Does it really matter?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Whoooops!

[LifetimeLoser 208]

In the limited time I have been hanging around this forum, I have noticed something very disturbing. Yes, there is a lot of support and well wishes, light hearted jokes, and wonderful advice.

But, there is something more. Something dark, oppressive, in a word....judgemental. Perhaps more judgemental than I have ever experienced. Surprising, coming from a group of people who have historically been harshly judged, ridiculed, discriminated against, our spirits crushed because of our weight. Now it seems, some victims have become perpetrators of harsh judgement. Do they know? Do they realize it? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they don't care. Maybe they believe in their perceived self appointed cause. Maybe its because they think they are an "expert".

What makes an expert? Nobody can agree. Are you an expert because you were or are fat? Because you had wls? Is it because your surgery was 10 yrs ago or are you an expert after 10 hours? Do you really know more at 5 years vs 3 years? Do you know more than a medical professional trained in wls or obesity? Does that not count if they were never fat or had wls?

Some of us are strong and do not care about your harsh opinions. Maybe some of us even think you are stupid for saying something so harsh or judgmental. But there are plenty who are soft on the inside, who make be more affected by being judged like that. Even though this is just a forum, people can be very hurt or confused by a nasty post. And the information some self appointed experts advise so strongly may be in error or cause injury.

If anyone should know how it feels to be judged it should be all of us here. So why are some doing it to others? There are better ways to get your "opinion" across than coming across as a self appointed expert.

I agree...there are judgemental people on this site. There are also friendly, shy, religious, open-minded, adventurous, demanding, dictating people on this site. Thus is life. What one may deem judgemental another may see as being opinionated. Some of those soft on the inside people may not be soft, but weak and need a swift kick in the re@r. Some people appreciate the harsher tones and some do not. So many different personalities coming together...not everyone will be happy, but everyone has his or her own story to tell that could help someone out.

Saying something so vague is not really all that helpful without examples. I think that is one of the foundation blocks of a debate/argument...is having evidence to back it up. Otherwise, it is just pointing fingers and saying you do this or that (reminds me of how my husband fights...grrr). As someone else has mentioned, I don't know if you can "rant about members" so I don't know if you can give specific examples. In that case, I don't know what the point of this thread is.

I guess if you see something as judgemental in a thread...respond in that thread to what he or she is saying.

If that doesn't work...ignore is also an option if this person is consistently being judgemental in your perception.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I have seen posts like this go on forever and ever and people going back and. Forth. We are all entitled to our opinions and our rights to express ourselves. We all come from different communication styles that one person may love and another person will absolutely hate. This is life on this forum and in the community. I focus my life on positive thoughts. When I see post where the topic is conflicting I do read because I am interested in behaviors.

OP u talk about others being judgmental. Well everyone is judgmental and it's ok. Everyone is capable of taking care of themselves, after all we've made it this far in our lives. We are all caring loving people that want to help each other. I think I've rambled on. Sorry. Let's enjoy our health and the horrible side effect of skinniness! I am totally enjoying my skinniness.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I found this thread incredibly informative.

My question is....who here still likes chocolate? I can't help it....I do.

I hope no "self appointed experts" judge me for that.

[No game 14,436]

I found this thread incredibly informative.

My question is....who here still likes chocolate? I can't help it....I do.

I hope no "self appointed experts" judge me for that.

It depends on what kind of chocolate your talking about butter, As to whether I'll judge or not...

I like the cheap stuff myself

[kim.cooper 40]

So have I <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

I'm still a newbie here, but I had my suspicions as I read through this thread!

[Butterthebean 8,146]

It depends on what kind of chocolate your talking about butter' date=' As to whether I'll judge or not...

I like the cheap stuff myself [/quote']

White chocolate on cheesecake! Yum.

[No game 14,436]

White chocolate on cheesecake! Yum.

WHITE chocolate? ???

You are dead to me.....

[No game 14,436]

Oh but I'll take the cheesecake

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I have seen posts like this go on forever and ever and people going back and. Forth. We are all entitled to our opinions and our rights to express ourselves. We all come from different communication styles that one person may love and another person will absolutely hate. This is life on this forum and in the community. I focus my life on positive thoughts. When I see post where the topic is conflicting I do read because I am interested in behaviors.

OP u talk about others being judgmental. Well everyone is judgmental and it's ok. Everyone is capable of taking care of themselves' date=' after all we've made it this far in our lives. We are all caring loving people that want to help each other. I think I've rambled on. Sorry. Let's enjoy our health and the horrible side effect of skinniness! I am totally enjoying my skinniness. [/quote']

Well said Ms Skinniness. We're all here for the same reasons...to get healthy, to learn and share information, and support each other because most of the people in our real lives don't quite get what we're going through....so we come here. Personally, I don't care who judges....who knows what or how long someone has been here. As long as you listen as much as you speak, and give just a bare minimum of respect to others, it's all good. If you can't do that, you're probably not going to be well received.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

OMG white chocolate and cheesecake. Going to the store to get some.

[No game 14,436]

I'm going to bed before I binge on cocopuffs!

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I don't like white chocolate. It doesn't taste like chocolate.< /p>

You know you can block people, right? If someone's posts bother you so much that you can't just scroll past and find another post, just put them on ignore and go about your vst surfing.

[kim.cooper 40]

My ponies are still flying. It's all good.

Love it!! This is going to be my new mantra!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

White "chocolate"? Why not eat glue? Or boogers? Ewwwwww!