Can I get a hug and maybe some guidance?

[ilikecake2much 65]

My doctor recommended me for bariatric surgery. She said I am a "prime candidate". The surgeon is supposed to be calling me soon to schedule my first appointment. Before all this, I actually have been attending a class on Mindful Eating (which is required for bariatric patients) but I was just taking it in an effort to become more in-tune with myself and my food issues. I honestly had never even considered weight loss surgery. I always saw it as something I would never do, as a last resort for people who couldn't lose the weight, who had hundredS of pounds to loose, or who have major medical issues. But here I am at 246lbs and only 5'0. My BMI is 48, I should probably loose 125-ish lbs. I have been heavy pretty much my entire adult life. I do not have any major medical issues, but my father passed away due to type 2 diabetes complications in his late 40's and my mother has high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I have tried everything to lose weight, and I have been semi-successful in the past (never got to goal though), only to be derailed by pregnancy. Then after baby, I get back on track and loose some weight, then gain some, loose some, BAM pregnant again, and the cycle continues I'm sure you all know the story. I am having a hard time coming to terms with the idea of weight loss surgery. It is very overwhelming and kind of humbling. I am still in the getting info stage, but the way I have been thinking about it and talking about it to my hubby and my Mom, I feel like I have already decided. But I'm scared to admit it to myself. Seeing as though I have no major medical issues, I feel like this is a little motivated by vanity. And I really struggle with that. Maybe that is my fat brain trying to convince me not to do it? I *AM* morbidly obese, 246lbs is WAY too much for my little 5'0 frame to carry, I am sore and tired all the time. I do get winded on short walks. And I do need to do something if I don't want to end up like my Dad. But does it really need to be WLS? I do feel desperate, like I have exhausted every other option. I am ashamed of having WLS...is that normal? I feel like my family does not support it...and they are all frowning upon me for looking into it. I know their opinions "do not matter", but it's hard to ignore EVERYONE around me. Even my hubby "just doesn't really like the idea", but he will support me in whatever I decide to do. (But long story, I feel like he kind of sub-consciously likes me fat and insecure as he is very heavy as well) I just don't know how I feel about the whole thing. I want to be excited about it, but it's hard.

[MisforMimi 760]

Hey ilikecake2much and welcome.

Your story sounds like many ppl here. I was not excited for surgery probably until 2 days before I had it and I had thought about for a year, had a 6 months supervised diet etc etc etc. I has been a hard transition with family and kids and it can (but it doesn't have to) put a strain on relationships. Maybe you can inspire changes that will benefit your husband's weight loss and it will certainly impact your kids. Your decision to have WLS is as public as you decide to make it. You don't owe anyone anything but you do owe it to yourself and perhaps your kids to get healthy and you are making the necessary steps to get there. We all need to get REAL selfish and self-interested for a while, but as a mom you will always be the backbone and support for your family. Keep coming to these forums for support. Nearly every topic has been mentioned at least once and you can use the search tool to find them.

[sharonintx 1,275]

I like cake too much too:)

You are worrying too much. It doesn't matter if it's vanity or not. Bottom line is you will be healthier, happier, and feel a lot better physically. Deciding to have the surgery is one thing. Of course do all the research you can and be very aware of the challenges you will face after surgery. If you aren't sure then I wouldn't suggest doing it. If you decide to go ahead then go for it and don't look back. It's great if you have the support of your family. Still the decision and the consequences are all yours. The benefits are all yours and the little grin you give yourself in the mirror after you drop 50 pounds or more isn't bad either. Sometimes I give myself a wink for good measure:)

[Miss Mac 6,261]

I, too, worried about whether or not my boyfriend was a chubby chaser and would value me less if I got to a healthy weight. But I was so sick and miserable (and have already had one stroke) that I would have done the surgery regardless. As it turns out, he wants me to be healthy, whatever that takes, so that we can enjoy each others' companionship as long as possible.

Go into the search box and type in "Last straw". It will give you some threads on how stubborn we all are and what it took to open our eyes to the fact there is no disgrace in using surgery as a tool to help us get there.

You could walk five miles to the supermarket and carry you groceries home in a backback, but isn't a car a wonderful tool to get you there and back home? Spring is here now, and it is time to plant your garden. Are you going to cultivate the dirt with your fingernails, or are you going to use a spade or maybe even a rototiller? Those are tools to help you get the job done. Sure, a rototiller is the "easy" way out, but look how much more efficient and effective it is for getting the job done.

True, weight loss surgery will expose the dynamics of your relationships. Just tell your hubby that you have decided to get the surgery so that you can be healthier and happier and more involved in your life. And if he doesn't want to do it for himself, that is his business, but ask him to increase his life insurance.

[lclemur 161]

I, too, had none of the "co-morbidities." I didn't have diabetes (although it was knocking on my door,) high blood pressure, etc. But I KNEW they were coming if I continued on the path I was on. I had to look to my future to realize the need. I am so sorry that all of us need to come to this. One family member said "But it is such a drastic measure!" Yeah, but drastic conditions call for drastic measures. If we could do it with diets, we would all be skinny, wouldn't we? Keep doing your research. The web has a wealth of information. Even after all of my research, I still questioned my decision. I do know one thing, I didn't want to die from obesity.

[ilikecake2much 65]

You are all 100% right. Way to hit the nail on the head. Thank you. Especially Iclemur, that is EXACTLY how I feel, like I want to nip this in the bud before I am facing medical issues. And Miss Mac, I literally LOL'ed at increasing hubby's life insurance, but we probably should!

