Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

True confessions of a 9 month out Sleever



Recommended Posts

Surgery was Feb 4th, 2014. I've lost 103 lbs. I am still "Obese." I've gone from a 24W to a 14P (sometimes 12) in dress size so far. I came off High Blood Pressure medication. My resting pulse rate went from 100 to 70 on average. I fit in seats everywhere I go. I walk and bike ride quite a bit, usually 4x per week. I have a lot of energy. I see a therapist. I try to stay positive.

And...

I still feel like I am batting the daily demons. You know the ones: the demons that enjoy grazing, that don't drink 64 oz of Water every day, that enjoy carbs and occassional sweets, that track daily intake a little too sporadically, that constantly suggest, "Go ahead, you can get away with eating that."

I hate these demons. These are the same creatures I battled before surgery. Somehow I hoped it would be different or that the magic honeymoon period would have lasted longer. There are days I feel like I really haven't had surgery at all.

It's funny, because I remember doing my pre-op research and really focusing on the enormity of my decision. All the literature which said, "Gastric Sleeve is forever, completely irreversible, a major decision." No one EVER said, "Oh, by the way, despite having 75% of your stomach removed - 9 months from now you will feel extraordinarily normal and your appetite will return in similar force to what it always was and you will be able to eat quite a bit of most everything and you will have to engage in the daily battle to maintain a lifestyle diet, and you will have to restrict yourself with will power and a hundred mental tricks EVERY DAY."

Sigh.

I am switching into sleever veteran status and I am very afraid. I am afraid that I will not be able to lose to a point where I am no longer listed as "Obese." I am afraid that I am back-sliding with my habits. I am afraid that I don't really have it in me to do the very difficult ongoing forever work that is now required of me. I'm afraid that my "tool" will lose it's effectiveness. And ultimately, I am afraid of failure.

And that is my confession.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not to minimize your confession but reading your journey made me feel optimistic and alleviated some of my own fears! I'm glad you feel normal after 9 months! I'm glad you have a normal appetite and can enjoy foods again. Most of all I'm glad you lost a hundred pounds and your health is better!

Think of it like you have already done the hard part. You have a lot less to lose now, and you can do it the " normal" way! You have power over your fears! You demonstrated that.. Just keep going! Simply read your post again, skip your last paragraph and give your God a hand!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for posting this. As brutal as the truth can be, I think it's good for everyone involved. People who are pre-op need to know that this is not the "easy way out". People who are post-op need to know they are not alone in battling the same demons you are fighting. But your first paragraph is critical. You have come so far and changed so much. Are you completely changed? No. You aren't going to be a 100% different person than you were before. But you HAVE changed and for the better. So cling to that and use it as motivation moving forward.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am going to challenge you.. not to in any way invalidate your feelings or experiences, but rather to give you "food for thought".. so please take it in the way intended.

Can you really eat as much as you used to? Are you really as hungry as you used to be? Do you think that you can continue to lose weight (and more importantly maintain your losses!)? Could you have accomplished any of this without the sleeve?

I have lost over 160#. I started at 308... and my dream, my measure of success was to get under 200# and actually maintain it. At 5'5"; still obese. I got to about 190 and sure enough... my weight loss slowed to a crawl. At about 8-9 months post op, I was losing around 2# a MONTH!

I met with my nutritionalist and she pointed out the single worst thing I was doing food wise that created my problem.. i was eating Protein bars like candy. crap. One more thing got banned from the house. Essentially, Protein Bars had become my new junk food and they are really high carb!

I also faced my own inner feelings. I had lost about 120-125# and people gave me so many compliments, I felt so good, I could physically do things so much easier... but I still had a nice comfy protective layer of fat. I frankly looked matronly, in spite of my friends saying how good I looked, i looked like a typical overweight middle age woman. hmmm. Did I really really want to lose more? Was this good enough? Was I fearful of trying to get all the way to a normal /slim weight?

I had to face my own inner decision - much like the original decision to get WLS. What do i want to make of this? How can I leverage this tool to the fullest?

I got hardcore again. I went back to basics and pushed pushed pushed, Water, Vitamins, ate low carb again, worked out... etc. Frankly, that first about 14 months post op (except for the little Detour I just talked about) I didn't do alot of fun stuff like vacations, dinner parties and cocktail hours. I focused on losing weight.

