Two Years out: LISTEN UP NOOBS AND SEEKERS! *warning-harsh*

[Dooter 1,457]

Hey all- Dooter here. I haven't been on here in a while, but this thought has been plaguing me, and I need to get it out. -Let me preface this discussion by saying I am GLAD I had the sleeve surgery, and I would not change it for the world. I had NO complications and I lost 102 pounds in eight months, and for that I am grateful. I needed to do that quickly for my own sanity and health. HOWEVER- that said-

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT think for one teeny tiny minute that having surgery and dumping a bunch of weight is going to fix your head and the behavior that got you here. Not gonna happen. During the "honeymoon" period where you can sneeze off five pounds at a time and you're never hungry after your teaspoon of food, you can't imagine EVER returning to old feelings and desires. I am here to tell you that it sneaks back in a little at a time. A taste here, a taste there... "oh look. I've gained a pound. well, that was salty food, I'll just drink more Water tomorrow." HORSE HOCKEY!!!! That's where it starts. Your old head trips creep in. Hiding food. Eating junk now, figuring you'll just shape up "next week" or "tomorrow." Tomorrow never happens and you've gained 30 pounds back. Yes. With your itty bitty stomach, you have gained 30 pounds back. It can happen. Or worse, you gain it all back. That can happen too.

The reason I am writing this and being to harsh about it is that you are a person who is considering, or who has gone through a MAJOR life changing surgery. SO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!! Be vigilant. come out of that honeymoon with your armor on! You WILL stop losing at one point and your body will begin to fight you as mine has. The diet my surgeon gave me no longer works at this point in the game, as my metabolism is stuck in cold molasses and it has taken a personal trainer/dietitian to get it moving again, and it is majorly hard work and painful and distasteful at times, but I have another 100 lbs to lose AFTER the 30 lb regain is gone.

​Have somebody close to you hold you accountable for exercising and eating right. Splatter it all over Facebook if you have to (I did) so you'll have MANY people holding you accountable! Do what you have to do to reach your goal. Don't settle for less and don't eat crap. And don't think that surgery is the final solution. It's a tool that will get you halfway there. The rest is up to YOU and no one else. Thank you. That is all.

[sleevie.wonder 306]

Thanks for this. It's nice to get the non sugar coated stories once in a while. Best of luck to you on your continued journey.

[lark60 429]

I wish you all the best. I still struggle with the fear of weight gain and find that there are days (like today) where I cannot stop eating. Even though I am choosing Protein first and trying to keep track of what I eat, I get over whelmed with depression and then "the moose is loose" in the kitchen. The food I have in the house is "safe" but when I go to my parents home I have even a bigger challenge. Tonight I was offered a mini bag of popcorn only to realize it was kettle corn. Like an idiot, I ate the bag (didn't want to offend dad) and then I was nauseated.

I am still on the weight loss diet and loose about 1/2 lb a week. Though I am getting closer to my goal, I fear the day when I start gaining. I know this is a life long struggle and the surgery is a tool to help meet my goal. Fighting the head/mind games will be an ongoing battle for the rest of my life.

It helps to read that others have the same struggles.

[Seela 1,187]

Thanks for posting this. I already know it but I think it's good to hear it often from first hand experience. I already know the future will be a struggle because it's a struggle now. Just gotta remember to keep on struggling!

[gomekast 559]

Thank you for this honest and candid peak into all of our futures.

My husband is now at the point where he will question what I am thinking or looking to buy or have. For that I am grateful. Having said that, I have treated myself twice now in 5 months. Both times I doubled my workouts for the week following the treat. I felt true guilt after those two times. I was again grateful.

See, before I had my surgery, I had had 8 years of therapy. So going into this life changing surgery for me was very different than what it is for a significant portion of wls community. I knew before hand that my evil side would always temp me, it would always nag me to choose the bad stuff. But what made this choice easy was that I knew it. It was imprinted into my being from my monthly therapy sessions. Part of me will always be a food addict, I've made peace with that.

