Online dating

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I have just fired up the online dating thing again myself and admit... that although i am successful at getting interest from men, I am not finding it to be a satisfying experience so far. More on that another time, but I did want to share that i seem to have a knack for getting guys to pour their guts out to me...lol. I don't ASK, but have been told some crazy things about their dating and their impressions of women they meet.

One of the first universals that i have heard over and over is being annoyed/pissed/turned off by women who post photos that are out of date or are misleading in terms of either weight or "face pretty". What I have heard is that they might have even been okay with the extra pounds, but they didn't like being lied to which is how it can be interpeted. I relate to that because i have had several "meetings" where the guy looks 20 years older than his photo...sigh... and I guess I feel the same way - kind of lied to. One guy I met told me there is a name for the shots that are boobs and above - hiding weight around the middle and lower body but I can't recall what he said. Anyway, my point is that you might consider getting a flattering full body pic even if you are heavier than you want to be. Not all guys insist on a skinny girl, many like a little roundness - just be honest about it. Why waste time meeting someone that is going to be turned off by your true appearance.

The other shocker has been letting some of these guys run their mouths about just how many women they have met and had sex with. My word - one fellow was married most of his life, got divorced at about 50 and then his record count of partners in around 18 months might have shocked a streetwalker. I don't think he even realized how much he was revealing to me. I get it that people do a little exploring, but crud! I suspect, and i know this sounds horrible, but i suspect that SOME of them will go out with just about anyone for a few dates if they think sex is in the lineup soon. No problem until the diseases and stuff show up, right?

I think that alot of men are as frustrated as the women are and I am still puzzling that out, but bottom line - I am disillusioned with online dating. I met someone that I really care about online - but it was more of a casual fling thing - but after 8+ months of that I am ready for more, someone who has more time and wants a true relationship. We care for each other - but it isn't meant to be. What I have to remind myself about him is that since neither of us were looking for a serious relationship that I focused on different things like looks...haha... and didn't concern myself with some of the criteria i have in mind now. Well, it kind of turned out that he has ALOT of other great characteristics (and plenty of bad) that I did not detect until I had known him for many months. I think the online dating thing makes it so easy to be too picky, too selective on the WRONG things.

My final remark is there are a lot of liars. I know this more indirectly... a platonic friend I met through POF (I have done better making new platonic friends than finding a real boyfriend, funny isn't it?) told me that one of his friends is on POF and most of his profile is a big lie. His goal is just to get laid and his profile is intentionally misleading. I think I also met one of those guys who claimed to be looking for a serious relationship but his behavior contridacted that.

So that is my rant of the day. I keep saying I will try speed dating, and I do think that is in the cards for 2014...

There are lots of suggestions to join meetup groups to find people. I have mixed feelings about that too as I went to a cocktail party hosted by a meetup group. I felt so uncomfortable and on display like a meat market....yikes, I hated it. I basically found a couple of fellow single women to talk to ... I am also a member of some hiking and other activity meet up groups and did a few things but nothing came of it yet. I will try to do more of that this year, but i have a slightly different tack in mind. I am going to take a few lessons to learn some social activities that I never learned as an obese person. I am trying a little skiing this winter. I think when the weather gets better, i am going to learn how to kayak, maybe even a little sailing or golf class. I don't know, just getting out there finding new activities. My main hobby is horseback riding and that is NOT a good way to meet men...lol. I figure that taking a few lessons on some healthy fun hobbies might at least make me new friends and that's not all bad, is it?

[nursekimberly89 50]

I'm afraid of online dating. I had wayyy too many bad experiences in college with it :-( it seems like most of those guys I ran into were just seeking a friend with benefits..

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I've had good success with it, but I sure had to weed out a lot of losers before I ever found anyone to date. 99.9% losers around here. But I am branching out to Eugene and Portland where there are tons more men than here.

I think it's going to be harder to figure out the ones that are players though. They're more experienced in knowing exactly what women want to hear so it will get them into bed with her.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I am trying to picture this guy I am meeting today. He's been sick so has had to cancel several times. I can tell he is anxious to meet today though, when I talked to him this morning.'

Anyway, he is 5'7" and most short guys lie. He could be even shorter. Every guy I have ever been with has been almost 6' or over 6 '. I am only 5'2" so he will stilll be taller. I hope he is at leat 5'7" and hasn't lied.

But he seems like a nice guy, and i am anxious to get his over with cause I am not into talking on the phone with him every night.

