for 20 years, so you're not "the new kid on the block".

This statement reminds me of people who think they know how hard it is to raise kids because they babysit.

You know NOTHING of what it's like to go through this journey yet. I would suggest until you do, try to keep an open mind and keep your judgmental opinions to yourself.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

So, don't say anything. If it's a close friend and you have that kind of relationship, by all means, say what you really think. Otherwise, if you don't have something nice (or kind) to say, don't say anything at all.

You really don't have to respond to or even read everything on Facebook.< /p>

Does this make my butt look big?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Does this make my butt look big?

I like big butts and I cannot lie!

[ProjectMe 909]

I haven't read through the responses...only the original post. So here it goes...

When I was obese, I would frequently make people laugh when I said "God made me big because he knew I wouldn't act right skinny." You see, I have no issues with women with lovely figures or even lovelier Confidence displaying what God gave them. I appreciate beauty. There's something powerful in feeling great & dressing in a way that makes you feel good & not caring what others think. Now that I've gotten my groove back, you'd better believe I'm going to wear whatever makes me feel pretty, sexy, etc. as Bobby brown said, It's My Perogative!

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@DreamingAzure

It is good you are recognizing where your motive is coming from. That, in and of itself, is maturity in action. And a person NEEDS to be mature to handle WLS.

I don't know why you have not WLS yet, and I don't need to know. BUT, I may say this: if you aren't IN the canoe, you are NOT able to paddle. Same with WLS. If you haven't had it, you don't know what people who HAVE had it go through, thus you are NOT able to judge the journey OR the outcome.

Many of us have NO IDEA what sizes or types of undergarments or clothing to wear after WLS, we just want to look good. Everyone has different tastes and ideas of what looks good. And there are MANY cultures that have differing styles of clothes. So instead of looking at the CLOTHES, look at the JOY in the FACE of her/him wearing the clothes. THERE you will find the REAL beauty!!!!!

[Miss Mac 6,261]

Sometimes I can throw in a really long response because I have hampsters running around in my head, but this time, I have nothing to say except......Lipstick Lady, I love you like a sister.

[SoulGlo 75]

Op, i think you may be forgetting that opinions are subjective. While you may think someone looks sloppy or skanky, a different person might see that person as looking well put together or decent.

Personally IMO, if a person loses a significant amount of weight then they should feel free to wear whatever they want. If they wanna rock up looking like Cher in the 'If i could turn back time' vid, then that's fine with me!!!

Edited May 16, 2015 by SoulGlo

[borg/assimilated 576]

@@DreamingAzure

Interesting post. Good thing we don't have thought bubbles above our heads in real life, huh?

[AvaFern 3,516]

Ok, so unlike a lot of people, I don't entirely disagree with the initial poster in the sense that sometimes I think unkind things too, however every single cruel thing I have ever thought (emphasis on thought, I would NEVER say something hurtful about someone's figure), I have said and very likely screamed, far worse things at myself. I think if you want to judge people in your head, go for it, but I tend to really only agree with that if you are 10x more judgmental of yourself. Periodically I look at someone and I think damn babe, spandex is a privilege, not a right, which yes sounds evil, however for 100 of the 110 pounds I lost every time I wanted to wear a pair of cute spandex gym clothes or leggings I looked at my fatness in the mirror and I said, do you want to wear that? Then get your fat rear on a treadmill and earn it. I am now 127 pounds and I am very cognizant of the fact that I can't wear shorts in public and think I look hot. Do I have the right to march my butt around in booty shorts? Oh heck yes, as does everyone else, though I don't get to get upset if someone makes a judgmental comment about me. I'm not going to walk around and think I'm smokin' when in reality there's more cheese on my thighs than in my lunch and as a result, because I am cruel to myself, the few times I happen to have a mean thought in my head about someone else, I'm not overly offended by my rotten core.

Recently I found a photo album where I had taken pictures of myself and put phrases around them then stuck them all over my house. Each picture had a corresponding nasty comment on it meant to motivate me. One year I got stood up on Halloween so there was a picture of me in my cute tutu with the phrase "Why are you leaving your house, fat cows don't get to be ballerinas- go get on the treadmill." That one was on my front door. "Get out of the fridge fatty" with a picture of me looking ugly in a mumu dress was on my fridge. "Fat girls don't get cute shoes" with a picture of me in a pair of shoes that hurt my feet was in my closet. Mean things like that were around my whole house- good thing I live alone or people would know I'm crazy. All of the hateful things I might think about someone else, are all rooted deep inside with a hatred directed toward myself. I get that, I'm cool with it, and if I want to think mean things in my head about someone else, I damn well will.