So, as a result, my family just knows that I have banned certain things from entering our home. Forever. Some people say that's not fair. But what's not fair is me cheating myself by sneaking a chip or two...when in all reality, my family doesn't need to eat chips in the first place.

This May sum it up for my own journey up to this point..my 7 year old came home last week and said to me..mommy, why do none of the other parents of kids in my class care about what their kids eat like you do? They all have lunches packed with sugars and packaged stuff. None of them ever have a fruit or vegetable in its original form. It comes from one of the juice cups you don't buy us.

I felt proud in that single moment.

I also know that my journey is life long. Even when I reach my goal weight, I will have to forever be vigilant. My therapist reminds me each month and she does amazing work.

[Bluesea71 698]

Great post. I am scheduled to have my surgery In 4 weeks and like a expectant mother, I am reading these boards with eager curiosity everyday. What scares me, is reading about the emotional struggles people continue to have with food and the twisted things they do to "cheat" the sleeve. I know people poo poo the idea of the psychological evaluation on this board, but there is a legit reason for it! Frankly, it seems a lot of people have been allowed to have the surgery who were not emotionally or mentally prepared to make the lifestyle changes. I think we are all going to struggle at times (and its great to have a forum like this for support) but every single person in my bariatric program has made it clear - this surgery is a tool that will make it easier for you to loose weight. Over time, it will become more challenging and you must develop new lifestyle changes during that time or you will gain the weight back. I'm sure Its hard to grasp this idea in the beginning when the weight is falling off. People just assume they will continue to loose weight at the same rate. My bariatric team told me that the biggest mistake people make is not take advantage of that 6 month window after surgery. Start exercising right away! Statistics show that people who continue to work with a dietitian and attend support groups have better success rates long term. Someone on bariatricpal pointed out yesterday that these forums are mostly filled with newbies or pre-op patients like me. Why is that? Is there really a way to know how many people succeed and fail with the sleeve long term? I wouldn't think those who are gaining weight back are eager to share their story on these forums. So Thank you for your honest post. While its great to hear how successful people have been, we need a reality check once in awhile. I want to be one of the successful long-term statistics. What can I do today to prepare me to beat the odds? Ready, set, go......

Edited March 20, 2014 by Bluesea71

[Dooter 1,457]

Great post. I am scheduled to have my surgery In 4 weeks and like a expectant mother, I am reading these boards with eager curiosity everyday. What scares me, is reading about the emotional struggles people continue to have with food and the twisted things they do to "cheat" the sleeve. I know people poo poo the idea of the psychological evaluation on this board, but there is a legit reason for it! Frankly, it seems a lot of people have been allowed to have the surgery who were not emotionally or mentally prepared to make the lifestyle changes. I think we are all going to struggle at times (and its great to have a forum like this for support) but every single person in my bariatric program has made it clear - this surgery is a tool that will make it easier for you to loose weight. Over time, it will become more challenging and you must develop new lifestyle changes during that time or you will gain the weight back. I'm sure Its hard to grasp this idea in the beginning when the weight is falling off. People just assume they will continue to loose weight at the same rate. My bariatric team told me that the biggest mistake people make is not take advantage of that 6 month window after surgery. Start exercising right away! Statistics show that people who continue to work with a dietitian and attend support groups have better success rates long term. Someone on bariatricpal pointed out yesterday that these forums are mostly filled with newbies or pre-op patients like me. Why is that? Is there really a way to know how many people succeed and fail with the sleeve long term? I wouldn't think those who are gaining weight back are eager to share their story on these forums. So Thank you for your honest post. While its great to hear how successful people have been, we need a reality check once in awhile. I want to be one of the successful long-term statistics. What can I do today to prepare me to beat the odds? Ready, set, go......

