Any research on changing relationships?

[mercy96 20]

Shortly before my surgery a supervisor stopped speaking to me because I "gave her attitude" about my time off for bariatric surgery. This is after 12 years of working together and what I would call friendship. She is not the only person to react negatively to my surgery; a cousin of mine was angry I had surgery. When I had my preop clearance the psychologist asked if I wanted to discuss changing relationships and I declined. Does anyone know any notable articles or info on this subject? I feel as if I am on thin ice at work and may be fired; I can guarantee this would not have happened if I had not had surgery. Wondering how it would play out if I took this to court.

[Comeflywithme 402]

Hmmm... it's all about jealosy.... Wait till the weight starts coming down ... then you'll REALLY see it then. I have family members as well as coworkers treating me very differently too. I shrug it off. You just go about your happy self with this tremendous decision that will change your life -- for the better and not mind the opinion of others my dear. I choose to IGNORE those who either used sarcasm or negativity towards my WLS and I am just too happy to deal with that.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

This makes me sad. I am so incredibly grateful for the work and family and friends support not just for WLS but also for massive reconstructive plastics later. remember, keep your eye on the prize which is your own health and not let this stuff derail you.

[mercy96 20]

@@Comeflywithme I sit next to this person all day...it is so negative. I am having trouble securing employment elsewhere....Ive lost about 50 pounds already. I wonder if I lose 40 more I may find better employment. Its a judgmental world and you are right I do try to shrug it off and go about my day but its hard at times. My son was very sick and she never once asked if he was okay.

I know theres plenty of articles about WLS and romantic relationships but not about work relationships LOL

[Thinkingthinner1109 485]

Wow! This thread is soooooo true! I work in a place filled with women. They had "dieting" competitions where they would weigh in every Monday. I was probably the heaviest in the office and I would have NEVER participated in that one.....because it was actually a contest to see who didn't gain the most. It was kind of funny. I then chose to forego WLS and I did tell them. Yes I know BIG MISTAKE there was all kinds of talk. Some really insulting. When people would ask how much I lost I would tell them....I am not telling you because I have heard some pretty rude comments. That would usually shut them up. Last week someone actually asked how much I weigh. I told them I am not going to tell you that. She then said well how much did you lose? I said I am not telling you that either. I have had so many compliments outside of work. However inside work there are only two women that have give pm me compliments. I truly believe it's jealousy. I have one co worker that brags about going to fitness class and then eats everything under the sun. I don't say anything at all. She says look how lose my clothes are. (They are not loose). I am friends with them on Facebook, again I know big mistake. Well today is my anniversary. I dug out my wedding dress and posted a picture on FB. THEN that same co worker posts a random.... SMH. LOL. I pretty much know what that means. Sorry for the rant but yes working relationships change, drastically!

Here is the pic that started the crap. What was really cool was that my daughter posted that the dress looked big on me, and actually it is too big for me, I had to pin it up.  

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Jealousy.

Pure dee out jealousy.

However ... how you FEEL about their jealousy and their pissy comments is all on you.

If their behavior really wounds you, unfriend them on FB. If you don't like how their treatment of you makes you feel, learn not to take it personally.

If you don't like their negativity, find some other friends and spend time with them to put some positive energy in your life.

And if you REALLY don't like it, find another job. And yes, you will find other employment more easily when you've lost 50-100 pounds. Don't let that bother you either; it's just the way it is.

[Dolores33778 248]

Interesting. I experienced some jealousy from my twin but she's better now that her lap band was fixed. She used to say i flaunted. Nope, just walking from one place to another. Not my fault you don't like it.

It's tough, but try to surround yourself with positive influences and get your resume out there.

[Thinkingthinner1109 485]

I do admit that once in a while it does hurt my feelings (for about 30 seconds, lol). But I am over it, I am happy and to me that is all that matters. I do not EVER brag or do the "look at me" thing. Actually I still wear the same scrubs as I did when I was overweight. I have bought new pants but the shirt is hugely baggy. Our employer buys our uniforms so I will be getting new ones soon I hope. I am tired of wearing the big old baggy ones. It makes me look frumpy. I cannot buy my own tops because they have to be a certain color and have embroidery on them. I asked my employer six months ago if I could pay for my own and put in my order to her 6 months ago but she never did order them for me.

[Swampdoggie 477]

@@mercy96 probably you have already but since you said you thought of your coworker as a friend can you talk to her about how things have changed and how sad you are, or whatever emotion, about the change in your relationship?