Now, that being said...people don't post things on social media for us to be mean to them. They are not blind, they know what they look like, and they need the bit of extra kindness to give them the confidence they need in a certain outfit. I was so proud of myself in this cute little pink gym shirt a few months ago and one of my good friends told me I shouldn't wear that shirt in public because you could see the fat oozing around my sports bra line. I was so ashamed that I had somehow missed seeing that and I never wore that shirt, or the vast majority of others like it again, until after I had plastic surgery that semi-fixed the problem. People don't need us to be a**holes, they do a good enough job being cruel to themselves all on their own. So...next time someone posts a picture on Facebook where they look fat, like they need a new bra, or like they have no business being in the size they are wearing...do what your mama taught you...if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

[smcobos2 43]

Ok. Never mind. I can't keep my mouth shut.

Let me tell you about ME. I an a 43 year old woman, mother of two gorgeous teenagers and have been overweight for at least 20 years. I was 265 pounds at my heaviest and I was barely wearing a (tight) size 20. I work in the beauty industry and I excel at my business. I was/am often asked to speak at national conferences and it was always a bit hard on me to know I was one of the fattest people in the room but I held my head high, tried my best to find fashionable, flattering clothes and stood up there proud. I also trained/train in martial arts and have always been active despite my weight. I'm a swimmer and I love Zumba.

I had WLS 2 years ago today and I hit my goal weight of 159 after about 9 months. I've not yet hit my stretch goal of 145, but I am sure I could if I put a little more effort into it.

I am now typically a size 8. A 10 in some brands (think American Eagle and other teen lines), a size 6 in Ann Taylor and other vanity lines. My thighs are saggy, my boobs are droopy, my bat wings flop A LOT and nothing short of plastic surgery is going to fix that. I would much rather send my two girls to college and pay off my house than have surgery to correct what I consider a non issue, so I have a feeling I am going to look like this for a LONG time..

You're right. I most likely should NOT wear a skirtless bathing suit, but after years of doing laps with a skirt dragging me down, I am finally small enough to wear a regular one piece. I'm sorry if I sullied your view because my thighs look like crap.

You're right. I most likely should not wear athletic tights and a tight tank top to Zumba, but dammit, it's hot in there and if I've got a few loose skin rolls and dimples, so be it. Don't dance behind me and you won't have to look.

You're right. I shouldn't wear that sleeveless summer dress but it's 90 degrees at that outdoor concert I took my family to. If I had chosen shorts instead, I'm sure either my arms or my legs are sure to offend your delicate senses.

I am going to wear what makes ME feel good. I've hidden behind black loose layers and cardigans for decades. I may not look Victoria Secret perfect in my choices now, but I am not dressing for YOU, I am dressing for ME.

My jeans are tight and "classless"? My heels are too high and I look like a "harlot"? My top is too low cut so now I'm a "skank"? Let me tell you this... CLASS has nothing to do with what you wear. It's all in your attitude and how you treat people.

I'm happy, no.. THRILLED with my appearance and more importantly, my ABILITIES, and I am NOT going to allow someone who has not yet walked MY road to make me feel bad about my imperfections.

I dare someone to tell me I look like **** to my face. It would take great restraint not to plant a solid round house kick to their teeth. Because I can.

I LOVE YOU FOR THIS !!! Thank you so much. I cannot wait to get to my post op stage. I have surgery on Monday

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Recently I found a photo album where I had taken pictures of myself and put phrases around them then stuck them all over my house. Each picture had a corresponding nasty comment on it meant to motivate me. One year I got stood up on Halloween so there was a picture of me in my cute tutu with the phrase "Why are you leaving your house, fat cows don't get to be ballerinas- go get on the treadmill." That one was on my front door. "Get out of the fridge fatty" with a picture of me looking ugly in a mumu dress was on my fridge. "Fat girls don't get cute shoes" with a picture of me in a pair of shoes that hurt my feet was in my closet. Mean things like that were around my whole house- good thing I live alone or people would know I'm crazy. All of the hateful things I might think about someone else, are all rooted deep inside with a hatred directed toward myself.

This hurts my heart so much.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

@@AvaFern Hugs! No one deserves this much unkindness from other people let alone themselves or the people who claim to love them. That kind of negative self-talk is the biggest lie of all.