Not having support from partner

[capiccirillo 3]

My partner of 7 yrs says she supports my decision to have the sleeve surgery yet makes comments about well if you went to the gym and ate smaller meals you could lose weight. My nutritionist says I eat very well but with my PCOS it's hard to loss weight and I struggle. But hearing those comments makes me feel she doesn't get it and makes me feel like I'm a failure for doing this for me. I want this surgery to get back my life and overcome this weight obstacle. I go to my nutrition classes and come home excited about what I learned and went to share it with her but she makes comments how can that be healthy, are you of sure she said that, she can't be right, if you were a eating healthy you wouldn't be overweight......who wants to hear that and everything I eat my partner sees. I don't cheat.

I'm just feeling really down and the support I need on the home front base I am not getting and want to know anyone else dealing with this....

[blondebomb 580]

She's not supporting. .she's sabotaging without coming right out an saying no. I don't mean to sound judgmental but others are afraid of change an get jealous an insecure. Its not her decision. Its yours. You have health issues. So do I. I have a butt load of health problems an 2 of my specialist sent me. Prediabetic, insulin resistance, hashis which is destroying my thyroid. I was having to starve myself it STILL didn't wrk. My weight just kept goin up an up. Ppl who have no clue about biological issues they think this way. Eat right eat less sweat ur butt off! Doesn't wrk for everyone. I sure hope you can have a real about this or maybe take with you to ur Dr app an maybe they can help. I no one's who have done it on their own...it's tuff but your stronger then you know! I'll b watching for others to add their thoughts. But I've read a lot about partners sabotaging bc of not accepting there's no medical reasons or we don't have enuff self control or discipline. .blah blah blah..I didn't tell any of my family. My hubs...you don't need this..if she truly wants the best for you an wants you healthy an well she'll come around an do wats needed out of her..that's my 2 cents...keep us posted: )

[Mrs. Reid 392]

It sounds to me as if your partner is feeling insecure. Does she think you will leave her once you are thin and more attractive to others?

Maybe you should ask yourself why you are with this person. Do you hang on because you don't think you can do any better? Do you think you don't deserve better?

I know what this is like. I had to let go of my best friend of 20 years because she became so toxic when I decided to change my life. My determination to change my life upset the balance in our relationship and threw her off kilter. It has been a while since our relationship ended and now I see that she had an emotional investment in me staying sick, dependent and unstable. My unhappiness kept her in control. I have let go of many people since I began this journey. But I have found new people who support me and even though it hurt to let the others go, the only thing I would change is I would have let them go sooner.

[JCP 619]

I think it's time for a calm, honest discussion if you have not had one on this. You need to express that these comments are hurtful and not healthy for your relationship. If she refuses to support you, you may need to take stock and see if this relationship is in your best interest. Hard to do, I know. But this is a brave step you are taking, worthy of support, not criticism. If she does not believe what the professionals say, she could attend a support group with you and ask questions herself. I wish you the best. This is not an easy choice. We need positive support, not people who will cause us to be filled with doubt and fear. That's not love.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

One of the more remarkable aspects of bariatric surgery is that it not only makes us more of aware of our eating habits, it also exposes areas of our relationships that we have long ignored. My guess is that this is not the first time in seven years that your partner has refused to validate your feelings or opinions. You need to ask yourself two questions: Instead of thinking that you love this person, so why are you treated that way?, you need to think, Why would I love someone who treats me that way? The other question you need to reflect on is Why are you still there?

It's rough, I know, but weight loss surgery involves a mental and emotional element as well as how the body relates to the changes surgery brings. You will need all of the support you can get. This is going to be one of those situations where you will have to be selfish. This is about your own health and you need to be in control of it.

My mean ol' rotten ex-husband deliberately denied me access to healthcare and caused a severe decline with some issues that could have been resolved with timely attention. You need to stand your ground even if it requires an ultimatum. Your quality of life is at stake. I agree with the others that a good conversation is needed, but beyond that you are in charge of your health whether your partner likes it on not.

[BellaLuce4 261]

Boy, you came to the right group to ask that question and get honest answers. Lol

I'm married 28 yrs n it's been 1 heck of a roller coaster! I know my partner sometimes better than myself, so I choose not to tell him anything until I was approved and in my 2 week pre op liquid diet.

Sad, yes, but necessary because when you live with passive aggressive or insecure partners, you have to be your own advocate.

(you must read the thread, "I want to throat punch my husband" just substitute husband for partner n you will see it not so uncommon. ) I already know there r issues there.

I agree with everyone, you need to do what is right for you when it is right for you. In the meantime, be strong in yourself and your decision to take care of yourself and let your partner know that up front. A week ago my husband was buying eggplant parm heroes for dinner for me while I'm on pre op liquid diet and not being supportive at all, questioning my decision and not agreeing with it...n last night he laid in bed with me and read through my entire folder and helped me put together a shopping list for my post op 4 weeks. Give her time to adjust and you just keep holding firm, she might just surprise you!

If not, you have a wealth of support here with people that know u r doing the right thing ????

Good luck????

[capiccirillo 3]

Thank you.....today I expressed my feelings and opened up while my partner sat there in silence....not uttering one word except saying how sorry she is. I am filled with complete sadness because I wanted more than sorry and when I didn't get it I just felt sad. I guess this process will change various aspects of my life including weight loss. Not quite feeling like myself tonight.....just very sad and down and keeping to myself. I am not sure what I am feeling......JUST HURT

[Mrs. Reid 392]

I think on some level you have to forgive her for not being the person you need her to be. Then, you may need to start thinking about your life without her. I don't know you, but I think it is safe to say this isn't the first time she has let you down...and she is going to let you down again. Because that is who she is, and you may not have the right to tell her she has to change to fit your needs. Why don't you believe you deserve better? On some level do you think you deserve the pain?

[BellaLuce4 261]

Thank you.....today I expressed my feelings and opened up while my partner sat there in silence....not uttering one word except saying how sorry she is. I am filled with complete sadness because I wanted more than sorry and when I didn't get it I just felt sad. I guess this process will change various aspects of my life including weight loss. Not quite feeling like myself tonight.....just very sad and down and keeping to myself. I am not sure what I am feeling......JUST HURT

it is good that you are trying. 1 of the important things I have Horton from therapy through out the years is- we can only change our behavior and our reactions to other people behavior... We can not change them. Only they can do that. You are changing in a positive direction. Keep it up???????? things will fall into place at some point.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

... we can only change our behavior and our reactions to other people behavior... We can not change them. Only they can do that.

You said a mouthful!

[viktoryalynne 28]

First~

You are not a failure.

You are using a tool (the surgery) to help assist you in a lifetime change.

This tool will assist you in regaining your good health back, exceeding your lifespan, and living a life of happiness.

This will be one of the hardest challenges you will take on and you will WIN!

Everyone is build different. Some of us burn calories immediately and can maintain normal weight. Many like you and I need more than the gym,

Do this for you! Go to support meetings, online support, look for a weight loss partner to get your support from.

It 's to bad your partner is not supportive but she is not your medical health provider.

I wish you the very best on your journey.

God's Blessings!

Victoria