Guess what, when I refoced, reduced carbs, my hunger decreased and my weight loss accelerated back to the 9-12# a month until I got to my ultimate goal in Feb 2013.

I am now maintaining under my goal weight and it is still work. (it is easier than staying under 300# was for me preop, but it is still work). It is my lot in life. Guess what, it is the struggle most women over 40 engage in to stay trim. It sucks. My best friend packed on about 35# over the last year or two and she is hungry all the time.. just to lose a pound a week she has to really work it.

Anyway, in truth, i would have been okay if I had maintained at 190.. beats the crap out of 300+ and gaining.. but I am very glad that I took the plunge and continued on as I love my body and health at a normal BMI, but the reality of the WLS situation is that it is not a guaranteed easy ride to skinny-ville.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@CowgirlJane - I SO appreciate your reply. You are the voice of so much reason on these boards. And yes, for sure - I needed to vent about this and to diminish some of my fear by expressing it.

1. I could NOT have done this without the sleeve. I have no regrets about that.

2. If I didn't lose any more weight - that would still be OK given how much healthier I am. (I was most assuredly on my way to 300 lbs)

3. I am exactly in that place you describe: lots of compliments, came a long way, have a new wardrobe, feeling pretty good - but also feeling a bit stuck - weight loss down to about 4 lbs/month.

4. YES - afraid to get all the way down to a normal weight (gasp, skinny even??). In fact, losing another 10 lbs would put me at my lowest weight in 15 years. Yikes - terrifying.

5. The bratty, lazy un-grownup part of me wants this to be easier than it is and is definitely staging a rebellion.

But no, it is not over - and I can refocus and rein in my mis-behaviors. I am just now going through the mental and physical process of really deciding to this - to get hardcore as you say.

Am I worth it? Can I take the final step and face the risks that go along with doing that? Am I strong enough? Do I have the support I need? These are the things I am consciously and unconsciously working through.

Thank you for your caring reply!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Excellent food for thought! I think I, too, have become a little too comfortable and complacent. Here's hoping your "challenge" will give me the kick in the butt to see bigger losses again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

At 9 months out I'd reached well inside that ever elusive "healthy BMI zone". My friends, (all are now larger than me but many not by much), were telling me to "stop" in no uncertain terms, (is 145 pounds at 5'6" too skinny???). My favorite jeans\pants were all size 4 which was smaller than I ever imagined so I decided to enter maintenance and adjust my goal up to 145. I lived there for 3 months, actually creeping down a bit weight wise until I recently decided that it was in me to go ahead and finish my original journey to 135 pounds, (an even 100 pound loss and still in the middle of healthy for my height). So damn the opinions of others who are not my Dr., I'm going for it! A few less calories, a few more Protein grams, a few more minutes on my bike and a few more push ups... I WILL get to my goal! And so can you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree that while my pre-op program definitely prepared me for the physical changes and the diet changes, it did not prepare me for the emotional changes. I didn't expect them and they caught me off guard. I thought "If I can lose x amount of weight, I will truly be happy and I will no longer battle my eating disorder." Nope. Didn't happen. I lost x amount of weight, but still battle my thoughts every day.

But what did happen is I got an amazing tool to support me in my weight loss journey. So even if I do have one of those "bad days" (see today's blog post).... I am eating maybe 1/2 c. of the food instead of 4 c. of it. What also happened is that I've realized even though I've reached and passed my goal weight, what I thought would "cure" me did not, and now I've had the opportunity to dig deeper into my emotional eating issues and figure out what it is I'm allowing myself to NOT think about when I'm obsessing over the food.

So, I guess my point is just some encouragement. I think we've all had those days, but the key is to be grateful that we have this tool, embrace the journey for what it is, and keep on doing the hard work! Good luck to you!

Edited by livvsmum

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey hey Human,

I am still new to all this and your concerns I share. Other than weight loss, I still have to find a way to healthfully address stressors in my life in a different way. I signed up for an online 4 week course. It was 97.00 and, I am guardedly optimistic it will be a great help. I chose the Tuesday night session but there is still time to sign up for Saturday's first class. If you go to

Strongcoffey.com or Google Kelly Coffey you should find the info. She weighed over 300 lbs and had bariatric surgery but early on realized there is so much more to be addressed. I was impressed with the work she put into the presentation, her honesty, and insights. I think you may find some helps via her class, blog, Facebook page...

Check it out. Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 2 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×