When Life Gets In The Way Of The Sleeve

[gmanbat 5,889]

I have learned that the most powerful response is absolute silence. When people ask you a rude and stupid question look them right in the eye with a blank expression and say nothing.

They will get uncomfortable, maybe ask again, maintain eye contact and say nothing.

Let them banter to themselves. The last thing they will remember is what came out of their own mouth. They will either get mad or walk away but they will think about what they said.

But...you are in charge, they are not controlling you...control is what they were after to begin with. They lose, you win.

Love yourself, maintain your dignity. Your words are valuable, they represent you, don't feed them to pigs.

Don't join their Stupid Club.

Edited December 13, 2013 by gmanbat

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I have learned that the most powerful response is absolute silence. When people ask you a rude and stupid question look them right in the eye with a blank expression and say nothing.

They will get uncomfortable, maybe ask again, maintain eye contact and say nothing.

Let them banter to themselves. The last thing they will remember is what came out of their own mouth. They will either get mad or walk away but they will think about what they said.

But...you are in charge, they are not controlling you...control is what they were after to begin with. They lose, you win.

Love yourself, maintain your dignity. Your words are valuable, they represent you, don't feed them to pigs.

Don't join their Stupid Club.

Thank you for your comments...you have made me think more.....silent you say..just remain silent..i have done that for years..but the looking them straight in the eyes..Well that is a new one for me....

[lsereno 2,525]

Agree with the silent eye. My mom is young and pretty and I had my son young too. I still remember my kindergarten teacher asking noisy questions about how old my mother and grandmother were. And then she got mad because I told her my grandma was 16, which is what she told me. As a 4 year old I didn't understand that wasn't possible. She was the first of a long line of noisy people. I agree the silent eye does it.

Lynda

[ReDbEaN 654]

I have learned that the most powerful response is absolute silence. When people ask you a rude and stupid question look them right in the eye with a blank expression and say nothing. They will get uncomfortable, maybe ask again, maintain eye contact and say nothing. Let them banter to themselves. The last thing they will remember is what came out of their own mouth. They will either get mad or walk away but they will think about what they said. But...you are in charge, they are not controlling you...control is what they were after to begin with. They lose, you win. Love yourself, maintain your dignity. Your words are valuable, they represent you, don't feed them to pigs. Don't join their Stupid Club.

Love this gman!

[CrazyJaney 775]

I think a lot of our lives were put of balance so to speak, before the sleeve.. The years leading up to my highest weight, then the sleeve, I became a non person.. I was just a mother and a wife, <br> my family mattered more to me than me.. Not only did I get rotund, but I think some respect was lost for me. From my daughter in particular... <br> It's funny, for every step I take in life there are multiple ripples in so many different directions. I take care of others, I forget myself. I forget myself and others forget me too.. I take care of myself and others think I've forgotten them.. Maybe I have to some extent. Thats the balance I need to find. I need to take care of my family but I need to not forget myself which is so easy to do.. I did not binge this weekend.. But I did not take care of myself either..

This so resonates with me. I'm so tired if always being the most responsible person in the room. If I focus in me, time is taken away from something. There are days at work when I have the urge to pee HOURS before I take the time to go. How the hell am i gonna get enough fluids in if I can't even take time to pee? I work in a hospital. It's ALL about everyone else. Nurses are the worst self care habits. It's really warped. Sigh....

[CrazyJaney 775]

Again, I'm so glad to be here with you all. Good, powerful thread. I need to see and hear this.

[Chellemetime 299]

At the beginning of my body change the sleeve and attending concerns enveloped the majority of my attention. The struggle to get it going, establishing guide lines, noting progress, mourning slow downs, and in the end, rejoicing exceedingly about my new body. Now, coming up on my second year, my attention is being diverted by life itself. I am maintaining near my low weight and activity is at athletic level as I promised myself at the beginning. I had an empty feeling period when I asked myself the question, "Now what?" This new body is just a part of who I am. It is no longer a hindrance, it now best serves me by not drawing attention to itself. It has become a vehicle to take my mind and soul to destinations and tasks. I have energy to express my heart and my body no longer blocks my reaching out. I no longer have my body to use as an excuse for inactivity and introversion. I no longer hide behind shame. Now is the time to explore the other parts of myself and my relationship with those around me and the world in general. I have made a friend of myself and in so doing have deemed what love I have to offer as worthy to be shared. I have discovered that giving love is the quickest path to getting it. I have a default eating, drinking, and exercise policy. I may step out for a bit but return to default quickly. I don't kick my butt for it, I am my friend now. If I don't have fun being me I won't be any fun to be around. My grown daughter called me contagious the other day. It was one of the best things my ears have ever heard.

[EarthyGoalie 253]

For those of you that don't know me, My name is Laura and I have a food addiction.

My addiction it is being managed through the sleeve and hard work, at the moment...

I have/had a food addiction yes, but I also have an addictive obsessive personality..

