Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Permission to rant plz...



Recommended Posts

Basics first and a lil background : i am a 29 years old INDIAN girl... one year post op... down 105 pounds and still have around 50pounds to hit goal...

Yup i have lost a lot...and i am at such a better place physically and mentally.... just generally feelin Gooooddd!!! So definately something has to screw it up for me :(

I am not too sure if any1 would relate to my problem because this is preety much a INDIAN problem...apparently its a crime to be single at 29 in India... My parents are driving me crazyyyy... they are usually preety laid back and chilled out people but i guess now their only goal in life seems to be to get me married off... that puts me in a place where i never wanted to be..."the infamous indian arrange marrg jungle!!" ...well its like going on tonsss of blind dates and judging people and worse getting Judged... a Fat Chick HELL...

another thing is i was dating some1 for almost 10years... we broke up last year.. ( non weight/ WLSissues ) so its a lil too soon for me to enter the whole dating / arranged marrg scenario... i love my parents to death but i really cant do this right now...

Just finding myself stuck between a rock & a hard place...

Sent from my GT-I9100 using VST

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have many many Indian friends. Most, are strong, highly intelligent, career minded single women in their late 30's, 40's and early 50's. Although it is customary for some families to 'desire' a wedding. Some, when presented with the cold hard truth, often back off. Primarily because they'd rather their daughter be happy, than force them into something that is just not right for them. If you're not ready - tell your parents. Barter for another couple of years and tell them why you need that. 29 these days is not 'late in the game'. In fact, it's positively early. All my crew started getting married in their early-mid thirties. Primarily because they had careers and traveled the world first. I'm sure your parents would prefer you to feel 'rounded' and 'ready' than pressurized and resentful. After all, if you feel the latter, it will show all over your face and make most men run for the hills. If you're not adverse to meeting men they think might be 'suitable', then go for it. Social occasions are no hardship and you never know, you might enjoy it - or worse still... You might meet someone who makes you think 'Corrrr.. He's lovely!!' Hoping you find a middle ground and the best of luck :) x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The doctor I work for is Indian and his marriage was arranged. To me, an American, it seems so strange. Anyway, is there any way you can talk to them about it??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have many many Indian friends. Most' date=' are strong, highly intelligent, career minded single women in their late 30's, 40's and early 50's. Although it is customary for some families to 'desire' a wedding. Some, when presented with the cold hard truth, often back off. Primarily because they'd rather their daughter be happy, than force them into something that is just not right for them. If you're not ready - tell your parents. Barter for another couple of years and tell them why you need that. 29 these days is not 'late in the game'. In fact, it's positively early. All my crew started getting married in their early-mid thirties. Primarily because they had careers and traveled the world first. I'm sure your parents would prefer you to feel 'rounded' and 'ready' than pressurized and resentful. After all, if you feel the latter, it will show all over your face and make most men run for the hills. If you're not adverse to meeting men they think might be 'suitable', then go for it. Social occasions are no hardship and you never know, you might enjoy it - or worse still... You might meet someone who makes you think 'Corrrr.. He's lovely!!' Hoping you find a middle ground and the best of luck :) x[/quote']

I think i am just going to humor them. Maybe go out on a couple of "dates" and see how it turns out... I am positive that my parents wont force me to get married asap...they just want me to "look" ... LOL they were worried i might join a convent after my break-up...

Sent from my GT-I9100 using VST

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The doctor I work for is Indian and his marriage was arranged. To me' date=' an American, it seems so strange. Anyway, is there any way you can talk to them about it??[/quote']

I am a doctor too... proffessional hazard maybe ;)... well actually now the whole arrange marrg thing is preety evolved... its practically like going on many blind dates...till u meet some1 u like n yr parents approve :/ ... which actually is preety scary!! My parents had a love match...they have no clue how to work this... lol total chaos!!!

Sent from my GT-I9100 using VST

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's great then! Your parents sound cool. Be spoilt by the men for a bit. Even if they're not your total 'cup of tea'. After all, you could consider it an opportunity to go and buy some lovely outfits, get your hair and make up done, be taken for a nice meal and feel like a princess with no strings attached! Crikey, almost makes me wish i were single again! Can you ask your parents if they'd wish to adopt me?! :) x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's great then! Your parents sound cool. Be spoilt by the men for a bit. Even if they're not your total 'cup of tea'. After all' date=' you could consider it an opportunity to go and buy some lovely outfits, get your hair and make up done, be taken for a nice meal and feel like a princess with no strings attached! Crikey, almost makes me wish i were single again! Can you ask your parents if they'd wish to adopt me?! :) x[/quote']

Lol... i think they have their hands full with me n my sis....!! Thank you so much... feeling a lot more calm and collected ... Cheers :) XX

Sent from my GT-I9100 using VST

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh gosh! All I can say is we are with you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you've got the right attitude...as long as you are enjoying occasionally going out socially, you never know when you might hit that perfect connection...I also have a few Indian friends and co-workers who had what I would call "semi" arranged marriages, where the family "suggests" the partners to date but don't insist, and it sounds like that is the situation you are in...as I am sure you know, of course, a lot of those "arrangements" that result in marriage turn out to be wonderful matches where the couple feel perfectly suited to each other and fall deeply in love...all the best to you...you are beautiful, and I congratulate you on your success

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have to say that I wish I would've listened to my parents in the past about the type of men that would be good for me. I wouldn't have wanted an "arranged" marriage but I can definitely appreciate the wisdom of my parents now that I'm in my 30s. I think it's a great that you realize that you probably need more time after ending a long term relationship but that you still choose to humor your parents and meet some of their prospects. Hey! You never know! You may meet the perfect man for you...All I can say is just have fun with it...I'm sure your parents will wind up supporting you in whatever decision you make. You are still very young! Good luck to you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×