Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Compliments



Recommended Posts

sometimes in laws can be out laws. Ignore them. You love you and dont worry about what they think.

Funny that you said that, because that's basically how I view majority of them. But that's a whole other forum! Haha. I've gotten better with dealing with them. And I actually believe some of them are the root of my problems. But not anymore. I am loving me! Thanks!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The best way for you to become immune to what others say' date=' or do not say, is to become more self-validating with your great achievements. I am focused on the positive results I have achieved with weight loss through my own determination and perseverance, and I can feel good about that. I don't need anyone else to validate for me what I know to be true. Some people are reluctant to give others compliments because they may not have a positive self opinion of themselves. Do your best to not allow what is said or not said to bother you. Keep up the great work![/quote']

I believe you might have hit the nail on the head. Thanks!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is it really that hard for individuals to compliment each other? Why is this???

Just recently, I went out for dinner with my mother in law. I try not to visit that often, mainly because I usually leave upset. She has that effect. So, I hadn't seen her in some time. My weight loss should have been obvious to her. Even if she didn't want to say anything, she could have said how great I looked. But nothing!

Later that evening, I saw my brother in law, his reaction wasn't a wow you look good. His reaction was, "what did you do to your hair?!?!" And in a very rude like tone. I was floored! I replied back with, "I change my hair all the time, and yes I look great" and walked away.

It still amazes me that people simply cannot compliment when it's due. I'm nearly a size 16! I was pushing over 24 before. That's 4-5 sizes! I lost nearly 55 lbs.

Evidently, later they spoke with my husband and asked if I lost weight. They also thought we all did, which we probably have since we are eating healthier. And my hubs said so.

But why can't they simply say something nice? Unbelievable. They said nothing.

Am I annoyed? yup! Do I care? somewhat. Do I value their opinion anymore? no!

I'm just frustrated, because these are supposedly family members who care, but yet are extremely rude.

Unbelievable.

Umm are we related because i swear we have the same mother in law.. mine will only mention my weight when it's clear that i have gained and then she'll ask me oh did you lose weight? i mean WTF???

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Umm are we related because i swear we have the same mother in law.. mine will only mention my weight when it's clear that i have gained and then she'll ask me oh did you lose weight? i mean WTF???

LOL! Sorry for that, but made me grin, aren't they all alike! Mine is gone now, but she hardly ever had nice thing to say! God love her! I was warned by a sister-in-law who married into the family as I did, that the women of the family kind of ganged up against the outsiders! I have been married for 43 1/2 years and still feel it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Isn't it sad about in laws?? I've attempted to be a part of this family, and they continue to be rude and ignorant. The only way I have sanity is to avoid them. Then recently my mother in law tells me I should bring my kids to her. And I'm like, are you kidding? Though I didn't say that, but I should have. I don't get it, they are rude, make very rude comments and then expect you to come visit. I've been in this family for over 25 yrs and they still are awful to me. :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lol. I just read this thread to hubby. He didn't have too much to say. And we had just gotten through watching on the news about a 70 year old woman trying to hire a hit on her daughter inlaw.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lol. I just read this thread to hubby. He didn't have too much to say. And we had just gotten through watching on the news about a 70 year old woman trying to hire a hit on her daughter inlaw.

The irony....!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't even like talking about my weight except with you guys on here. And that includes any compliments. For some reason they annoy me and I don't want to hear them. Just don't judge me by my appearance, please.

I feel the same as M1aman. I don't know why, but it has always bothered me when people would comment about my weight loss. More so now that it has been a few years. I tend to change the subject when it is brought up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel the same as M1aman. I don't know why' date=' but it has always bothered me when people would comment about my weight loss. More so now that it has been a few years. I tend to change the subject when it is brought up.[/quote']

I know what you mean, sometimes it seems as though they obsess over it and keep talking and talking. That makes me feel very uncomfortable!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My mother in law, who usually has nothing positive to say, unless it is a backed handed compliment, HAS noticed AND complimented me...which makes the fact that my 2 sisters, who have said NOTHING, look like even bigger ___________...fill in the blank. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Gah! I used to have a mother in law that would tell me your a pretty girl if only you weren't a Gordita! Her way of telling me in Spanish that I was fat!

She used to be my mother in law...and since being happily divorced and remarried, now she only wishes she still had my awesome self to call daughter in law :P

My Mother in law...can be Mrs. Negative on a stick waving high above all the others and louder then a bullhorn, but I will say she is always nice to me and treads softly now where hubby is concerned for fear of alienation. I/We no longer tolerate negative comments. Constructive criticism I can learn from, negative degrading comments get kicked to the door. Laid that foundation early in the relationship, so they know where they stand with me. I don't pull punches.

My Mamma told me if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all, but if your looking good..and feeling good then flaunt it and live it up! :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like they must run international classes for mothers in law as mine is exactly the same. Hope I'm not going to be like that!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, I just don't get my inlaws. My mother in law, has never been supportive of me, in fact she has been cruel. And now all of sudden, she is being nice. Sorry little too late, and I can't trust her. It's sad actually, because she has missed out on seeing her grandkids. At least I know now how not to treat my kid's spouses!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know why we can't all just be good to each other...doesn't it take just as much or LESS energy to say something nice as opposed to something not nice? I know how good it makes me feel when people say or do the littlest kindness...so I try to do that...why can't we all lift each other up and make one another feel good rather than drag one another down? My weight loss journey has involved a lot of soul searching....I have grown and changed so much....I think that is important especially for those of us that have some emotional eating problems.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know why we can't all just be good to each other...doesn't it take just as much or LESS energy to say something nice as opposed to something not nice? I know how good it makes me feel when people say or do the littlest kindness...so I try to do that...why can't we all lift each other up and make one another feel good rather than drag one another down? My weight loss journey has involved a lot of soul searching....I have grown and changed so much....I think that is important especially for those of us that have some emotional eating problems.

Sherlock - you hit the nail on the head. It shouldn't matter if what the reason, we should be nice to each other. When you obviously notice a change in a person, people should compliment them. Society just doesn't seem to do that anymore. Individuals have lost simple manners too. Like when someone sneezes, how many times do you not hear a simple "bless you"??

I am vowing to myself to compliment, use better manners more often. !!!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×