Friends?

[HalloweenBaby24 447]

Did anyone else have issues with friends after WLS?

I've had the same best friend for 14 years now and we've always gotten along pretty well, we were both heavy set children growing up.

As we got older we both had our own vanity and self esteem issues, We both were constantly on a diet on again, off again and would lose weight and gain weight through our teen years..Now adults we've continues this routine but for me I never really felt bad about myself or jealous of other people regardless of how heavy I was, Especially not my best friend who did lose a significant amount of weight on her own. Now the tides have changed and things between us are getting a little rocky, it seems like the simplest of goofy conversation turns into an argument (Not Intentionally). Despite the fact that she is in good health and shape/size and not in the least bit "Obese" she is constantly bringing herself down about her "Weight Issues" she'll get mad at herself for eating a salad that had too much dressing or over indulging in pop corn..Along with this she has mentioned how she wishes she could also get WLS and have it "As Easy As I Do", As Easy as I do?..I've struggled my whole life, I've always been the FAT Friend, Always on a diet since I was 11 and have had multiple medical issues because of my weight. She was very supportive before surgery and even drove 3 hours to accompany me for my Pre-Op class, Now 7 months out and 74lbs down she will tell me I'm on a stall because I'm eating too much, or the wrong things. too much dairy, not enough cardio...And she'll talk down about Obese people and Barbaric Surgery "I don't understand, Its WLS is so common that I almost think that people choose to be fat and lazy so that they can just end up getting the surgery". Don't get my wrong I love my best friend but God Damn!..Sometimes it's just too much, Friends are suppose to be there to talk about thing's and not be judgmental (Or so I've thought). I hate to think that I've made her Jealous by going through with this journey, And I'm not even sure if that's whats going on here.. I've tried talking to her about it, But she just get's offended and pissy so I don't bring it up much.

Has anyone else gone through something similar?

I guess maybe it's possible she's always been this way and I've had blinders on this whole time.

I know she talks about other people behind their back's sometimes, And I often wonder what is said about me.

[liannatx 897]

There are so many things that could be the cause of this. One thing I think may be behind this is that you have removed (or seemingly to her) one of the big bonds of your friendship. If you were both overweight children, that common struggle is most likely a big part of what created that friendship bond. Especially if you were constantly dieting together. It was a shared struggle. You both always had someone to relate to with the weight issue. I think she may be feeling more insecure than jealous... or a combination of both.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

One thing to remember, you CANNOT make her (or anyone else) jealous. It is THEIR problem. So don't feel guilty about that. You know what they say "Guilt is the work of the devil", and it is. Jealousy is something that comes from within, not from what is outside.

So, now that's dealt with, onto the other issue here: YOU! How do YOU feel about you? If you are happy with you, that's as it should be. How she feels is important to you, yes, but is it important enough to make you feel bad about your success? How about potentially ruining your success? If someone can't GROW with you, sometimes you have to OUTGROW them. They can keep up, or not, it's their choice, and one you cannot make for them. Have a frank discussion with her, lay it on the line. Tell how you value her and her friendship, but it's time to get past the immaturity and "grow on". Either grow together, or grow apart. Her decision. Good luck to you, dear one...

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I can get to work by walking, by driving, or by telecommuting.

I can wash my dishes by hand or by dishwasher.

I can fix my heart disease/diabetes with meds, with exercise and diet, or by taking pills.

I can lose weight by dieting or with WLS along with a great new diet and by moving my body.

I work harder AND smarter.

It's a personal choice. Don't apologize for yours.

[newrose2427 30]

Don't feel bad.. I too lost my best friend of 15 years right before my surgery. Before my surgery me and my husband and her and her husband, we would go out, dinner, drinks.. Her husband would say things like " you're going to have to lock this woman in a closet " and "aren't you scared she's going to leave you? She's going to be a knock out!" I'm sure my friend really didn't appreciate her man saying those things. I was flattered, but also appalled her husband was saying those things! Closer to my surgery, I had to stop going out to eat, stop drinking, and I joined a gym. All these things I HAD to do for a healthy life, well she didn't HAVE to do a life style change. So it was less and less we hung out. And the closer to surgery, I lost weight,, her husband would make more comments. I hate to say it, but I'm sure she was jealous of me! Of ME! I can't even wrap my brain around anybody being jealous of me, much less my best friend! It was a sad day for me when I realized I lost my friend because I had to change. But now, I look at it like it was meant to be. People are forever growing and changing. People come into our lives for a reason. To teach us whatever we need to be taught at that time. Then we grow, and some times, we out grow each other. That's just life. Am I sorry? Once I was.. Now? HECK NO! May be if I was still friends with her, she would have sabotaged my weight loss efforts so I wouldn't be prettier than her. I don't know. But i trust that everything happens for a reason. Now I have twice as many friends, who are into the same things that I am now. That choose to have the same life style. Just hang in there, if it's meant to be friends with her still, it'll work out. If it doesn't.. Just know that you are on a greater path to better people and things!

Edited April 12, 2015 by newrose2427