Does it really matter!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I don't know why! But this topic is stuck in my head today and no matter where I am on the forum someone brings it up:

Does it really matter how big you were when you started to take this journey? Should I be more ashamed of myself then someone who weighed 330 lbs. Instead of my 380 when I started? Should I feel like I have committed some kind of crime against myself or mankind because I was at a higher weight when I started then a 250 lb member that goes on about how ashamed they are about who they were..

Isn't it the most important thing that we have all in fact started to take an interest in our personal health and well being without making others feel like they should hang their heads in shame because they started higher then you did....Maybe not intentionally saying it but it comes across that way!

I thought that as a family we would be there for each other and support each other even if you have 50 lbs. to lose. To you it is a huge amount. I understand that we all have our own mindset about how we look and how we feel about ourselves.

Then on the other hand does that make me special because I have almost lost 200 lbs. Should I have been on some show for extreme obesity...i just don't get it.

I don't get that people are afraid to show who they are becoming with pride. Keep the past where it is. In the past and Celebrate what you are becoming or have become.

When do we celebrate the good that we have all done..When do we stop feeling like we don't deserve it or that I am a failure even before I start because I weighed this much....

This is real life not a script to be followed. This is you and me. Real people..Real health issues and have had the courage and grit to work hard to fix ourselves and stand out.

We are all different as I said but I am not going to feel bad because I was more obese then you when I started this trek. And I don't like it when others without realizing it make me feel bad because I was.....

[kaiwil27 21]

I don't know why! But this topic is stuck in my head today and no matter where I am on the forum someone brings it up: Does it really matter how big you were when you started to take this journey? Should I be more ashamed of myself then someone who weighed 330 lbs. Instead of my 380 when I started? Should I feel like I have committed some kind of crime against myself or mankind because I was at a higher weight when I started then a 250 lb member that goes on about how ashamed they are about who they were.. Isn't it the most important thing that we have all in fact started to take an interest in our personal health and well being without making others feel like they should hang their heads in shame because they started higher then you did....Maybe not intentionally saying it but it comes across that way! I thought that as a family we would be there for each other and support each other even if you have 50 lbs. to lose. To you it is a huge amount. I understand that we all have our own mindset about how we look and how we feel about ourselves. Then on the other hand does that make me special because I have almost lost 200 lbs. Should I have been on some show for extreme obesity...i just don't get it. I don't get that people are afraid to show who they are becoming with pride. Keep the past where it is. In the past and Celebrate what you are becoming or have become. When do we celebrate the good that we have all done..When do we stop feeling like we don't deserve it or that I am a failure even before I start because I weighed this much.... This is real life not a script to be followed. This is you and me. Real people..Real health issues and have had the courage and grit to work hard to fix ourselves and stand out. We are all different as I said but I am not going to feel bad because I was more obese then you when I started this trek. And I don't like it when others without realizing it make me feel bad because I was.....

No it doesn't matter! You made an amazing decision to change your life in a positive way and and that is no different than someone making this decision who was starting out at 250, I don't understand why those people were giving you a hard time about your journey because have they not seen "my 600lb life"? They completely changed their life in the same way. So no it doesn't matter.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I used myself as an example as I have been bothered by these comments lately...

[Blondiee 278]

It doesn't matter to me and I really don't feel any kind of way when members post their stories/feelings about their journey.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

well said RJ and i couldnt agree more...thanks for a great post GF

[NMJG 1,266]

RJ, I'm sorry this stuff has bothered you. I haven't even noticed it, which shows you how dense I am. Of course it doesn't matter where you start, and no one should feel bad about themselves anywhere along the journey - or if they decide to not even go with WLS. We are all in this together, thick and thin (pun intended).

[Nicey2u 228]

I haven't notices it either. I skip over all the negativity!! Hahaha I am 6 days post op and still in the early stages. Who cares what weight you start at? I feel we are all beautiful... We just want to be HEALTHY!! I believe that is the majority of people's goal!! So who gives a flying rats patootie what weight anyone starts at??

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

RJ, I'm sorry this stuff has bothered you. I haven't even noticed it, which shows you how dense I am. Of course it doesn't matter where you start, and no one should feel bad about themselves anywhere along the journey - or if they decide to not even go with WLS. We are all in this together, thick and thin (pun intended).

