How has your relationships changed?

[tigermom12 34]

I am pre-sleeve and hoping to be on the other side by the end of the year. I've been reading a lot and something that keeps coming up is how relationships will change. I am sure that means good and bad, right?

I am concerned about a few people in my life. These two particular people I won't be telling of my surgery but I do foresee some issues. I have always been bigger than both of these people but one in particular always has to be the center of attention. She's not much smaller than me now and is very unhappy with her life in general. I am wondering how others have handled this? In the past, she has been very ugly to me about my weight and I don't want to be insensitive but I would also like to be prepared if that makes sense. She's family and I do love her but I also expect a tad bit of jealousy.

What has been your experience? Thanks!

[Pixie Dust 526]

I just didn't tell anyone of my surgery & that saved a lot of headaches. Since I'm losing slowly too, no one is the wiser so it just looks like I'm doing it by cutting down on food intake. Plus my neighbors all see me walking around the neighborhood so they see I'm moving more too. No questions asked.

Good luck to you. If these people really love you, they'd be happy for you, not jealous or ugly towards you. That's pretty sad.

[dlar57 29]

You keep in mine ,this is for you! I have the same problem with family , jealous and she thin, we have to live our life , don't let any negative in, I tell her hey if you going to be negative I don't want to here it.good luck, I go nov19

[notmeanymore 629]

I found that my real friends are super supportive and Celebrate my success with me and the 'fake' friends gossip behind my back, are fake to my face, look me up and down when they think Im not noticing and are petty and jealous. Oh well. Im glad that I have weeded out my fake friends though, sure cuts down on the amount of Christmas cards I need to mail out

[aquitenonnymouse 206]

People seem nicer to me than they used to be.

I'm not hiding my surgery. I don't introduce myself with it, but if someone asks how I'm loosing weight, or what I'm doing, I tell them. For me, honesty is the best policy.

I'm not sure about jealousy. I haven't really run into it, so I don't know that I can help there. I will say, that if she is lashing out at you, it's going to be because she feels insecure, or feels like a failure, not because she is a bad person or because she wants to hurt you. You have an opportunity to give her support.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

My sister has always thrown it in my face that she is smaller then me..In fact she depends on me being bigger then her!.she has made some really hurtful comments over the years that I cannot forget....Being in the hospital for 5 months she knows I have lost some weight...I figure she is guessing a round 50 lbs.

I won't be seeing her this year, but I cannot wait until she passes out when she sees me..She told me a few months ago that I should continue to try to lose weight and not let anything discourage me....She has no idea that I had WLS and I know that she thinks that she can say that because she hads no fear, because I always gained the weight back +.....

I am not a mean person....But she is the one I can't wait to see.....

[Jen35 283]

My relationships haven't changed too much. I do have one friend that was kind of iffy even before surgery - very competitive and self centered. So I don't really spend much time with her now. She was only a little bit bigger than me prior to surgery. Now I am down 70 pounds so there's a big difference. I've been surprised that she hasn't been that jealous (at least to my face). When I see her, she congratulates me, but at the same time puts herself down about her weight which makes me uncomfortable. I've discussed the surgery openly with her but it's not an option that she wants to pursue. I truly feel that any relationship that is strong and based on mutual love and support will not be negatively impacted by the surgery. But it does bring to light any relationships that are flawed to begin with (jealousy, selfishness, etc.)

[debrooks66 41]

My sister has always thrown it in my face that she is smaller then me..In fact she depends on me being bigger then her!.she has made some really hurtful comments over the years that I cannot forget....Being in the hospital for 5 months she knows I have lost some weight...I figure she is guessing a round 50 lbs. I won't be seeing her this year' date=' but I cannot wait until she passes out when she sees me..She told me a few months ago that I should continue to try to lose weight and not let anything discourage me....She has no idea that I had WLS and I know that she thinks that she can say that because she hads no fear, because I always gained the weight back +..... I am not a mean person....But she is the one I can't wait to see.....[/quote']

My sister is the same way. Always thought she was better than me. I'm making my grand entrance back home in February. No one knows I've had surgery but they know I've been losing weight! I did this for me and my health but to see the look on my sisters face is the added bonus!

[Stef_L 76]

For years, ive been the "fat" friend in the group- a lot of my best friends are a little on the hefty side but no where as big as I used to be, so i think they felt a sort of comfort around me cuz it made them seem smaller, but now that i'm thinner than all of them, some make snide remarks about "but you have loose skin" but most of them have actually be surprisingly supportive, to my face at least..but like someone else said, your real friends will support you no matter what. I'm a real sarcastic person, so the ones who like to judge me and make rude comments they think are funny, i just reply with "oh---- well i have some old clothes that are too big that you can have if you want?"

[Stef_L 76]

My sister is the same way. Always thought she was better than me. I'm making my grand entrance back home in February. No one knows I've had surgery but they know I've been losing weight! I did this for me and my health but to see the look on my sisters face is the added bonus!

yeah, agreed. ill see my sister for the first time in April 2014 since she moved to australia a year ago... she hasnt seen me since surgery and all my life she made fun of me for being bigger than her, but now she's gaining weight and im losing, it'll actually be kind of gratifying to see the look on her face. It might sound mean, but i honestly hope she's jealous...her and i have always been competative and as much as she tortured me about my weight growing up--- it'll make my day that's for sure

[Inactive Profile 104]

I have a friend who is already being ugly to me " I had to work to lose 60 lbs not just have a surgery to lose it" I just let it roll off my back, bc my true friends are happy for me

[debrooks66 41]

I have a friend who is already being ugly to me " I had to work to lose 60 lbs not just have a surgery to lose it" I just let it roll off my back' date=' bc my true friends are happy for me[/quote']

What planet is she from? Getting surgery is a lot harder than she realizes! Holy crap the pain, depression, frustrations, the work outs! I wish it was easy! Not everyone could handle this kind of change! But good for her that she had the metabolism to lose the 60lbs on their own! Some of us need the help!

[PGee 318]

relationships will change, I think they have to......my relationship with hubby is better than ever, we are more active.......with regards to friends, they are happy for me........I'm am not as sedentary as I used to be, and really have to ask myself before going somewhere "is it more important than working out at the gym?"

Thankfully my closest friend joins me at the gym, and I appreciate that time we have.

if it doesn't fit around my priorities, and I can't move my gym time around......then it doesn't fit in my schedule........gotta put yourself first, right?

[da1stladie 63]

Ive noticed some of my relationships changed some are better. Some are worse but sometimes in life you realize not everyone comes into your life to stay the entire life time. :-)

[foxymomma 91]

I've lost 115 pounds. My husband seems more jealous now. But I guess that's normal lol! My friends love the new me. I'm more energetic and I have so much confidence. I don't care to tell anybody how I lost weight. I've had people tell me that surgery is cheating. I always reply " If 4 weeks of liquids and 3 months of baby food is cheating...then I guess so" I've been stuck at 180 pounds. I'm 5'9" and I have a large frame. I'd like to be around 150. 100 pounds was easy to lose but this last 30 is a pain!