Wow. What can you do today to prepare you to beat the odds.... well... I'm still trying to do just that, so I had a bit of a pie in the sky attitude, refusing to entertain the notion of old ways returning. I "felt" too different. I just KNEW it couldn't happen. Truth is...I feel the same as I did before but with a smaller stomach. (not discounting the weight lost, of course..) Same cravings, same stress eating... everything.

What you can do is EXPECT your feelings and attitudes to return to how they were and have a good support system around you. People that will not let you slack off on exercise, and that you can count on to say "uuhhh.. have you put on a few pounds?" and you promise not to get mad at them. Also- if it's not in your house, you can't eat it! Don't drink your calories.

Your diet may have to change when your weight loss is done. consult an expert. Your body is different than anyone else's. Don't take blanket advice for eating at face value. These are just a few tools I'm learning. I've got a ways to go...

[Camella 209]

It's really strange that I am reading this post. I haven't been on here for 3 months, mainly because I was struggling with my head and I haven't been the model of good sleeve behavior that I was for the first few months after surgery. This is the first thing I have read since logging back on.

I am almost nine months out and I have come to the hard cold realization that my body may have changed but my relationship with food is still the same. When I'm stressed it is still what soothes me and when I'm lonely it is still my friend. I wish that having the surgery was the end of this toxic relationship, however it was not a divorce, just a little bit of a cooling off period. After nine months (with my weight the same for the last two months) I have realized that this is as far as the surgery can take me. The rest is up to me and if I don't change my relationship with food, I am not going to get to my goal. I'm thrilled that I had the surgery and I'm thrilled that I have lost the weight, but sometimes I feel like I am living a lie, I look slim on the outside, but my head is in exactly the same place it was when I was 225 pounds. Thank you so much for sharing this post. I was scared to come back on here because it was always such a source of inspiration for me and I did not want to discourage others and I assumed that others would not want me to discourage them. BUT.....being honest with others and being honest with yourself is a huge step forward. Thanks Dooter!

[Dooter 1,457]

It's really strange that I am reading this post. I haven't been on here for 3 months, mainly because I was struggling with my head and I haven't been the model of good sleeve behavior that I was for the first few months after surgery. This is the first thing I have read since logging back on. I am almost nine months out and I have come to the hard cold realization that my body may have changed but my relationship with food is still the same. When I'm stressed it is still what soothes me and when I'm lonely it is still my friend. I wish that having the surgery was the end of this toxic relationship, however it was not a divorce, just a little bit of a cooling off period. After nine months (with my weight the same for the last two months) I have realized that this is as far as the surgery can take me. The rest is up to me and if I don't change my relationship with food, I am not going to get to my goal. I'm thrilled that I had the surgery and I'm thrilled that I have lost the weight, but sometimes I feel like I am living a lie, I look slim on the outside, but my head is in exactly the same place it was when I was 225 pounds. Thank you so much for sharing this post. I was scared to come back on here because it was always such a source of inspiration for me and I did not want to discourage others and I assumed that others would not want me to discourage them. BUT.....being honest with others and being honest with yourself is a huge step forward. Thanks Dooter!

EXACTLY. Hey we're all in it together and this place is about truth, support and encouragement. I haven't lost anything in a year and a half and I didn't want to come back on here either, but I had a burden for this truth that I was realizing, so by Providence you have come upon it and I'm glad it is helpful. The rest of our lives are going to be a lot of work in regards to food and exercise. We can do it though never give up!

[missmeow 156]

My only advice is do not get fixated on ultra strict dieting and losing all your weight in 6 months. IMO, that is just as bad as the opposite and that is how most of us ended up fat in the first place.

Follow your rules and get your Protein in first, then veggies, then fruit, and last any starches. If you're eating a snack of fruit, eat a mini babybel with it for Protein. Don't feel you can't eat a cookie or popcorn. You can, but you have to give yourself a portion and stick to it. It's about balance. I think so many of us follow these ultra strict diets and then when the weight is off we feel like "yay! I can eat again!" But that is the thinking that got us fat in the first place.