I also got a mesage from someone on POF that asked for a picture and i sent him one today.

I want to date lots of guys before I get stuck in another long term relationship.. Especially if they are going to be long distance things .

[nursekimberly89 50]

Hope you have fun on your date :-)

[BethinPA 305]

I'm trying to navigate these waters too. I joined senior people meet, and have been talking with one guy - I'm not very good with the juggling multiple guys thing. We met for drinks Wednesday, and he was more handsome than his pictures, which surprised me. We had a really nice time, and have a movie date this Sunday. I don't think staying in a hotel makes sex more likely to happen, I think this guy is waiting/ expecting that I will eventually invite him back to my place, so I don't see a difference in that regard. I also think that, for me, the excess skin will slow the physical part down for me, because it will be a while before I'm comfortable with sharing my surgery/the effects of the weight loss on my body. I figure I will eventually learn the real deal about a person just by spending time with them and keeping my eyes open. But at this point I'm hopeful about the guy I have met. Fingers crossed for all of us!

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Well my date was awful. He did lie. He was shorter than me and I am 5'2". He looked weird.

Beth, that's funny. I met him off Senior People Meet. I've met people from plentyoffish, and ok cupid. He is the first one I've met from a site I actually paid money to join . I wish I hadn't paid for 6 whole months. Most of the guys that wink at me, or message me look like they are 80 years old. I may be 60 but that does not mean I will settle for some old bald fat guy. There are people my age who are sill fit and entergetic. I just have to find one!

[BethinPA 305]

Well my date was awful. He did lie. He was shorter than me and I am 5'2". He looked weird. Beth, that's funny. I met him off Senior People Meet. I've met people from plentyoffish, and ok cupid. He is the first one I've met from a site I actually paid money to join . I wish I hadn't paid for 6 whole months. Most of the guys that wink at me, or message me look like they are 80 years old. I may be 60 but that does not mean I will settle for some old bald fat guy. There are people my age who are sill fit and entergetic. I just have to find one!

Yeah, that has been my experience as well, and I'm 47! My favorite was the guy in his 70s or 80s who lives in an RV with his dogs in Utah - I mean, what 47 year old woman wouldn't be all over that! One guy I was talking to said he was 56, but in his picture he looked older than that. Turns out he is really 66, and when I asked him why he lied, he said he didn't want to play bingo with the women his age. I was so offended by that!

I don't understand why your guy would lie to that extreme, knowing you would eventually meet face-to-face. I'm sorry that happened. I only signed up for a month at a time, and if it doesn't work out with this guy, I will be trying eharmony. I bet you could cancel your subscription early if you wanted to, but I think there are some possibilities on there, with patience. I also tell myself that I'm only looking for one person, not a slew of people, so it can't be too too hard!

[Barbarah 18]

Very helpful post, thank you.

[mmhutch 28]

I have not read one post here that mentions eHarmony. I joined it when I was divorced as well as a few other sites (Match, Christian Mingle, Relationships.com) Almost every man I met/dated on eHarmony was an incredible match for me. Chemistry was unbelievable.

I met my husband through eHarmony 6 years ago and I couldn't be happier!

I encourage anyone looking for quality to try it out. They often have free weekends and trials. It's worth it.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I have tried E Harmony but the matches they sent me last time were all over 200 miles away. I am trying long distance dating, but not that long of a distance. I think 200 miles is my limit, and it has to be 200 miles in the right direction. I go 200 miles north every month to see my kids.

[nursekimberly89 50]

Sorry your date was awful. 5'7" is a long way off from 5'0".. Wonder why he felt compelled to lie ?

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

He probably lied because he's short, just like some of us lie about our weight. It wasn't just that he was short, I just did not warm up to him. I could tell he wanted me to sit close to him and I sat at the other end of the couch.

There is this local guy that I like, who just told me he broke up with his gf. This changes everything. I will have to see if he wants to remain "only friends"

[nursekimberly89 50]

Yeah, I hear ya. Short guys aren't my thing either, and I'm 5'3". Maybe it's just the ones that I've met, but they seem to be extremely pushy...that is not cool in my book.

[SuperFab 689]

Height is a big deal to me. I just cannot date someone shorter than I am! It feels so weird to me. God bless Nicole Kidman when she was with Tom Cruise.... But I can't do it and you need to be with someone who "fits". Keep casting that line and the right fish will bite.