Almost 9 months with before and now pics

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

The time for shame is over. You have made a big difference in your life. You took control of the beast and you are dealing with it. I can't imagine being ashamed of something that saved your life and probably is making you a better, healthier person. People on here like myself were over 300 -- 400---500 +. and started to live again...We are making a change that is all in the past.. Pick your head up and be proud of what you have accomplished and keep the photos as a reminder of where you came from and how hard you worked and who you are becoming. It is a celebration for you. The time for you. It is about you. You can't do this again.....You will never go back.. You have shown fortitude to work on yourself and make yourself a better, happier you. Don't pick at the past but move forward....There is no going back...We live on. We grow, we change and we conquer!

Thanks for your kind words. Don't get me wrong; I am thrilled with the way things are going for me now but it's time for me to reconcile with the past. After so many years of blending into the background , I sometimes feel like a trespasser in a new world. Every day I make an planned effort to do something the old me wouldn't have done; some days it's taking a "selfie" , shopping for dresses, wearing a leather jacket or signing up for a 5k. I have work to do to forgive the past in order to fully embrace the future.

I too feel like a stranger in my own land. No one knows who I am and I find this unsettling at times..The dependence on things that used to be sometimes causes a fear in me that stops my breath..

There is nothing to forgive..you were who you were and you are now who you are...Don't allow the old you to creep in and take charge of your life...Have you not paid enough of a price already! I know I have and continue to do so....

I was in the hospital last week because of an ulcer turned abscess on my sleeve and I could not figure out why all the nurses I knew for over 5 months giving me constant care were so stand offish...I have been there a few times to let them see me as I progress and they seemed cold...

All of a sudden it was like a light bulb went off..They did not know who I was after just 2 months....Have I changed that much..Am I no longer me...No I am still me but better. I have learned a lot and continue to build the new me..

I read a few weeks ago a saying that read " Do something that scares you everyday." Well I have to say that I am there..You are as well. How many would really have the courage to keep fighting a battle that has controlled our every existence for so long...

I can truly say that inside and out I have grown to be a better person. I have a better understanding of the frailty of life and compassion for those who struggle to change....I am not perfect by no means and I will be the first to say it...But this is a life saving change that we had the strength to endure..Change and learn....We deserve to be proud of ourselves and not look back..Only a reflection of what could happen if we allow food to control us once more......

You deserve this like everyone else here that sat in the back ground and waited to be ridiculed or abused by people who think they had the right...I do not sit by now and allow people to say one thing about an overweight person. Just because it makes themselves feel better about their own hell..

See yourself as a new you..A new person with so much more to offer and give...Reach out!!! Find others to help....It is in you..I promise!!!!

Oh as an after thought......I am a leather jacket freak now myself... Always on the lookout for a new style!!!

Your awesome.You were awesome...You are still you and you deserve to take care of you....

An interesting quote today said: Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.

Edited April 28, 2014 by RJ'S/beginning

[gamergirl 4,609]

GG!! So great to see you back here! I still see you on MFP, but I miss your posts :-)

Hey you! I've been watching you on MFP, getting skinnier and skinnier

[longtimecoming7 390]

Can you repeat that part about how you slowed down, got stuck and went on to be a success? The more details the better!

[deedadumble 1,033]

You look awesome GG! Miss you around here.

[gamergirl 4,609]

Can you repeat that part about how you slowed down, got stuck and went on to be a success? The more details the better!

Anyone who thinks I went on to be a success can have whatever they want from me!

So I have lost in small increments throughout. Somedays 0.2, other days 0.4 and yet other days nothing at all. I know, I could have just weighed once a week but I've weighed daily for years of my life. Only times I didn't, was when I knew I was gaining weight and didn't want to confront that.

I think I didn't appreciate before hand that there would be mostly days with NO change, followed by a few days of weight changes. So really long "stalls" followed by some weight being lost. This month I lost 1.2 lbs. Two months before that I lost 1.6 lbs. Yes a MONTH which are the losses that most people here have in a week.

And just to be clear. I eat between 800-900 calories which I track religiously and I try to keep carbs at below 50 gms. All my carbs come from veggies, shakes and bars. Apart from a handful of days, I don't eat junk. Those were my cheat days and I didn't have ANY cheat days until 8 months post op.

From hanging out on this board during the early days and observing my thoughts are that the following of us lose much much slower:

1. Women (compared to men)

2. Autoimmune disease sufferers esp those who have inflammation

3. Those close to menopause or already menopausal

4. Over 35 yoa

5. Have birthed children

6. Hypothyroid

I'm sure there are other reasons but I notice those because they all apply to me. Last month I hit 160 lbs and then 30 days of just no losses. I went up and down between 164-161 and I kept thinking it was because I had increased calories from 700 to 900 because everyone told me I needed to eat more.

(Honestly I wish I had never listened to anyone who told me that because now, I am hungry for 900 calories. I've been trying for days to get my caloric intake down and I can't but that's a whole different thread).

But the bigger issue is you go crazy during such long weeks with no activity or at least I do. Am I eating too much? Too little? Too many carbs? Should I do shakes? Has my body decided to stop? I spent more time logging different meals to see which was "more perfect" than eating! And I'm a fat girl! How wrong is that??