[MrsSugarbabe 727]

@@ilikecake2much - Welcome!! Your doctor must have had a reason to recommend you for bariatric surgery.......besides just being overweight. My PCP made the same suggestion because I was diagnosed in 2013 with non-alcoholic FATTY LIVER, which a lot, if not most, obese people probably have. I also had diabetes, albeit controlled with food, exercise, and Metformin, and high BP which had been diagnose a couple years before the liver issue. He felt WLS was the best opportunity for me to lose the 100 lbs. he said it would take in order to halt the progression of the fatty liver disease and all the bad stuff that can come with that, i.e. cirrhosis. I took about a year to read, research, and talk to everyone I'd known who had been through WLS. I, too, felt like it was such a drastic route to take to lose weight, but as my PCP said, "I know what you're already doing, and what you've already done, to try and lose weight and it's not been working well for you." Once I started thinking of WLS as a tool to lose the weight for MY HEALTH, and not as a shortcut to lose weight just for the sake of losing weight and looking better, then I was ready to make the commitment to scheduling the surgery.

I wish you well on YOUR journey!

Know that the new lifestyle you create for yourself by having WLS is for LIFE! Literally and figuratively. For every pound we lose, we're that much healthier!!

March 31, 2015 - Tuesday Reality Check

It's important to not undermine your commitment to weight loss by telling yourself, “Maybe I don’t really need/want to lose weight,” or “Maybe I don’t actually have to do these things.” If you do, you will have a much, much harder time getting yourself to just do what you need to do.

From Beck Daily Diet Solutions - http://www.beckdietsolution.com/daily-diet-solutions/

[Elizabeth21 175]

*HUG*

I was so conflicted and scared when I first began to research the sleeve that I was physically ill for the first several days. It had always been something I thought I would never do because of the all the risks and life changes with bypass. But the sleeve was different and as I learned more and realized that I was seriously considering it I really was nervous.

Honestly, it was my research on this site that convinced me to do it. I am three and a half months out now and I am very glad I did it. But, I think mindset is the most important thing. So, I think you are doing the right thing by doing research and asking questions. You do not have to rush into this. If you do decide you want to do it, you may have to educate the people around you. On the other hand, you do not have to tell everybody either. Many of us have chosen to not to share with too many because we did not want to deal with their negativity or justify ourselves.

Good luck!

Edited March 31, 2015 by Elizabeth21

[James Marusek 5,244]

I waited until my weight resulted in a number of health issues including diabetes and high blood pressure. These issues take a toll on my body. It would have been better for me to nip this in the bud earlier than later.

[sharonintx 1,275]

@@Miss Mac lol @ chubby chaser. that was funny

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

See! Look at all the caring folks on this site! I am in love with this post. Period. You tell what you want, what you need, and what you will do about it. AWESOME! And this is why I know you will succeed. You can tell the ones who will have struggles (self-imposed, I might add), and those who will succeed beyond their wildest dreams. It's because you recognize what will be required of you and you show you will do it, no matter what. And you will be an inspiration to all who are on this site seeking advice, as well as your family (pay attention, husband, your wife knows what she is doing...you'd be wise to follow her path!!!). Yes, there will be difficulties, stalls, head-hunger........... but you show STRENGTH. You will do GREAT! I look forward to your journey, I hope you share it with us! God bless you in your endeavors!

[ilikecake2much 65]

Wow, @@CanyonBaby thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words. To be quite honest, I almost feel that by choosing WLS I am "being bad" or "disobeying" my family. (Mom, Hubby, sister and Grandma mostly) Like I will have to defend myself and my decision. And I know I won't ever be able to say anything less than stellar about it or I will get read the riot act about how I never should have done that to myself. This whole thing has really opened my eyes about how judgmental my family is and how they feel entitled to impose their thoughts/beliefs/ideas on the rest of us. And sadly, I can't keep it from them, I work with my Mom...so she obviously will know what's up when I have to request time off for surgery. And she won't keep something like this a secret. I'm pretty sad about it all. I know I will be going into this pretty much alone - which I have accepted, this is my journey and my choice alone. I just wish I had a family member or two who supported me. But regardless, I am starting to feel that is this the right path, and I will walk it alone if I have to!

[Bandista 7,466]

Hi there, so happy you found this forum! I never thought of WLS either and then suddenly I realized I needed to choose myself and my healthy future FIRST. I had never put myself front and center before. Of course every one else benefits but the main thing is I did this for ME and I feel great about my decision. I would do it all over again tomorrow. Best wishes!

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@ilikecake2much

Oh no, you are NEVER alone! As for your family, they have a couple of choices to make: To support you, or not. Maybe, just maybe what you're doing frightens them (I mean, they will now have to confront what THEY are, whether it is obese, mean, judgemental, obese and not doing anything about it, mean and knowing it, mean and NOT knowing it, judgemental and scared because it makes them face what they are/are not - it's easier to blame someone else for their failures - obese and scared to do anything about it....the list goes on). So plod along, my dear, head upright, heart upright in the knowledge that YOU care for you, and that is what counts. They can come along for the journey of a lifetime, or not, the choice (and the loss) is theirs. BUT...YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! We are here! Write when you want to, need to, or have to...we ARE here!

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@Bandista

And good - NO, GREAT! - for you and the courage (IT IS COURAGE, PEOPLE!!!!) to proceed and follow your dream, to follow your LIFE! We are NEVER alone! NEVER (did I say it enough?!)!!!