Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Others Negative Opinions Making Me Question Myself....



Recommended Posts

My last post of the day.... If I hear one more person tell me they don't think my upcoming sleeve surgery isn't a good idea I'm going to go mental. My husband supports me - in the sense that he supports any choice I make that will better my health. My son thinks it's a copout. My friends keep telling me I don't have good luck with surgeries (yes, i am usually the one in a million with some strange complication) and that I can do this on my own. My parents are scared to death. I'm fearing the lack of support is going to be my downfall. Now, I'm telling everyone I've cancelled it (with the exception of immediate family), and am going to get through this one way or another. Has anyone else found that people around them lacked understanding and support? Is this common?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My experience was hit or miss. Some people who knew how much I struggled with my weight were supportive from the beginning. Others required some education and to be told that they weren't having the surgery, I was, so how their body would respond wasn't relevant. Other people acted like I told them I was going to murder someone. For me telling fewer folks was better, and helped control the nay sayers.

If you have done your research, consulted with a surgeon, and you feel deep down inside this is the best option for you, then be stong in your conviction and move forward to do the right thing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I found it quite common, so I stopped telling. Other people do not know the depths of my story. WLS is a highly personal decision and journey. I know there are a lot of people here who want to shout it from the mountain top. If that is what you have to do, go for it. Just know that there is potential for a backlash of opinions.

I didn't realize it was such a polarizing thing until I did share it with someone and I got the, "Why can't you just eat less and move more?" responses. My wife and young children knew about it and I told the rest of my family a couple days prior to surgery. "Just thought I would let you know that I am having VSG on Friday. I've already researched it so if you would like to know more, Google it."

I think it is a bit much for us to expect others to have understanding about something they could have no possibility of comprehending. That is why this forum is so great. We have gone through it. We are here to support each other and share our experience, strength and hope.

I see a lot of posts from you today and it seems you are freaking out a bit. Have talked to a professional regarding your relationship with food? Everyone has a different definition of what VSG success is, so I cannot know what your goals are. I know you have rescheduled many times. Personally, I would advise not going forward if have lingering doubts. This is a drastic procedure which does forever change your relationship with food.< /p>

Just my opinion, for what it's worth.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ugh. I'm so sorry you're not feeling the support you need. From what you are saying it seems that their concern is coming from a good place. Understandable if you have had some complications from surgery in the past. In that sense, I believe it is common for those that love us to be scared if they think what we are doing is unnecessary. I was very lucky, I really did not get anything but support from those closest to me. I had one friend who wasn't thrilled, but kept it 'mostly' to herself. You have to trust in what you have researched and what you need, make your decisions based on that. If we only made decisions based on fear, God knows where we would be. Take strength from your husband and if others are not capable of support, try not to count on them for it - they have told you what they think, and unfortunatley you probably won't be able to change their minds. Come here, post/vent/whatever. We are a built in support system.

Best of luck to you, you can get through this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear that "cmcrider". I did it without support and never looked back. Not sure how you are presenting it, but when I did, I just told them what I am doing, explained the risks/rewards compared to not doing it (staying on my old well-traveled road and probably dying to early) and never asked for their support. Some came around to it later and were happy for me, others not so much. In the end, it's your decision and I think you'll be happy you did it. You've got support here....... :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I found it quite common, so I stopped telling. Other people do not know the depths of my story. WLS is a highly personal decision and journey. I know there are a lot of people here who want to shout it from the mountain top. If that is what you have to do, go for it. Just know that there is potential for a backlash of opinions.

I didn't realize it was such a polarizing thing until I did share it with someone and I got the, "Why can't you just eat less and move more?" responses. My wife and young children knew about it and I told the rest of my family a couple days prior to surgery. "Just thought I would let you know that I am having VSG on Friday. I've already researched it so if you would like to know more, Google it."

I think it is a bit much for us to expect others to have understanding about something they could have no possibility of comprehending. That is why this forum is so great. We have gone through it. We are here to support each other and share our experience, strength and hope.

I see a lot of posts from you today and it seems you are freaking out a bit. Have talked to a professional regarding your relationship with food? Everyone has a different definition of what VSG success is, so I cannot know what your goals are. I know you have rescheduled many times. Personally, I would advise not going forward if have lingering doubts. This is a drastic procedure which does forever change your relationship with food.< /p>

Just my opinion, for what it's worth.

PdxMan.....you have such a good grasp of life and are great with words! Well said brother!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My approach was similiar to aroundhky. I told the relevant people and others who asked that I was having surgery. I never once phrased it like it was up for discussion or input.

I was more than ready by the time I started the process so I guess my demeanor pretty much gave the impression that I didn't want to hear anything from nay-sayers.

It's human to want support. However, it is also human to have a willingness to survive. If your potential for survival would be increased by having this surgery, I sure wouldn't let anyone stop me from having it.

Many people assume this is a cop-out. However, the people I've met in my support group and on this board are some of the most health conscious people I've ever seen. This is the harder path for sure.

Do what's best for you and your family and ignore all the static noise from those who could never understand.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

THATS WHY IM ONLY TELLING PEOPLE THATS I FELL CAN BE SUPPORTER...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ive been dealing with peoples negative opinions of me my entire life. There was a point where i stopped caring about the opinion other people had of me, because really, what do they really know about me. Only my opinion of myself is what matters.

I told my family and they were all supportive. I told my closest friends and they were as well. I didnt tell anybody i wouldnt tell personal things too and it worked out.

Now that im 160 lbs lighter, when people ask i tell them. Nobody can question it because of the results. And even if they did i probably would tear them apart about how wrong they are.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, opinions, experiences and support. It's almost the end of day 2 - and I feel much better just having had somewhere to raise concerns and vent. this is absolutely a personal journey and only those who've felt trapped in a fat body can even begin to relate. i don't have many people like that in my life.... i'm always the biggest one in the group. being able to share with people in similar situations helps tremendously. after a day of contemplation - and yummy taste like dirt Protein Drink - i'm ready to roll. i will always have concerns up until the time i wake up from the surgery. i will also be a healthier, happier, thinner person who gets the gift of being around to enjoy the good times a few extra years for having done this. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm still pre-op but told 2 siblings and 1 close friend. My 2 siblings were completely supportive but my friend has been a tough sell. He is overweight and tries every fad diet, with limited success. Although his intentions are good, worrying that I could die or have complications, he has been relentless in trying to convince to not go through with this.

I've not told anyone else and am still uncertain as to whether or not I will. I hate keeping secrets but even more so hate uncsolicated advice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I didn't tell anyone except my husband and 1 best friend. I do hair so I didn't want it to be shop talk for the next year. I mostly didn't want everyone looking at me to see if or how much smaller I was everytime I saw them. I am 7 days out and have lost 14lbs. No one has even noticed yet. I had to go out last night couldn't blow my friend off any longer. Met for an hour and I got there first and ordered a cranberry/water with a lime for effect!! Just sipped slowly and it looked like I was having my cocktail. I thought about telling her now that it's said and done but really wasn't ready. I'm kinda enjoying my little secret!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recent Topics

  • Most popular:

  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×