I wish I could just once and for all accept that I do not control my weight. I only control what I put in my mouth. I'm a control freak in many areas of my life and this area is no different. I expect my body to follow my timetable. Guess what? It gives me the finger more often than not.

I posted here once about calculating excess weight lost rather than total lbs lost and I had to dust off that formula once in a while to keep me motivated.

After 30 days the scale moved two days ago and I guess I'm starting to think I might lose the last 8-10 lbs.

And here's the kicker. So I reach goal. Then what? Apart from maybe being able to eat a few hundred calories more what exactly is going to change? I still have to get up the next day, weigh myself and log, measure and track all my food just as I am doing now. So nothing will be different. Am I putting all this pressure on myself to hit goal so I can eat a few hundred more calories? Now how stupid is that?

The head games are what drive you crazy, I tell you.

And this is probably more detail than you wanted

[gamergirl 4,609]

Fwiw this was my monthly loss trajectory so far despite the "slow" losses. Fact is, it all adds up.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

You know what the kicker is @@gamergirl That yes sure you reach goal and life goes on. But you are 70+ lbs lighter. What we make of our new selves belongs to us. How we grow, change, give and receive is entirely our call.

No more standing out in a bad way. No one looking at you as if you have no place on this globe. Healthier, able to do more, energy etc....

Rebuilding yourself can be a huge deal.....14 years ago I suffered a severe nervous breakdown. This led to Chronic depression. Which by the way the drugs only take the edge off for me....

When I had counseling I waited with baited breath for the moment when she would tell me that I was going to get better. That I would not hurt so much and carry a load I could not carry anymore. She said " You have to rebuild yourself and find the person you can be now. Learn your limits and except the fact that this is your new life and make what you can of it." What! I went home and tore up all the information that I had regarding depression and started inch by inch putting myself together..Now that is rebuilding yourself...I can never feel true joy or happiness again. I am no longer able. The drugs keep me at an even keel so that I don't tumble back into a nervous breakdown.

Losing this weight has been the next biggest struggle of my life and let me tell you I have had some dandy things to deal with in my life that others may have found themselves in a box somewhere drooling. Or worse on the end of a rope....

To me this is all good stuff. Every inch. Every pound. Every experience that brings me that much closer to who I am supposed to be brings a light to my step....A journey it is called because we travel the unknown and can only get to the end when we breath our last.

I am not saying this to make light of your above comments. Lord knows we have all been there...But there are some real big changes a head in all our lives and we have to improve more then the lbs. We have to live!!!!! And live some more and pay it forward and help others.......

Edited April 28, 2014 by RJ'S/beginning

[longtimecoming7 390]

Anyone who thinks I went on to be a success can have whatever they want from me! So I have lost in small increments throughout. Somedays 0.2, other days 0.4 and yet other days nothing at all. I know, I could have just weighed once a week but I've weighed daily for years of my life. Only times I didn't, was when I knew I was gaining weight and didn't want to confront that. I think I didn't appreciate before hand that there would be mostly days with NO change, followed by a few days of weight changes. So really long "stalls" followed by some weight being lost. This month I lost 1.2 lbs. Two months before that I lost 1.6 lbs. Yes a MONTH which are the losses that most people here have in a week. And just to be clear. I eat between 800-900 calories which I track religiously and I try to keep carbs at below 50 gms. All my carbs come from veggies, shakes and bars. Apart from a handful of days, I don't eat junk. Those were my cheat days and I didn't have ANY cheat days until 8 months post op. From hanging out on this board during the early days and observing my thoughts are that the following of us lose much much slower: 1. Women (compared to men) 2. Autoimmune disease sufferers esp those who have inflammation 3. Those close to menopause or already menopausal 4. Over 35 yoa 5. Have birthed children 6. Hypothyroid I'm sure there are other reasons but I notice those because they all apply to me. Last month I hit 160 lbs and then 30 days of just no losses. I went up and down between 164-161 and I kept thinking it was because I had increased calories from 700 to 900 because everyone told me I needed to eat more. (Honestly I wish I had never listened to anyone who told me that because now, I am hungry for 900 calories. I've been trying for days to get my caloric intake down and I can't but that's a whole different thread). But the bigger issue is you go crazy during such long weeks with no activity or at least I do. Am I eating too much? Too little? Too many carbs? Should I do shakes? Has my body decided to stop? I spent more time logging different meals to see which was "more perfect" than eating! And I'm a fat girl! How wrong is that?? I wish I could just once and for all accept that I do not control my weight. I only control what I put in my mouth. I'm a control freak in many areas of my life and this area is no different. I expect my body to follow my timetable. Guess what? It gives me the finger more often than not. I posted here once about calculating excess weight lost rather than total lbs lost and I had to dust off that formula once in a while to keep me motivated. After 30 days the scale moved two days ago and I guess I'm starting to think I might lose the last 8-10 lbs. And here's the kicker. So I reach goal. Then what? Apart from maybe being able to eat a few hundred calories more what exactly is going to change? I still have to get up the next day, weigh myself and log, measure and track all my food just as I am doing now. So nothing will be different. Am I putting all this pressure on myself to hit goal so I can eat a few hundred more calories? Now how stupid is that? The head games are what drive you crazy, I tell you. And this is probably more detail than you wanted

There have been only a few times that I've read about someone's weight loss challenges and felt like I could relate. Maybe because I am 3 out of the 6 hindrances that you mention!

