Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Anyone else turning into an a-hole



Recommended Posts

Apparently I'm turning into a major first class a-hole. I'm just not willing to tuck tail or take anyone's crap. Usually that is not me. Problem is I like that I'm opening up and telling people my feelings instead of stuffing those feeling down my throat in the form of calories. I don't like however how it makes my family feel when I do it. I suppose that is what counseling is for.

-Ken

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

People don't like it when other people make changes because it forces them to change too. Look at your motivation for saying the things you do and check your tone of voice. If you're telling people how you feel because they really need to know then you don't have a problem, it's them that have the problem.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I turned into a major b***h for a while. I finally had enough of my sister calling me fat all the time. It is different! Normally I used to keep my mouth shut and then eat my feelings. NOT ANYMORE lol! If people make me mad they will be hearing about it

Edited by auntiemel

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, my humble opinion is that I think it's good to tell people how you feel (one of my favorite quotes is "THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE, BUT FIRST IT WILL PISS YOU OFF" by Gloria Steinem). But I also believe that we would live in a better world if you could figure out a way to say things in a calm, non-confrontational way and try to be diplomatic. And use the "I or me" phrase a lot. As in "When you tell me that I took the easy way out by having surgery, that makes me feel bad; I made the right decision for me, so I would appreciate it if you would stop saying that". Instead of getting made at them. Just my humble opinon anyway!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are enough a**holes in this world without adding another to the mix. I feel that you do need to express how you feel about things and be plain. But I also think that counting the cost of the damage will be the turning point for you.

We all have so much pent up inside of us because of the abuse we took during our former lives. It has to come out some how. But is it worth it to be so forth coming. A choice to make! There are people that I no longer talk to or have dealings with because of my choice to have WLS. I lost them all. And I have not looked back.

You are right. there is a lot more to this new way of life then losing weight. It is an emotional, physical and mental change. Don't let yourself become someone you can't live with. Make this a positive life change for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with making a positive change, I just won't keep my feelings bottled up anymore. Things need to be talked about and put out in the open or all the pent up feelings will eventually build up again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Expressing your feeling is not wrong but you do have control over the way you express them. The last thing you want is to develop a new coping mechanism (food no longer available) to deal with stress and becoming a A-hole is very possible. Specially since your statements will get some attention. It's amazing how the human mind can settle for negative attention and even crave it in the absence of what it needs. You will have to dig deep and find the things that make you happy and support you in order not to be so dependent on the negative attention. Try a time out before saying something rash. work the words in your head before saying them. Ask, is it necessary, what will it accomplish, is it kind, will it help me? any thought process to delay reactive responses is always good. If you find that you cannot control your emotions/statements then Therapy would be advisable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All so well spoken !!! Such a fabulous group, I am honored just to read your responses????

Before speaking, think to yourself.... Do I really need to say this? Do I need to say this now? What will be accomplished?

I tell my kids this all the time. It's always good to take a breath and pause before we unleash the wrath of our inner most thoughts and feelings, don't you think?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Can't add more than what's already been said. Excellent responses.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Fortunately I was a bitch before surgery. ???? no one gave me shit before because they would hear about it. So not much is different now. And it's not that I'm mean, it's just that I am brutally honest and I stand up for myself. Some people may not like me for it, but for the most part people respect me. And my best friends are the ones I don't have to hold anything back from. I've never had to fake anything or keep my mouth shut in front of family or close friends. And vice versa...I only trust the people that bring on the good bad and the ugly and allow me to like them (or not) for who they truly are.

So go ahead and stand up for yourself! Getting your emotions out is much healthier in the long run. But yes, some ways are more constructive than others.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@Kindle Honey, you took the words right out of my mouth. I am 55 years young, and at this point in my life I don't feel as though I should have to curtail my feelings for anyone. If I cannot express my thoughts and feelings to you in whatever manner I choose to in order for me to get them out, then you are not a true friend, or someone that truly cares about me.

All of the people that I surround myself with are people who "keep it real". They tell me the things I NEED TO HEAR, as opposed to the things I WANT TO HEAR! As mentioned earlier, the truth will set you free, but it's going to piss you off first.

I seems to me that those individuals that would be offended by something you might say, or the way you said it, are people who are taking your comments and reactions "personally". Maybe its just me, but I have developed over the years a very keen eye for knowing when someone is "venting" and not personally "attacking" me.

I guess if not holding back and speaking how you feel without having to temper or censor your words makes you an a-hole or a b***h, then I guess I'll just have to take my seat in the front row because I can't and won't live my life or surround myself with people who can't deal with the real me.

Just my humble opinion...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven't seen any major personality or behavioral shift in nearly 11 weeks now.

I'm pretty plainspoken, but know how to present my views so that I don't initially offend people and allow them to actually consider my views, if those are different from their views.

Protip: If you treat people like assholes, you may be an asshole, too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If every body in the world were to give their opinions by holding back compassion or fellow feeling or plain ignorance of fact. We would be in one big mess. Everyone on this planet would be an a**hole.

We would spend all out time killing each other off for the offences against us. Even the tiniest comment that did not suit us. Where does it stop. Are we in junior high for the rest of our lives. I think there are times when a person does need to put it out there and in no uncertain terms. And those times are for those who should by all means know better. But I like to think that mankind in general does not mean any harm. Which is well meaning comments but do not hit the mark....

Celebrating being a b***h. Nice! Congratulating ones self for no filter like the person who called you out....I don't know seems to me to be an exercise in fruitlessness. Some people just will never get it and so time wasted big time I think..Just my opinion! Nothing more.....

Edited by RJ'S/beginning

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

VSGAnn2014,

I already said I was turning into an a-hole. Protip? Are you in the counseling field.

I guess what it boils down to is, most of what I'm saying are feeling I've had for a long time and I just dont have a mechanism to bottle those feelings inside. My therapist is 90 minutes from me so I don't see him that often but I do have an appt on Monday. Hopefully I can figure a better way to cope and express my thoughts constructively.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I am out shopping I have found over and over again that the poor retail field has the hardest time dealing with those who tell it like it is in their own minds. You can see it in their manner as they try to keep it together after a person has raked them over the coals for saying what they think......I never leave a clerk or teller without making them smile or compliment them in some way....A lot tell me I have made their day and sometimes they do extra things for me.....

I used to be that person that said what I thought and then learned to not say what I thought and became quiet and would think out what I was going to say or how it might affect people. There has to be a happy medium. I don't like abusive people who think they have a right to take their feeling out on me when I have made a mistake in judgement. It feels horrible to be made to feel you are dirt under someones feet. So then I will take them on.

But most of the time it is not done to hurt us it was an error in thought. I like to think that most of the time people don't mean to hurt so if they say something I will ask if they meant to say it that way....The only field I am not understanding about is medical because they should know better. It hurts when they say not so nice things.....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×