For the last year plus my life has been about the sleeve. It is my focus from the moment I wake until the moment I sleep.. My "social time" is spent here with others that live the same life now as me. They "get it", well most of them anyway.... There is commonality here and that is huge to me. After all, my food is taken away how else will "I fill the hole"?

Along with my time here, I spend time working on the mechanics of my sleeve life. I plan my liquids, I take great care to get them in. Time meals to come 1/2 hour after finishing a round of liquids. Try and start my liquids up an hour, if I can, after my meals. My meals are thought out to the extent that they are Protein and veg. These are the "rules" I live by.

In the beginning I have referred to the Water schedule as a full time job. And in a way after all this time my eating drinking schedule is still like a full time job. Or at the least a very choreographed dance I do....

If my day includes activities out of the "norm" it can disrupt my dance....

This past weekend life, and I should say one the more challenging parts of it "got in the way" of my sleeved life. It made me realize the road to hell truly can be paved with the best intentions.. My real life and my sleeved life collided with a force strong enough to knock my sleeved life off its axis a bit. I simply could not spend my time dealing with the all important dance of food and liquids and the support of friends..

Did I eat this past four days? Yes. Did I eat enough? To much? Protein? Trigger foods? Timed just right? I honestly don't know and didn't much care.

Did I drink my fluids?

No, that I can guarantee not. Unless you count take away coffees and chi tea.

In fact several days I'd notice that it was afternoon already and not a drop of water had past my lips.

All or nothing... The life of an addict.

But this does not work, it is not realistic if you want to succeed in the sleeved life and life combined. You need balance. I'm not good at balance I realized that this weekend. I am a one trick pony, a one hit wonder.. I will spend my next year trying to find balance.

You have just described me and my whole life. And I can relate soooooo much. And truthfully, It scares me much, that obsessive part of me. It's always going all the way, or nothing at all. It is frightening!

I hope you find your balance. And that each and everyone one of us in the same addiction boat find our balance as well.

[Arts137 1,811]

I agree with ManBat (and I am also 64)

I believe I have come to agree that silence and a smile, or a "Why do you ask?" response is generally appropriate.

BUT REMEMBER, there is a reason why I believe this way. At the core of my being is the strongly held belief that

"When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you". I do NOT give advice unless asked, and I do not ask for advice (generally preferring my own research)

Made school fun. Teachers sure got tired of me.

[scarlet333 386]

I think a lot of our lives were put of balance so to speak, before the sleeve.. The years leading up to my highest weight, then the sleeve, I became a non person.. I was just a mother and a wife,

my family mattered more to me than me.. Not only did I get rotund, but I think some respect was lost for me. From my daughter in particular...

It's funny, for every step I take in life there are multiple ripples in so many different directions. I take care of others, I forget myself. I forget myself and others forget me too.. I take care of myself and others think I've forgotten them.. Maybe I have to some extent. Thats the balance I need to find. I need to take care of my family but I need to not forget myself which is so easy to do.. I did not binge this weekend.. But I did not take care of myself either..

The best response I have heard about this issue is a quote from Dr. Phil "The best thing you can do for your children is to take care of their mother".

[Brown Eyed Girl 5]

HELP!! My first holiday season is killer. I'm far enough out from surgery (9 Months) I have to rely on my will power and not necessarily how miserable I feel to keep away from sweets and carbs! I had a party last night and ate worse than I have since having surgery. How can I reign myself back in??? I still have to get through Christmas AND New Years!!!

[jeremy73 1]

There with you. Had mine on October 8th this year. Down 80lbs between pre-op and post-op. Thanksgiving was a challenge as I'm sure Christmas will be. It's tough no doubt, but in the end it will definitely be worth it. :-)

[Arts137 1,811]

if you can, focus on family and friends rather than the food... I know it might not be much... the burden is on you... :-(

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Brown Eyed Girl, are you tracking everything? I am only 2 months in but it is so important for accountability. Also, if I have a slip or a bad day, then at least I know exactly what it was. It also makes me less likely to give up going forward either that day or the next.

[No game 14,436]

HELP!! My first holiday season is killer. I'm far enough out from surgery (9 Months) I have to rely on my will power and not necessarily how miserable I feel to keep away from sweets and carbs! I had a party last night and ate worse than I have since having surgery. How can I reign myself back in??? I still have to get through Christmas AND New Years!!!

Ok I have ever evolving strategies on the holiday season.. First I was going to power on and still try and lose weight! Lol then thanksgiving came..

Now my strategy is to hang on for dear life and try not to gain!

It's a season.. But really it's just a day or two.

I will eat at my two Christmas functions (not go crazy) and eat normal/ go back to basics on all the other days.

You ate sweets? Spend the next day detoxing.

Because that's what it really is. Your body acts like it received the best drug with those sweets and carbs. So now you have to go through the withdraw period to get back on track..

Not fun but doable when you had one day of indulgence.