Never enough details!

I weigh everyday as well, I am sure if I did not, things would get out of control! But, by doing so, and seeing little to no movement, it FEELS like I am not losing anything for very long periods of time. It really helps to look at the progress over a months span!

I am almost 7 months out and hope that my month 7 looks like yours!

Month 1: -23lbs

2: -10

3: -9

4: -5.6

5: -4.4

6: -2.2(so far)

I worry that, because the losses keep getting smaller, that the end is drawing nigh, but then I read about others who get to a year out, and have reached their goal! I like being reminded that even though things slow down, the goal is still reached!

Best,

[skinnygirlwithin 693]

I love your pictures! you look amazing... I am not ready to post b & a pictures yet... for the same reasons you said... i am getting there... just not there yet!!!

[Comeflywithme 402]

WoW!! thanks sooooo much for posting. Amazing!! This is so inspiring to see, you looks wonderful! CONGRATS!!

[Roo101769 742]

So good to see you again GG, and RJ chiming in makes it complete! You guys were my inspiration early out. I listened to your advice and I always was interested in your opinions on topics. GG, you look AWESOME! I know how hard it is to go back and look at where you were. Next month is the 1 year anniversary of my nephew and his wife. The picture we took together on that day is my "before" picture. I tried so hard to look pretty, and that day I thought I pulled it off. Then the photos came back and I saw the reality. I had been in the hospital for 6 days just 4 days prior to the wedding. I had a second DVT & PE and was feeling shakey that I had survived it yet again. I was lucky to be here and was happy to make it to the wedding. I weighed 310lbs that day, and got up to 316lbs before I said ENOUGH!!! I am no where near goal yet, but I am closer than I have been in years. Today I sit in the low 230s ( a couple lbs higher today than ticker thanks to "that time of month") and I feel really good. Is my body perfect? Heck no. I still have issues with low back pain. ( I REALLY need to work my core more) But my knees that used to keep me from doing everything no longer hurt. I still deal with vascular pain in my right leg from the DVTs, but that is going to be a part of life. Overall I feel much better. And I enjoy fitting into things. Size 18/20 clothes ( started in 28w) Fitting into lawn chairs, and not the plus sized ones. I sat in a kiddie chair at my daughter's school and didn't even think twice that it might break! I wish I were flying for vacation this year just to be able to fit in the sit more comfortably and NOT use a seatbelt extender!! ( but we are driving instead) And I am looking forward to a vacation full of adventure, actually DOING things and not just sitting on my duff. Sure, I still have a long way to go to be where I want to be. But do not short change how far we have all come...You may have started in a place that makes you feel bad, but honey look at you now!!!!!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I remember @@Roo101769 very well how frightened you were when you started down this path. And look at you now!!!!! 86 lbs. gone....congrats girl!!!!!

I love the part where you said : But do not short change how far we have all come...You may have started in a place that makes you feel bad, but honey look at you now!!!!!

We always need to remember the road is long and winding...But if we keep on track ( mostly ) We will get where we need to be. The rest is up to us!

[Blondiee 278]

You look FANTASTIC and thanks for sharing!

Side note: The egg drop Soup recipe on your blog really helped me during my liquid stage. Thanks!!!

[adargie 159]

Awesome job, you look great, I haven't posted mine pics yet, I also had surg in august and I too have gotten down in the dumps about my loss. But I noticed last week its starting to come off again, so maybe in time I will get the courage to post mine. You are spot on about posting pics though!!!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

You have done great - you look amazing! I know you really want to whip those last few pounds off and I have some techniques that work if you are willing and able to do it. I am not sure it is worth it mind you as I think you look just perfect right now!

I don't have a problem sharing my before pictures. I keep one in my office. I know that is contrary to what many others feel but I don't hate myself for being super morbidly obese (I looked much bigger then you did girl!). I keep it there for perspective, it is so easy to slide back.... just a few pounds, then 5, then 10 and then 100... well, it is for me anyway. I keep that photo to remind myself of what my surgeon told me. I have a disease called obesity. Right now, I have the primary symptoms under control - I am at a normal weight - but to never ever forget that metabolically, I have the attributes of an obese person. Seeing that awful looking photo of myself, not hating myself for it but rather forgiving myself for truly not understanding my health issues before I met these great bariatric surgeons - that is what I focus on.

I know that many don't feel this way, but maybe because I was so terribly obese that I need to keep this in my mind. My all time highest weight was 332; my start weight for VSG was 308. This morning I clocked in at 142. It is almost incomprehensible to me at times how much I have transformed, and yet I know that it can all go back to where I was if I don't remain vigilent and focused.

I have said it many times, maintenance isn't really THAT different from losing weight. I still follow the basic techniques that helped me lose all that weight.