It doesn't make you dense. It makes you someone different then me. That's all okay!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

RJ, you're such an inspiration to me. One thing I was thinking yesterday is how this forum is like a sanctuary for me. Other weight loss boards can be so cruel, judgmental and harsh, and although that probably happens here sometimes too, I haven seen too much of it since I came aboard in March. It got me thinking that it's because we all started here as morbidly obese. We have been in a separate category of weight losers all our lives. As WLS requirements become more open to lower weight people, that may change. We may see more and more WLS patients with 40 or fewer pounds to lose. I don't begrudge anyone this lifesaving surgery, but I hope the attitude here never changes to one of judgment or comparison. Hope this makes sense. Anyway, RJ, you're a rockstar, and don't let anybody make you feel otherwise!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

It doesn't matter to me and I really don't feel any kind of way when members post their stories/feelings about their journey.

It is not the stories or the facts that get to me.

It is the way it comes out. It makes me feel like because I started that much bigger that I should take the walk of real shame if I was that much bigger then someone else who started at a lower weight.....It is just getting to me...maybe it's because I just got out of hospital again and another complication has slowed me down in my true journey..I don't know..

I feel that everyone has the right to tell their story and say how they feel but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I read these comments. It makes me feel like I am so different from others..And I am not...Others managed to get their WLS earlier before the true big issues began.. They are so lucky and yet they still beat themselves up over the past as if now still had made no difference....

I waited 4 years on a list and got sicker and sicker, waiting and waiting and my weight sky rocketed....I'm here and glad I did it and yet I feel like like if it makes no difference to those who started so much less..They are beating themselves up over the past..Where does that leave the ones that started at a much higher weight.....That's what gets me today!

I tried not to write it but I just feel so bad for us that we can't get past the damn numbers and Celebrate our amazing accomplishments and be dam proud of all of it and the fact that all of us have a second chance at life..All of us equally!

That's all I think...

Edited April 29, 2014 by RJ'S/beginning

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

No, I agree, the starting weight does not make any difference at all. But by the same token, I sometimes get irked by "how many pounds total have you lost" and the "what size do you want to be?" Does it really matter how many pounds we lose or what size we get to? Am I less of a person If I only get to a size 12 than the person that gets to that size 6? I put the weight on my ticker that the doctor's staff told me I should weigh.... by looking at a chart. Do I think I will really get to that weight? Not likely. I will try my best but I think it is unrealistic. I'm getting healthier and that is what really matters. Staying healthy is my ultimate goal.

[SandyM 1,956]

I think people like to ask that as they find someone who weighed about what they weighed when they started and kind of compare their journeys. It actually isn't a really good idea as we all do this differently from each other and therefore we have different results. For instance, I'm very close to goal and am not stressing it. I saw somebody posting the other day like the world would end if they didn't reach goal by a certain time period. Guess it'll just have to end lol. I'll get there, just any pushing it.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

My issues are at the opposite end of the numbers topic. I know people don't mean it, But I feel bad when someone belittles those of us who have "only" 100 pounds to lose. Those of us who are short can be quite miserable with 100 extra pounds. I am having a six level spinal fusion a(L2-S1) at the end of the month because my spine was collapsing under the extra weight. The spine surgeon said that I had to lose weight before he did the surgery or it would not heal well. So far I have lost 55 pounds. I had a three level neck fusion about a year ago (C4-C6) for the same reason, and I now have scoliosis which I did not have five years ago.

Anyway, I am trying to agree with what RJ is saying. Miserable is miserable, and we need both compassion and a since of humor with each other. Many of us have started out as big around as we are tall or fiercely ill because of all the co-morbidities The forum needs to be a judgement-free zone. I do not care how many times a newbie comes up with the same dozen questions we are so familiar with. Seriously, this site needs an easily accessable FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS in big letters on the home page.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I think people like to ask that as they find someone who weighed about what they weighed when they started and kind of compare their journeys. It actually isn't a really good idea as we all do this differently from each other and therefore we have different results. For instance, I'm very close to goal and am not stressing it. I saw somebody posting the other day like the world would end if they didn't reach goal by a certain time period. Guess it'll just have to end lol. I'll get there, just any pushing it.

There is no problem with finding someone like yourself to give you confidence and help to see things clearer...I don't have a problem seeking these ones out...My problem is that some who have way less to lose then I had feel so ashamed of themselves they can hardly stand it....

Why?

They are no longer those people. They reached out and took a hold of it all and made changes...Be proud of what your doing for yourself and your loved ones.....If they are so ashamed..Where does that leave me at a much larger beginning weight....It makes me feel really bad about myself and I forget about what I have done to change the former person to be a healthier, happier person for myself and my family!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I can see where it could be the other way as well @@Miss Mac I think that the trip is difficult for all of us no matter where we started.....We all have our quarrels with ourselves....I just don't want to feel bad that I started where another didn't and if I feel this way...Do others? I think so!