Everybody deserves to be healthy. Who could argue with that?

It does suck to look for a job when overweight. I'd been looking too. M y resume got me in the door 5 out of 7 attempts. Phone interviews got me to in person. Weight got me a thank you for coming in.

[mercy96 20]

@@mercy96 probably you have already but since you said you thought of your coworker as a friend can you talk to her about how things have changed and how sad you are, or whatever emotion, about the change in your relationship?

Everybody deserves to be healthy. Who could argue with that?

It does suck to look for a job when overweight. I'd been looking too. M y resume got me in the door 5 out of 7 attempts. Phone interviews got me to in person. Weight got me a thank you for coming in.

The last time we really spoke she said i was ungrateful at how wonderfully she has treated me

Over the years. She deleted me from Facebook. Really, she has been a bit of a pain over the years. The relationship is not worth salvaging. If I had not had surgery everything would be okay between us. But hey,

I had to rock the

Boat.

Thanks for the advice.

Can't wait to lose 40 more pounds and see how the world treats me

[Swampdoggie 477]

Ugh yeah not worth it. Keep up the good work.

[MsAlaineus 63]

You are a valuable person and the people in your life that are blessed enough to experience your gifts will Celebrate any choice which makes you happy. Focus on those who are able to shower you with that positivity!

XO,

Ms.A

[Miss Mac 6,261]

"Life is too short to work for a jerk." Steve Harvey

My advice is that while you are losing weight, rebuild your resume. Include every little thing you have been asked to do that was not particularly on your job description. I call it "Resume Bait".

In the 1980's I was executive housekeeeper at a resort hotel in Michigan. A divorce was coming up and I knew I would need a better job and more money to support myself, so I began volunteering for Manager on Duty weekends where I had to run all of the other departments besides my own. That included the front desk, the pool, maintenance, conference services, food and banquets, the golf course and the 19th hole. Resume bait.

When I supervised common area housekeepers for a large condo property in Portsmouth, NH, I took a part-time job with a local contractor to paint and remodel vacant units for absentee owners. They also hired me out for other local projects and taught me how to order supplies from vendors and to manage vendor contracts. Resume bait.

My first job out of high school was counter work at a Dunkin Donuts in Hammond, Indiana. One day the donut finisher called in sick, so I volunteered to go in the back and learn how to finish donuts. Resume bait.

My ex-hubby moved us 14 times in 23 years, and on every job I had, I offered to learn every job I was able to do on any shift. When I was in my 20's I worked at Columbia records in Terre Haute, Indiana, running double presses making albums. (If you have Simon and Garfunkle's Bridge Over Troubled Water or Alice Cooper's Killer or School's Out albums, I made those with my own little hands).

Anyway, we went on lay-off. I did not like the unemployment line, so after I applied, I went right back to HR and asked the lady that even though you don't have work for two hundred people to do, do you have something ONE person could do????? So she put me in the tape plant, disassembling 8 track tapes with pneumatic tools (yes, I am that old) to recycle parts. Then I got a brief stint in injection molding to unload a machine while the conveyor was down for a couple of weeks, then I worked in the warehouse until the press plant came back up. It was all for RESUME BAIT.

I have said all that to say this. There is no point in staying where you are not wanted. Jealousy makes people evil and she will find a wait to push you out. No big deal if you are prepared or can move on before she gets a chance to do that.

Sit down with a notebook and write down everything you have done on every job. If your employee re-imburses tuition, take a class or two or learn a language. If they don't, some schools will let you monitor a class for no credit. Just start building yourself up instead of letting her tear you down. You are in charge of your destiny, not her.

[Debbieduck4 399]

I wonder how you would relate to coworkers and a boss treating you this way over other major personal life decisions? For instance, lets say you decided to go back to college, turn your life over to Christ, foster a child, marry the man of your dreams, move your niece in with you.... Would it be okay for them (or anyone for that matter) to say rude things about your personal choices that HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WITH THEM? Of course not! If it were me, I would take a stand, but keep it professional because you need the job right now... I would say something like "I can see you don't approve of my personal choice. Good thing it doesn't affect my ability to perform my work. Now what would you like me to do today?" Put a smile on your face, and refuse to comment further. If you act like it doesn't bother you, I promise it will take the fun away for them and the bullying (that's what this is) will stop. If it doesn't... Contact HR.

[mercy96 20]

@@MsAlaineus thanks:)