If you relearn to eat right, eat to satiety, and balance your diet, you may lose slower than some of the other people but I believe your chances of regain will be a lot less because you won't be tempted to stuff yourself and hide food because there is no longer "forbidden fruit' in your diet.

Also, exercise that builds muscle is key.

I am speaking in general here and am not commenting on any specific post. I read about food hiding but I think is something many of us have done so it's not directed to you Dooter

Edited March 21, 2014 by missmeow

[BKLYNgal87 503]

Thank you Dooter. I've been in a real life funk for the last few weeks and reading your post has definitely encouraged me. My fiance became my ex-fiance after being together 3 years, I had several panic attacks, and I somehow gained 5lbs back. It's a struggle to keep it together nowadays, much less eat right and go to the gym. But I don't want to fall off the wagon. I owe it to myself not to. I've come too far to to let the challenges of life defeat me. Hugs!!

[Dooter 1,457]

My only advice is do not get fixated on ultra strict dieting and losing all your weight in 6 months. IMO, that is just as bad as the opposite and that is how most of us ended up fat in the first place.

Follow your rules and get your Protein in first, then veggies, then fruit, and last any starches. If you're eating a snack of fruit, eat a mini babybel with it for Protein. Don't feel you can't eat a cookie or popcorn. You can, but you have to give yourself a portion and stick to it. It's about balance. I think so many of us follow these ultra strict diets and then when the weight is off we feel like "yay! I can eat again!" But that is the thinking that got us fat in the first place.

If you relearn to eat right, eat to satiety, and balance your diet, you may lose slower than some of the other people but I believe your chances of regain will be a lot less because you won't be tempted to stuff yourself and hide food because there is no longer "forbidden fruit' in your diet.

Also, exercise that builds muscle is key.

I am speaking in general here and am not commenting on any specific post. I read about food hiding but I think is something many of us have done so it's not directed to you Dooter

Oh, I was a big time hider. These are the things I have to start being honest about. We all do. Change is painful.

[dc2beslim 3]

I'm almost 2 weeks out. Struggling with appetite. Not hunger. My eyes are bigger than my stomach sometimes. Craving. That's my hurdle. But your posts help. I haven't lost in a week and it has me worried since everyone seems to lose so much in the beginning. But I'm doing it and making those lifelong changes that are so necessary. Thanks for giving it straight!

[9storme6 5]

Best Topic ever!! I know that the sleeve or any bariatric surgery is just a tool, not a cure all. I had my sleeve October 30, 2013. I was worried at first that it wouldn't work at all, silly me. Guess I still have it in my head that diets don't work for me. I have been doing very well, I've lost 52 lbs and lots of inches. I go to the gym regularly and eat what I am supposed to. But when I go visit family or friends out of town, it all goes out the door. I feel like I'm going to just go back to all my bad behaviors. I need to get my butt back to the basics and get back on track. I haven't been on the site for a long time, then I read your post today. Its the encouragement and butt kicking I needed. I know there will be set backs, I just don't want to fall back into bad behaviors and not lose the weight I need and want to. I am glad that there are honest sleevers out there. The truth may hurt, but it will set you free. Thanks for the post.

[grassmom 21]

This post was so timely and touching for me. I am heading into Spring Break tomorrow...four days alone, and have already been planning my secret runs to McDonalds, Krispy Kreme...I'm so ashamed. I truly feel like such a fraud...I had surgery June 18, 2013. Lost 19 PreOp and about 30-40 since then, depending on the day. Every single day people tell me how great I look, and I want to scream, "I have not lost one pound since Labor Day and I still can't get below 250 pounds!" I am so grateful for the 50-60 loss, but I am no where near finished, and there has not been one single binge-free day since then. I have tried counseling, support group, anti-depressants, and I cannot get this addiction under control!!! I will read your posts 24-7 if I have to to get back on track!!!