Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Surviving when life sucks



Recommended Posts

I have been a pretty frequent poster here since last March, except for the past few weeks. Almost 3 weeks ago, my husband was killed in a tragic fire at his brother's house. I am still reeling from the shock & trying desperately to find my way through this awful new reality into which I have been thrown. I miss him so much, at times I almost can't catch my breath. I am incredibly fortunate to have a strong & loving support network of amazing friends & family. Eventually, I will be OK. But at the moment, I am struggling to eat enough, I started smoking again, and I am having a drink each night to help me sleep. At some point, with the help of the many wonderful people who love me, I will find my way back to a healthy and happy path. I believe that in my head, even if I can't yet feel it in my heart. I am thankful that my improved physical condition will help me be better prepared to take care of myself now than I would have been six months ago.

But here's the thing I want to say to you. Sometimes, life is going to suck. Surgery is not a magic cure-all for the problems we deal with. Life is going to throw us curve balls & challenging situations. Sometimes we can prepare ourselves for those challenges, but sometimes there is simply nothing that will prepare us to face what we must. So, when life rises up & punches you in the face, remember these guidelines:

Spend more of your time focusing on your achievements rather than your shortcomings.

Devote more energy to expressing your love to others rather than tallying up the things that piss you off.

Understand that we are all far more than a number on a scale. If you are waiting to try new things until you lose weight, STOP WAITING. Your life is happening now, here, today....don't let it pass you by because of fear, insecurity, or doubt.

If you pray, send me a prayer. If you don't pray, then send me good vibes & healing thoughts. I appreciate all the good & supportive thoughts I can get right now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to post. Life is short and we must make the most of the time we have...sometimes I need that reminder. I wish I had words with which to comfort you in your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My deepest condolences for your loss. Death of a loved one is hard enough to deal with let alone a death that is tragic.

I hope you don't mind but I work in psychiatry and I think you could really benefit from some grief counseling now to get you through this. Please consider making an appointment with a psychologist or clinician in your area who specializes in grief counseling. It may help your tremendously. I am praying for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh sorry to hear what happen....its great you have a support system...God Bless

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am sending you prayers, hugs and good vibrations. I lost the love of my life 2 years ago in March. I find it hard to breathe at times, but I feel so happy looking back at our good times. My heart goes out to you. Like you said, you will be ok in time. Just remember there is no time limit on grieving. Some people don't understand and will expect that you "move on". Just keep the positive people close and the negative people away. It's all about how you want to grieve. I pray you find happy memories at your saddest moments.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lifting you up in prayer. I'm so sorry... hugs

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so very sorry for your loss! Lifting you up in prayer. And you're right, you will be OK, in time. Allow yourself to grieve, but do reach out to those that can support you & just listen. Please take care of yourself. Your husband would have wanted that.

<<<HUGS>>>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please accept my condolences. Your story and advice to us serves as a reminder to me to try to put all of life in perspective as I embark on my weight loss journey. I send you good vibes and thank you for your thoughts.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sothernsoul, I am so sorry! I had to re-read this before it could sink in. I have read many of your posts and we were both sleeved at around the same time. I always found you to be interesting and informative. So reading this was like I know you. I so admire you words of wisdom and that you are able to put them together at a time like this. Man, life can suck sometimes. I wish for you the comfort of loved ones and can see that you are a very strong person and will eventually pull through this. The people you have touched with your posts are here for you too (like me) please feel free to vent to us at anytime. Take care of yourself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain. You are in my thoughts

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Southernsoul, I am sending you hugs and offering up prayers for your aching heart. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. We just never know from day to day what life will throw at us. Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us and to allow us to grieve with you. Thank you too for your words of wisdom and guidance that will help us to put life in perspective, and to remember that even though we're going through a life experience (WLS) that tends to make us self absorbed, we all need to treasure our loved ones while we still have them. May your husband's memory be eternal and you find consolation in those happy and special memories.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so very sorry for your loss and will be thinking and praying for you. I have appreciated learning from you and your posts and hope you take the time you need to come back to us. I'm glad you have support and home. Please also know that we support you as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My mantra for you is GOD'S GRACE. My 30 year old son had this tattooed on his chest 6 months before he died of a heart attack in November 2006. He knew. I will never be the same, the pain will never stop. God Bless. You will find your way and I wish you so much comfort, and lift you up in prayer.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So sorry for your loss, positive thoughts and good energy flowing your way. ..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×